I feel like and act as if I don’t care for a while and then my feelings change later and I start to worry and care so much and I hate it I’m trying not to reach out to him how does anyone distract themselves to not bug someone anymore? I feel so bad and guilty I know it’s not all me but it’s hard to move on with this spiral and then the cycle all over again.
I hate spiraling in my head and I can’t control it can’t make this anxiety stop can’t stop thinking about person and situation wish I can stop severe anxiety but it’s part of my condition wish the pattern would go away forever!!!
I thought it was 7:00AM when I woke up but it wasn’t it was actually PM it was too late when I took my pills and I’m scared if I skip tomorrow cause I don’t wanna accidentally double take them again. I take them every morning daily in the AM I just don’t want any triggers I feel boosted because of the increase. But it’s not good cause I’m on 100mg not 200mg. I’m just scared how this will affect me. My mom is a nurse and told me to skip a day and I will cause I want to be back on track. Just scared of having panic attacks and my BPD acting up again… just stressing me out.
Being about adultery. Is this a metaphor of some sort or did they mean a lot of the Bible literally?
I thought it was 7:00AM when I woke up but it wasn’t it was actually PM it was too late when I took my pills and I’m scared if I skip tomorrow cause I don’t wanna accidentally double take them again. I take them every morning daily in the AM I just don’t want any triggers I feel boosted because of the increase. But it’s not good cause I’m on 100mg not 200mg. I’m just scared how this will affect me. My mom is a nurse and told me to skip a day and I will cause I want to be back on track. Just scared of having panic attacks and my BPD acting up again… just stressing me out.
I can feel my faith strengthen being able to have things come to me and making things make sense in my heart and soul. But when I don’t feel so strongly having moments of doubt. And what I think recently happened after reading your comments is something came to my soul and I think I can feel and hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me telepathically or feel all more clearly.
I think my issue was I have had lost hope and losing faith though I held onto what I still believed. Or not being able to remember things about my experience with god at a young age due to heavy manipulation by demonic beings in the past.
One issue I notice I do have is when I feel doubt or I have doubt in myself and god at the same time. But as of recent I feel that I don’t have this doubt the same way it used to be. I feel how real and secure and my trust is in good hands as he carries me and guides me.
I’m very happy joining this group as I am too often consumed by so much manipulation online and by my experiences with others online leading only to either 90% negative and 10% demonic based off the amount I have witnessed. I see how more common it is to become a victim of being attacked by them. And what I want is to no longer be or allow myself to be manipulated by these dark energies that try to put doubt inside myself.
I often think in my mind or out loud talking to God. I tend to say I hope this or that. But he already knows and understands. And I want these things to be more clear to me than to allow my negative experiences with doubt to overcome me to keep away from controlling my life.
It used to be bad. I am in therapy it helps but when it comes to faith these instances I have been a victim to I no longer want to affect me. How can I keep in prayer or remembrance of my experience with God and to keep in mind many good things that I notice I smile when I hear what heaven is like or the story of amazing things God has done and do is Jesus?
What can I do to no longer doubt in my heart and soul? I have been working on getting my soul out of the long isolated darkness it tends to be in. I notice my growth but I really don’t want to lose it.
I can feel my faith strengthen being able to have things come to me and making things make sense in my heart and soul. But when I don’t feel so strongly having moments of doubt. And what I think recently happened after reading your comments is something came to my soul and I think I can feel and hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me telepathically or feel all more clearly.
I think my issue was I have had lost hope and losing faith though I held onto what I still believed. Or not being able to remember things about my experience with god at a young age due to heavy manipulation by demonic beings in the past.
One issue I notice I do have is when I feel doubt or I have doubt in myself and god at the same time. But as of recent I feel that I don’t have this doubt the same way it used to be. I feel how real and secure and my trust is in good hands as he carries me and guides me.
I’m very happy joining this group as I am too often consumed by so much manipulation online and by my experiences with others online leading only to either 90% negative and 10% demonic based off the amount I have witnessed. I see how more common it is to become a victim of being attacked by them. And what I want is to no longer be or allow myself to be manipulated by these dark energies that try to put doubt inside myself.
