u/NuclearSunBeam

I just remember that my ex has a plan to have children. Unfortunately, they lack the awareness that they have no capacity in raising a child. From the anger issue, financially reckless, impulsive, to self centered. Everyday mundane things easily become catastrophic and I can’t imagine what their child will bear.

Edit:
Is it fair for me to have this judgment towards my ex?

I often found my iPad mess with my writing.

Just recently I just realized it changed to to tho.

The prediction can’t be selected most of the time.

Sometimes it registered what I didn’t originally hd written.

It’s been months since my break up, and I still care about them. This leads me to keep being kind despite their abuses. Part of me questioning my grace towards them, but most part of me feel sad pity towards them. And I still care for their well being, despite them showed me again and again that they didn’t care about me at all and will never care.

I’m tearing up writing this.

I won’t get back with them, and hopefully never cross paths as I’m aware their destructive tendency.
I hope I find genuine kind love and relationship for me.

I have this issue especially during texting. When I care it gives me pressure to reply in a nice way but end up overwhelm and ignore the message altogether. Or become distant and cold in the text.

I can text just fine if I don’t care about the receiving end.

I’m not proud that I fawn. I don’t even know these people and don’t care about them or opinion but apparently under rejection I instantly collapse.

I’m a bit irritated with myself now.

Anyone know how to catch ourselves before trauma response kicks in?

I want to go back to grad school, but my reading skills are horrible. Reading academic literatures are mentally uncomfortable. And both my mind and eyes jerk/glitch from time to time (supposedly dyspraxia or other neurological problems). My eyes are involuntarily moving on its own or suddenly black for milliseconds.

I can’t access flow state, it’s so rare, as my mind keeps getting interrupted (internally my brain signals feel like glitching (same with how my eyes jerked) for milliseconds, plus externally distracted).

Bother my short and long term memory are terrible.

Since young around kindergarten - elementary school age, I learned many things manually, not to choke when swallowing, not to trip when walking, to properly breath-speak (to remember to breath, to produce sound nicely. I remember around 3-5 grades I noticed how sometimes when I started talking I can sound weird, I’m female btw so not puberty voice), etc etc.

Falling is regular thing when I was young, breaking stuff, glasses, scars everywhere. I’m like a feral kid. Reckless clumsy and called lazy and aloof by my parents.

I suspect my gifted IQ compensate for my lack in motor skills and also in my interrupted flow of thoughts, I always have glitches moments and rarely rarely enter flow states. And I‘m coming from low socioeconomic background from 3rd world country, so my parents dgaf about my development.

Basically, growing up and almost all my life I always feel scared and left off, like I’m gasping for air barely not drowning trying to stay afloat while everyone doing fine floating flowing.

I managed to graduate from Top Uni in my country with good grade, but the undergrad experience left me scared of academia or company setting workplace. I managed to work for myself, so in paper I’m nobody, no worthy skills for workforce.
Now, approaching 40 I’m trying to continue grad school. I want to get myself proper help. I never went to psychiatrist/psychologist for any assessment, nor have a therapist.

I have problem with short term and long term memory (I’m super forgetful), executive function, focus, quickly bored.
In life, I have problem making and maintaining friendships (I can’t keep up with conversation, I tend to be silent in group not because I don’t want to talk or shy but because I’m physically exhausted), and I don’t know what to talk to with friend or to keep them entertain so no deep long lasting friendship. I don’t like party, drinks, I like simple life.

Generally, I have shortcoming in writing or using language in general. I have tendency to write concise, isolated sentences, and the way I phrase my words weren’t proper for academic writing.

I have been practicing to write short paragraphs for toefl in the last month, and I have difficulty expanding my ideas.

p.s.
I have adhd and since young whenever I jot down notes in class, I always skip unnecessary “fillers” or grammar rules (articles and other “accessories” rules are skipped), and only write down the important part. And my brain have tendency to work in this way.

Based on all the videos I watched, IFS is very dependent on using visualization, but I always have problem doing it, I don’t really have visual based thinking. So, how people like me access its IFS?

My emotions are all over the place. I’m very sensitive. Badmood. Anxious. My mind is racing.

Mine has questionable situationships throughout their life (still present in their life and help/finance them in someway).
But only one real ex (fully no contact).

Does your ex have any real genuine platonic friends?

I like how the grayscale looks on this screen. And looking for comparable screen on phone.

Any good android?

I made the same mistakes, again and again. I tried drills, quizzes but no success.
It’s usually the usage of -s or article. Unaccountable noun. Parallel wording.

Any good resources or drills to get it sticks to my mind?

Always scores between 4.2-4.5.

I’m planning on doing master in social science, and I will be relocating starting new life. My gpa was 3.3, but other than that I’m completely have no qualifications whatsoever.

How do I prepare myself?

I want to prepare the thesis even before admission, to help me manage my stress, since I will deal with culture and language barrier, plus working partime.

How to choose the thesis topic and start working on it?

Should I contacting the professor from the university I’m aiming?

I’m Audhd.

Shampooing each time after gym is not possible (super dry and the process is way too long).

Is it enough to just wash it with water??

Do you wear some hair protection during the gym? to prevent getting dirt/sweat from the equipment?

I never use Discord before