u/wqckb3tch

My older sister sent me a pic of a man’s penis (like not even a drawing a whole ass dick balls an all) in a high heel bc I guess her coworker sent it to her as a joke and immediately I was like 🙁 I was at work too when it came up on my screen.

IDC if it’s a joke I don’t want to see it 🙁😭 and then when I said in the future no penises she was like “lol ok” Girl plz ?? That’s just my boundary. I don’t want to open my messages to randomly see a man’s dick!! Period. It’s not funny to me it’s just gross :/

I don’t even care if my boundary bothered her bc it’s a reasonable request!! No dicks on my phone plz.

I’m agonizing over an incident with my ex that I haven’t really spoken to anyone about. It’s been awhile since I thought about it although it will pop into my head randomly and I’ll wonder what it was that happened. I’m going on a date with a guy tomorrow for the first time in ages so maybe that’s triggering some stuff.

Anyways so me and my ex were having sex on his bed in missionary with him over me when he put both hands around my neck and it made it so I couldn’t breath. I took my hands and tried to get him off of my neck by pulling them away but he was too strong and didn’t budge. I ended up having to hold his arms in a way that took some of the pressure off so I could breath a little (he was still bearing down) The whole time he didn’t let up though and I just had to wait for him to finish. I remember seeing in his eyes this strange dark look. Like just black. I don’t like thinking about it.

After it was over I crawled to the end of the bed and touched my neck because it hurt, and started crying. I said to him “you know I’m not just a piece of meat” and he was like “I know” in an annoyed tone. Like he genuinely couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t even hug me or comfort me.

Anyways tonight I’m thinking about it and agonizing over what I could have done differently and what even was it that happened. Like why did he even do that?? I should mention he was abusive to me in the relationship but had never hit me or anything before but had intimidated/purposefully scared me in various ways and “acted” like he was choking me before by putting his hands all the way around my neck.

I just can’t stop thinking about what happened. Why didn’t I say anything? Was there something I could have done to get him off of me?? I tried to move him but he was too strong. He was also actively having sex with me still while he was choking me. Why didn’t I fight him more though? Why did I just let it happen? I almost feel like it’s my fault which is crazy because I’ve never felt this way before and don’t know why these feelings are coming up now when it happened awhile ago.

Was what he did assault? Did he sexually abuse me by continuing to have sex with me? I’m so confused. I didn’t even like having sex with him or want to, I just did it to keep him happy. I don’t understand why he would choke me though. What did I do to deserve that?

TW for possible SA

I’m agonizing over an incident with my ex that I haven’t really spoken to anyone about. It’s been awhile since I thought about it although it will pop into my head randomly and I’ll wonder what it was that happened. I’m going on a date with a guy tomorrow for the first time in ages so maybe that’s triggering some stuff.

Anyways so me and my ex were having sex on his bed in missionary with him over me when he put both hands around my neck and it made it so I couldn’t breath. I took my hands and tried to get him off of my neck by pulling them away but he was too strong and didn’t budge. I ended up having to hold his arms in a way that took some of the pressure off so I could breath a little (he was still bearing down) The whole time he didn’t let up though and I just had to wait for him to finish. I remember seeing in his eyes this strange dark look. Like just black. I don’t like thinking about it.

After it was over I crawled to the end of the bed and touched my neck because it hurt, and started crying. I said to him “you know I’m not just a piece of meat” and he was like “I know” in an annoyed tone. Like he genuinely couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t even hug me or comfort me.

Anyways tonight I’m thinking about it and agonizing over what I could have done differently and what even was it that happened. Like why did he even do that?? I should mention he was abusive to me in the relationship but had never hit me or anything before but had intimidated/purposefully scared me in various ways and “acted” like he was choking me before by putting his hands all the way around my neck.

I just can’t stop thinking about what happened. Why didn’t I say anything? Was there something I could have done to get him off of me?? I tried to move him but he was too strong. He was also actively having sex with me still while he was choking me. Why didn’t I fight him more though? Why did I just let it happen? I almost feel like it’s my fault which is crazy because I’ve never felt this way before and don’t know why these feelings are coming up now when it happened awhile ago.

Was what he did assault? Did he sexually abuse me by continuing to have sex with me? I’m so confused. I didn’t even like having sex with him or want to, I just did it to keep him happy. I don’t understand why he would choke me though. What did I do to deserve that?

I’m agonizing over an incident with my ex that I haven’t really spoken to anyone about. It’s been awhile since I thought about it although it will pop into my head randomly and I’ll wonder what it was that happened. I’m going on a date with a guy tomorrow for the first time in ages so maybe that’s triggering some stuff.

Anyways so me and my ex were having sex on his bed in missionary with him over me when he put both hands around my neck and it made it so I couldn’t breath. I took my hands and tried to get him off of my neck by pulling them away but he was too strong and didn’t budge. I ended up having to hold his arms in a way that took some of the pressure off so I could breath a little (he was still bearing down) The whole time he didn’t let up though and I just had to wait for him to finish. I remember seeing in his eyes this strange dark look. Like just black. I don’t like thinking about it.

After it was over I crawled to the end of the bed and touched my neck because it hurt, and started crying. I said to him “you know I’m not just a piece of meat” and he was like “I know” in an annoyed tone. Like he genuinely couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t even hug me or comfort me.

