u/nimsabloop

hello, i'm 20 years old, live in montreal and do not have a car and basically had to move out of my apartment of 2 years on my own in under 48h because i had a flight to catch. i arrived in the middle of the lease, so aside from me and my roommate (who left before she could help me move) 3-ish other people lived here and left their stuff for me to take out. since the apartment came furnished, i didn't know what stuff belonged to the landlord and what belonged to the old tenants and so i threw out the obvious trash and left some things like documents, new shoes and coats with the tickets, fake plants, small mirrors, keys... i vacuumed(maybe not enough in the corners or under the beds), dusted and cleaned the surfaces, emptied the trash and cleaned the fridge. i left some grocery bags and a coffee machine and ground coffee because given the new tenants are also students so i thought they could use it.

i agree i was wrong to leave the stuff without asking, but i genuinely thought it belonged to the landlord and/or was a nice gesture. anyway apparently the tenant's aunt came with them and she was scandalized that i didn't fold the covers and clean the mirrors. they're also shocked that a window is cracked and some of the lights dont work but it was that way since i moved in and they saw it in the visit. they sent pictures to my landlord who sent me very dramatic emails acting scandalized and saying he had to pay the equivalent of a full month of rent to cover the cleaning fees (the rent is basically 2k😭). the new tenants contacted me to ask for the wifi password. wifi is literally not included by i left the helix modem, so i told them they could use it for a new subscription. they started harrassing me over text saying if only that was the only thing you left and they were going to throw it away on the street like they "threw the rest of my dirt/junk (translating from french "crasse")"

im making myself out to be a good person here, i probably didnt clean as well as i thought given my circumstances and they said it was still dusty and there was stuff they had to throw out. how common is this? am in the wrong?

hello, i'm 20 years old and do not have a car and basically had to move out of my apartment of 2 years on my own in under 48h because i had a flight to catch. i arrived in the middle of the lease, so aside from me and my roommate (who left before she could help me move) 3-ish other people lived here and left their stuff for me to take out. since the apartment came furnished, i didn't know what stuff belonged to the landlord and what belonged to the old tenants and so i threw out the obvious trash and left some things like documents, new shoes and coats with the tickets, fake plants, small mirrors, keys... i vacuumed (maybe not enough in the corners or under the beds), dusted the surfaces, emptied the trash and cleaned the fridge. i left some grocery bags and a coffee machine and ground coffee because given the new tenants are also students so i thought they could use it.

i agree i was wrong to leave the stuff without asking, but i genuinely thought it belonged to the landlord and/or was a nice gesture. anyway apparently the tenant's aunt came with them and she was scandalized that i didn't fold the covers and clean the mirrors. they're also shocked that a window is cracked and some of the lights dont work but it was that way since i moved in and they saw it in the visit. they sent pictures to my landlord who sent me very dramatic emails acting scandalized and saying he had to pay the equivalent of a full month of rent to cover the cleaning fees (the rent is basically 2k😭). the new tenants contacted me to ask for the wifi password. wifi is literally not included but i left the helix modem, so i told them they could use it for a new subscription. they started harrassing me over text saying if only that was the only thing you left et "on va le jeter comme on a jeté le reste de ta crasse".

im making myself out to be a good person here, i probably didnt clean as well as i thought and they said it was still dusty and there was stuff they had to throw out. how common is this? am in the wrong? the landlord can't threaten us with anything legal because he took an illegal deposit lol

this is ridiculous but she somehow managed to locate his small town (which he never disclosed to her) based on many different clues (driving distance from the nearest airport, scenery and highways in selfies) she then found the coffeeshop he was a regular at and managed to contact him through their facebook to essentially warn him that "he doesnt know who hes fucking with". he (of course😭) threatened to press charges💀

i love my mom but this is ridiculous. ive always suspected she had some kind of cluster b going because when my dad left her (he cheated on her and is generally an asshole) she obsessively ruminated over it for 8 years, stalked his and his new girlfriends social media, parentified me "elder daughter who's my therapist" style and would basically frame my interactions with my dad as a betrayal, like a black/white, either with me or against me type thing. a lot of projection of her feelings towards my dad, meltdowns where she'd claim i didn't love her, just like my dad, wasn't capable of love, etc etc. she was also very attached to me and would apologize and want to be closer afterwards so it was kind of a typical bpd rollercoaster. (her close friendships are also explosive sometimes, she has had many "friendship breakups" but tbf a lot of them were justified)

