u/AlmightySuperior

Context, he’s 16. Had always been a very emotionally closed off boy. Wife and I always encouraged him to show emotions and never fed him any of the bs like “boys don’t cry.”

Regardless, he was always very composed or just made faces/ mocked “eww” when we tried telling him he could cry, laugh, feel sad anytime. He was never sensitive.

Imagine my surprise when I was walking past his bedroom a few days ago and heard some strange sounds. Through the creak of the door I saw his head buried in his knees as if bracing for a bomb, and he was sniffling.

I didn’t want to intrude so I left him alone and asked him later if he was ok. He said he was fine and the rest of the day proceeded as normal. I assumed it was a one-off.

However it has happened twice since then, and yesterday. So I went in and unintentionally startled him when I put my hand on his shoulder. He seemed very embarrassed and wasn’t responding to anything I was saying (which is expected) but later when I tried to ask he closed off and seemed miserable.

The rest of the day he had avoided me profusely and wouldn’t even look at me. Same today. I’m afraid asking him again or telling my wife will make him even more embarrassed, but I’m still worried because again, it looked very serious. The heavy breathing kind of crying, almost sobbing, I don’t know if there is something bigger going on.

I write brilliantly, believe it or not. And that’s all gone down the fucking drain.

I used to have such an imaginative mind. I even still play pretend when I get the chance.

But something about this stupid smartphone has got me in a horrible chokehold. Main reason is because I don’t have any friends at all.

Starting anything feels so hard. I used to love drawing and reading and writing. But that feels like too much work. Anytime I try to not be on my phone I become depressed thinking about all that’s wrong and how alone I am.

There’s so many things, so much clutter in my mind that I need to do and get rid of!

What the hell is wrong with me! I’ve tried the app limits but the emptiness of my life leads me right back here…

It disgusts me

I’ve seen this phrase used to justify child marriage at 12/13/14 up till 18, which is obviously very very wrong. But even in more ordinary instances…

The average age to get a first period would be about 12. Telling a 12 year old, even if you frame it as something good and exciting, that she’s “a woman now,” is..concerning. 12 is still very much a child, you don’t need to drill into the poor girl’s head that she’s an adult.

You can say “you’re becoming a woman/adult/grown up” but framing it in the present tense is weird.

You’re essentially telling her her childhood is over and that she must starting acting a certain way, which isn’t ideal.

Plus a lot of people forget that after you get your first period, you still grow physically for years after. I was tiny when I got mine and grew considerably a lot up until 18 from all directions lol.

Maybe I’m deeping it too much, but hearing it really does trigger cringe 😬

For me, I’ve noticed people now tend to spell arse as ass, and British influencers saying they’re going “thrifting” instead of charity shopping.

I find myself saying things like “sidewalk” and then immediately correct myself in shame

Not something that bothers me that much, just curious lol.

Context, he’s 16. Nearly an adult and I try to give him that grace. I don’t want to overstep as he does have a father he sees from time to time.

However, any time wife leaves me in charge of him, he gets very upset and doesn’t like the fact that I am indeed the adult who is solely responsible for him for the time being.

We all live together. We watch movies, eat meals, and sometimes son even calls me “Dad,” when he’s in a good mood. We even go out just the two of us at least once a month. Father’s day is celebrated with me, as is his birthday as a family. Have lived together for four years now.

Despite this, on certain occasions he always throws it back at my face that I’m not his real dad. This happens on the rare occasion I have to discipline him when his mother isn’t present, e.g. screen time reduction, or school drop offs and pick ups if he had trouble with school attendance. Wife is never present in these moments.

Honestly, not sure how to communicate this with wife, since I don’t want son to think I can’t handle it on my own. In this instances where he says these mumbled things, I do say that I don’t need to be his real dad, that he has his own… but it gets awkward. I’m not the most emotionally expressive.

I should probably communicate this stings a little. We have a good relationship otherwise, I don’t know if I might be taking it too seriously.

Edit: even though I did say men also deserve men only spaces, but some of you don’t read the entire post…

YES MEN SHOULD HAVE MEN ONLY SPACES IF THEY WISH. MAKE THEM, ADVERTISE THEM. If they’re not in high demand, that’s now women’s fault (as some people somehow managed to suggest).

Just saw an angry comment section of some men who said women shouldn’t get to choose where they sit. This was a response from an airline choosing to let women have the option to sit next to other women only.

One time in class I said I’d love to start a women only business. All the girls loved it and cheered. Some of the boys in the class, however, got very pressed or rolled their eyes in disbelief. Even the male teacher said, “but…why?! That’s so strange hahahahah” when, no… it isn’t.

Women only gyms are also often shamed.

I don’t know what there is to be annoyed about at all honestly. I feel like some men feel entitled to women and their presence, or they find it absolutely absurd that women would want to avoid potential staring and/or harassment. By all means go ahead and make only men spaces, I personally wouldn’t care.

