u/Particular_Heart3785

I noticed that I feel very uncomfortable with students addressing me as “Ms. [name]” and prefer to be addressed as Professor [last name] more.

Before, I didn’t care. After I noticed the treatment/address differs compared to male or white colleagues with same credentials, I changed my mind.

I also get “ma’am” once a while. I have a mixed feeling about it. It either feels they are mocking me as bossy or just a genuine respectful way to address, depending on who, vibes, and how they behave in my class.

I don’t have a PhD (yet), so they can’t call me Dr. LastName, but I have a MA.

A student has said a while ago that she shouldn’t have to call me professor because I don’t have a PhD and continue to call me “Ms. Last Name.” I just let that go but it still bothered me. I don’t believe that’s true in the US how you address to your professors as students.

I’m thinking for now on that I will tell students to call me professor as a form of respect, especially since I’m a WOC

Edit: I’m a PTI but some of my colleagues (with same credentials as mine) are address as professor, I even had a student address me as Ms. while calling a colleague (white male PhD student) professor within the same sentence.

I know that not all students will like me, but I’m also worried about being an awful instructor in the upcoming semester. This will be my second semester of teaching.

I had one student who really didn’t like me. I think she was angry that she had to do work in my class, as I have students write once a week about what they learned from the textbook, and I also have them conduct research independently for major assignments.

She even reported me to the chair and staff almost immediately after I canceled class. It was the first time I had ever had to cancel, and I emailed both the students and the chair about two hours beforehand because of a family emergency. She also reported me for ending class ten minutes early. She made several snarky comments in class that seemed intended to suggest that I or my in-class activities were stupid.

Her comments in the evaluation (I know it was her based on her unusual writing style) were some of the worst I’ve ever read. They literally made me cry, even though I know some of her claims were untrue. For example, she claimed that I “forced everyone to complete 16 assignments within one week,” that I ended class early all the time, and that I “argued with students in class and kicked them out if they disagreed with [me].” She also claimed that she shouldn’t have to do research on her own and that I should tell students everything for them to write down for their paper. I believe college students need to learn how to conduct research independently, hence why I had the our university’s librarian come in my classes to guest lecture, so what the heck?

I tried to ignore her, but it became way too overwhelming at times. She would cross her arms, give me dirty looks, and even snort as if I were stupid. She was an older woman, probably in her 50s or 60s, while I’m in my 30s.

However, I also received a lot of criticism from students in my other two classes. Several students said my lessons/lectures were extremely unprepared and disorganized. A few even said they wished I would be fired because they hated my class so much and felt that they didn’t learn much. I received a 3.5/5 in one class and a 4/5 in the other. I’ve been preparing throughout the summer to make my classes much better.

On the other hand, my third class (a different course/topic) received a 4.7/5, with only one student giving mostly one-star ratings. I received several positive comments. The recurring criticism was that there was a little too much workload and that I needed to explain difficult topics more clearly or check in with students more frequently about assignments. I’m definitely taking that feedback into account for the upcoming semester. It’s just the two other classes I did so badly that concerns me.

Still, I’m worried things will get worse. I’ve been told to have more confidence and stop being overly apologetic.

I used to believe I was conservative/strict or even anti-sex when straight women talk about their sexual attraction towards men. I would and still do feel disgusted, as I don’t understand their feelings towards men.

When I used to be I was attracted to men, it was strictly cartoon men (I even enjoyed yaoi). I couldn’t understand why only cartoon vs real life.

Is anyone else like this? I feel like they are speaking a different language when they express desire for men. I just feel absolute disgust.

For example: I just read a few Reddit posts from women expressing their intimacy with men (including fwbs or ons) and I just feel disgust, enough that I even feel disturbed. I wasn’t reacting so extreme like this before. I would feel annoyed or indifferent. It’s weird that now I have no tolerance for heterosexual contents lol

My brain switches by understanding, indifferent, or turned on if I hear sapphic women talking about intimacy/interest towards women.

