u/Emotional-Mall-4269

I am writing this out of frustration because I feel like my brother is more family with my own family than me because he looks more like that side of the family. I am only a quarter black I know that doesn’t count , but it gave my brother skin 4 shades darker than me and curls , I am pasty with straight hair , I am the lightest amongst my cousins I think and sometimes I envy my brother because he has brotherhood with black boys and I can never have girlhood with black girls even though I have friends , they don’t and won’t ever see me as black and I really get it , but it’s something I just wish deep down I guess. I also am very big on BLM and I feel like an outsider to that too. Idk if anyone can relate.
I am sorry if I offend , it’s not at all my intention and I know I have privilege.
I just wanted to vent , I hope I don’t offend anyone.

I am writing this out of frustration because I feel like my brother is more family with my own family than me because he looks more like that side of the family. I am only a quarter black I know that doesn’t count , but it gave my brother skin 4 shades darker than me and curls , I am pasty with straight hair , I am the lightest amongst my cousins I think and sometimes I envy my brother because he has brotherhood with black boys and I can never have girlhood with black girls even though I have friends , they don’t and won’t ever see me as black and I really get it , but it’s something I just wish deep down I guess. I also am very big on BLM and I feel like an outsider to that too. Idk if anyone can relate.
I am sorry if I offend , it’s not at all my intention and I know I have privilege.
I just wanted to vent , I hope I don’t offend anyone.

This isn’t even really a vent post at all , I just am saying this like it’s a diary or something but I absolutely love my face , I love the way I look and I think I am very beautiful. Hell I am the prettiest girl I know but that’s not really socially acceptable to say and I always kinda mask how pretty I feel , even though I am anorexic and sometimes feel bad about being fat I know I am still pretty so it doesn’t even matter.

I love being hit on often, I love getting free stuff , I love getting the match every single time when I swipe like on a dating app , I love getting job offers on the spot because I am bubbly and pretty. I love how hot the people I date are. I love how my friends are always hyping me up And I know it is arrogant to say , and maybe people will hate on me for this post , I am not saying I am the most beautiful person on earth but I just love being a conventionally attractive girl after I was ugly as a tween , it’s such a refreshing feeling I love it. I also love that I am nice , I never bullied anyone or said a slur and I apologize when I am mean and I always help everyone I can , I am also really smart and good at school , and I love that and I think I love myself

I dated this guy far back in highschool , I was his first love and I guess he was really attached and attracted to me but I broke up with him because of his obsession and jealousy issues. He wanted to get engaged to me when I was 19 and was jealous of even my friends.

We break up and he ends up dating this girl , I honestly didn’t care , I was happy it was over because after the breakup he kept texting my little brother who was 13 at the time and I found that weird. After 1 year and a half of being with said girl. He sends me a drunk confession where he says he’d thought about me every day and so on and so forth and that he still loves me and that she can’t compare to me. I tell him to love his gf who actually loves him and leave me alone and I block him.

2 months pass I think he admitted everything and broke up with her , this girl goes finds some picture of me when I was like 15 and posts it in a "me vs the girl he cheated with" in a tiktok , mind you we are 20. What the actual fuck. I still didn’t dm her ago it it because I believe she will delete it herself and it didn’t go viral but it’s still weird as fuck.

I never try to manifest anything but I am manifesting with spells someone and this usually never happens to me but I ended up with a huge bruise on my calf on my left leg , it has literally no possible scientific explanation I didn’t hit my leg in anything I was in bed the entire day and woke up with a 7 cm long green bruise. What’s it mean in spirituality

I was thinking to make a moon water in the eclipse is it good and safe to do ? Pls let me know , i just got into this

I grew up bullied for varions things in a small conservative town + very toxic first relationship but I grew up and left for a big city , I got into a top university and I would say had a glow up.

Last week I had a hook up with a man I thought was out of my league like he is very objectively handsome and then I realized something , I am objectively smart and educated else I wouldn’t be at this university and I looked at myself in the mirror with makeup off and everything and I went "if I saw a girl like this down the street I would probably think she’s so pretty and it gave me a weird feeling I hadn’t felt before then I took a bunch of pictures with no makeup and bed hair and I looked at them and was surprised this was deadass the face I was born with. I felt really grateful. And ever since I have been feeling very..pretty ? And smart ? And kind because I do good things for the sake of doing good things. That I am a good person and no one from my highschool can say I was mean to them or talked badly about them.

