u/Human-Situation9944

Hi guys,

This may seem like an odd title but I have never truly felt like I have anywhere to call home and dont know how to make one...

My whole life I have moved, basically every six months due to my fathers jobs. Of course there were pockets where I lived places longer but that was when I was very young. Im 20 and have lived in 7 different states. When I try and count how many times ive moved homes/places to stay, I end up at around 25-30. My home life has always been very tumultuous and I have taken this moving/leaving pattern into my own adult life. Ive gone to three separate colleges all in different states now.

Im on my third right now and I am having a lot of trouble integrating. I have never had the opportunity and learned very long ago there was no point, I'd be gone soon. But now I sit in my own apartment and realize just how badly I want to make where I live my home. Its pretty lonely and I dont love the place I am at but I am determined to make it work. I just dont know how.

Socially I am struggling and have accepted I will find my people eventually but that means most of my time I am studying in my apartment. I want to be in public even if i dont have anyone to share the space with. Ive tried clubs etc...no luck yet.

But really for me I am more curious as to how people define home and what they do. I always hear about "my fav study spot" or "favorite look out" but I dont know where to start. Do i just wander around? What are good third spaces for student besides clubs? Is this just a time thing or do I need to make a more concerted effort?

I have always felt like an outsider and want to settle so badly. I have finally started putting stuff up on my walls to make my home mine, small things I never had the liberty to do prior. I know this may seem simple for some but please try and help me as if I am some alien and you're explaining how humans do things.
Any advice or personal experience would help!

The title kinda sums it up already but i wanna join some more clubs to meet other alternative people!! I see cool people all around campus but my classes are all kinda self contained. Ive tried making friends with people i sit by but they arent very responsive, which is totally fine, just wanna meet more people that have my same interests. Any suggestions? Ive checked out roam which seems promising but wanna hear from you guys on where youve had the most success finding creative/artsy people. Thank you!

Hey guys!

Tw(specific body part mentions)

Im choosing recovery. I have a lot of horrible thoughts that roll around in my head all the time mainly about my stomach size etc. i always bodycheck in my mirrors so i want to put some solid kind quotes/sayings on them to combat that. I was thinking of really specific ones like "your stomach is fine the way it is" but that still makes me think about my stomach so not really as helpful. Does anyone have some general encouraging quotes that helped you guys? Thank you!

Just wanted to ask timeline wise if you do the right things how long would it usually take to go from skinny fat to lean/normal. I have been severely undermuscled my whole life and i just need a timeline to help motivate. Ei "if you stick to a consistent amount of protein, weightlifting, etc then you'll see results around x amount of time"
If it helps im very average weight wise and around 20% body fat but i look super soft because of my severe lack of muscle. I know this isnt super specific and everyone is different but a number/timeline would really help. Thank you!

Hi everyone,

Ive been really struggling finding my maintenance calories as everyone keeps telling me at my activity level theres no way its 1700. Im 5'4 and 105lbs not really looking to gain but wouldnt mind more muscle if i do haha. Im very skinny fat and when i put my stats into a tdee calculator(20% body fat) its gives me around 1640. Now the thing is that I used to really struggle with eating and working out has really helped me make sure I get what I need. But whenever I talk about my maintenance people go crazy freak out and say im starving myself. I workout 5 days a week and do atleast 330 mins of cardio weekly. I really enjoy being fit and exercising. I try my best to track cals and weight but my body seems to love being within a range of +-8 lbs on a week to week basis so i have trouble knowing whether or not I am eating enough...any thoughts? I usually get the "well just track your weight" but again with all the variations im not sure how id be able to.

Hey all,

Ive been working out consistently for maybe a month and a half. Doing basically 1hr 5-6 times a week only zone two. Somehow i used to be able to do level 3 on the stair master at zone 2 now i cant even do level one at anything lower than zone 5. Wtf?? What do i do. I rest twice a week and my sleep is 7-8hrs usually. I lift 6 days a week should i lower my cardio or something?

I really wanted to recover. I wanted to stop c/s and so ive been letting myself actually eat the food. My friend told me im binging cuz ive been eating it. Im so triggered by it. She has BED and its not a fucking binge im extremely hungry after being so heavily restricted. I know ive gained because i am allowing myself the food and now im struggling about compensating by over exercising or restricting. I feel so gross, i got cake and cheesecake today...i feel like all my 'progress' everything i fought so hard to get is gone again and i feel like ill never escape this cycle. I cant stop bodychecking and weighing myself and freaking out. I hate how out of control i am. I just want to feel good with how i look for once in my life. I hate myself

Basically the top text explains my issue but some more details. My weight seems to fluctuate A LOT. Like usually within a range of 2-4lbs on a weekly basis. Example (not actual weight)
-monday: 100
-tuesday: 102
-wednesday: 100
-thursday: 98
-friday: 103
And so on. What the hell do i do??😭