i went no contact with her for a few months when i moved out, she sent me letters and apologized, admitted she was very depressed and should've sought help, and has been very nice and supportive of me since. i forgive her and i love her but my dad is still a sensitive subject😔

i used to suspect bpd, but through the years i reached the conclusion it was probably just depression + anxious attachment style + trauma (her father was awful in many ways and spent most of his life in jail). especially since i have many close friends who have a bpd dx and their bpd HEAVILY features the suicidality/self-harm aspect + reckless behavior while my mom doesnt have this (some impulsive spending and passive suicidality). i just went through the dsm5 diagnostic criteria after this stalking revelation and lowkey she does seem to have at least 5 of the criteria going on. im not a clinician and neither are most people on reddit so of course take all of this with a grain of salt, but do you guys relate to this? does anybody have experience with this kind of behavior?

this is ridiculous but she somehow managed to locate his small town (which he never disclosed to her) based on many different clues (driving distance from the nearest airport, scenery and highways in selfies) she then found the coffeeshop he was a regular at and managed to contact him through their facebook to essentially warn him that "he doesnt know who hes fucking with". he (of course😭) threatened to press charges💀

i love my mom but this is ridiculous. ive always suspected she had some kind of cluster b going because when my dad left her (he cheated on her and is generally an asshole) she obsessively ruminated over it for 8 years, stalked his and his new girlfriends social media, parentified me "elder daughter who's my therapist" style and would basically frame my interactions with my dad as a betrayal, like a black/white, either with me or against me type thing. a lot of projection of her feelings towards my dad, meltdowns where she'd claim i didn't love her, just like my dad, wasn't capable of love, etc etc. she was also very attached to me and would apologize and want to be closer afterwards so it was kind of a typical bpd rollercoaster. (her close friendships are also explosive sometimes, she has had many "friendship breakups" but tbf a lot of them were justified)

i went no contact with her for a few months when i moved out, she sent me letters and apologized, admitted she was very depressed and should've sought help, and has been very nice and supportive of me since. i forgive her and i love her but my dad is still a sensitive subject😔

i used to suspect bpd, but through the years i reached the conclusion it was probably just depression + anxious attachment style + trauma (her father was awful in many ways and spent most of his life in jail). especially since i have many close friends who have a bpd dx and their bpd HEAVILY features the suicidality/self-harm aspect + reckless behavior while my mom doesnt have this (some impulsive spending and passive suicidality). i just went through the dsm5 diagnostic criteria after this stalking revelation and lowkey she does seem to have at least 5 of the criteria going on. im not a clinician and neither are most people on reddit so of course take all of this with a grain of salt, but do you guys relate to this? did anybody have a similar experience with a loved one who eventually got diagnosed or not?

this is ridiculous but she somehow managed to locate his small town (which he never disclosed to her) based on many different clues (driving distance from the nearest airport, scenery and highways in selfies) she then found the coffeeshop he was a regular at and managed to contact him through their facebook to essentially warn him that "he doesnt know who hes fucking with". he (of course😭) threatened to press charges💀

i love my mom but this is ridiculous. ive always suspected she had some kind of cluster b going because when my dad left her (he cheated on her and is generally an asshole) she obsessively ruminated over it for 8 years, stalked his and his new girlfriends social media, parentified me "elder daughter who's my therapist" style and would basically frame my interactions with my dad as a betrayal, like a black/white, either with me or against me type thing. a lot of projection of her feelings towards my dad, meltdowns where she'd claim i didn't love her, just like my dad, wasn't capable of love, etc etc. she was also very attached to me and would apologize and want to be closer afterwards so it was kind of a typical bpd rollercoaster. (her close friendships are also explosive sometimes, she has had many "friendship breakups" but tbf a lot of them were justified)

