u/Aggressive_Wasabi598

i’m 18f (no big risk factors) and i’ve been to the er 3 times now for shortness of breath, chest soreness (the soreness has gotten better), cough, and most recently calf pain. i first went 2 weeks ago and they did an ekg and told me it was anxiety. my symptoms got worse so i went to a different er and they did a full blood panel and chest x ray and nothing. when the calf pain started i got a d dimer outpatient (normal) but it got worse so my dad called his friend who called in the d dimer for me and he said he’d probably go just to be sure, so i went back to the er and they did a leg ultrasound and then discharged me saying i either have allergies or anxiety.

every time i’ve been to the er before they even get my results/ultrasound back they‘re already telling me they doubt i have a blood clot, which really makes me feel like i’m already not being taken seriously. i haven’t been super athletic for the last couple years and have had a pretty sedentary lifestyle, but i’m very skinny (17 bmi) which also makes me feel like i appear “healthier” to doctors off the bat.

i’ve been to my pcp twice and she seems completely unbothered and didn’t even want to consider that i had bronchitis or anything, just said i had anxiety. i understand why they don’t want to do a ct (i’m also terrified of the contrast since my dad had a horrible reaction to it and it was scary) but i don’t know what to do from here since it’s been over 2 weeks now, hasn’t gotten better, and i’m getting scared

i‘ve been having severe health anxiety for like 2 weeks now and i felt this way last night so i was up until like 4:30am, then i was able to feel better and slept until 1pm. now that i’m up i’m hyper focused on my breathing again and feel that way again. it gets better when i pace around which is what i do when i have a panic attack. it’s also not helpful that i’m kinda sick and sore from coughing + congested in my nose. how do i stop this, and does anyone else feel that way?

i really just need some hope and i know a lot of people here probably have had this. i’ve had 2 d dimers and they were both normal. i read on the clot survivors reddit about people who had a pe with normal d dimer. i just left the er for the 3rd time in 3 weeks. the pa told me that a d dimer would be through the roof if i had a pe, but that’s clearly not true and i’ve read it. i got a leg scan this time and i don’t have dvt because i had sudden calf pain. i’ve had shortness of breath though for about 2 weeks. i haven’t been able to eat or sleep normally for this entire time. i’m extremely terrified. i’m worried that they’re missing it because they didn’t do a ct just like they did for people on the clot survivors reddit where it found it without a ct or when they were refused one as well. i’m scared because the people i’ve seen saying this have been around my age (i’m 18 and they were like 18-25) and i’ve read just about every post on there. i’m so so so scared

i’ve had shortness of breath chest pain cough for 2 weeks now i went to the er 10 days ago and they did a d dimer and it was fine but they didn’t do any imaging. i got sudden leg pain in my calf that feels exactly like what people said theirs felt like with dvt. my dad called his friend and he ordered an outpatient d dimer today and it was low again. the pain in my leg keeps getting worse. there’s now way i could’ve injured it because i was in bed for a few days (risk factor) and i keep seeing people saying they had one without elevated d dimer. it keeps getting worse and worse in my leg. i feel so trapped because my parents are refusing to take me to the er again and my dads also drinking so he can’t take me anyways and it’s night and they’re about to go to sleep so i’m going to be alone. i don’t want to call 911. i keep trying to stress how serious i feel but they keep telling me it’s anxiety and yelling. i don’t want to collapse on the floor while my family is asleep. i don’t feel good and i’m convinced i’m the one in 1 billion chance it’s wrong. i’m so sick i can’t eat or sleep and my parents keep complaining about how i’m so annoying like this.

PLEASE HELP ME IM SO SCARED i’ve had shortness of breath chest pain cough for 2 weeks now i went to the er 10 days ago and they did a d dimer and it was fine but they didn’t do any imaging. i got sudden leg pain in my calf that feels exactly like what people said theirs felt like with dvt. my dad called his friend and he ordered an outpatient d dimer today and it was low again. the pain in my leg keeps getting worse. there’s now way i could’ve injured it because i was in bed for a few days (risk factor) and i keep seeing people saying they had one without elevated d dimer. it keeps getting worse and worse in my leg. i feel so trapped because my parents are refusing to take me to the er again and my dads also drinking so he can’t take me anyways and it’s night and they’re about to go to sleep so i’m going to be alone. i don’t feel good and i’m serious and i’m convinced i’m the one in 1 billion chance it’s wrong.

