u/MeringueBeautiful760

Reminds me of my first tour of a nuclear reactor I trained in at college

We walked on the bridge over the reactor, I looked down, then immediately crouched and hooked my arms under the railing

The tour guide chuckled and asked if I was scared I would fall in. I said yes
Like a liar

Because in that blue glow of the nuclear reactor, I saw beauty like none have ever seen. I yearned for the blue glow. The longing was a screeching madness, wailing as it clawed at the walls of my mind. Commanding me to leap over the railing and bask in the radiance of the sapphire waters. I was certain that if I hadn’t crouched down, hadn't abandoned the smiling face of God, my body would have pitched me over the railing before my mind could choose

Months later, I had noticed several posters with closeup pictures of the reactor. I awkwardly asked the director of the training program if they sent in divers to take pictures of it. He gave me a knowing look and said I’d die by the time I got halfway to the reactor. I thanked him and scurried away

The light still calls to me. It was the human equivalent of a bug zapper