u/HEY_McMuffin

I’m just sad. I can’t stop crying. I had surgery last year by Dr.P and she opened me up only to close me up and tap out. I am beyond her scope of practice. She then said she was going to be trained under a specialist to broaden her scope and they would practice on me. (This specialist is one of the top in my country) but she just couldn’t find the time to travel to my city, so my doc told me today I could either go ahead with her and bring in 4 other doctors OR I could travel to a larger city where her friend is opening her own practice and specializes in endo.

I opted to travel to see the specialist but now I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why. 20 million reasons wrapped up into an ugly ball that I can’t label.

It feels like starting over… needing 5 doctors to operate on me just sounds terrifying… traveling 2 hours away sounds scary in a city I don’t know with a doctor I don’t know… I am in such pain I was so excited to possibly get a surgery this fall and now the surgery date is unknown.

I’m scared and exhausted and in pain. I’ve been on a wait list for 3 years with no end in sight, so her offer to have an in with her specialist friend is still an awesome thing but damn… I am a mom with 2 kids and the thought of traveling for surgery is so frightening

I’m just sad. I can’t stop crying. I had surgery last year by Dr.P and she opened me up only to close me up and tap out. I am beyond her scope of practice. She then said she was going to be trained under a specialist to broaden her scope and they would practice on me. (This specialist is one of the top in my country) but she just couldn’t find the time to travel to my city, so my doc told me today I could either go ahead with her and bring in 4 other doctors OR I could travel to a larger city where her friend is opening her own practice and specializes in endo.

I opted to travel to see the specialist but now I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why. 20 million reasons wrapped up into an ugly ball that I can’t label.

It feels like starting over… needing 5 doctors to operate on me just sounds terrifying… traveling 2 hours away sounds scary in a city I don’t know with a doctor I don’t know… I am in such pain I was so excited to possibly get a surgery this fall and now the surgery date is unknown.

I’m scared and exhausted and in pain. I’ve been on a wait list for 3 years with no end in sight, so her offer to have an in with her specialist friend is still an awesome thing but damn… I am a mom with 2 kids and the thought of traveling for surgery is so frightening

For example:

Yeeterus party, funny tshirt for surgery day, cremation urn for the uterus, tattoo that matches her dogs “spade” tattoo on stomach

She doesn’t like me. She asked my now husband not to marry me. She talks bad about me when I’m not around but I think she has seen the damage her actions have caused and now she is back tracking. Instead of apologizing she has just moved on and acts like we are the perfect happy family and me and her and I are now best friends. She puts on huge fake performances and it makes me really uncomfortable.

She wants me to call her mom but now she is calling me her “other daughter”🤢 she says it so much now that I am suspecting she says it and expects me to validate her feeling and roll with it and call her mom and gush about how much I love her because she gushes about how much she loves me.

This week she texted me saying “I love you and I’m checking in on my “other daughter” how has your week been…” I didn’t respond to that, just skipped it and told her about my week. Her next text was “oh that’s so good to hear that my other daughter is … ect” 🤢

I do have a sense of humor so I’m not (too) afraid to push back but what the hell can I say back to her? This woman is giving me stage 5 clinger ick.

When she wanted my kids to call her “grandma di” (like princess di) … after much protest I gave in but steered into it calling her “Grandma DIE👹” (saying “die” in a demon voice) so my babies started saying it like that… she then changed it to just grandma…

She is coming down in a week to visit us and she is giving off the vibes where she needs me to validate her unstable feelings… how do I shut this down😂

I was raised evangelical but I am an atheist now but find religion fascinating. But most religious mm romance books are usually Catholic but I wanted something more relatable. Hell I am open to Bible retellings at this point😂

TLDR: what is the most blasphemous book you can recommend me?

1. Monsterous series by Lily Mayne

2. Neurovance by Alexandra St. Pierre

3. Patience by Lark Taylor

4. Whispers in the Dark by Nik Knight

5. Bump in the night by Nik Knight

6. Goliath Wrestling series by Lily Mayne

7. Deaths Bloom by Lily Mayne

8. Distorted by Nyla K

9. To Catch a Firefly by Emmy Sanders

10. Berries and Greed by Lily Mayne

I used to game a lot as a kid but now I would like to try again. My and my husband have been playing it takes two and I love it. I enjoy games where you have a straight forward mission where you can only move forward, not wander around looking for things… if that makes sense.