I have always been insecure and self deprecating but for the past week I have been literally taking a double turn when I walk past the mirror and look at myself , even when I sign into my student account to do university stuff , I think "wow of course I go here" I open my closet and think "of course I have a variety of really nice fitting beautiful clothes and many options." And I have been doing nice things for myself for no reason as well. Like someone trying to court you. I have never thought about myself this way and it legit came on a random Tuesday. Is this self love or just narcissism.

I 20F met this guy 21M online about three days ago and we talked for hours before deciding to meet.
He’s honestly one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen but what surprised me was how quickly we clicked. We spent basically the entire evening together, talking, walking around, going to bars and a concert. It was a 6 hour date. We have a lot in common ; we both want to work in the same fields , have the same views about religion and politics , and he told me a lot about his family, childhood, friends, politics, etc. He also called me pretty. And talked about things we can do together in the future but we agreed we weren’t going to label things because we both aren’t stable rn.

Things gradually became physical at the concert. He held my hands, put his arms around me, and we eventually started kissing. We kept kissing throughout the night and the chemistry was honestly insane. It wasn’t awkward or forced at all ; it felt incredibly natural and we were both very into it.
Eventually we went back to his place. Even there, we kept making out constantly. He bought me pads , made us food and we were still being affectionate while waiting for it. It felt like we could barely keep our hands off each other. Eventually we went to bed and things became sexual. I initiated it and I asked for his consent twice which he said he wanted to as well and he wasn’t the one initiating so I don’t know if it’s a red flag would like to note we were both drunk as hell.

The important part is that this is my first ever sexual experience . I was nervous going into it, but I felt extremely comfortable with him and I genuinely wanted everything that happened. He was very vocal and enthusiastic, kept telling me how good I was and how much he was enjoying it, and there was a lot of kissing and physical affection throughout. I was surprised by how comfortable I felt being that vulnerable with someone I’d only known for a few days which didn’t happen with people I dated for years.

Afterward was almost as intimate as the actual hook up. He gave me water , a toothbrush , kissed me, cuddled me and reassured me that I did good and that he enjoyed everything , he also stayed close instead of immediately turning away or going on his phone. He didn’t go on his phone at all. At one point he kissed my forehead and held my hand and kissed it . We eventually fell asleep together.

During the night we both woke up briefly and ended up making out again. He was very affectionate and kept pulling me close. He was also seeking physical affection while half-asleep ; holding me, reaching for me, kissing me, etc. He >!seemed!< incredibly comfortable around me.
He even told me he was glad he wasn’t lonely that night.

He also didn’t make me feel embarrassed about anything. At one point I was worried because I had gotten blood on his sheets, but he basically told me it was fine and didn’t make a big deal about it. He stopped me from changing it and told me I am a guest and that I should just rest.
The whole experience was honestly just like the movies. I feel like the combination of the emotional connection, physical attraction, and how comfortable we became made everything feel almost surreal but ik that’s probably because I am naïve and I lack experience.

But then the morning was different.
We woke up around noon and things felt awkward. He went on his phone, asked if I wanted tea or coffee, made me tea, and we didn’t really talk much. Eventually I said I had to leave. We kissed goodbye, but it felt much less affectionate than the night before.

Now I’m home and I’m overthinking everything.
I genuinely really like this guy. I rarely meet people as educated as him. It’s not just that he’s extremely attractive or that the sex was amazing. ( We didn’t actually have sex because I a on my period but I don’t want to put nsfw details) I really liked talking to him, I loved how much we had in common, and I felt like I could actually see myself getting to know him more.

I would absolutely want a second date.
So men, what do you think? Does the awkward morning sound like he got the ick or regretted sleeping with me? Or am I reading way too much into a normal awkward morning after?
If you were in his position, would you see this as something you’d want to pursue further?

I 20F live in a big European city and I realized I mainly attract black men although I am not black myself. I don’t mean this in an offensive way at all and I love people from all races and would date anyone I like from any race but I have just been wondering why would I be attractive to a lot of black men in general especially on dating apps. ( I am mixed with black white and Arab ) but I don’t say I am mixed as I phenotypically don’t look black at all and have only one black grand-parent.

