u/I_Like_Metal_Music

I own a cottage bakery and to be honest, I haven’t been getting a lot of business and it’s kind of been bumming me out. I’m in the process of redoing my menu and gotten some orders but they’re either far out or are really small (which is fine but I miss making big orders). Anyway, I had a shit ton of brown bananas and some fresh ones in my house and didn’t want to waste the brown bananas so I offered banana bread cinnamon rolls. I ended up getting 10 2 piece orders and 1 single and I’m over the moon! Throwing down in the kitchen is super therapeutic and I’ve kind of had a shitty week so I finally felt like myself for a few hours last night AND I got paid for it lol. So I’m celebrating with collards, ribs, potato salad, and honey butter cornbread!

If you’re wanting the recipe I can give it out but it’s a banana bread dough with a classic cinnamon roll filling with banana chunks and a cinnamon butter glaze. The glaze tastes like Roadhouse honey butter, it’s 🤌🏻.

Brownie Base:

•8oz semisweet chocolate chips

•1 1/4 cups salted butter

•3/4 cup cocoa powder, divided

•1 tbsp instant coffee powder

•2 cups granulated sugar

•1/2 cup brown sugar

•6 eggs

•1 tsp vanilla extract

•2 tsp salt

•1 cup all purpose flour

Peanut Butter Fudge:

•2 cups sugar

•2/3 cup whole milk or evaporated milk

•7oz marshmallow cream

•1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter

•1 tsp vanilla extract

•1 tsp salt

Directions:

1.) Preheat the oven to 350°.

2.) Place the chocolate chips, butter, instant coffee powder, and 1/4 cup of the cocoa powder into a microwave safe bowl and microwave in 30 second increments until everything is melted and combined. Set to the side to allow to cool a little.

3.) While that’s cooling, mix together the sugars, eggs and vanilla until light and frothy (this makes the top crusty). Then slowly pour in the chocolate mixture until combined. Mix in the dry ingredients until just combined.

4.) Pour into a parchment lined 9x13 cake pan. Bake at 350° until a toothpick comes out clean when inserted in the middle (25-40 minutes).

5.) FOR THE FUDGE. Allow the brownies to cool completely while making the fudge. You’ll need a candy thermometer.

6.) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T TOUCH THIS AT ANY POINT. IT WILL BURN THE SH!T OUT OF YOU. In a saucepan, mix together the milk and sugar until it reaches soft ball (235°-240°F) over medium heat, careful not to burn.

7.) Turn heat to low and mix in the peanut butter and marshmallow cream until all the lumps are out. Then, remove from the heat and mix in the vanilla extract and salt. Immediately pour over top of the brownies and allow to set up for 1 hour minimum. If you don’t let it set up, it’ll burn you really bad so be careful.

They’re a sweetened brioche bread with a sweet cherry cream cheese filling with cherry compote and are topped with a brown sugar streusel. They’re super sloppy looking but they’re delicious so who cares lol. I’ll just call them rustic.

They’re a sweetened brioche bread with a sweet cherry cream cheese filling with cherry compote and are topped with a brown sugar streusel. They’re super sloppy looking but they’re delicious so who cares lol. I’ll just call them rustic.

If you’re wondering why I entertained it for so long, it’s because I was genuinely curious with how desperate this man is for some puss. Also, if you let me know that you don’t want your time wasted because I asked the bare minimum, I’m definitely about to waste your time. It’s my day off, I don’t have anything better to do.

I did four different flavors just to test them out and they came out SO GOOD! I’ve been wanting to test drive selling bagels but I thought that making soy pretzels in a bagel shape would be a good way to stand out. The flavors are classic salted, everything seasoning, spicy cheddar dill, and cinnamon sugar crunch. Which one looks the best to y’all? I can’t decide!

I did four different flavors just to test them out and they came out SO GOOD! I’ve been wanting to test drive selling bagels but I thought that making soy pretzels in a bagel shape would be a good way to stand out. The flavors are classic salted, everything seasoning, spicy cheddar dill, and cinnamon sugar crunch. Which one looks the best to y’all? I can’t decide!

Got criminally high last night and probably had one of my most gluttonous nights in a while. Here’s the list and times:

6:39pm: Fresh and cold fruit bowl with mango, watermelon, oranges, apples, grapes, and strawberries.

