u/Glum-Vegetable-5636

Hi everyone!
I’ve gone out with a man (45) three times, about once a week. Outside of texting to set up dates, he doesn’t really call or message. In person he seems genuinely interested and has told me he’s very attracted to me.

His wife passed away two years ago, and he still refers to her as “my wife,” which makes sense since he hasn’t dated since. When we first met, I told him I wanted to go slow.

My question is: Is this level of texting normal early on? Is he giving me space because I said I wanted to go slow, or is he just not that into me? In past relationships, anyone interested in me usually texted daily.

We last saw each other Saturday. On Sunday I asked if he wanted coffee, and he said he’d like to see me but had church and work to do, and suggested a rain check. He didn’t text again after I said that was fine.

What do you think?

Hi everyone! I love reading, especially biographies, memoirs, and psychology books.
I don't really have many friends, so I'd love to start my own book club as a way to meet other women who enjoy these kinds of books too. I've never hosted a book club before, so I'd really appreciate any advice or suggestions.
If you've been part of a book club, what did you enjoy most about it? Is there anything you would have done differently? I'd love to hear about your experiences and any tips you have for someone just getting started! 📚

Hi! I’m 39f and married for 12 years. We separated in December of 2024 because of his anger issues. Surprisingly he agreed to it. He sold our house and since March of last year we have been living separately. After the separation he has confessed to me that he was seeing another woman, he gambled so much money and did hard core drugs. We never had kids because he can’t.
Now he wants me back but I would have to be insane to take him back. I know how detrimental to my mental health leaving him was. The problem is that because I don’t have an emotional support system and because he has always been there for me during hard times, it’s so hard for me to ask for a divorce.
I would like to know how long it took you to file for divorce and why did you wait?
My therapist says that it’s ok to take all the time I need but honestly I feel like im wasting my time, but I am also scared of live without him.

Hi! I wonder if anyone else is going through this and how do you get yourself out of the hole of depression!
I (38f) have a small family who I’m sure would give me a kidney if I ever needed it. But emotionally? I do not feel like they are there for me. They either need some type of financial help or they are very negative and toxic.
I love them but I kind of purposely avoid them because I already have enough with my own problems. Being with them drains me.
I have acquaintances but not close friends. I feel so freaking lonely. I have signed up to volunteering because I can’t deal with the negative rumination in my mind.
What has helped you through periods like these in your life?
I’m separated from a cheater and addict spouse, we didn’t have kids for some reason. I already feel like a freaking old woman who has nothing to show for.
Thanks for letting me dump all the venom I have inside of me, I needed to write this because I feel like I can’t take it anymore

UPDATE:
Hi! I’m giving an update about a previous post where I asked if it was ok to send this guy I liked a note asking him out. Most of you encouraged me to do it and I did it but I don’t think he’s into me.
I saw him at the coffee shop today. He came over to my table and talked to me about different things. At the end, he told me that he came over because he didn’t want to ignore my invitation. And he told me that he isn’t really looking and that he is content with his life. He said that when he sees me here, he will say hi. And that he will see where things go.
Now I wish I had not listed to all of you 😭

This is what my previous post said:
What would thoughts be if you got this note from a woman?

Update: I gave him the note at about 2pm. He told me thank you and wished me a good day. I did not see him opening it because I left.
If he’s interested, how long do you think he’s going to wait to message me or call me.

Hi, men for Reddit! I have never sent a man a note expressing my interest on him, but I am tired of waiting for men to initiate.

I go to a coffeeshop every Sunday and there’s this man in his late 30s who doesn’t wear a ring. We are always at the same time and the same coffeeshop every single Sunday. I like him! He knows my name and I know his, because we introduced each other when I asked him for a piece of paper (I actually didn’t need one).
Last Sunday he didn’t acknowledge me, but he looked busy or distracted. Anyway, I am thinking about giving him a small note and I would like to know your thoughts, what would you think/do if someone gave you this?

Note: Hi! I hope you don't mind me reaching out this way. I've noticed you here a few times, and since I don't see a wedding ring, I thought I'd ask. If you're single and interested, I'd love to have a drink or coffee with you sometime. If not, no worries at all, I enjoy coming here and will happily keep doing so. Have a great day!

I am asking for your advice since I love the coffee shop and I don’t want to quit going if he rejects me. Also, why am I sending a note? The coffee shop is small, and I don’t want to be rejected in front of everyone.

Edit: not sure if this matters or not, but he told me that he goes there to study the Bible. So, I don’t know if he is going through some type of personal journey and probably isn’t interested in a relationship.
Again, the place is small, I don’t want to go sit at his table and ask him out, that seems to needy to me

Hi, men for Reddit! I have never sent a man a note expressing my interest on him, but I am tired of waiting for men to initiate.

I go to a coffeeshop every Sunday and there’s this man in his late 30s who doesn’t wear a ring. We are always at the same time and the same coffeeshop every single Sunday. I like him! He knows my name and I know his, because we introduced each other when I asked him for a piece of paper (I actually didn’t need one).
Last Sunday he didn’t acknowledge me, but he looked busy or distracted. Anyway, I am thinking about giving him a small note and I would like to know your thoughts, what would you think/do if someone gave you this?