i’ve been paranoid of having a blood clot for 2 weeks and i’ve had 2 d dimers which seem to be pretty reliable but there’s people on here who they haven’t been reliable for and i’ve had shortness of breath the whole two weeks which was blamed on anxiety and leg pain today and i’ve had a non stop panic attack for 2 weeks now what if it is real and they refuse to take me to the er until it’s too late because my symptoms are being blamed on anxiety

please no reassurance on the medical parts here please i’ve been reassured enough and it’s not helpful, i’ve been reassured by 7 doctors in the last 2 weeks already thank you :(

i’m 18 and i’ve been on a severe health anxiety spiral for 2 weeks, i’ve been to the er twice urgent care twice and my pcp twice and i got another d dimer done today to check for clots because i had sudden calf pain and it’s fine but i can’t feel better because i didn’t get chest imaging or ultrasound or anything. i’ve been convinced they missed something. i’m convinced i’m the 1% of false negatives. they yelled at me all night last night and said if i went one more day they’d take me to the psych hospital well i did go one more day and here i am pacing around my house writing this

i can’t fall asleep without thinking i’m going to die and i’ve slept like 4 hours a night. i haven’t eaten much and i’ve lost 9 pounds (i was already underweight and now im now 5’8 110) what i have eaten has been thrown up in anxiety panic attacks all i can keep down is smoothies. all i do is pace around my house in circles all day because the second i sit down i start getting short of breath and hot and all of that. i was pacing around from about 8pm-3am yesterday which was the longest it’s gone on without being able to sit down for longer than 2-3 minutes maximum. all while i can’t drink water because drinking water often triggers my throwing up when i’m anxious this all has caused me to have to take a gap year suddenly from when i was supposed to start college and i’m depressed that my ocd has taken another year of my life away but i’m going to try to apply to the colleges i didn’t apply to before because of anxiety so maybe there’s something good that could happen with that i’m terrified to be home alone or to be alone at night with my family asleep

it hurts my back to pace around and look at my phone that long but it’s my only relief at this point. i was given anxiety meds that were supposed to work fast but it gave me muscle spasms under my rib cage. i‘m still convinced i have a clot because i can’t stop looking everything up and i’ve found people who didn’t have a high d dimer who had pe or clots. i know i probably don’t have one but my body says otherwise and i’m so so so scared. i just physically can’t get myself to calm down and i've tried everything. if i feel good for a bit it’ll come back worse a while later.

being monitored most of the time would be probably a good thing for me since my parents refuse to take me to the er for any of my symptoms anymore so like if i collapsed or something there‘d be people around

but i’m also terrified because i’m 18 and i can’t go to the pediatric hospital anymore and i know there’s so many horror stories so i don’t know if it’ll make me worse. and even if i did collapse i’ve heard stories to make me believed they’re not competent enough to take me to the er or something. i’m also terrified of taking medication if they give me any because i’ll convince myself i’m having an allergic reaction and start throwing it up like i do whenever i get a vaccine or take a pill. i also don’t want my parents to have access to my laptop or phone since i don’t want to get outed if they’d go through them :/ can i bring my own clothes or any stuff since i’m getting checked in because its not because i’m trying to off myself or anything? i’m in the united states

i’m 18 and i’ve been on a severe health anxiety spiral for 2 weeks, i’ve been to the er twice urgent care twice and my pcp twice and i got another d dimer done today to check for clots because i had sudden calf pain and it’s fine but i can’t feel better because i didn’t get chest imaging or ultrasound or anything. i’ve been convinced they missed something. i’m convinced i’m the 1% of false negatives. they yelled at me all night last night and said if i went one more day they’d take me to the psych hospital well i did go one more day and here i am pacing around my house writing this

i can’t fall asleep without thinking i’m going to die and i’ve slept like 4 hours a night. i haven’t eaten much and i’ve lost 7 pounds. what i have eaten has been thrown up in anxiety panic attacks all i can keep down is smoothies. all i do is pace around my house in circles all day because the second i sit down i start getting short of breath and hot and all of that. i was pacing around from about 8pm-3am yesterday which was the longest it’s gone on without being able to sit down for longer than 2-3 minutes maximum. all while i can’t drink water because drinking water often triggers my throwing up when i’m anxious

it hurts my back to pace around and look at my phone that long but it’s my only relief at this point. i was given anxiety meds that were supposed to work fast but it gave me muscle spasms under my rib cage. i‘m still convinced i have a clot because i can’t stop looking everything up and i’ve found people who didn’t have a high d dimer who had pe or clots. i know i probably don’t have one but my body says otherwise and i’m so so so scared.