I often think in my mind or out loud talking to God. I tend to say I hope this or that. But he already knows and understands. And I want these things to be more clear to me than to allow my negative experiences with doubt to overcome me to keep away from controlling my life.
It used to be bad. I am in therapy it helps but when it comes to faith these instances I have been a victim to I no longer want to affect me. How can I keep in prayer or remembrance of my experience with God and to keep in mind many good things that I notice I smile when I hear what heaven is like or the story of amazing things God has done and do is Jesus?
What can I do to no longer doubt in my heart and soul? I have been working on getting my soul out of the long isolated darkness it tends to be in. I notice my growth but I really don’t want to lose it.
When they have never read it themselves? I know it’s always circled around people have called it evil and demonic or not good. But why demonize the bible if you’ve never looked into it yourself and ever read it? I haven’t seen anything I read in the bible that is trying to hurt us other than warning about Satan and demonic beings etc.
I try to stay in reading the Bible every day but I feel like my prayers aren’t exactly what God wants me to pray for. I am looking for anything accurate that actually works that will have me closer to God. Is there any chapters I need to really look into for me to pray on to be closer to him? I have been slowly studying the Bible for a bit now and I wish to be closer every day with God. How do you guys do it? What has worked for you? And I’m asking about inner work and anything outside of our self like being outside with nature or self care etc. or if helping others actually works and so on.
I have blocked and deleted so many people from my life that either makes it worse on me I have just not understood why some people like my recent ex would never once block me no matter how much we argued and were on bad terms. I don’t really understand that. It feels petty but also feels like insecurity. Why are some attachments so strong? I know I have the same issue but I have done a lot of inner work but this is without doing any inner work on yourself. Many people commonly cut off and block others all the time. So I really don’t understand the opposite part of it.
I’ve been feeling low and I lost my best friend because we argued and I pushed it and ended with calling her a bitch. Now she wants nothing to do with me and blocked me off everything and most days we are doing good and are okay. I hate this life I live I wish I wasn’t like this. It hurts so much I feel it deep…
I am here you can always PM me.
Chex mix is way too salty.
I’ve been in therapy on and off for so long and I didn’t know relapsing was more consistent than what I expected. Going through the memories again, the pain, the agony of my conditions and having to go through the entire cycle of BPD again and again. More often than having more quiet days. When I barely see my therapist I always force my mind to silence itself because I am just so sick of the crying, anger, depression. The highs and lows. Random energy.
It’s so exhausting having to go through this and when I have inconsistent moments of progress I mess up again in every relationship I have. What made me lucky is having a mom as not just a Capricorn but the strongest person I possibly know. She’s never left me. I wish I can say the same for many who’s struggling with this too. Although, I completely distance myself and barely talk to her now. But still get the support I need. I just wish more people understood at a deeper level than basic instead of thinking I’m just some crazy bitch and delusional in my head. Recently I called my best friend a bitch because she was genuinely acting like one and I have never said that before.
I forgot she told me she can’t handle anything anymore for whatever reason and most days are good and I try and help give her advice and encourage healthier lifestyle. But because she really cannot handle even a slight word of anything she said she’s done and I have to force myself to get over it. We have been friends for over 10 years. I cried the last day or two over it but today I feel “normal” I don’t feel anything and I know my condition remains other than being in therapy, and other than being on pills just to numb and block it out. I know very well it continues every single day with the downfalls I have often throughout the entire year.
It’s so hard, I really don’t see myself with anyone and I truly consider being alone for the rest of my life. Every guy I meet has no idea what they’re getting into and blindly and assume they know what they’re doing or thinking but they really really don’t. Not with someone with my condition. It takes one person to TRULY understand the feeling of fighting constant demons mentally on the inside and still trying to find hope letting alone the feeling.