Anyways tonight I’m thinking about it and agonizing over what I could have done differently and what even was it that happened. Like why did he even do that?? I should mention he was abusive to me in the relationship but had never hit me or anything before but had intimidated/purposefully scared me in various ways and “acted” like he was choking me before by putting his hands all the way around my neck.

I just can’t stop thinking about what happened. Why didn’t I say anything? Was there something I could have done to get him off of me?? I tried to move him but he was too strong. He was also actively having sex with me still while he was choking me. Why didn’t I fight him more though? Why did I just let it happen? I almost feel like it’s my fault which is crazy because I’ve never felt this way before and don’t know why these feelings are coming up now when it happened awhile ago.

Was what he did assault? Did he sexually abuse me by continuing to have sex with me? I’m so confused. I didn’t even like having sex with him or want to, I just did it to keep him happy. I don’t understand why he would choke me though. What did I do to deserve that?

For reference I’m 5’6 and 242 pounds so I’m not a small girl by any means. The guy in question: we met on WooPlus so HOPEFULLY he won’t be turned off by my size. He’s also 6’5 so even tho I’m bigger I’ll still b smaller next to him (why as women has it been drilled into us that we have to be small?)

Anyways one of my pics even has a back roll in them but I’m afraid bc of the angles my double chin/face fat isn’t very prominent so maybe I’m catfishing??

What I’m most insecure about tbh isn’t even my body but my face because of the said double chin and carrying weight in my face. It’s what I struggle with the most body-image wise. It makes me feel unattractive and uncomfortable. Even going outside feels uncomfortable sometimes.

The thing about being insecure about any other part of your body is you can wear certain clothes or accessories to hide it if you’d rather people not see it. Well I can’t hide my face!! Lol

Also this is the first date I’ve had with a man in a long ass time. I’ve gained weight since my last dating experience and am definitely feeling it more recently.

I just hope I don’t end up being rejected for my size like I have been in the past. The worst thing for my mental health right now would be to be rejected bc of my appearance/lack of attraction to me. I’m already struggling with this aspect of myself SO much.

Sorry for the rant/ramble. It’s just hard dating and being fat lmao. And having crippling body dysmorphia.

Update:

Okay so before the date I did my hair, my makeup and put on a super cute outfit and accessories and girl I was FEELING myself!! I actually felt very attractive. Anyways so we finally meet at a pub and the guy is wearing a McDonald’s tshirt 🤦 which is like fine I guess but I’d appreciate a little more effort. He was nice enough and I could tell he was attracted to me and have no idea why I was stressing so much!! It ended up being that I actually didn’t feel that attracted to him…so I’m not sure I’m going to go on a second date. But he also bought me two pairs of earrings so I feel bad. (I didn’t even ask him to, he just offered and I was like um OFCC) Anyways he asked if we could hang out again and when and I threw out a random date bc didn’t want to tell him in person that it wasn’t gonna go anywhere. At the end of the date he asked for a kiss on the cheek and I politely said “um no”. I feel confident in how I acted. I feel like I respected myself and ended up having a good time even if it’s not going anywhere lol.

Me and my friend were in the water together at a park. This little girl kept following us around from a distance. She was by herself and she looked so sad and when she stood her posture was almost…defeated? She stood with her shoulders hunched and hands clasped infront of her, staring down at the water. It looked like there was something really troubling her. I thought she wanted to say something to us because of how she kept following us even as we moved away to go out deeper, and looking/staring at us. I waved to her but she didn’t wave back.

I’m in bed now and thinking about her really hoping she’s okay. I remember being her age and feeling so emotionally wrecked and completely alone. Because of what I went through as a child, I can’t help but be worried when I sense a kid - especially a little girl like I was - might be going through something. She looked so sad and lost. I wish I would’ve asked her if she was okay but then again what would I have even done if she wasn’t? She’s not my kid.

It just hurts because children are the most innocent beings in the world and still some people choose to hurt them. No child deserves that. And to think that any kid is currently experiencing what I did and I can’t even do anything about it fucks me up!! And seeing her look so sad and lost just really reminded me of when I was her age and what I was going through. It’s funny because I have always considered myself not maternal at all, but when I saw how troubled she looked I felt very protective. I think in this case my own childhood experiences are really affecting me and weighing on me.

Because I know logically, she was probably just having a bad day. But because of my trauma I am seeing the world through a different lense. I really hope she is okay.

For context the scars are years old and have faded to a white color, but run up and down one of my arms and some of them are quite thick and severe looking while others are thinner and less noticeable. I also have them running up and down both legs.

Pretty much I am worried that if I expose my arm and legs he’s going to see them and make an assumption about me or be put off…it’s not something I’m ashamed about per se but I also don’t want to scare him off!! I already feel like guys get intimidated/turned off by them. Some people may think they’re creepy, even.

Then again, it could be better just to rip off the bandaid…let him know what he’s getting into ASAP. I do have my baggage.

Is it more appropriate for a first date to not reveal this aspect of myself/my experience until later on when he gets to know me better? What if he assumes something negative about me because of them?

So say ur in the backrooms. And ur feeling frisky and one of the creatures is there. I understand the backrooms is like a machine that misremembers things…would it be possible to have sex with one of the creatures? Or would they not have the anatomy bc of the misremembering? Also if you had sex with a person there would the backrooms remember that and try to recreate it?