I am fatter than my friend , everyone can see it , we are about the same height and I am 20lbs heavier , no big deal , shit happens. I am also anorexic or whatever but yeah shit happens. I complained about it once , ONE TIME , once , we were in my closet trying on my clothes and something that was too small for me fit her and I said "you should take that skirt I wish it still fit me." I am pretty secretive about my ED so this was genuinely the only time I said anything about my weight.

The next day she mentions me in an AI video off of Instagram of a skinny girl helping an obese girl through weight loss and captions it "us" this rubbed me off the wrong way because wtf. I just relapsed worse after that comment and it really got to me. Just wanted to get this off my chest because wtf made her think that was okay to send.

I am on benzodiazepines and TCA and I used to be very sexual before ( I used to be able to masturbate every day before sleep ) and now I am disgusted with sex…in every sense of the word, just not able to do it , no sexual thoughts and no libido whatsoever. Is this the price to pay to be sane ?

My brother is 17 and he’s extremely affectionate with our parents, to the point where it honestly feels strange to me. He’ll go around the house demanding hugs and kisses, asks my mom for foot rubs, carries around her clothes and sniffs them because he likes how she smells, and sometimes still sleeps with our parents. He also cuddles up to my dad, sniffs him, kisses his face over and over, and snuggles into him like a cat. Even my dad has said it’s weird sometimes and that he needs to man up.

He also makes baby noises all the time and almost exclusively speaks in a baby voice when we are at home even when I have friends over which is embarrassing. He calls my mom mommy and my dad daddy like a kid would.

He’s otherwise a pretty typical teenager, so I’m just wondering if anyone has seen anything like this before. I know every family is different and I’m not implying anything inappropriate is happening, but this level of attachment at 17 seems unusual to me. I am pretty fed up because he does it to me too , asks for foot rubs and kisses and hugs whenever I pass by and calls me nicknames they used for me as a baby. He also didn’t just start doing this , he’s BEEN doing this ALL the time and my parents never did anything about it.

This isn’t a humble bragging ass post , I’m not even all that , just a random ass 20 almost 21 year old girl and these people are somehow very attached to me and won’t move on. I also have moral ocd and anxiety so I feel so much guilt about this like everything is my fault.

First ex we dated when I was 14 for a year and then we reconnected years later and apparently while we were broken up based on his account and like 3 other people he didn’t stfu about how much he loved me and so on. My second ex we dated during the Time I was broken up with my first ex so at 16’and then we broke up and he came professing his undying love to me 3 years later while he had a girlfriend , oh and of course , he had to tell me how he developed alcoholism and drug abuse because of the breakup , oh and posts about me and drunk calling my friend multiple times to tell her that he misses me , and contacting my 12 YEAR OLD BROTHER one time AND called me his god or whatever. I , of course , told him to move on and love his girlfriend who actually loves him so don’t come for me. I did not cheat with this guy.

I got back with my first ex at some point because 18 year olds are stupid and just be doing shit and after emotionally abusing me during the relationship I literally was crying every other day he broke up with me because I was asking for so much and it was stressful , I had a breakdown myself , I went to therapy , got better. Guess what ? He’s talking about how he would never let me go , I’m the only person he could ever be attracted to and how he won’t give up on me and how he would commit suicide if I was with someone else. I still love him too but I want to move on because I was treated horribly.

How can I be responsible for ruining this many peoples mental health ? How come every person I date just collapses after the breakup. Why does this have to happen , I don’t wanna be responsible for
This stuff. I am literally a random in every sense of the word omg. And I would maybe understand if I was good in bed or something , I NEVER HAD SEX WITH EITHER OF THEM. AT ALL. My second ex cheated on his gf so I don’t feel that bad for him but I really feel bad for my first ex and want better for him.

After my recent breakup with my ex which I was so devastated by I had to get therapy and get on drugs I did a lot of journaling and meditating and figured out I was bisexual. Now I feel guilty and like I lied to him the entire relationship because he always said he wouldn’t date a bisexual person and that he would feel insecure and would break up with me if I "became" bi

He still talks to me so I don’t know if I should tell him or not. I think he might be homophobic or something. He never said anything offensive about gay people but in my personal opinion I think it’s homophobic to not want to date someone just because they’re bi.

My ex was 18 years old when we started dating and I was about 14 years but I turned 15 a couple months in and we dated up until I turned 20 years old on and off.