It’s so hard, it’s so difficult and so many have any idea of what is with this condition have to go through. I get de ja vu because it’s happened one too many times countless times. I wish I knew more than what I do now. I have my days where I just want to sleep all day and night. Same feeling as recent. And then I have times I don’t want anyone near me. I’m just tired. I’m exhausted. It’s hard to keep a support system when everyone keeps leaving.
I go no contact from my ex for a week and he uses TextNow just to reach out and say whatever he can to get me back. What can I do? This time I’m going to ignore it because I suck at ignoring it I keep thinking I can convince him to leave me alone but it never works. He just is so begging for attention and just wants access to me and hear from me. Dude is obsessed and I cannot get rid of him!! It’s a different number every time and I just changed my number a month ago I’m tired of this. Don’t really wanna waste money on another number change…
Looking to chat with anyone who wants to talk about anything or venting or ramble, etc. if anyone wants to message me or be my penpal to talk about whatever I’m available and free to do so. I am a sad lonely 29yr/F lately.
I (29F) and (30M) have been seeing each other on and off for a few years now. It got to a point where we stopped arguing and came to an understanding. My main issue is neither of us are ready for anything serious but we enjoy each others company when I am able to see him usually once a week or every two weeks because he works so much and is just a busy person. He does try to make time for me.
Little history on myself is I do live alone. I was working but I left my last job because of my mental health I completely lost it and instead of going to rehab like last time I decided to just stay home. My own parent helps and pays my rent. I was looking for a job for a while since I quit but I have zero luck so I am unemployed for the time being.
Yes there were a lot of red flags for a good while with him. And I also have been in therapy for over a few years even before we met. I have trauma from a previous relationship on living with a guy because of the way I was physically treated so yeah that is a big issue for me. And I’m just scared of it happening again.
He does switch up at times and has told me and warned me that there is this side to him he doesn’t have control over and I am scared if I continue that it’s going to happen again. I know, just because it’s quiet and peaceful now, that it won’t or wouldn’t happen again. Our last fight was over a month ago. We don’t live together, and we have just been sleeping and seeing each other since we first met. Caught feelings. And it’s been the only bonding experience I have with him because I don’t get much time with him.
And yes. I have tried cutting him off countless times in the past and the problem I am having is why am I like this? My main concern is fear. The feeling I get on the inside and being in fear of men. What I mean by this is every time I felt 100% done and I block him and delete everything about a week later he will text me on another number basically manipulating me into giving him another chance. And it’s not the first time he did this.
Last month it’s what he did and the message came off reasonable etc. if I can find the exact text I will post it. I don’t wanna mention or talk about the incident because another big issue is the fact I have BPD and I have been trying to recover from a lot for over a decade…
The issue he has is that common narcissism a lot of men tend to have etc etc. but that type of crap really affects me because it’s so mentally draining and exhausting it’s how he has me tied to him. I don’t know how to get it out of my head to feel safe and free. I know this is a lot of red flags I am well aware and to run away and leave and never come back. But please know and understand that it’s simply not that easy when you’ve got BPD which is major for abandonment issues that I realize I still exists. My therapist has been doing her best to work with me on these things and on how to cope and deal with the situation in a safe manner. She is trying to help me deep down to slowly work me out of being in a situationship like this one. I’m still learning what love is versus what love isn’t.
I tried talking to my best friend but it doesn’t help because she doesn’t have good advice “just leave” … like I need actual advice where it’s in depth understanding and recognizing the situation and understanding my own self even. I know I get this already out of therapy but I just need something extremely accurate that will help me think more deeply and not dependently. When I say this I mean the common thought process of BPD on heavy reliant on the OP over myself. Or “us” mindset.
I’m depressed. I want to give up on dating. Spending time online finding things out about a lot has been affecting me with how corrupt this world is. And I just want to be happy even if it means cutting off a guy I find so hot and attractive and loving and everything I want but he could just be charming and faking it for just this long. When the switch up happens. It’s game over. And I do not want to put myself in such a situation again. That was my first time in my 20s and I am almost 30 years old now and I am looking for something serious that does not do this to me. At the same time I want to keep my dignity and independency. I look for growth.