being monitored most of the time would be probably a good thing for me since my parents refuse to take me to the er for any of my symptoms anymore so like if i collapsed or something there‘d be people around

but i’m also terrified because i’m 18 and i can’t go to the pediatric hospital anymore and i know there’s so many horror stories so i don’t know if it’ll make me worse. and even if i did collapse i’ve heard stories to make me believed they’re not competent enough to take me to the er or something. i’m also terrified of taking medication if they give me any because i’ll convince myself i’m having an allergic reaction and start throwing it up like i do whenever i get a vaccine or take a pill. i also don’t want my parents to have access to my laptop or phone since i don’t want to get outed if they’d go through them :/ can i bring my own clothes and stuff since i’m getting checked in because its not because i’m trying to hurt myself or anything? the time i slept in the last week has only happened when ive had a stuffed animal my mom got me (i know i’m 18 but whatever) would i be allowed to bring that?

i’m 18 but i had random calf pain last night when i was just in bed and woke up and it’s worse. my parents refuse to take me to the er since ive been twice in the last 2 weeks and it cost $10k before insurance. and i don’t want to call and ambulance. my friends dad called a stat d dimer for me and i’m getting it in like an hour and then i’ll get the results in a few hours. i’m worried that since i’m not getting an ultrasound or anything it won’t rule it out if it’s negative :(

i’m 18 and i’ve had on and off shortness of breath for 2 weeks and i’m terrified i’m having a pulmonary embolism but i feel like it’s gotten worse tonight. i’ve been to the doctor/er 6 times and my d dimer was fine last week but this evening i had pain in the back of my calf. i got so scared i threw up and am shaking so bad. i really don’t feel well i can’t eat i can’t sleep. my parents yelled at me all night and said they won’t take me to the er again and they’re done. they’re threatening to get me admitted and they won’t go through with it but honestly i feel like it might be for the best because then i’d be monitored but idk i don’t know how to make it through this night i don’t feel well at all. they went to bed and said i can call 911 if i want. i‘m so scared please help me

I’ve seen people say list being a member of something like NHS/Beta Club but not a leadership role should go in honors, but I’ve also heard otherwise about that. I also won best of photography (best in class) at a state fair over the summer, should I put that in honors or in the description of photography as an ec? Does it matter? I don’t have many awards so would that be a factor in deciding at all if I need to take up space? But I also don’t want to put something that’ll look like I’m desperate for having awards. I also won employee of the month 3x back to back before I left (lol) would that be worth mentioning in honors? Thank you!!

has anyone had any success getting a rec letter from an online professor? i was homeschooled and have no other options for college apps. i‘m not really close with anyone of them and it’ll be from a year ago but i don’t know what to say or how to ask for them.

i’m having horrible anxiety with my heart i’ve been to the er twice and urgent care twice and they gave me hydroxyzine which i’ve found out has heart side effects and i’m so scared to take it but i’ve had the worst week of my entire life and i genuinely feel like i’m about to die at any second i’m so scared

i’m 18f and i had an event on tuesday, didn’t feel well on wednesday and got 2 ekgs at the er and they dismissed me saying it was anxiety. i went to urgent care the next day because i got a cough and they did another ekg and said it was anxiety. i went to urgent care yesterday and they were appalled that the er didn’t do a full work up to start. i got blood tests, d dimer, chest x ray, etc and everything was good. i’m still so scared they missed something like a pulmonary embolism. on top of all that i got home from the er at 4 am and the first thing my mom said to me is “that’s probably $5k out of your college savings” i’m so tired of this i just want to feel normal. i’m scared because they didn’t want to do a work up the first time, and now that they did, i’m scared because they didn’t do a chest ct since none of these tests are 100% sure. i’m so afraid i keep wasting my money and it’ll never be enough to make me trust that i’m not dying

i wear men’s clothes but that’s about the best i can do since my parents are transphobic. i can’t cut my hair or anything. i try to work out but it’s hard because it hasn’t done much at all and going to the gym makes me dysphoric. i’m so dysphoric every second of every day. i can’t wait until i never have to speak to anyone in my family again. what can i do to keep myself alive the next few years. i’m tired of just pushing through every day and i want to enjoy my life

