u/CompleteBeginning271

I'm doing sobertober (🧀, I know, but I love 🧀) after 2 years of sobriety and a summer of pretending I could just drink casually.

Nope. I started casual, and after a few months, ended right back to having a day or two a week where I DIDN'T drink. It's so funny to start with a couple of drinks on the weekend, and watch it turn into drinks every day with a couple days of the week sober! Insidious!

So, after a week of sobriety, on the second Friday of October, I decided to have a beer. Well, it turned into more than one (5 drinks total over 6 hours), but it wasn't the same. I didn't miss that. It tasted pretty gross at first (I should have put it down then), and it went down slowly. 💡Being able to drink slowly tricks me into thinking I don't have a drinking problem. But it doesn't last forever, just like the can.💡

I thought I missed it, but it wasn't worth the effort. I wasn't hung the next morning, but I didn't feel great. I just wanted to get back to NOT DRINKING. It didn't even make the evening more fun; it was just work.

I'm really enjoying the mental health perks of being sober again. Plus, the app I use updated to a newer version that also tells me what is happening physiologically: brain, sleep, gut, mood dip, and what's coming up! Insulin sensitivity, liver fat dropping, heart rate settling, brain tissue recovering, skin clearing, etc. Of course, I'm vain, so I also enjoy not only feeling better, but looking better too! It's such a huge motivator to keep with it when I get that kind of feedback on what's happening in my body. I'm using Sober Time if anyone is curious.

I'm drinking a lot of tea in the evening (I have money for tea now) and Italian soda mixed with juice and a handful of frozen blueberries. Sometimes I'll have a glass of non-alcoholic wine or a non-alc beer. But more so if I'm on the phone, because chatting and drinking was an activity I partook in.

I've also been watching documentaries about alcohol and recovery. I just found this interview with Dr. Sarah Wakeman. She goes hard on how addiction should be treated like we treat cancer. It's very eye-opening for people seeking help, and for the people in their lives who are affected by their drinking. She's trying to help change the stigma, while also sharing the truth about alcohol; it's not good for you.

What are some of your go-to solutions for cravings and replacing alcohol?
What are some of the more likeable things you've noticed about being sober?

IWNDWYT

I quit drinking in 2023 and got a couple of years under my belt. There were honestly about a dozen times I may have had 1-2 drinks during those 24+ months, but I consider it a huge accomplishment with undeniably positive results.

Around January of this year, I started dabbling with an odd glass of something here or there. By summer, I was imbibing and telling myself I would "quit after the nice weather ends". All the times I had drunk before this, I never got back into the high numbers or late nights. By the end of summer, I was getting much too comfortable with a beer after work, or buying a box of wine (to share, but only with 1 other person).

Sobertober sounds like a cheesy name, but stopping/cutting down for a month, ANY month, is a great idea. It's only the 4th, but I made it through one of the biggest hurdles already: weekends.

I'm a social drinker, so hanging out with people or even talking on the phone (yeah, I'm that old) can be a BIG trigger. Maybe I'm just tired of being tired for the past few months, but I mentally didn't want to drink. My buddy had a beer, and the smell wasn't inviting; it was just stale (and it was a fresh cold beer).

I remember how much better the last 2 years of sobriety were for me. I wouldn't have what I have now if I didn't make those choices. This is my motivation to see each day, week, and this month through. I feel like that will naturally reset my sobriety, and I'll have a much easier time getting back into it.

For now, it's lots of tea, juice mixed with carbonated beverages, water with lime, cooking delicious meals, walking the dog in wonderful woods, SMART recovery, and documentaries about the dangers of alcohol. I have a lot of success drinking non-alcoholic beer and wine when I'm socializing too.

Is anyone else doing a sober October?

TIWNDWY

The policy shift, revealed in a government email obtained by The Tyee, takes First Nations by surprise.

Please remove if not allowed.

I used the Social Issues flair because I think this is a societal problem. I've encountered this across decades, countries, races, and religions.

I find it both frightening and fascinating that some men acquiesce to the demands of women who don't treat them well. Some men have no choice; they're related to the women, but some enter into relationships with abusive partners, give up their power, and stay.

Is it for “the money”? Is the answer simply "No one wants to be alone"?

Growing up, I watched my aunt rely more and more on my uncle to do things for her. He’d get home from work and start doing his "chores," as she called them. She wasn't even nice about it either. Her love language is yelling her face off, calling him stupid, and asking “Are you an idiot?” when he can't read her mind. I swear every time he did another thing for her, she packed on another pound.  

As she became morbidly obese, he became anemic. He used to be a tall, strong guy; now he's a frail lookin’ fella who looks old beyond his years. She feeds his body: expensive supplements, doctors, prescriptions, “organic” food, but doesn’t nourish his soul. Friends who expressed concern became enemies. My aunt learned it from my evol granny, but SHE CHOSE to continue a cycle I DO NOT REPEAT with my partners.