Water, a lot of it, stay hydrated

7:16pm: Slice of Angel food cake with milk

7:28pm: Megastuf Oreos with milk, I stopped counting after 4

8:01pm: Mother’s Day lunch leftovers, salmon, sweet potato, some of my dad’s steak, and fried asparagus

8:16pm: 5 sour belts and a bag of Swedish fish

9:05pm: a chunk of Colby Jack cheese

9:29pm: a few bites of a double decker OCP

9:48pm: 1 square of a Nutter Butter wafer cookie

10:23pm: a very large bowl of cold watermelon

Watched some of The Boys before going up to my room.

I then sat in my room, slowly coming down and trying not to vom. But then I slept like a rock. I honestly don’t feel as bad today as I thought I was going to. Won’t be doing that again for a LONG TIME.

Yeah, so yesterday me and the parents loaded up into the car, I was high as a kite (mom too), to go get groceries and some dinner when my sister called to tell us that her husband was experiencing stroke symptoms. They had just picked up their new puppy and were in Petco. Needless to say, he stayed overnight in the hospital doing a million tests, all normal, he was just experiencing a gnarly migraine, and we stayed at theirs to watch their boys and new dog. Let me just say, being sky high around your nephews for the first time AND in a stressful situation is NOT ideal. But here we are, celebrating Mother’s Day early and not stroking out. Cheers!

We’re moving a bunch of stuff up to our country house and my dad is driving the moving truck. He got his own box with a special letter from me on top. Then it’s me, my momma, and one of my nephews. Packed good some good healthy-ish stuff.

Apples, oranges, butter dates, snicker dates, blueberry clusters, bananas, meat sticks, Triscuits, dark chocolate pretzels, cheez-its, frosted circus animals, and homemade Rice Krispie treats because why not. So good!

1.) Biscoff Brownies, Peanut Butter Fudge Brownies, Buttered Waffle Cookies, Sweet & Savory cookies, and Stuffed S’mores Cookies

2.) Hostess Cupcakes

3.) Spicy Cheddar Pickle Sourdough Loaf

4.) Pizza Inn Chocolate Chip dessert Pizza

5.) Buttered Naan

6.) Frosted Circus Animal Cookie

7.) PB&Cheez-It Cookie

8.) Oatmeal Creme Pie

Worked my ass off for 4 years and graduated Magna Cum Laude and they didn’t even send me my rejection letter. Had to ask for it. Cheers!

Cheesy sweet potato and boiled egg for food. Couldn’t be assed to make a real meal. I’m pissed.

Not only is it SO GOOD but it’s super easy too. I had pizza dough in my freezer so I took it out this morning and let it thaw, but it literally takes like 20 minutes to put together and bake. Obviously the pizza crust takes some time but it can be made with store-bought crust too.

This is my recipe, crust and all:

Pizza Crust (Makes 2 Pizzas):

•1 1/3 cup warm water, not hot

•1 tbsp dry active yeast

•1 tbsp sugar

•3 cups bread flour (more may be needed)

•1 tsp salt

•2 tbsp olive oil

1.) Mix together the water, yeast, and sugar and allow to sit until the mixture becomes foamy. This is how you know your yeast is active. Then, mix in the remaining ingredients and mix until a shaggy dough forms.

2.) Then, either knead with your hands until a cohesive dough balls forms, adding more flour if needed, or mix with a dough hook doing the same thing. Place into an oiled bowl, cover and leave on the counter until it’s doubled in size.

3.) Once it’s doubled in size, punch the dough down and divide into two even balls. Then, if you’re going to use them, fast forward to the next step OR if you want to use them later, place them in a freezer bag/container and freeze until ready to use. You’ll just let it thaw until room temp before using.

FOR THE DESSERT PIZZA:

You’ll need:

•1 ball of pizza dough

•1 1/2 cups yellow cake mix

•1/2 cup salted butter, melted

•1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

•1/2 cup brown sugar, you’ll probably need less

1.) Preheat the oven to 400°. Thinly spread the dough onto a parchment lined cookie sheet. Bake for 5 minutes and remove from oven.

2.) Mix together the cake mix and melted butter until combined and spread onto the par-baked crust. Sprinkle the chocolate chips over top and lightly press into the cake mixture, and top with a light sprinkle of brown sugar.

