u/Bag_frie

last night i relapsed and went to bed without covering them and this morning i woke up to brown lines stained into my sheets where my thigh was🫩

⚠️talk about self harm⚠️

so i used to self harm a couple years ago. i stopped but ever since i got diagnosed with pots and hypermobility i started cutting again. i swear that my cuts are healing way slower than they used to. even when they are closed up they take a really really long time to turn from like a purplish brown color to my skin color. is this a result of chronic illness?

i’ve always heard that your first lesbian situationship/relationship will ruin you and for some reason i thought i was an exception. i guess not!! i was talking to this girl who i was interested in but she wasn’t interested in dating so i didn’t really make any moves other than just being friends until she was ready but then she went and got a boyfriend. i was crushed and im yearning. that was the beginning of this year. i still check her location and get the urge to text her☹️

i just recently cut and there’s way too many to put bandaids on them plus i just applied some Neosporin so they won’t even stick. i just put my boxers over them and put on some tighter shorts under my pants so they won’t hurt when they rub. they aren’t actively bleeding but they are a brighter red instead of that darker red that forming scabs have.

just cut. like a lot. there’s so much going on here. i’m frustrated because i have physical therapy tomorrow and they will very much be tender, and i have a trip next week. i’m not upset about people seeing them because they will be covered but i don’t want to have to worry about them. i’m very upset with myself but i can’t even cry. i seriously feel nothing. i’m just sitting in my bed right now watching youtube while cleaning up

i’m at physical therapy right now and i need to wear these leg sleeves that fill up with air and compress your legs and it’s compressing right on 2 day old cuts that are very tenter😭

i was having a really shit day today and purged. i was in the bathroom throwing up when my dog was outside the door barking. this was unusual cause when she barks she’s usually in the living room barking at people passing our house. i paused what i was doing and opened the door. while i was sitting on the bathroom floor with my hands and face sticky she walked in and sat infront of me. i hugged her and just sobbed and when i stopped petting her she pawed at me and tried to shove her face under my hand. when i tried to kick her out to finish purging she wouldn’t leave. she sat there until i cleaned up and left the bathroom with her. she got lots of treats after that

seriously though. i need a job right now but im scared to apply anywhere because im afraid i either won’t get hired due to my illness or i will get hired and just be in a flare up 24/7. i seriously just went for a 5 minute walk and i cant get out of bed. how am i supposed to work?

really want to relapse right now because i’m super frustrated with my chronic illness, but because of my chronic illness i can’t get out of bed to relapse. i guess it’s a good thing but i want to cut so bad right now

⚠️suicide and sh⚠️
my body hurts all the time. i’m always so nauseous. showering feels like i just ran a marathon. i don’t feel hungry. i can’t go out and do fun things with friends and im afraid to make new friends cause i can never do anything fun. i’m only 16. i have my whole life ahead of me. i just took a warm bath cause my joints are hurting and i feel like i have the flu. not to mention ive forgotten to eat all day and i couldn’t even tell i was hungry. i almost passed out from the empty stomach that i didn’t feel. i’m so incredibly angry. i was supposed to do big things in life but now all i can think about now is how my body is going to react. i’ve been betrayed. i feel separated from my body. like it’s a whole other thing separated from me that is out to get me and ruin my life. i don’t even want to be here. ever since my diagnoses i’ve been getting worse both mentally and physically. i want to die so bad it hurts but i can’t. i also started to pick up self harm again because of how frustrated i am. i hate it so much. it can’t do one simple thing without feeling like shit. i’m so done with everything.

i did one cut on my arm. i felt like i was going crazy and it was an impulse. it was styro like usual. i have a bandaid on it right now but i need excuses for if my mom ask because she knows my history and i can’t let her know i started up again. it’s on my mid forearm. i’m seriously blanking right now and i need excuses for if she asks

lately i haven’t been feeling hungry or getting hunger cues. i occasionally get them but for most of my day i go without eating and then remember when my body feels like it’s about to collapse. i hear you can get a loss of appetite on ADHD meds but i doubt that’s what’s causing it because ive been on them for 5+ years and haven’t had this problem until i got diagnosed with POTS. sometimes i just don’t feel hungry, sometimes i do feel hungry and nothing sounds appetizing, and sometimes both. it’s driving me crazy. i slip my mind a lot so im used to counting on my body to tell me when it needs food but i can’t rely on that anymore. what do i do?

i’ve been really considering getting millipedes. would you say they are fairly easy and inexpensive? i’m saving up to go to school so i don’t want something that takes up too much money but i don’t want to get one and not give it the proper home it needs. also what maintenance does it need? like do you need to clean their enclosures? i’ve had rats before and i was told that they are fairly easy to take care of, but they were so much work. i’m super super interested and obviously i’ll do my own research, but i’d like to hear personal experiences.