u/Immediate_Cucumber74

im deep down on bottom and just can't understand why every medication, i tried 7 of those including clozapine , risperedol which is one of the most powerfull antipsychotics, to other antipsychotics i have horrible side effects like nightmares and restless leg syndrome. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, even therapist dont know what to do.

Should lock myself in a mental hospital?

So, I noticed that if you do hanabi trinity but sell the boots and buy blood wings there is no chance that you get stunned or ambushed very easily. Cus if you combine first skill + bloodlines shield + aegis there is a big chance that ypu will survive almost any ambush from cc jungles like Selena or hirara. ypu basically have constant cc immune on and crazy damage from a trinity build. I even sold gold meteor and bought oracle that made me nearly unkillabe lol.

I have all of that and im 22 years old. I can't really understand human relationships, I was suffering in a school by being bullied cus of that I studied badly and at home I was beaten with the belt cus I didn't study well or because of untreated neglected by parents my adhd I couldn't really control what I say. I can't really get how normal people being normal. I kept catching people joking about my personality that im like to emotional or too childish in the same time I look mature and overall think like a mature person. I have not bad IQ score(if it means anything its 116 I did it when I was 21.) Im basically not able to see people as people anymore cus of schizofrenia and u treated psychosis for 6-8 months. so my brain retired and im in constant stress cus of voices and crazy good timings in between of a real thing and not real. Im loosing myself cus I have a treatment resistant schizofrenia and CBT AND OTHER THERAPIES never worked on me. I can read people, sense when thy are real or not in 1 sec. I can understand when you are being fake and I can litterly say ypur personality by ypur style of clothe, voice intonation, look and micro mimics of ypur face the way you talk and walk and look and move all at once in 1 sec. My accuracy in that abput 95% that I analyzed ypu right. I just hate that ability to be hyperaware, like I can feel when people have smth to say about me in a bad way but nobody npt even mention closely about me. Im just deeply depressed, not able to go out, have friends and loved ones. Everybody turning from me away when im being nice and genuinely happy to help, talk and share vibe and time. but everyone thinks im a fucking fake and I end up sitting in my room and just crying everyday thinking that no matter what I do, people just gonna assume that im narcissist or smth like that. But I genuinely don't even know how to fake emotions.

How to become like you guys, normal.( normal like generally accepted in society)