u/EvilBrynn

I feel like I’ve been trying really hard to not have a new fictive form because Ive felt relatively stable for a while. Was surprised after a recent pet loss either headmate didn’t split either who was fronting at the time. And then for a while i got more attached to a fictional character i like and i feel or get scared that im gonna spawn them in or shapeshift into them and that will stick, turning into a headmate that way. Now today the two are co con/co fronting and were joking about it earlier and trying to encourage me to form them anyways and then started teasing me about my crush on that guy also. But i was like, why do you WANT me to split? If i end up splitting or something. And im also scared if this guy ends up being a dick, but it feels wrong to judge someone who doesn’t even exist yet.

I have been going crazy these past few days
My RSD, my ODD and intrusive thoughts have been yelling at me and I can’t stop getting angry and wanting to argue with people and get people to hate me and then i get sad when people actually ignore me and then my intrusive thoughts are turning into desires of offing myself
Idk if this is because of an antidepressant change or pms or what

Do you think we fit the OSDD? Like i went from thinking we were tulpa/willogenic, now thinking that we are some type of OSDD. We are mixed origin, walk ins, tulpas, traumagens and we don’t have amnesia. I mean we do have amnesia but its not especially disabling like everyone else with DID. We don’t really remember much what happened on a specific day, like only the important bits or what time and it gets harder and harder to remember. We have messed up sleep and wake up every few minutes to toss and turn.

We were abused as a kid which we have no memory of at all, only through word of mouth and medical episode shortly afterwards. Then at 11 we were exposed to really nasty stuff on the internet and thats when we first split. Its weird because it was a normal day at school. Don’t even remember what happened the days before. We had an awful home life with our father and stepmother, whenever we would visit them.

We didn’t know anything of what was going on and thought it was imaginary friends. We treated it as imaginary friends for the longest time. Kept making more and more people who would take over my body or I would pretend to take over theirs. Thought thats what imaginary friends do. Thought thats what everyone did. Then learned about “MPD” and identified with that for a bit. Then dropped it thinking i wasn’t abused enough to be super miserable 24/7. (We had the most rough teenage years ever and that just added to all the stress and cptsd) But its not especially miserable for us which is why its so confusing.

Then went on thinking it was copinglinking for a few years. Then had a traumatic split from stress 2 years ago and really started thinking on why fictives keep popping up in our heads. (Oh no fictive heavy yuck 😒) Then discovered that we are plural. We use lots of labels to try to understand ourselves. We’re not faking, this is how we’ve been for a decade plus. We can’t stop it or turn it off. We tried taking breaks on not fronting/ co-hosting and it doesn’t last long.

Do you think we fit the OSDD? Like i went from thinking we were tulpa/willogenic, now thinking that we are some type of OSDD. We are mixed origin, walk ins, tulpas, traumagens and we don’t have amnesia. I mean we do have amnesia but its not especially disabling like everyone else with DID. We don’t really remember much what happened on a specific day, like only the important bits or what time and it gets harder and harder to remember. We have messed up sleep and wake up every few minutes to toss and turn.

We were abused as a kid which we have no memory of at all, only through word of mouth and medical episode shortly afterwards. Then at 11 we were exposed to really nasty stuff on the internet and thats when we first split. Its weird because it was a normal day at school. Don’t even remember what happened the days before. We had an awful home life with our father and stepmother, whenever we would visit them.

We didn’t know anything of what was going on and thought it was imaginary friends. We treated it as imaginary friends for the longest time. Kept making more and more people who would take over my body or I would pretend to take over theirs. Thought thats what imaginary friends do. Thought thats what everyone did. Then learned about “MPD” and identified with that for a bit. Then dropped it thinking i wasn’t abused enough to be super miserable 24/7. (We had the most rough teenage years ever and that just added to all the stress and cptsd) But its not especially miserable for us which is why its so confusing.

Then went on thinking it was copinglinking for a few years. Then had a traumatic split from stress 2 years ago and really started thinking on why fictives keep popping up in our heads. Then discovered that we are plural. We use lots of labels to try to understand ourselves. We’re not faking, this is how we’ve been for a decade plus. We can’t stop it or turn it off. We tried taking breaks on not fronting/ co-hosting and it doesn’t last long.

How long does gi stasis usually lasts? Belle actually has it for once. Noticed she wasn’t eating any treats last night and is meat loafing. At first i thought it was my mom’s fault because she gave them three rose heads plus stems thinking she didn’t chew some of the thorns. Now i feel its my fault since they went 10-12 hours without water since i forgot to refill their water and then even forgot about that! Once i noticed in the morning i immediately refilled it and they started drinking! Beau gets better overnight during his episodes but this is really bad. She peed herself and has been sitting in it for a while. I don’t think she’s pooped all night. Just woke up an hour ago and gave her more gas drops. Do i keep medicating her until she poops? I even gave her water through a syringe thinking about the dehydration before i gave up for the night. How well does expired critical care work? They are all opened and they still eat it just fine and still smells good.

Does anyone have any pro endo tiktok accounts to follow because everyone i keep finding is super annoying and insufferable
Like some famous accounts that are informative as well
We need friends on TikTok that are friendly

[need advice/reassurance]

Every since i watched a video of some guys making funny videos with that dumb sora app i got jealous and i feel bad. It looks like so much fun making whatever you want without having to actually do much. I hate how much time it takes to animate something just for it to look choppy, lazy and not get attention. I miss making weird memes with the crayon ai.

But i have to be against it because of stealing from everyone/without consent, using unethical prompts and the disgusting impacts on the environment.

Heard of an gen ai from some eco friendly app that gets their power from wind turbines? Have you guys done research into that? Is that a good option or is that bad too? I learned about that on TikTok. Is it okay if i use my own art with that program? I really hate the gen AI craze but at the same time it feels like im missing out.

I still don’t understand how the Trisolarians got to the technological level they are if literally every 60 years they have a mass die off and or hibernate for another 6 decades.

Also i imagine they look something like water bears since they function like them (unless theres a cannon depiction of them i don’t know of)

Its that crazy cult leaders fault for basically telling the trislorians that humans lie and are pests and bugs. Then they say they are scared of us and they let things get worse.