The worst part is, at some point my uncle stopped pushing back. He used to challenge my aunt, try to make her move around, become more active, be involved. He'd call her out on her BS, because he knew our family was/is comprised of toxic, rich assholes. I guess he just gave up and joined her lazy side. Part of me thinks he just decided to enjoy the ride because my aunt LOVES shopping. It’s her job, hobby, personality, and favourite manipulation tactic. She keeps a nice looking house, him in fresh looking outfits, new cars, a full fridge, vacations, big dogs, blah blah blah.

I love my uncle, but we don't speak because my aunt is, not surprisingly, toxic. If she doesn’t have a relationship with me, he isn’t allowed (or interested) in having one. I was raised by my grandparents, and my granddad was my best friend growing up. I'd call him my "favourite superhero" and fight any kids who said he couldn't be “because he's not a superhero”; "He is to me!"

Now my good friend and hiking buddy tells me he can't talk to women on the phone when his girlfriend is home?! For context, his "girlfriend" is a rather unremarkable, long faced woman who works 1 DAY A WEEK at Costco handing out free samples. She spends the rest of her time smoking cigarettes or napping in HER OWN ROOM at the place where they live together, and they haven't had sex for over a year. Usually we can talk on the phone because she's off visiting her friends in ANOTHER CITY. Without him. Seems like every time they go on a trip, it ends in disaster, and they come home early.

She doesn't seem to like him (he asked for a blowjob, and she said "No, I don't like doing that with you"). She's fully a hobosexual using him for a place to live. Bizarrely, his relationship status is "single" on social media.

WHICH IS FINE. If he's cool with it. But he complains to me (we're strictly platonic friends) enough that *I feel bad (*and mad!) His girlfriend sounds like an ugly person, inside and out, but I'm not dating her, so I can’t do anything. The irony is, he calls HIS friend Rick (not his real name) "whipped" because Rick ALWAYS bails on plans if Rick’s girlfriend doesn't want to go or doesn't want Rick to go. This happens every weekend. BUT in Rick’s case, the girlfriend pays ALL the bills, and owns the nice big house. In my friend's case, he's just letting a freeloader use him and feeding & housing her in exchange for NOTHING.

So, short story long:
Why do some men (both highly creative and skilled workers in my case) give up their rights?

TLDR:
I’m fascinated and frustrated by men who stay in relationships with controlling, disrespectful, or seemingly exploitative partners. My uncle became dependent on and submissive to my verbally abusive, demanding aunt. Now I see the same dynamic in my male friend whose girlfriend contributes nothing, sleeps in a separate room, isn’t sexually attracted to him, and spends weekends away without him. Despite complaining, HE still accommodates her and even fears her (won’t answer the phone if she’s home).

>I’m particularly annoyed because my friend calls another guy "whipped" for constantly bailing on plans to please his girlfriend. The whipped guy is at least financially supported by his partner, while my friend's girlfriend just uses him for housing (the crisis is VERY bad here, like most places).

>The BIG question: Why do men willingly stay in relationships where they're being controlled, mistreated, or taken advantage of? Is it money, fear of being alone, habit, or something else?

Yesterday I woke up to a message from my friend's long time boyfriend.

It was a screenshot of my conversation with his gf (my friend). I had asked her if she wished her ex happy birthday. We met through her ex, and her ex not only has a new gf, he moved across the country. So there's no threat of them getting back together, nor was I trying to do anything like that.

He didn't say anything. Didn't accuse or claim anything. Just sent the screenshot to me.

I asked for some context. And just to be cheeky, I added How much money do you want to borrow? Because they regularly ask to borrow as much money as a bag of powder costs 😂 His last message to me was asking for $100.

They asked for money not long ago, so their car insurance payment would go through. I didn't lend it to them. A couple months later she causally mentions they sold their car 2 years ago. 🤣👌

Her sh*tty bf responded some nonsense alpha male sht, and asked why I'm asking his WIFE about her ex.

Wife? This POS asked my friend to marry him because her niece got engaged and he wanted the same attention. He told my friend he bought her a ring ages ago and was just getting it resized, "Swear babe, I was JUST about to ask you."

My friend's niece thought it was suspicious and called the jewelry strore pretending to be my friend. Said she wanted to make sure the ring size was right. That's when they found out he never bought a ring.

I think I didn't want to believe the worst of my friend, but you don't date and stay with a toxic, lying POS without becoming one.

She doesn't want to work for a living, and he won't let her go anywhere or do anything without him anyway. So their unhealthy life choices actually compliment each other.

I blocked him and just unfriended her. I'm friends with other people in her family and they agree it's "silly" she's with him. They've all experienced his lies, or some similar form of "ick" from watching him treat my friend like a little child who can't take care of herself. Which, she is. So fair 😄

Everyone knows he makes up lies to get sympathy (he faked stomach cancer), and worse, she goes along with those lies.