The relationship was horrible from my end honestly , I struggled a lot and I had to be an inpatient at some point ( not just because of him but because of already existing attachement issues from my childhood) , I was very miserable during the whole thing and now as I’m almost 21 , I can’t believe an 18 year old found a 14 year old attractive. We never had sex because I am saving myself for marriage but a part of me thinks this is super weird.

I was the youngest in my class and had skipped a grade due to being "smart" so I was meant to be a middle schooler when we started dating. I find this very strange because from 14 to now my body changed significantly and whenever I look at my pictures then I feel like I am looking at a child , not someone who looked older for their age. That’s it , it’s off my chest now.

My therapist said my biggest problem is that I hate myself so much , which is true I have moral ocd and anorexia , I police every single thing I do. If I litter for example I will spiral about it and hate myself for it. Which is why I NEVER litter

I don’t understand how to love myself , what do people mean when they say they love themselves ? What’s there in me to love? I am weak willed sensitive and introverted and a cry baby and I am not that beautiful or a genius

Isn’t confidence for people who have something to show for it. Literally the two only things I was ever good at is getting into a top university and being a good gf to my ex and sacrificing everything in the process. Now I feel like I can’t be confidence because why would I be ? How do I even be confident ? How do I love myself ?

I haven’t been eating for a week ( ED) and today I found out something horrible , my boyfriend of 2 years invited a girl he’s known for 3 months to his graduation and not me.
I am prescribed benzos but they’re mild I usually take 1/4 of a pill. Today I decided to try to cope with the heartbreak and take more , I keep taking more and it won’t help with the pain I still feel it and I’m still crying. It’s awful and I’m shaking and I feel the worst I ever have ( I have BPD tendencies but no formal diagnosis) I am also diagnosed with depression ocd and severe anxiety. It wont make the pain go away I tried so hard and I took it over the course of 6 hours and I’m not feeling better , it just keeps hurting idk how to cope. He’s out partying to celebrate so I won’t ruin his happiness but I want the pain to go away what do I do should I take more ?

I really struggle so much in the community where the representation and the majority is extremely thin people , which my goal is to look like that but when my starting weight is average , I just don’t feel sick enough and feel the urge to get sicker. Even close people don’t notice or care which good for me but I wanted to be cared about , even for a day or something like I wanted someone to wonder if I’m ok. I feel like that treatment is reserved for extremely thin women and I get it , they’re more at a threat than me , and I have it better. Even my own ex bf , when we were dating I would casually mention not having eaten and he would tell me it’s a good thing since I always talk about wanting to lose weight.

I (20F) have lived abroad since I was 17. I come back home every summer and I kept contact with some of my friends from my hometown. I have a life abroad with friends and everything. It is fulfilling. I come to my country every year during summer break so I am here now.

I don’t feel like myself when I am back home. I am an outcast because my country is religious conservative and I do not identify with such values. Many would call me westernized and I do not mind. I honestly do not really like my friends back home although they’re not bad friends. Good people , honestly but I feel like I am being trapped still in my country’s environment by keeping such close contact.

Each time we meet , we talk about people from highschool who I don’t even remember , drama I am not apart of and who said what about whom and honestly I don’t enjoy it , I find myself slowly straying away and sometimes comparing to the friends I have where I live where we discuss things I find enriching and that make me passionate. I think my friends are wonderful people and I am not superior to them in any way but I just don’t relate to the experience of what it’s like to still live here and I am trying to forget it. I am not interested in speaking about my ex from 8th grade or who got pregnant and married and engaged from my graduation class. I graduated a year early and blocked my entire highschool because I was bullied due to stigma around my mental health , often called sick or crazy for having panic attacks. I have had to be homeschooled at some point because of the panic attacks so I don’t want to still hear about that phase in my life.

I feel like although my friends are kind and nice and they have a good future ahead of them , I feel a disconnect and when I am with them here , all I can think of is my experiences abroad and how it felt to fall in love with a city and feel more like myself there than anywhere else in the world. I don’t know what to do but I don’t enjoy the hangouts anymore and I don’t want to be mean cruel or standoffish

I just got Xanax prescribed for severe panic attacks and I told my friend and the first thing she said is that she asked for some. This is so disrespectful to me and I can’t put my finger exactly on why it bothers me but it just feels inappropriate like the drugs I take to literally function aren’t made so you get high.