u/Particular-Panic-287

i got a dwi in April and served my jail time ( a weekend) it’s my first offense in virginia and I’m glad that’s the only time I got but I got supervised probation until october when I take my victim impact panel.

I slipped up and smoked a cart yesterday. I hadn’t smoked before that for 2 weeks. I USED to be a heavy weed user, but no longer smoke like that. am i completely fucked? I see her in 12 days. if I take the detox drinks, will that work? i took it before and it worked.

when i asked what to expect my first visit, she said we are just going to have an office visit to make sure you’re staying out of trouble. i’m so nervous and not doing that again.

for reference im 5’5 138lbs

I’m 30F and I’ve been dating my boyfriend (41M) for about two months, although we’ve known each other and have been around each other for about a year. We both have kids, and he is genuinely great with my daughter. She really likes him, he’s good with her, and overall that part of our relationship has been great.

The one thing I’m really struggling with is his weed use, specifically when the kids are involved.
He smokes weed regularly and has for a long time, so he has a very high tolerance. But he will smoke a blunt before going places with the kids and then drive. Today, for example, he smoked a blunt before we left and then drove us over an hour away. He has also smoked a blunt inside his car while his kids were sitting in the back seat. It seems like pretty much anytime he’s going somewhere, he’ll smoke first.

He seems completely normal after smoking, and I honestly can’t tell much of a difference in his behavior. I know people who smoke regularly can have a much higher tolerance, which is why part of me keeps questioning whether I’m making this into a bigger deal than it is. But at the same time, I’m a mom, and I don’t feel comfortable putting my daughter in a car with someone who has just smoked weed.
I also really don’t like the idea of smoking inside a closed car with children in the back seat. Even if he personally doesn’t feel very high, they’re still being exposed to the smoke.

I’m white and he’s Black, and I’ve only dated white men with children before. None of them smoked around their kids, so I genuinely don’t know if there are different cultural/family attitudes around marijuana that I’m unfamiliar with, or if race has absolutely nothing to do with this and this is simply an individual parenting choice. I don’t want to make an ignorant assumption, which is why I’m asking.

I really like him, and this isn’t me trying to paint him as a bad father. He loves his kids and he’s wonderful with my daughter. We’ve also known each other much longer than the two months we’ve officially been dating.
But when it comes to my daughter, I feel like I have to take this seriously. His argument would probably be that he’s been smoking for years, has a high tolerance, and knows when he’s okay to drive. But does tolerance actually make driving after smoking significantly safer?

Would you allow your child to ride with someone who regularly smokes a blunt before driving, even if they have a high tolerance and don’t appear impaired?
AIO for feeling like I need to make this a hard boundary when my daughter is involved?

Hi everyone. I wanted to share my experience in case it helps someone else make a different decision than I did.

On April 4, 2026, I was arrested for a DWI in Virginia after leaving a bar. I made the terrible decision to drive and ended up hitting another moving vehicle. Thankfully, nobody was injured, including me. I blew a .20 BAC, spent the night in jail, and immediately realized how badly I had messed up.

I hired a lawyer, so my original court date was continued until July 15. In Virginia, a BAC of .20 or higher carries a mandatory minimum of 10 days in jail. My lawyer was able to negotiate that down to 2 days, and I am incredibly grateful because even those two days were the worst experience of my life.

Between April and July, I tried to do everything I could to take responsibility. I completed ASAP classes, got my ignition interlock installed, followed everything my lawyer told me to do, and stayed out of trouble.
This past Friday, I reported to jail to serve my sentence. I was there from Friday around 8 p.m. until Sunday around 9 a.m.

Instead of being housed in general population, I stayed in a holding cell the entire time. The lights never turned off. I had a thin mat on the floor and a thin blanket, and it was almost impossible to sleep. I had no idea what time it was because there were no clocks, so I’d wake up constantly thinking hours had passed, call my family, and find out it was only 3 or 4 in the morning.

They didn’t allow me to have a book, paper, a notebook, or anything to write or draw with. There was literally nothing to do except sit at a wall, think, and try your best so sleep - I barely slept the entire weekend.

I also barely ate. The food made me so nauseous that I went almost the entire time without eating. The staff weren’t friendly either. Every time I asked a question, it felt like I was inconveniencing someone. I’d ask for a toothbrush, get one, then have it taken away. It just felt dehumanizing.

The only bright spot was that another woman came into the holding cell Saturday for a DWI. We spent about eight hours just talking, and honestly that conversation probably saved my sanity. Before she got there, I cried a lot because I was lonely, scared, exhausted, and felt completely defeated.