i went no contact with her for a few months when i moved out, she sent me letters and apologized, admitted she was very depressed and should've sought help, and has been very nice and supportive of me since. i forgive her and i love her but my dad is still a sensitive subject😔

i used to suspect bpd, but through the years i reached the conclusion it was probably just depression + anxious attachment style + trauma (her father was awful in many ways and spent most of his life in jail). especially since i have many close friends who have a bpd dx and their bpd HEAVILY features the suicidality/self-harm aspect + reckless behavior while my mom doesnt have this (some impulsive spending and passive suicidality). i just went through the dsm5 diagnostic criteria after this stalking revelation and lowkey she does seem to have at least 5 of the criteria going on. im not a clinician and neither are most people on reddit so of course take all of this with a grain of salt, but do you guys relate to this? did anybody experience something like this with a loved one that was eventually diagnosed or not?

genuinely thought he was exaggerating when i first met him but i've known my boyfriend and his family for around 2 years now and his mother genuinely only has 3 conversation topics she keeps rotating between: "school is very important", "drugs are dangerous", "be careful on the road".

you might think these are typical things a mother would bring up with her son and you'd be right (this is what i thought as well) but this is literally EVERYTHING they talk about. if he tells her about a hobby or a part-time job or volunteering, she makes it about how it shouldn't distract him from school. we tell her we're going somewhere for the weekend, she worries about the road and brings up another personal anecdote about potholes or whatever. he's 23!!

she's a radiologist, so she will also unpromptedly mention this kind of thing on her own (ex: reminiscing about med school, moral of the story being how school is very important and you have to work hard/mentioning a patient she had who had a bike accident and how bikes are so dangerous so we mustbje careful on the road/a patient who had a negative reaction to cannabis, how awful it is that it's legal....) this is genuinely all that she ever talks about and she will always find a way to bring the conversation to these topics. i swear i am not exaggerating, i can count on my fingers the times i've heard her talk about anything else and my boyfriend + his brother who have known her their entire lives confirm this is true. genuinely prevents them from having a good relationship with their mother because they can never talk about their lives or their interests without it turning into a moralizing soliloquy on the holy trinity of "be careful"s.

i want to research this to try to understand her better but i don't know where to start? is this a 'hyperfixation' or a 'special interest' the way it manifests with certain neurodivergent people? is it rigidity? is it just a lot of anxiety? a socio-cultural phenomenon (she's eastern european)? what is this behavior and is it associated to any mental health conditions?

genuinely thought he was exaggerating when i first met him but i've known my boyfriend and his family for around 2 years now and his mother genuinely only has 3 conversation topics she keeps rotating between: "school is very important", "drugs are dangerous", "be careful on the road".

you might think these are typical things a mother would bring up with her son and you'd be right (this is what i thought as well) but this is literally EVERYTHING they talk about. if he tells her about a hobby or a part-time job or volunteering, she makes it about how it shouldn't distract him from school. we tell her we're going somewhere for the weekend, she worries about the road and brings up another personal anecdote about potholes or whatever. he's 23!!

she's a radiologist, so she will also unpromptedly mention this kind of thing on her own (ex: reminiscing about med school, moral of the story being how school is very important and you have to work hard/mentioning a patient she had who had a bike accident and how bikes are so dangerous so we mustbje careful on the road/a patient who had a negative reaction to cannabis, how awful it is that it's legal....) this is genuinely all that she ever talks about and she will always find a way to bring the conversation to these topics. i swear i am not exaggerating, i can count on my fingers the times i've heard her talk about anything else and my boyfriend + his brother who have known her their entire lives confirm this is true. genuinely prevents them from having a good relationship with their mother because they can never talk about their lives or their interests without it turning into a moralizing soliloquy on the holy trinity of "be careful"s.

i want to research this to try to understand her better but i don't know where to start? is this a 'hyperfixation' or a 'special interest' the way it manifests with certain neurodivergent people? is it rigidity? is it just a lot of anxiety? a socio-cultural phenomenon (she's eastern european)? what is this behavior and is it associated to any psychopathologies?

genuinely thought he was exaggerating when i first met him but i've known my boyfriend and his family for around 2 years now and his mother genuinely only has 3 conversation topics she keeps rotating between: "school is very important", "drugs are dangerous", "be careful on the road".