Having BPD doesn’t just make me feel done with myself. I just want to have and keep a normal life as much as I possibly can. And that is what my main value is continuing on into my age from here. And if it means to stay single and live alone forever. I will. But I need this hook to stop in myself. I have been working so hard to change myself and grow. I may not be everything I wanna be right now. But this is a real big step for me.
TL;DR: Seeing someone who barely has time for me, both unstable but came to an understanding. Both not knowing how to let go independently.
I have a long history of being followed by a demonic entity I had no idea was tormenting me throughout my life. I remember the first time I heard God before all this happened he spoke through me when I was 5 years old about at my grandmas house. And I mean spoke literally through my own vocal cords. I was young and didn’t understand what he was saying even the words he said. I had no control over my vocals and jaw opening speaking so loud and clear.
Just last year after getting attacked by a demonic entity again, and for a long time I not had God in mind for such a long horrid cycle of this torture and is what I think made me dwell into psychosis when I was 17. I went to the mental hospital and I had my own room. Completely alone. I wasn’t allowed to have my phone. Nothing. It was about around 7:00PM and I decided to go to sleep early as there wasn’t much to do anyway.
And they wanted us all to go to sleep early. The moment I was going to lay down I heard telepathically the word “pray”. I have been struggling but ever since and it took about 2-3 weeks of me figuring out that it was a demon who attacked me spiritually. That since I heard God telling me to just pray, I have been attempting and the struggle of just praying alone is hard for me at times. But instead of not only praying.
Ever since the beginning of this year I actually started to read the Bible. And recently I was asking god for answers. I have my days where it’s difficult but I still push through. And I still feel that pain from the attack every now and then. It lays heavy and I think God knows what I need. I had recently heard him respond to me earlier this week. I heard “Noah, Chapter 3.” And I only read some of Genesis only one time. I do not have any of this memorized what so ever. I have been working on reading The New Testament instead since most recommend it because it’s what’s happening now. I enjoy the stories. So then I read it just recently and I didn’t understand what it meant. So I had to look it up.
I have a lot of history on my experience with demons. But I can’t really post it because for one it’s very very long and I’d end up basically writing an entire series about this. And no. I never messed with anything demonic in my life. I don’t know why this happened to me. And no I have never once been possessed before. I have an astral projected at a very young age and I don’t know how. It would just happen automatically.
But now I have been in medicine for a while now it’s hard to do those things anymore and only just seeking God again it’s still difficult. My only focus is to just be with God and focus on him in my life. I keep a little reminder that Jesus loves me by having one of those little Jesus dolls I found somewhere at an old job and I look at it when I walk in my kitchen to cook.
I know it's Summer and I wasn't checking my windows or anything but I was cooking and wanted to air out my apartment and made the mistake of opening my DOOR, let alone having a screen for my window. And I tried to get 2 flies that entered out of my apartment but then it ended up being flies coming in and out of my place, I killed most of them but one ended up hiding and I saw it come out and I killed it I don't know where it landed and I'm scared any of them laid eggs in my condo I don't know where or know about. I sprayed fly spray around my apartment in corners, windows, near the vents etc. I don't know what the best method is I can do until I can try and have pest control stop by and check my place. Are they able to get rid of any eggs if they laid it anywhere? Is there any really best traps I can make or buy that doesn't cost so much? Anything, I already have a fly swatter now, spray, and I have the little light swatter that just sits in my kitchen but those are for fruit flies mostly small flies. Is there anything else I should worry about and mention to pest control if they are able to come by and check my place? It was 2 days when I just saw today the last fly come out of no where and I sprayed it and it died. I'm in Florida on the east coast, live in a small condominium. The flies are fat and they are so loud you can't miss it but I don't know how this one was hiding for 1-2 days here and I did not hear it. I plan to do a deep clean on my apartment when I have the time and energy because its so difficult when I have previously in a different place i have lived where there was a flea infestation and I had to leave. I really don't mind doing deep cleans and its a small place. Other than deep clean, please let me know if there's anything else I can possibly do in this situation.