Note: Hi! I hope you don't mind me reaching out this way. I've noticed you here a few times, and since I don't see a wedding ring, I thought I'd ask. If you're single and interested, I'd love to have a drink or coffee with you sometime. If not, no worries at all, I enjoy coming here and will happily keep doing so. Have a great day!

I am asking for your advice since I love the coffee shop and I don’t want to quit going if he rejects me. Also, why am I sending a note? The coffee shop is small, and I don’t want to be rejected in front of everyone.

Edit: not sure if this matters or not, but he told me that he goes there to study the Bible. So, I don’t know if he is going through some type of personal journey and probably isn’t interested in a relationship.
Again, the place is small, I don’t want to go sit at his table and ask him out, that seems to needy to me

Hi everyone, As a child, I didn't consistently feel chosen, my needs were dismissed and I learned to look outside myself for proof that I matter. And because my marriage failed at 39, this reinforced the wound. Also, because I want a partner who feels like family (someone who stays through good and bad), rejection can feel like a threat. For example, if I like someone and that someone doesnt acknowledge me, I catastrophise the whole thing. Lastly, I have learned to tied being chosen to feeling safe. After a difficult marriage and loneliness, my mind sometimes treats a person's attention as if it could solve the pain. I hate the fact that someone (my idealization of them) can represent much more than they actually are.
I want to change, I want to feel a bit better about rejection.

I watched the rejection therapy video on YouTube and I found it very interesting. I would like to do something similar, Because I don’t want to be a copycat, I would like ideas on new challenges. Please give me suggestions I can try. I am a 39yo woman if it helps.
And if you have any advice in general about my issue, please don’t hesitate to leave a message.

Hi everyone, As a child, I didn't consistently feel chosen, my needs were dismissed and I learned to look outside myself for proof that I matter. And because my marriage failed at 39, this reinforced the wound. Also, because I want a partner who feels like family (someone who stays through good and bad), rejection can feel like a threat. For example, if I like someone and that someone doesnt acknowledge me, I catastrophise the whole thing. Lastly, I have learned to tied being chosen to feeling safe. After a difficult marriage and loneliness, my mind sometimes treats a person's attention as if it could solve the pain. I hate the fact that someone (my idealization of them) can represent much more than they actually are.
I want to change, I want to feel a bit better about rejection.

I watched the rejection therapy video on YouTube and I found it very interesting. I would like to do something similar, Because I don’t want to be a copycat, I would like ideas on new challenges. Please give me suggestions I can try. I am a 39yo woman if it helps.
And if you have any advice in general about my issue, please don’t hesitate to leave a message.

Hi everyone, I’m 38 years old and I’m looking for a support group either for divorced people or emotionally abused people. I don’t have the courage to file for divorce because of many reasons but I would like to sit with other women who have gone through or are going through a similar situation. Do you know of any non religious support groups? I do not have anyone to lean on during this time.
Also, if you know of a good lawyer, please send me their info. Thank you!

I have been separated for a year and a half, and I still haven't filed for divorce because I'm afraid of losing my support system and afraid that no one will want me again.
My husband wants me back, but we don't have much in common. He cheated on me and, at one point, gave me an STD. We separated (although it was a mutual decision) because the woman he was involved with was supposedly blackmailing him. He has admitted to having both a gambling addiction and a sex addiction, but we never discussed those issues again afterward.
Four years ago, I asked for a divorce. He told me not to be surprised if something happened to someone in my family, and I stayed. We don't have children because he is unable to have them.
I'm not happy with him. He has anger issues, and I am extremely sensitive. I want to leave, but because I don't have a strong support system, I'm afraid of making a mistake.
To summarize, I haven't asked for a divorce because he angrily asked me not to and said he would be fair to me, and because I'm afraid of being left without support. He earns about six times more than I do and has always helped me financially.
At the same time, I believe that if I were divorced, I could make it on my own. Money would be tight, but I would survive.
He is 43, and I am 38. I need advice from someone with the perspective of a caring parent figure because I feel stuck and don't trust my own judgment right now.
I’m already living on my own, I have my condo (I paid with half of the money I got when he sold our house) and he has his own house. And I do have a job that pays 56k a year here in Texas.

There’s this man (probably early 40s, I am 38) that I’ve seen several Sundays at a coffee shop. He’s usually on his computer, minding his own business. I’ve noticed he doesn’t wear a ring, and I really want to talk to him.Because I love going to that coffee shop, I’m afraid that if he rejects me I’ll feel embarrassed and won’t want to go back at the same time I usually go. I’ve been thinking about giving him a note instead. I don’t want to talk to him directly because I get so nervous and I’m scared I’ll look like an idiot. What do you suggest I write in the note? I want something that shows interest but isn’t too much. Or, do you have any ideas for something I could say that would naturally get him talking to me?

I am soon going to be 39 years old and have been separated for over a year. I can’t believe that I didn’t have kids or the family I always thought I would by now. I’m feeling extremely lonely and useless. I do not understand what is wrong with me, why I could not get what I wanted. Supposedly I’m pretty (which truly isn’t the most important thing in life) but I do not think I have men after me. I feel like nothing is going to change. I hate my life at the moment. Does anyone (kind and not judgmental) want to talk to me? I can’t take this anymore

I am in my late thirties and divorced. We didn’t have kids. I only have male friend, therefore is hard for me to go out with women and casually meet men. How did you meet your spouse? I think I’m ok looking, but is hard to meet men at the gym. I feel like my clock is ticking