For example: play with my kids, I like Mario 3D world vs Bowsers Fury/Mario Odyssey

But in the same breath I lived on roller coaster tycoon when I got it in a cereal box as a kid

Got any good, easy fun, mindless games for me? I have a Nintendo switch 1 and a very old Xbox

For the past 4 months during ovulation I get peppered with tiny tiny acne across my neck, chin and cheeks… I started retinoids with an acne fighting… something in it (prescribed by a pharmacist)

My routine in Cerave cleanser, retinol cream and Nivea night cream. During the day Aveeno 50 sunscreen face cream.

I want to add another layer to my routine to help fight the monthly acne flair but that seems like an expensive slope… so please help me! What product should I try!

Looking for book rec similar to Moth by Lily Mayne or a dark romance involving torture, trauma, victim/hero. I love moth because (spoiler warning going forward) they’re captured in a prison, his body mods are actually from his captor (piercings are his mouth sewn shut) you feel so bad for moth but Charlie just takes care of him and loves him for who he his.

I loved the beginning of Lost and Bound by Eliot Grayson but I wish that was the entire book, not just the first 10%. I just finished Distorted and loved it but looking for something more along the lines of a prisoner being tortured but the officer is there to secretly get him through it

It feels like a bullet has been shot through my uterus and came out of my tail bone. I was fine, reading in bed and now I can hardly breath

Has this happened to anyone else? This has happened to me once before a few months ago when I was sleeping and I woke up to the worst pain so I just made myself go back to sleep

I also had a 10/10 pain 2 years ago where I was shock to the stomach with an unbearable amount of pain and I passed out. ER checked me for STDs and told me to go home and take Tylenol… so I feel it’s pointless to do anything right now. My surgeon dropped her jaw when I told her about that experience. She was upset that it could have been an ovarian torsion but luckily for me, endo has completely tethered my ovaries down that they can’t twist…

Thanks for letting me vent and get my mind off.

I have one small dot on each finger bellow my nails. I just like them so I got them. I always get asked “what’s the meaning for the finger dot tattoos”?

Edit: thank you everyone for your confidence booster! If I were to had posted this to an endo page it would have been met with “bUt iTS NoT a CUrE” or get a better doctor

I’m not asking for medical advice but just curious if you would get a hysterectomy if you were in my situation. I have stage 3 endometriosis so I know it’s not a cure, but my doctor offered me the option. Apparently my uterus is completely tethered to the walls and other organs. She can either take the endo out or take the whole uterus out. She said if I just take the endo out, it could cause scaring issues down the road at my next surgery (which I would most likely need down the road). Or I can just ya k the whole uterus out and call it a day.

I am done having kids so it’s not a loss if I do remove it. I also am getting my appendix removed and endo is on my bowels, so I am particularly nervous about the recovery.

I am also nervous about possible side effects of a hysterectomy. I hear horror stories but that’s just because they are horror stories, you never hear of the positive side effects. So that gives me some hesitance.

I have a full year to decide and I am already 10 months in and my surgery is in 2 months and I still haven’t made a decision… what would you do? I feel like with either choice it has its sequel pros and cons and I feel like I won’t have regrets

Has anyone had a similar situation?

I had a dream last night where Tom Hardy is in a MM romance and he was a mobster and I was his assistant unwillingly. (But let’s be honest.. it was Tom Hardy I was fully willing) he got shot before I could step in and take the bullet for him (I would do it again Tom) and he died in my arms while I cried over him and kissed him for the first time.

Then! He starts to haunt me and talk to me through a Harry Potter style Tom Riddle book… and we fall in love with a ghost form Tom … unfortunately my husband woke me up before I could hook up with a ghost but…. I would like to the book to go into that spicy direction

Anything close?!

I’m going to the store today to try it… hopefully it helps! If you are in Canada, what brand/strain do you buy?

It sounds so stupid but I am not a hugger. My in-laws however are. I have clearly told them I am not a hugger but it’s always “oh well that’s too bad because I’m a hugger”. It’s gotten to the point where I get the absolute ick from them because they are obsessed with hugs. She also says insensitive things about my miscarriage among other things … so you know what? I just straight up don’t want to give this broad any affection.

I know it sounds so stupid that this is about hugs but if I said my FIL wanted hugs that made me feel uncomfortable, I think more people would be on my side. These are premeditated hugs with a backwards motive to MAKE me uncomfortable 😑
Last time I saw her she got jealous I hugged her friend back (I’m not putting up a fuss and saying something about my preference to someone I see every 5 years) so she RAN across a mall to hug me but made a huge show infront of everyone “ohHhhH is it ok if I hug you” which leaves me in an ass hole position. So I awkwardly said yes but I wish I had said no and had a good come back.

I am seeing her again in 2 weeks… I do I get out of the hug and set this boundary once and for all?