One less thing to worry about now is that I’ve served my jail time. Now all I have left is to complete my interlock requirement and stay on good behavior for the next year.

One thing that still weighs heavily on me, though, is my career. I work in government contracting, and while I don’t currently have a security clearance, I worry about what this means for my future. If I ever want to move into a position that requires one, or even apply for another government-related job, I don’t know how much this DWI will affect me. That’s probably my biggest source of anxiety now.

At the end of the day, I know I made this decision, and I have to live with the consequences. If I could go back and change that night, I would in a heartbeat. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, and that’s something I’ll never take for granted. This has been one of the hardest lessons of my life, and I can honestly say I will never drink and drive again.

If you’re reading this and thinking about driving after you’ve been drinking, please don’t. It is not worth risking someone else’s life, your own life, your freedom, your finances, or your future. Call an Uber. Call a friend. Stay where you are. Do anything except get behind the wheel.
And if you’re someone who’s going through a DWI right now and you’re terrified, or you just need someone to talk to, feel free to DM me. I know how scary it is. I know how ashamed you can feel. I know how overwhelming the whole process is. You’re not alone.

If sharing my experience convinces even one person not to drive after drinking, then reliving this experience was worth it.

Hi everyone,

I have to report to jail today for a DWI and I’m worried that they might drug test me there and then tell my PO that I have THC in my system, so I drank the Q carbo drink on an empty stomach this morning and I just took a test and it’s negative! however, I don’t have to report until 7 PM so I’m a little worried now that I just fucked myself. I was NOT thinking of timing at all.

What do I do? Do I go buy another one?

Hi everyone! I’m looking at job postings for my bf who has his CDL A. I’ve noticed some that say weekly pay and some that say by the mile. What is the difference and what is better? I want to send him job listings!

Tomorrow I get my interlock installed. Im so worried about this thing and blowing into it. Worried my work will see and just everything. It gives me anxiety daily for some reason. Also worried just in general. I hate I made this stupid mistake. This is all such a nightmare.

I’m in VA. I hit a car while drinking and driving in April. I blew a 0.20.

My lawyer spoke to the prosecutor today and reported back to me and I feel this is a great outcome, although it still sucks.

They’re striking my BAC and instead of the mandatory 10 days, I will get 5 days but it gets cut in half so, only 3 days.

I have to have interlock and a restricted license for a year and be in vasap for 5 weeks.

I go back to jail in 2-3 weeks depending what the judge says.

I’ve smoked weed so my fear was they’d drug test me when I get to jail and then I get a violation, but my lawyer said when he called the jail, they advised him they don’t drug test, but he said to stop just in case.

Does anyone know if they drug test? Weed helps me sleep and calm down - this entire process has been a nightmare and I’m trying to not drink at all.

I found out I had GHSV1 because my ex that I dated for 4 months gave it to me from going down on me which has now changed my life.

This guy really likes me and wanted me to spend all day Saturday on the river with him and paddle board, and spend the night. I decided it’s best I tell him the truth and I did.

His response “I definitely care. I’m now unsure about this. I’ve dealt with this before”

I’m feeling sad. I hate this. I hate that I contracted it from someone who I thought I loved and trusted. I’m angry that I can get rejected by good guys who actually like me.

my daughter is 4 and a taurus. I’m a Gemini. I do have mars in Taurus.

she is taurus 🌞, aqua 🌙, virgo ⬆️

I am 30F and my boyfriend is 38M. He is honestly one of the best men I have ever been with. He is kind, supportive, affectionate, and an incredible father to his son. He treats me well, gets along great with my daughter, and I genuinely love him. I can absolutely picture a future with him.

The issue is that he lives with his parents and does not currently have a traditional job. I work full time, have my own place, support myself and my daughter, and have always been independent.

He says he is working on starting his own business and does not feel like he is meant for a traditional office job. I can respect that. I actually admire people who take risks and try to build something for themselves. My concern is that I am not sure how much progress is actually being made.

On days he does not have his son, he often sleeps until 9 or 10 in the morning often later. His son’s mother told me he has been talking about starting this business for years. He has also told me that previous girlfriends helped support him financially. That part has always confused me because I cannot imagine being comfortable supporting a healthy adult partner long term while they were not actively contributing. (Unless he does we do not live together)

I also want to be fair and acknowledge that some of my concerns may come from how I was raised. My parents strongly believe that a man should work and contribute financially, and they have definitely shared their opinions about my relationship. Because of that, I have tried to separate what they think from what I actually think.