3.) Bake for 10-15 minutes or until the edges are golden brown. Remove from the oven and allow to cool and settle for a little bit before slicing and eating!

Here’s the apple pie and Bavarian cream versions too.

Here’s the apple pie version too. I know that one’s popular as well and I’ll also post the Bavarian cream one below this one so they can be easier to find.

Apple Dessert Pizza:

Okay, so you’ll make the crust and par-bake it the same way but replace the toppings with these.

Apple Pie Topping:

•2, 21oz cans apple pie filling

OR from scratch:

•2 tbsp salted butter

•5 cups apples, peeled, cored, and rough chopped

•3/4 cup brown sugar

•1/4 cup sugar

•1 tsp vanilla extract

•1 tsp cinnamon

•1/2 tsp apple pie spice

•1/2 tsp salt

•6 tbsp cornstarch (may need more)

•2 1/2 cups water

•2 tsp apple cider vinegar

If making the filling from scratch continue, if not, skip ahead. Add the butter and apples to a large pot over medium heat, allowing the butter to melt and coat the apples. Then, add in the sugars, vanilla, salt, and spices, bring to a simmer and cook until the apples have began to soften.

Then, mix together the water and vinegar and slowly stir into the cornstarch a little at a time until combined and there are no clumps. Pour into the apples and gently stir. Bring to a simmer once again and cook until they have thickened and the apples are tender. Remove from the heat, allow to cool completely.

Streusel:

•2 tbsp salted butter, softened

•1/4 cup AP flour

•1/4 cup brown sugar

•2 tsp cinnamon

Mix these together to create the crumble. It should be a clumpy texture.

Once the pizza crust has been par-baked, spread on a nice layer of the apple pie filling (store bought or homemade) and sprinkle the streusel over top. Pop back into the oven until the crust is golden brown, 8-12 minutes. Allow to cool a little while making the glaze.

Vanilla Glaze:

•2 cups powdered sugar

•1/2 tsp vanilla extract

•Heavy cream as needed, just until it’s loose but not water-y (drizzle consistency)

Mix together the powdered sugar and vanilla extract. Then, slowly add in heavy cream until the desired texture is reached. Drizzle over top of the dessert pizza and enjoy!

Bavarian Dessert Pizza:

Okay, so you’ll make the crust and par-bake it the same way but replace the toppings with these.

Bavarian Cream:

•1 cup heavy cream

•1 tsp vanilla extract

•1 packet unflavored gelatin

•1/4 cup milk

•4 egg yolks

•1/4 cup sugar

In a saucepan, over low heat, mix together and heat up the heavy cream and vanilla. While that’s heating up, mix together the milk and gelatin and allow to set until thickened.

Then, mix together the egg yolks and sugar until combined. Slowly add in the heavy cream mixture, whisking constantly until combined with the egg mixture. Then, pour back into the saucepan and continue to heat, stirring constantly until it has thickened a bit. Remove from heat and add a third of the milk and gelatin mixture and stir until it’s dissolved/combined. Cover and place into the fridge to cool completely and thicken.

Streusel:

•2 tbsp salted butter, softened

•1/4 cup AP flour

•1/4 cup brown sugar

•2 tsp cinnamon

Mix these together to create the crumble. It should be a clumpy texture.

Once the pizza crust has been par-baked, spread on a nice layer of the chilled Bavarian cream and sprinkle the streusel over top. Pop back into the oven until the crust is golden brown, 8-12 minutes. Allow to cool a little while making the glaze.

Cream Cheese Glaze:

•4oz cream cheese, softened

•2 cups powdered sugar

•1/2 tsp vanilla extract

•Heavy cream as needed, just until it’s loose but not water-y (drizzle consistency)

Cream together the cream cheese, powdered sugar, and vanilla extract until combined. Then, slowly add in heavy cream until the desired texture is reached. Drizzle over top of the dessert pizza and enjoy!

They’re not edibles but they sure did EAT!!

-3 Biscoff cookie butter brownies with a cookie butter swirl

-3 Peanut Butter Fudge Topped Brownies

-2 Stuffed S’mores Cookies (stuffed with marshmallows)

-2 Buttered Waffle Cookies w/ Maple Glaze

-2 Sweet & Savory Cookies (chocolate chip, salted peanut, and pretzel)