Just don’t understand why there’s certain men who get so annoyed lol. It doesn’t affect you.

If you do STEM subjects, honestly fantastic for you. You’re lucky enough to enjoy subjects that also statistically pay the most (and they deserve to be )They’re also more difficult, I acknowledge that.

But it really pisses me off when, some people who do STEM subjects become soo condescending in their tone when they find out you do anything humanities and arts related. “What the fuck are you going to do with your life with a history degree…? That’s a Mickey Mouse degree.”

I’m taking a shit ton out of student loans which I’ll probably be paying back for about 40 years as a major cut to my salary, so why would I spend it on something I don’t enjoy?

The job market it shit anyway, so I might aswell do what I love rather than force myself to do a degree I know my heart isn’t in.

The arts and humanities are worthy and valid degrees too

EDIT: I AN NOT FROM THE US, EDUCATION IS GENERALLY MORE ACCESSIBLE AND STUDENT LOANS ARE MORE MANAGEABLE IN THE UK (it’s a percentage of ur salary)

Seriously, STEM subjects are amazing. If you love them, go ahead and pursue them. In fact, many would argue they are much more difficult than humanities subjects, and they’re probably right.

Buttttt… not everyone loves them. Not everyone wants to sit through hours of studying or learning something they don’t like. Some peoples brains simply don’t light up with extensive, difficult maths problems or learning how the world is made or computers and…whatever else you learn.

I’ve had so many people tell me I’m so naive/silly for wanting to major in English, or that it’s a useless degree. Like… I don’t know what you want me to do with that information? Should I then simply tell all my fellow humanities majoring students to come along with me and invade the STEMs departments, increase competition and waste their hard work, research and funding on students whose heart isn’t in it?

Like what, lol. Let people learn what they love. The job market is currently limited anyway so you might aswell take out a loan for something you’ll actually enjoy learning!

Like, adults are always saying how teen girls are “SO much drama” and “boys are SO much easier”

But really the drama, most of the time, is girls being petty or catty with their friends at school, (and it’s only actually problematic if those girls are the worst of the worst, really, most girls resolve those issues fast) or just hormones making them a little more emotional.

Also they forget that teenage boys also have hormones. Yes I know they stay more constant, but it’s not like an 8 year old boy and 16 year old boy have the same levels of testosterone lol. They have some behavioural issues too, but that’s often being dismissed as “boys will be boys!”

No one ever seems to talk about how teenage boys often end up being strangely aggressive (again, a minority, yet no one labels them as a massive pain) or they say very racist and sexist thing among their friends to seem cool. Or that significant minority become corn addicts (which I’m not blaming them for, it’s the parents’ fault and unrestricted internet access).

So really, both genders can be a pain, but people act like it’s only teenage girls.

I got 3 Bs, and my original offer was AAA. I was devastated but happy that at least I got into my firm.

Parents are upset and picking me apart, kind of throwing shady comments about how purposeless I seem to be, or how I don’t take anything seriously. They’re just upset that they can’t brag about me not getting 3 A*s which is what they want to brag about with their friends.

Makes me feel quite bad. I mean, I can’t just go back and change the past.

With the exception that,

1. They are not saying a slur
2. It is appropriate in the context (e.g. not in a professional setting, where they can naturally incorporate swear words or slang if that’s in their vocabulary)

I think a lot of people are just so incredibly excited to correct someone. You can see the light and spark in their eyes sometimes when, as soon as you’ve said a particular word, they’re getting worked up to tell you how ridiculous/wrong/low social status signalling it is.

Like I don’t care. My language is mine, don’t tell me how to speak. And I don’t think anybody else should either. Whether it be slang or something that they in particular call it, just leave people alone and let them express themselves if it’s not harming anybody lol

I see this both on Reddit and in real life too quite often

I don’t know how to improve, how to lure more souls like myself towards me.

I can almost always make people laugh and make them feel special. They’re usually a bit charmed or interested, but at the end of the day, I’m never enough to let into their world and become proper friends with me.

Somehow in some way, something about my behaviour or excitability or…something, people always somehow know to put me at the bottom of their list of people who are worth being friends with. Somehow I’m always perceived as socially inferior. Somehow, they just know.

It has been like this probably since childhood, the perceived low social importance status.

I have not a single good friend in the entire world. I don’t know how to even begin.

This is in no way me trying to brag, but because I’m ‘conventionally attractive’ because I do stylise myself with cute makeup and outfits (because that’s really the only thing that makes me feel more normal and hides my awkwardness) I fear other fellow autistic people don’t really think we would get along..

Because why should it even be a discussion? To me it’s something so obvious and simple. Woman’s body=woman’s choice.

But apparently not.

It also really annoys me especially when men try to jump in with their pro-life bs. I would never even think to tell a man whether he should have been/should he circumcised or not, or whether he should get a vasectomy or something. It cringes me out.