you might think these are typical things a mother would bring up with her son and you'd be right (this is what i thought as well) but this is literally EVERYTHING they talk about. if he tells her about a hobby or a part-time job or volunteering, she makes it about how it shouldn't distract him from school. we tell her we're going somewhere for the weekend, she worries about the road and brings up another personal anecdote about potholes or whatever. he's 23!

she's a radiologist, so she will also unpromptedly mention this kind of thing on her own (ex: reminiscing about med school, moral of the story being how school is very important and you have to work hard/mentioning a patient she had who had a bike accident and how bikes are so dangerous so we mustbje careful on the road/a patient who had a negative reaction to cannabis, how awful it is that it's legal....) this is genuinely all that she ever talks about and she will always find a way to bring the conversation to these topics. i swear i am not exaggerating, i can count on my fingers the times i've heard her talk about anything else and my boyfriend + his brother who have known her their entire lives confirm this is true. genuinely prevents them from having a good relationship with their mother because they can never talk about their lives or their interests without it turning into a moralizing soliloquy on the holy trinity of "be careful"s.

i want to research this to try to understand her better but i don't know where to start? is this a 'hyperfixation' or a 'special interest' the way it manifests with certain neurodivergent people? is it rigidity? is it just a lot of anxiety? a socio-cultural phenomenon (she's eastern european)? what is this behavior and is it associated to any psychopathologies?

im new to this sub and i don't know if this is okay to ask, i apologize if it isnt. basically im a psych student and ive been struggling to understand this aspect of anorexia. ive dealt with disordered eating in the past, but given i was a bit chubby as a teen my rational "goal" was to lose weight until i appeared thin enough to be conventionally attractive. i know body dysmorphia can warp your perception of yourself, and there's the feeling of control aspect as well, but i'm genuinely puzzled why somebody would keep restricting when they're already objectively underweight and therefore not in the range of "conventionally attractive weight" anymore. i feel like no matter how bad your dysmorphia is, people who have a similar build to ariana or eugenia cooney must know they're way thinner than the average conventionally attractive woman, no? so what's the push that makes them continue to restrict? is it mainly anxiety about losing weight maybe? do they genuinely not realise how thin they are? or is it a habit by then?

im new to this sub and i don't know if this is okay to ask, i apologize if it isnt. basically im a psych student and ive been struggling to understand this aspect of anorexia. ive dealt with disordered eating in the past, but given i was a bit chubby as a teen my rational "goal" was to lose weight until i appeared thin enough to be conventionally attractive. i know body dysmorphia can warp your perception of yourself, and there's the feeling of control aspect as well, but i'm genuinely puzzled why somebody would keep restricting when they're already objectively underweight and therefore not in the range of "conventionally attractive weight" anymore. i feel like no matter how bad your dysmorphia is, people who have a similar build to ariana or eugenia cooney must know they're way thinner than the average conventionally attractive woman, no? so what's the push that makes them continue to restrict? is it mainly anxiety about losing weight maybe? do they genuinely not realise how thin they are? or is it a habit by then?

hello! i'm 20 years old and currently an undergrad student, and i have a younger brother who's 17 and almost done with high school. our parents got divorced when i was 13 and my dad recently remarried, although he's been in a relationship with my now step-mom for a very long time. it's a long story but basically my dad cheated on my mom with his current wife around 8 years ago (...yeah) and my mom very much isn't over it. throughout my adolescence, she wanted us to have minimal contact with our dad, and while we didn't really see him that much it still created a lot of conflict with her when we did etc. i still don't really like to bring him up around her or the fact that i am on speaking terms with my stepmom bc she freaks out and gets really passive aggressive with me. i feel bad that i didn't stand my ground more but he pays for my rent and education (my mom wad unemployed for a really long time) so i can't see myself cutting him off or being cold with him at the moment, and given him and my stepmom are a package deal i can't really cut her off either.