i’m not sure if this is the right place to rant about this but it seemed close enough. i’m supposed to start college in less than 3 weeks now and over the summer my life has become so much worse than it was before. i got diagnosed with severe ocd a few months ago and haven’t been able to get into treatment since. i applied for housing accommodations because i have contamination ocd, and my sas advisor put me on a single dorm waitlist and then housing put me in a forced triple dorm. alongside having no treatment i haven’t been able to start medication because my parents were very against it while i was a minor but once i turned 18 i couldn’t get an appointment with my pcp until 2 weeks from now. i’ve also had other health issues come up, i was told i might have a brain tumor but thankfully got cleared with an mri, but still panicked about it for ages, along with some other painful stuff i won’t get into. i had panic attacks last week that lasted nearly 3 days, i went to the er twice, lost 5lbs, and still feel sick and exhausted days later. because of everything going on i haven’t been able to buy anything for my dorm, supplies, etc. or even spend time trying to get myself excited or anything.
my parents definitely want me to take one and they’ve even offered stuff like letting me get a cat (something i’ve wanted for like 10 years lol) if i take one. the urgent care doctor said it might be a good idea, but she thinks i could get through it. i had a therapist the entire time i was going through the college application process and i don’t have one anymore so i don’t really have anyone to talk about this with.
on the other hand though, i’m trans and my parents are super transphobic so taking a gap year means another year i have to spend with them, while being unable to even think about socially transitioning. i’ve also told everyone that i’m leaving all summer long, and i feel embarrassed by suddenly not going. i also just want to get this college stuff over with. i don’t know what to do.
i ended up getting my payment deadline pushed back 2 weeks so i can decide. now i could defer a year or i could retake the sat and try again at my top colleges i didn’t get into. i’m just so sad about the way everything happened and i don’t know how to feel better about this. but i also don’t want to pay a ton of money to make myself mentally and physically worse. or flunk because of how bad i currently am. i don’t know what to do

when i was 5/6 and my sister was 4/5 we kissed twice, i don’t know how the first one happened but the second one was definitely my idea and i definitely was more coercive and like “we should do this” and of course i was older and stuff too so that makes it even more coercive. i remembered this a while ago and since then i’ve basically destroyed my life, me and my ex broke up because i got super distant because of it, i stopped talking to people off the internet and i have zero friends anymore. i feel like any second they’d find out i’m a bad person. i feel unlovable too because if i end up making it and i ever dated someone if i ever told them what happened they could break up with me and tell everyone. when i looked this up before i saw a bunch of posts about how victims (within their right) are telling their siblings partners/kids, etc. about what happened. or that when perpetrators told their partners, their partners asking if they should break up with them or something on here.
i never apologized for the specific incident since i have no idea she remembers but i’ve apologized a bunch of times for the stuff i did as a kid in general and she said she doesn’t care. but i care and i’m sure there are people out there who view me as an evil person. i’d do anything to just go back and fix this but i can’t and there’s only one way out from this scenario.
a lot of people have suggested going to therapy but 1. i’m far too ashamed to ever tell anyone, let alone a therapist. 2. the last time i told my therapist something i was ashamed (my sh) of i begged her to remove it from my notes and got my dad to cancel the rest of my sessions. 3. my last therapist broke hippa so i don’t really trust any of them. 4. there’s nothing a therapist can undo to fix it, and i’ve been told so many times it’s “not cocsa” because 4 and 5 is normal for this kind of exploration and stuff but I PERSONALLY can’t move past it or not view it that way so no amount of reassurance from a therapist would help.
i also ended up liking girls and that makes me feel even more disgusting and gross because if i ended up as a straight girl i feel like i could feel better. but now it makes me feel like there was intent or something.
it eats me alive and pain is 100% what i deserve and all i deserve and i deserve to suffer for this until it takes my life. when i say “feel better” i mean very briefly and while i do it the guilt subsides but it comes back quickly after. i went a while without it because i had stress of another thing that kind of replaced this for a couple months and stopped chopping it up but now that that’s gone it’s back again. it also never even happened to me i wasn’t a victim i don’t think so i don’t even have something to blame it on. i get terrified when she’s upset with me i do basically everything she asks for in case she gets upset with me i’m 99% of the way towards taking a gap year for college now because i’m scared i’ll leave home and then she’ll be upset with me and remember or start telling everyone

when i was like 5/6 i remember kissing my 4/5 year old sister. i have super bad intrusive thoughts about incest and stuff and it feels like since i actually did something like that before it’s not intrusive. i’m usually able to work through obsessions but this one has lingered for years now. i’m to ashamed to talk about it with a therapist. any advice? i don’t really know what to do anymore since i’ve definitely also developed false memories from that time with other kids that started from remembering that incident with my sister. i’m not sure how to erp/talk my way out of this one anymore, has anyone had any luck in getting rid of obsessions that happened in the past especially ones that are extremely taboo?