It’s sad that it’s something we still have to talk about, and illegal in so many places and it recognises that to make a change you do have to talk about it…

But it’s still unsettling and why I hate watching pointless unofficial debates about it and don’t debate anyone.

I know a lot of Redditors can’t comprehend nuanced takes and only see in black and white, so I hope this reaches the right audience.

I don’t believe in religion in general and so this isn’t biased towards only Islam. I just find it astonishing that it has so many followers.

There is a lot about it, but I think the most prominent inequality can be seen through how the women have to dress, how their testimony is half that of a man’s, how they inherit less.

I get some of them are made to protect these women, e.g. they inherit less than their brother because their husband has to provide. But… that’s not applicable anymore, even though it’s supposed to be applicable through all time.

Again, plenty of religions are guaranteed to be somewhat misogynistic, but Islam is very much so…in practice as well as in scripture. It’s unsettling.

No hate, please respect each other, I don’t have anything against Muslim people at all. But it’s still a bit unequal to me to see the women on beaches all covered head to toe, often in black, sometimes even their face, while their husbands go frolicking in the water.

Edit: many of you are bringing up Christianity etc.

Can we not have one single conversation about how Islam is outwardly oppressive despite all abrahamic religions containing problematic scriptures?

My focus is on Islam, and that’s okay. Make your own post about how shit Christianity or Judaism is if that’s what you want to talk about. Then I’ll comment about Islam and how it’s just as bad.

Alrighty

Because why should it even be a discussion? To me it’s something so obvious and simple. Woman’s body=woman’s choice.

But apparently not.

It also really annoys me especially when men try to jump in with their pro-life bs. I would never even think to tell a man whether he should have been/should he circumcised or not, or whether he should get a vasectomy or something. It cringes me out.

It’s sad that it’s something we still have to talk about, and illegal in so many places and it recognises that to make a change you do have to talk about it…

But it’s still unsettling and why I hate watching pointless unofficial debates about it and don’t debate anyone.

I remember being a teenage boy myself and having the biggest appetite on earth and eating everything in sight. My parents were understanding and accommodated to my needs.

I also don’t mind buying extra groceries because I understand my son is going through a big growth spurt.

Never did I eat someone else’s left-overs or food saved for somebody else, especially if it was a special treat or dessert.

My daughter, (11) came crying to us because he had eaten her takeaway that we had saved while she was at a friend’s. A lot of people might think this is an overreaction but I think it’s built up frustration from this happening a few times now.

My wife just dismissed it and laughed it off, said he was a growing boy. As soon as daughter left the room, we argued about this. Wife did not budge and said some other things I don’t want to outline.

Frankly I think it’s extremely inconsiderate to eat without regard for anyone in the house. Interestingly, all the snacks like fruits and vegetables are mostly untouched by him.

I don’t want to introduce a weird micro-managing limit where I tell my son to ask for permission before going to the kitchen, etc. or tell him that he can only eat one ‘junk food’ snack a day. Plus, wife would be pretty mad at the very suggestion.

Not sure what to do

Quick disclaimer, I’ve never been the kind of father to say something toxic like “boys don’t cry,” like my own dad and have always encouraged my sons to express their emotions. This has worked out well for my older son who now even as a teenager doesn’t bottle up his emotions when things are bad.

But my younger son, 11, neurotypical as evaluated, gets very very upset at anything and cries on average…daily.

Say that we can’t go to the park today because dad is tired from work and we have already been 4 times that week? Immediately tears.

Mildly discipline him by taking away his evening screen time? Sobbing mess, asking if me and his mother still love him.

Older brother teased him a little bit by saying ‘shut up’ or saying he looks like a rabbit in his pyjamas (the pyjamas have rabbits on them), his pillow is soaked that night. We have stopped his brother from teasing him completely.

He was always very sensitive and me and wife have accommodated to that by assuring him often we love him often and have explained many times not every situation needs tears. That if he’s that upset we can talk about the whys.

Honestly I thought that by now he would grow out of the constant crying but it hasn’t disappeared. He doesn’t act like this around his friends at school but teachers have reported similar behaviour when son is with the teacher privately

Not sure how to deal with this and admittedly worried about his sensitivity (again, I stress not because he is a boy but because he’s a human and as an adult I don’t want him to break down at every inconvenience).

Yes, everyone wants representation and everyone deserves so.

But we all know that, 1. Idiots will hate on the actors relentlessly, usually in racist ways, and 2. It’s a huge excuse to simply not make new representative characters of races other than white

Of course these actors should never be hated on because it isn’t their fault, but the establishment can be and people have a right to be annoyed

Mostly thinking of this in family dynamics.

Parents usually say “my oldest,” yet kids often say “as the eldest son/daughter,” ?

So basically whenever I have a headache, I consciously think,

“Ah, my head aches. Let me feel it extra hard so it burns out and goes.”

Then I let the pain be felt to its full capacity (no I don’t know what that means myself), carry on as normal and boom headache is gone.

Id say I have this mindset with any pain in my body.