u/NuclearSunBeam

My head felt like exploding.

I am so confused by their character, part of me hang on to their care and kind moment. But part of me always questioning (since the beginning) their selfishness, lack of consideration, lack of empathy, lack of self reflection, lack of accountability, lack of remorse.

I kind of afraid of them, but then they did showed some support and helpfulness or “care”.

I never met anyone like this in my whole life.

I don’t know anymore. I would not say they are purposely evil, but something about them is just off. I often tried to brush it off as them being overwhelmed and stressed out. But.. I never experienced verbal abuse like this before.

I don’t know anymore.

This aching pain still lingering.

I still love my ex, despite the verbal abuse and knowing my ex didn’t treat me right.

Why do we stuck like this? How long it took to stop feeling this way?

I know for sure my ex is a fuckin asshole, I never ever received treatment this bad in my past relationship. And I hate that I’m still attached somehow.

I love and care about him. We no longer together and I have no desire to. On my last message I wish him well and said that I forgive everything and I own my mistake on my part, I didn’t talk about his abuse as I see no use in doing so. I just want to continue my life.

I often questioning my ex morality.

He dated married person (3rd party),

He live off way older person who interested in them (eventually had sex) and up until today, here and there get financial or logistic help,

He dated friend who in a long term relationship (being 3rd party again), and still in close contact exchange gift after no longer dating,

keeping people who has interest around for personal gain when no intent in reciprocating,

doesn’t care about other’s boundaries, and only care if there’s consequences for them,

steal small items from restaurant, bar, coffeeshop,

cheating during relationship,

monkey branching,

taker/using people in general,

but then they talk about being kind, loving, helper

He verbally abused me in text, then proceeded to call just to abuse me more, then blocked me.

I reached out on social media demanded an apology and suggested to end the relationship in peace in civil manner (I said it kindly despite the disrespect and abuse). Proceed to tell me to fuck off.

Then, few days later he texted me said I was right about ending in peace.

During and after the discarded I was still under the influence of “withdrawal“ from trauma bonds so I wanted him back. But gradually reduce from wanting the relationship back to just as a friend.

Fast forward today, I am terrified of him. When he reached out, called and texted me, I no longer felt relieved like I used to months ago when we were constantly breaking up, now I am scared.

Currently I’m having reaction as if I’m facing a predator.

What should I do?

He hasn’t apologized about the abusive words.

Please share your experience. I feel like my ex is super selfish and different from other people I ever met. Like idk, something is just making me confused.

Also I’m doubting mysellf, because my ex did show care here and there.

I suspect my ex has BPD and has tons of “friends” that orbit and ready to give supplies romantically-emotionally-materially, and I always wondering how.

How do they hook people and keep them in orbit?