to clarify i don’t want reassurance please, no amount of reassurance helps me with this, i’ve been reassured many times. i don’t need to know what your opinion is or if you think this is cocsa or not. i just need to know how others have gotten through something like this.

i know i’m going to struggle with this for the rest of my life since i have a deep desire to confess everything i’ve ever done and i know one day if i confessed this event to a partner or someone they might not react well or break up with me and i’ve already ruined my relationship with my ex girlfriend (mostly) over it when i first remembered and also stopped talking to my friends or trying to make friends in real life and stuff.

i’m 18 now and i’m one year older than her, but we were 5-6 and 4-5 when it happened. i’m not going to go into all the details since i’m not looking for reassurance on if it “counts” as cocsa anymore. i remember us kissing once a while before, i don’t know who’s idea it was, and then i remember initiating a kiss after that and being more coercive, something like “we’ll go do that if we kiss first” i don’t know why i did that, i think i was curious. my parents never found out because we never told them. i remembered this again about 2 years ago. i’ve been told by people before that this is not a case of cocsa, etc etc. i’ve also apologized for the weird stuff i did as a kid in general and she says she doesn’t care.
however i don’t really are about any of that because in my head i did it, there would be people out there who view it as cocsa, etc. i can’t ever feel good about myself or move on from it now that i remember. i don’t think i can do anything to make up for it. i’m always extremely afraid of her being upset with me and then going on to ruining my life. i buy her stuff, i do almost everything she wants me to, that kind of stuff. everyone tells me to go to therapy but i refuse to even talk about it in therapy because what i say is on the record and can get reported. besides i’m much to ashamed and if i ever bought it up i’d probably never go back to that therapist again.
i also feel even more disgusted with myself because i ended up liking girls (i’m a straight trans man.) she didn’t, but i was the one who initiated so maybe that was a sign or something. i wish i could talk to girls or be in a relationship so much, but the second i think about it my head gets flooded with this. i think about how if i ever told someone i was dating about this that if we ever broke up they could ruin my life. i also think about how when i’ve looked up posts about cocsa on here i’ve seen posts from cocsa victims telling their sibling perpetrators partners about what happened or people breaking up with their partners over the cocsa. i just feel so dirty and awful, but i know me feeling that way is my fault. it’s even one of the reasons i pulled away and ruined my relationship with my ex girlfriend.
i wish i had thought about how i’d feel in the future when i was 5 and knew how i’d feel now because i’m never going to be able to move past this. one thing i did as a child is going to cost me my life one day. i know i didn’t know any better whatever i know i can’t live with this for the rest of my life. and if i did i’m going to be living an extremely sad and lonely life where i’m anxious over this nearly every single day. i had a heart attack scare a few days ago and i almost wish shit like that would happen to me because the only time i don’t feel like my stomach and skin are crawling because of that is when scarier things are happening to me.
i also want to work in music one day and i know that if i ever had any success i’d feel this over my head every single day, i couldn’t do it. i don’t have any other dreams though so i don’t see any reason to do something else so i can avoid this happening, when i can just… let my life be over sometime in the next few years. it’s what i deserve.
just to clarify again, i don’t want reassurance that “i didn’t know any better” or “i was just a kid” i know what i did and i know most people wouldn’t view this as cocsa. but I DO and thats enough for me to not want to live like this or “heal” from it because i just believe i’m a bad person and i don’t deserve to believe i’m any better. it’s all i think about anymore

everything in my health is crashing down and going so wrong but if i don’t start college this year i’m going to have to put up with my transphobic parents for 5 years now and i won’t even be able to cut my hair or start socially transitioning until i’m 23. i’ve known for TEN YEARS now and my dysphoria is so bad i leave the house like once a week. if i do go i’ll also have two girl roommates though since they denied my housing accommodations even though i have super bad contamination ocd and one of them has a cross in her instagram bio. even if they don’t know i’m trans i read as lesbian and christian straight girls always find a way to make it weird. i’m so tired