The thing is, I do not necessarily need a partner who fits a traditional role. If a man genuinely wanted to stay home, take care of the house, cook, clean, run errands, and contribute in meaningful ways, I would not automatically have a problem with that arrangement.

Part of my concern is that his son’s mother told me that when they were together and she was the primary earner, she would come home and feel like he was not helping much around the house either. I understand that is only one side of the story and it happened years ago, so I am not treating it as fact. Still, it makes me wonder whether this is about choosing a different path in life or whether there is a pattern of not following through and relying on others.

Recently I had a very honest conversation with him. I told him that ambition, progress, and working toward a stable future are important to me. He did not get defensive. He told me he understands why it matters, that he does not want to lose me, and that he is going to make it happen. Hearing that gave me hope. At the same time, I have heard that this business has been in the planning stage for years, so I am struggling to know how much weight to put on promises versus actions.

I do not need someone to pay my bills. I am not looking for a millionaire. I simply want a partner who is actively building a life for themselves and taking responsibility for their future. He still takes me out, buys me thoughtful gifts, and is a loving partner. That is what makes this so difficult because there are so many things about him that I truly value.

Am I being unreasonable for being concerned about this, or would this situation give you pause as well?

I am 30F (Idk why it put 28) and my boyfriend is 38M. He is honestly one of the best men I have ever been with. He is kind, supportive, affectionate, and an incredible father to his son. He treats me well, gets along great with my daughter, and I genuinely love him. I can absolutely picture a future with him.

The issue is that he lives with his parents and does not currently have a traditional job. I work full time, have my own place, support myself and my daughter, and have always been independent.

He says he is working on starting his own business and does not feel like he is meant for a traditional office job. I can respect that. I actually admire people who take risks and try to build something for themselves. My concern is that I am not sure how much progress is actually being made.

On days he does not have his son, he often sleeps until 9 or 10 in the morning sometimes later. His son’s mother told me he has been talking about starting this business for years. He has also told me that previous girlfriends helped support him financially. That part has always confused me because I cannot imagine being comfortable supporting a healthy adult partner long term while they were not actively contributing.

His son is on summer break so now he’ll have him more- so hopefully he makes time to work on his business.

I also want to be fair and acknowledge that some of my concerns may come from how I was raised. My parents strongly believe that a man should work and contribute financially, and they have definitely shared their opinions about my relationship. Because of that, I have tried to separate what they think from what I actually think.

The thing is, I do not necessarily need a partner who fits a traditional role. If a man genuinely wanted to stay home, take care of the house, cook, clean, run errands, and contribute in meaningful ways, I would not automatically have a problem with that arrangement.

Part of my concern is that his son’s mother told me that when they were together and she was the primary earner, she would come home and feel like he was not helping much around the house either. I understand that is only one side of the story and it happened years ago, so I am not treating it as fact. Still, it makes me wonder whether this is about choosing a different path in life or whether there is a pattern of not following through and relying on others.

Recently I had a very honest conversation with him. I told him that ambition, progress, and working toward a stable future are important to me. He did not get defensive. He told me he understands why it matters, that he does not want to lose me, and that he is going to make it happen. Hearing that gave me hope. At the same time, I have heard that this business has been in the planning stage for years, so I am struggling to know how much weight to put on promises versus actions.

I do not need someone to pay my bills. I am not looking for a millionaire. I simply want a partner who is actively building a life for themselves and taking responsibility for their future. He still takes me out, buys me thoughtful gifts, and is a loving partner. He’ll also still pay for things. That is what makes this so difficult because there are so many things about him that I truly value.

Am I being unreasonable for being concerned about this, or would this situation give you pause as well? lol

i’m on hinge and the dating apps. would you disclose before a date or if things started becoming more serious?

I’m really confused and honestly upset. My test came back positive for HSV1 but negative for HSV2. They swabbed my genital area, so I don’t understand how it can still be genital herpes if HSV2 was negative? The doctor was extremely rude when telling me and barely explained anything, so I left feeling even more confused and sad.

They told me I’ll take antiviral medicine for 7–10 days during outbreaks, and I’m hoping I don’t get them often or that they stay mild. My partner did not get tested after being exposed but he has no symptoms, and they basically told him HSV1 is way more common than people think and to just use condoms during outbreaks if we want to. But is HSV1 genital herpes accurate or would it be HSV2? That’s the confusing part!! I’ve never been with anyone who’s shown any type of symptom of that.

I feel so gross.

I guess I’m just trying to understand how this happened and if the medicine actually helps/manage outbreaks well. I feel overwhelmed right now.