The silver lining is I no longer have to repeatedly tell someone I won't lend them money. Or entertain bizarre requests to help her set up an only fan's account that she's too lazy to do herself. Nevermind having to create content for.

Yesterday I woke up to a message from my friend's long time boyfriend.

It was a screenshot of my conversation with his gf (my friend). I had asked her if she wished her ex happy birthday. We met through her ex, and her ex not only has a new gf, he moved across the country. So there's no threat of them getting back together, nor was I trying to do anything like that.

He didn't say anything. Didn't accuse or claim anything. Just sent the screenshot to me.

I asked for some context. And just to be cheeky, I added How much money do you want to borrow? Because they regularly ask to borrow as much money as a bag of powder costs 😂 His last message to me was asking for $100.

They asked for money not long ago, so their car insurance payment would go through. I didn't lend it to them. A couple months later she causally mentions they sold their car 2 years ago. 🤣👌

Her sh*tty bf responded some nonsense alpha male sht, and asked why I'm asking his WIFE about her ex.

Wife? This POS asked my friend to marry him because her niece got engaged and he wanted the same attention. He told my friend he bought her a ring ages ago and was just getting it resized, "Swear babe, I was JUST about to ask you."

My friend's niece thought it was suspicious and called the jewelry strore pretending to be my friend. Said she wanted to make sure the ring size was right. That's when they found out he never bought a ring.

I think I didn't want to believe the worst of my friend, but you don't date and stay with a toxic, lying POS without becoming one.

She doesn't want to work for a living, and he won't let her go anywhere or do anything without him anyway. So their unhealthy life choices actually compliment each other.

I blocked him and just unfriended her. I'm friends with other people in her family and they agree it's "silly" she's with him. They've all experienced his lies, or some similar form of "ick" from watching him treat my friend like a little child who can't take care of herself. Which, she is. So fair 😄

Everyone knows he makes up lies to get sympathy (he faked stomach cancer), and worse, she goes along with those lies.

The silver lining is I no longer have to repeatedly tell someone I won't lend them money. Or entertain bizarre requests to help her set up an only fan's account that she's too lazy to do herself. Nevermind having to create content for.

It sailed smoothly to a nearby cliff and quietly landed.

I: Trail Blaze of Glory

“WASSUP fOLLoweRs aND FaNS?!!! It’s ya BOI, J to the DASH!! Coming to you this morning with this AMAZING AWE-INSPIRING VIEW!…”

“…For CHARITY!!!! Click the link and use the code J2O for your discount!”

“BEEP!” said the phone and stopped recording. The muscular man of meat put the device down and took his shirt off. He was tanned to the point of carcinogenicity, but it complemented his thick black hair and massive ego.

He stripped down to his namesake denim shorts. They gave him his moniker and mo$t of his financial freedom$. He pulled a sponsor-brand bottle of baby oil from his pack, picked up the device, and started live streaming. With a wink, he popped it open, and another monologue began. He oiled up for his invisible audience, lubricating his limbs slowly as he spoke. His waxed abs glistened as he waxed poetic about his epic climb. He was so carried away that he caused a small oil spill.

The vulture noticed that what he was holding didn’t look edible, but seemed REALLY important. Without warning, the meat man wildly gestured and lunged for the phone, followed by an “OH NOOOOOooooooooo”. A bird’s eye viewed the shiny man’s perfect catch. Right through the oil and off the top of the pillar.

An already anxious jackrabbit hopped out of the way as the third biggest influencer in the exercise/looks/guru community became the biggest SPLAT in a six-mile radius of the southwest.

Startled, the rabbit managed to channel some curiosity and investigate the oily pool of organics. Despite the very low wages of the people assembling the devices, the quality was high. The phone had survived, and kept live streaming connected to a ring of invisible space trash circling overhead. The rabbit moved out of frame, as clouds drifted through streaks of red.

A short, shiny clip started playing. “ALWAYS LIVIN’ ON THE EDGE BAYBEE!”

Previous to being a puddle, he had thrown out a sponsor approved hand sign and cheekily, his tongue. The clip ended. His legacy was now immortalized in the hashtags #HeroLife #HighTimes #nevergonnastop and #jordashtothefinishline

Does anyone in this production know anything about digging holes? Like how difficult it is, ESPECIALLY in winter when the ground is frozen solid.

Or the fact that it leaves a GIGANTIC mess all over, including the obvious signs of disturbed dirt?

No big deal. A man sized patch of dirt shows up in my yard as *soon* as my man goes missing eh?! 🥴😵 Let's have an engagement party! SHIT! Let's have a wedding too!

What's next? They gonna exchange vows out back in winter and those goofy kids accidentally dig up his corpse?

BONUS: How TF Tiff gonna refer to Nuck in the past tense to his boys, and post up with her own new bodyguard/love interest immediately?!??!! 😂

Every time I hear that Christopher Cross song I get an overwhelming sense of sadness for a fictional character and a real epidemic.

Zendaya is an amazing actress for bringing Rue to such life that her death hits *this* hard.