u/McFanon

Hey all, over a year ago I stopped playing OMORI when I was getting close to the ending because I was really terrified of seeing it for some reason.

I just got back into it, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm at the LAST RESORT, I finished all the quests I have (>!except BASIL of course!<), last one being GHOST PARTY, I have 15/26 letters (I remember the sentence was close to complete last time I saw it). I tried following a guide, but I couldn't remember what I've done and haven't done.

I'll be trying my best to figure it out until someone responds. I'm still anxious to see the ending it seems, but I plan to instantly replay.

I feel like there's so many foods I'm expected to like as a picky eater that I don't.

Like I tried buffalo wings just now, and let's just say I was severely disappointed.

I had a similar experience trying sushi, I was then told that the restaurant I chose was just a bad option, but I can't say I'm willing to gamble every time I wanna expand my palette.

I'm still navigating burgers, of all things, since I refused to eat them as a kid. I only like specific kinds so far.

I feel like I should have some checklist to follow before trying something new?

But I'm not sure where to start, like I thought it'd be safe enough to not be too experimental w textures since that's my biggest deterrent, but clearly there's other factors to keep in mind.

I don't know if this is a self-esteem issue or if my observations are correct, everyone I know who's neurodivergent or exhibits potential signs is so much better at holding a conversation, and has more friends than me. Active, not one-sided, *friendships*, where they actually do stuff together.

I used to tell myself that when I meet other ND people I'll finally feel heard and understood, but tbh, I'm experiencing a lot of what I do with NT people (being ignored, being talked over, no one understanding my humor or catching my sarcasm, I show interest in their interests but it doesn't feel mutual, my extreme empathy ironically causes a disconnect, etc), so now I feel I'll literally never find anyone who understands me, *even though* I'm really, really not that special or different.

I also feel like, when I mask, I completely copy other people. My ND friends have their own personalities, maybe they mask and I don't notice but their quirks are very consistent. Me, on the other hand, I've even been told at one point that trying to get to know me (romantically) was annoying because I sounded exactly like my autistic best friend. Even the person who said this was neurodivergent.

Ever since that convo I've tried to dig up any remnants of my original personality, but I still can't help but switch up to match whoever I'm talking to or whoever I feel is getting the most positive reactions from the group out of fear.

Because if I'm "me" I can't guarantee that I'll socialize correctly. And it always reminds me that no one cares what I have to say as much as I care what every single person has to say.

1. His nickname is Bear, yk, like JerBear

2. His voice and mannerisms are so similar to Jeremy

3. He's been in love with a girl for ages but doesn't know how to confess and keeps his best friend (Ian) updated, this one's self explanatory

4. He's uninterested in the girl who actually likes him (Sarah) like how Jeremy didn't really like Brooke

5. He's made fun of for being 'feminine' (by Nikki in the bar scene) kinda like "That's a girl's shirt."

Obviously there's tons of differences, my fav is Jeremy realized he doesn't want Christine's love if it's not real while Baron ... is just really weird I don't get that guy I hate him

I've had this weird thing for as long as I can remember, where I can't allow myself to do fun things until "the time is right", except I don't know what this time is and when it shows up so I end up barely engaging with a lot of my hobbies. And the more I value the hobby (or game) the harder it is.

I saw a post about this feeling in r/ocdmemes, and even though I have no idea if I have OCD or not I felt so, so much better knowing I'm not alone in that feeling.

It's really hard to click Play on Steam for some reason, it makes me feel guilty, and I get so anxious that I'm not enjoying the game "correctly". But I let myself revisit my favorite game the other day, and I swear to God my feelings of depression decreased instantly. I thought I'd get too anxious and quit early, and I'd just feel worse, but I was able to keep going for a few hours. It was so nostalgic and fun.

So if anyone is holding off on doing something they love out of some obscure anxiety, just force yourself to do it, don't think about it, and if you're anything like me you'll feel better.

For a while I've been really wanting more online friends, but for that you need to be consistent online.

And I noticed I get so terrified interacting with people at any capacity on socials. I noticed I procrastinate using the apps I do have 'til I go back to only watching YouTube and lurking on here.

I hate getting notifications about comments and dms and stuff, I get so scared of looking at them.

I also overthink people not immediately being interested in my life as them judging me or me failing and just get more depressed about my loneliness.

And because of scams and online predators and the like, I never know when it's appropriate to ask to be friends without being mistaken for having ill intent, so I rarely ask.