My boyfriend (M38) and I (F29) have only been together for 2 months. We became “official” pretty quickly and are even Facebook official. We both have kids, and our kids have already met each other.

This morning really upset me and I’m sitting here crying while he gets ready and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting.

We were supposed to go to church this morning together. I tried waking him up multiple times but he kept going back to sleep. I got myself ready and went into the room and said, “Hey babe, I’m going to leave soon.”

He immediately got mad and said, “What? Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?”

I told him I tried multiple times and he wouldn’t wake up. Then I asked if he was going to get up because I wanted him to come with me.

He then told me, “Get the fuck out of my face.”

I said, “I don’t like when you talk to me like that.”

And he responded with, “I don’t like when you’re in my face bitching. Leave me the fuck alone.”

For context: I never yell at him. I’ve never told him to shut up or cursed at him like that. But when he gets angry, he yells and says really hurtful things. This isn’t the first time he’s spoken to me like this.

What’s messing with me is I already struggle with feeling like I can’t make relationships work. My parents make comments like “you can’t keep anyone,” and I’ve had a lot of shorter relationships. Now I feel embarrassed that my daughter already met him and I’m scared I messed things up for her by introducing someone too soon.

This feels wrong to me, but part of me keeps wondering if I was being annoying and somehow caused this. Is this normal conflict in relationships, or is this a red flag I shouldn’t ignore? I don’t get it, he used to be so sweet and emotional with me up until a week ago or so, when we started fighting more and I think he’s just frustrated with me still?

Any honest advice would help because I feel really confused right now.

My boyfriend (M38) and I (F29) have only been together for 2 months. We became “official” pretty quickly and are even Facebook official. We both have kids, and our kids have already met each other.

This morning really upset me and I’m sitting here crying while he gets ready and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting.

We were supposed to go to church this morning together. I tried waking him up multiple times but he kept going back to sleep. I got myself ready and went into the room and said, “Hey babe, I’m going to leave soon.”

He immediately got mad and said, “What? Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?”

I told him I tried multiple times and he wouldn’t wake up. Then I asked if he was going to get up because I wanted him to come with me.

He then told me, “Get the fuck out of my face.”

I said, “I don’t like when you talk to me like that.”

And he responded with, “I don’t like when you’re in my face bitching. Leave me the fuck alone.”

For context: I never yell at him. I’ve never told him to shut up or cursed at him like that. But when he gets angry, he yells and says really hurtful things. This isn’t the first time he’s spoken to me like this.

What’s messing with me is I already struggle with feeling like I can’t make relationships work. My parents make comments like “you can’t keep anyone,” and I’ve had a lot of shorter relationships. Now I feel embarrassed that my daughter already met him and I’m scared I messed things up for her by introducing someone too soon.

This feels wrong to me, but part of me keeps wondering if I was being annoying and somehow caused this. Is this normal conflict in relationships, or is this a red flag I shouldn’t ignore? I don’t get it, he used to be so sweet and emotional with me up until a week ago or so, when we started fighting more and I think he’s just frustrated with me still?

Any honest advice would help because I feel really confused right now.

My boyfriend (M38) and I (F29) have only been together for 2 months. We became “official” pretty quickly and are even Facebook official. We both have kids, and our kids have already met each other.

This morning really upset me and I’m sitting here crying while he gets ready and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting.

We were supposed to go to church this morning together. I tried waking him up multiple times but he kept going back to sleep. I got myself ready and went into the room and said, “Hey babe, I’m going to leave soon.”

He immediately got mad and said, “What? Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?”

I told him I tried multiple times and he wouldn’t wake up. Then I asked if he was going to get up because I wanted him to come with me.

He then told me, “Get the fuck out of my face.”

I said, “I don’t like when you talk to me like that.”

And he responded with, “I don’t like when you’re in my face bitching. Leave me the fuck alone.”

For context: I never yell at him. I’ve never told him to shut up or cursed at him like that. But when he gets angry, he yells and says really hurtful things. This isn’t the first time he’s spoken to me like this.

What’s messing with me is I already struggle with feeling like I can’t make relationships work. My parents make comments like “you can’t keep anyone,” and I’ve had a lot of shorter relationships. Now I feel embarrassed that my daughter already met him and I’m scared I messed things up for her by introducing someone too soon.

This feels wrong to me, but part of me keeps wondering if I was being annoying and somehow caused this. Is this normal conflict in relationships, or is this a red flag I shouldn’t ignore?

Any honest advice would help because I feel really confused right now.