they just told me she's 5 months pregnant with a girl and i feel so bad but i can't bring myself to be happy about this especially considering my dad is 50 and his wife is in her early forties. maybe it's selfish but i feel like it's gonna be so awful for my soon-to-be wister to grow up with half-siblings that are 20 years-ish older, and parents that are already retired by the time she's in grade school. my relationship with this eventual half-sibling is going to be incredibly tense, because i can't be close with her if i still want to be on my mom's good side, and im certain my brother feels the same way. it's just going to make everything super weird and i can't imagine this poor girl will be unaffected. my dad also says he "didn't particularly want a child" and only made this decision because my stepmom wanted a baby before menopause. (but they still make good money and are probably going to be decent parents) i just can't help but feel they're being selfish and irresponsible. i feel so guilty for this but i found myself hoping they had aborted or never conceived in the first place. am i the asshole?

hello!

i'm a college student (psychology at udem if that's relevant) and i LOOOOVE cats, grew up with cats in the house at all times. now that i've been living alone for 2 years and i'm doing okay financially, i'm DYING to adopt a cat but sadly i travel too much so i don't think it would be responsible. to fill this void in my heart, i would love to start doing cat sitting but i don't know where to start? especially since i dont really have any experience aside from keeping the family cat (who lives in sherbrooke) when my parents are travelling. i would literally do this for free if the food, litterbox, toys, etc is provided. where do i find people to cat sit for? do you know anybody who's interested? thanks in advance!

ive been suicidal since i was 12 but i wouldn't say i'm experiencing extreme psychological pain and turmoil. like the reasoning isn't always "my life is so miserable i would rather die", sometimes it's like an "i can't be assed" sort of thing. being alive genuinely feels like so much effort all the time for very little reward. or at least the reward never feels good enough to justify the amount of effort it took. and it's absurd to me that i feel this way because i'm upper middle class, supported by my family, living in the global north, and in a happy committed relationship. meaning if i'm already this unattached and apathetic towards my life now, god knows how i'll feel if my material living conditions worsen.

never attempted but the times i got close, it was a decision fatigue sort of thing. like when you've been hesitating between two options at a store for too long and you end up making an impulsive decision to "get it over with". i guess i've been contemplating suicide for such a huge chunk of my life it feels like a "getting it over with" sort of thing now. does anybody else relate to this? i was diagnosed with dysthymia recently so maybe this is why i dont relate to other peoples experiences with depression

ive been suicidal since i was 12 but i wouldn't say i'm experiencing extreme psychological pain and turmoil. like the reasoning isn't always "my life is so miserable i would rather die", sometimes it's like an "i can't be assed" sort of thing. being alive genuinely feels like so much effort all the time for very little reward. or at least the reward never feels good enough to justify the amount of effort it took. and it's absurd to me that i feel this way because i'm upper middle class, supported by my family, living in the global north, and in a happy committed relationship. meaning if i'm already this unattached and apathetic towards my life now, god knows how i'll feel if my material living conditions worsen.

never attempted but the times i got close, it was a decision fatigue sort of thing. like when you've been hesitating between two options at a store for too long and you end up making an impulsive decision to "get it over with". i guess i've been contemplating suicide for such a huge chunk of my life it feels like a "getting it over with" sort of thing now. does anybody else relate to this? i was diagnosed with dysthymia recently so maybe this is why i dont relate to other peoples experiences with depression

just to preface this, we are not planning on adopting anytime soon and this was just a hypothetical conversation! also i am north african but still relatively white passing. my partner is white though.

i had a disagreement with my partner recently over the prospect of adopting a black child. he thinks it's the morally correct thing to do, in order to fight against systemic racism and give the child a better chance at a happy comfortable life so they don't end up in the foster system. in order to do this he thinks we should educate ourselves etc in order to give the child a racially sensitive upbringing and bring them up in a community of people of color who will make them feel empowered.

my take is that no matter how hard we try, it will still be isolating to be a minority outside of the home (we live in canada) as well as inside of it. it might hurt them to not feel represented in their own family, to constantly feel like they're "different". we might make mistakes because no matter how hard we try we all have internalised biases and we'll never truly know intimately the way a black person experiences the world (discrimination, police violence...) and therefore might not adequately prepare our child to face these difficulties.

what do you guys think? did anybody go through this, either as a parent or as a child?