Hey guys,

Ive been wanting to get muscular for a really long time and have always been a very soft pudgy guy even though ive never been overweight. I could quite literally be skinny fats poster boy. Recently i started losing weight thinking that would make me look better but after 26lbs and now being pretty underweight i still look fat (no i am not delusional i just seriously dont have any muscle) now im at the point where although i like that i am skinnier i still am soft and pudgy and disproportionate. Ei Thicker waist and tiny arms. Ive started working out but still eat in a deficit. Im really exhausted and i know i need to eat more but i dont want to just get fat again. Atleast where i am at i have a very light amount of definition. I started weights maybe 2 months ago but am seeing very little progress and recovery is really hard. I go till failure and eat my body weight in protein. Should i start eating at maintenance? Would a 200-300 cal deficit work better(right now im at around a 500 cal one). I just want to look lean i dont care much about mass just wanna be low body fat and defined.

Hello guys!

Ive been trying to body recomp and have been steadily losing weight. At this point I think my deficit may be too low...I workout 4-5 times a week weightlifting wise and do atleast 30mins of cardio plus around 8ish k steps most days. I have seen some progress in the gym but i am getting horrible sleep and recovery is rough so i know i gotta be eating more. Im not 100% sure of my maintenance but i think its around 1700. (Im pretty short btw) should I be eating like 1400 a day or lower/higher. I also make sure to get around my body weight in protein daily and take 5mg creatine. Any suggestions? Thank you!
Sex: M
Age: 20
Height: 5'4
I dont really have an end weight in my mind just wanna be around 10-15% bf.

Hello, I see a lot of posts in the fitness communities about prioritizing recovery. Does that mean I shouldn't do my normal 1 1/2hrs of cardio a day? I want to gain muscle but I am also an endurance athlete and train daily to improve my performance. Am i overloading my body? I only do zone 2 so it really isnt physically taxing. I workout upper and lower twice a week and my core twice as well. They are spaced out and each muscle group gets atleast a day of recovery.

Hi guys! Ive been on T for five years and am unsure about how to calculate my tdee. Do I put female or male? And also if I weight lift daily for 30 mins and do 1 1/2hrs of cardio (separately) then would I put lightly active? Thank you!

Hello,

I am a physics sophomore transfer student and just wanted to poke yalls brain on what you found to be the most effective in finding friends. I assume clubs but wanted to know if I am missing anything. Thank you guys!

I relapsed. Its been three months. I was never trying to stay sober but i still feel disappointed that I still fucking do this. I just want more scars. I want to feel pain again. Theres something so relaxing about it

Hello,

I been super duper pale my whole life and my family has horrible risks for skin cancer. I am a man and so I have a lot of hair. Am i still able to self tan without shaving? Do people self tan all the time or just for events? Is it worth the money? Is it better to just use a lotion instead? I know i sound clueless, sorry🥲

Hello all,

I have really been struggling with c/s and i dont even know what im doing to my body. I try to research because I know it cant be good but i cant seem to find a lot about it. Could you guys share your experience/what youve researched? Thank you guys!

This is a jumbled wall of text. I apologize for bad grammar etc. it feels nice to send this into the online void.

Over two years ago I met a man on grindr(what a great start right?). Id just turned 18, my whole life I have had a level of limerence. It started with the fantasy of my parents caring for me, I coped with this meglect by obsessing over a boy my age. This eventually ended but the need for external validation didnt. Anyways at 18 I hooked up with this guy, way older than me, way more experienced, and he was my first kiss(among other things). We only met once, talked maybe for two weeks. He was horrible emotionally. I thought I was over it but I am once again constantly fantasizing about him, everything reminds me of him, I talk to him in my head almost all the time. We talked off and on for awhile but again the reality was so far from how I have made him up in my head. He was disrespectful, unavailable, and treated me like an object. The man in my head has his looks, his eyes, that voice and those hands that I cant forget. I know I am so far off from the truth. That reconnecting with him would not only be foolish but borderline creepy at this point (I cannot count how many times i have blocked and unblocked him). He always reciprocated *enough* but never fully. I think he enjoyed how dependent I was on him. I mean i would often kid myself into thinking when I lived in another state he would come fly down...I haven't talked to him in 6-7 months. I thought I was over it. Everyday I mourn what we couldve had. I feel so stupid writing this because its completely nonsensical but my stupid brain looks for him in everything. When I go somewhere I hope he's there, when i drive i hope i see his car, when I go on dating apps I hope he'll somehow find me, i check if he added me over and over. Im just feeling put out. I want to have a actual loving relationship with someone who wont treat me like this but with where I am at(completely occupied with these thoughts) I cant even be attracted to other people. Its gotten to the point that I truly think I am somehow spiritually calling out to him and we will reconnect and he will be all the things I want him to be. This feels like a curse.

I have been wanting to adjust what is most important in my workout routines and often wonder which is a better idea to be consistent on.

45 min high intensity cardio a day or 10k steps a day. I want to do both but sometimes life gets in the way so I just wanted to know which is better for leaning out/staying healthy.