Edit: I want to be clear, I have nothing against women expressing sexual feelings obviously. I just noticed how little tolerance I now have to see heterosexuality in media. Does that make sense? I was wondering if that’s normal.

I’m just wondering as I’m writing a fanfic, but I’m more interested in wireface, coatguy, cheerful guy, ex-FEMA guy, surgeon, cat lady, kindergarten teacher, bandanna guy and of course protagonist.

I’m actually listing ideas to consider lol

Edit: please mention any other characters I didn’t mention here!

This seems very common, I often hear this from str8 women dealing with men who mistreat them or won’t date women if they have a higher educational level (like if they have bachelor’s vs high school diploma or PhD vs bachelor’s).

I noticed that I ran into a few women that seemed very insecure that I’m a grad student and a part-time instructor. No matter how much I tried to steer the conversation away from academia and more into shared interest, they would make passive-aggressive comments like I’m a snob or suddenly seem distant/disinterested. I feel like I have to lie to avoid this. But this goes the same with many people, if they asked me what I do for a living, I’m like uncomfortable to really tell them other than I teach and “around” high-school education (no lie, many of my students have been HS or just graduated from HS).

This makes dating more difficult, but curious if anyone is going through the same?

This has to be the weirdest thing that's happened to me as a part-time instructor.
I started teaching last year, and I recently had a student who was consistently rude throughout the semester. She left the harshest course evaluation I've ever received; bad enough that I cried after reading it. Based on the writing style and specific details, I'm confident it was her. She even included things that weren't true.

During the semester, she would roll her eyes and snort when I apologized to the class for grading assignments later than usual. She made passive-aggressive comments and had this over-the-top fake niceness while repeatedly trying to get me in trouble by reporting me to the department chair.
The most frustrating example was when I had to cancel class a few hours before it started because of a family emergency. Someone reported me to the chair that same day, and the department staff later told me they had been receiving frequent complaints from the same student (they never told me who it was). The details in those complaints made it obvious who it was. Thankfully, my department knew what was going on and was supportive.

I also got the impression that she was upset about the workload. She complained about it both by email and in her course evaluation. I don't think my class has an excessive workload. I try to make the assignments interesting and flexible.

Here's the kicker: she just emailed me asking for a letter of recommendation for a program she's applying to.
In the email, she acted as if she'd never had any issues with me. She even claimed she recommended my class to other students and encouraged them to read the textbook. The email was full of compliments and talked about how much she had became "obsessed" with certain topics because of the course, but it felt very similar to her final paper: like she was just saying whatever she thought I wanted to hear rather than being genuine. It just didn’t feel natural what she put as the compliments are too extreme.

I'm just so surprised. I have no idea how to respond or whether I should respond at all. Part of me worries that if I ignore the email, she'll file another complaint. Ironically, one of her previous complaints was that I either never responded to emails or took too long, even though I always replied within two days at most and apologized whenever a response was delayed.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? If so, how did you handle it? Would you respond, decline the request, or simply ignore it?

Curious how many here have done that. I’m thinking of putting a sample for my website and looking for examples to follow. I’m thinking of sharing a sample of syllabus to let people know what readings, assignments, and topics would be featured in courses I taught

I have been feeling upset recently with a white student (I’m a college professor) who kept reporting me throughout the semester and had been very rude to me. This student said that she didn’t learn anything at all and I didn’t really talk about “real social issues” and talk about race too much (the course is both sociology and ethnic studies). She of course lied about me in the evaluation. Another student, a white man, gave me very loaded questions and acted like I was stupid, arguing with me on a topic he didn’t seem to understand. He seemed very angry and stopped attending right after that.

I’m preparing for next semester and been worried of students attacking me over imperfections or making up lies about to get me fired. So far, the past year, it has been mainly white students who would report me to the chair and two of them lied.

Luckily the department seems to understand this.

However, I just realized I’m traumatized by this.

I also noticed that, in my other course, literally there were no white students and it has been generally peaceful. I’m trying to prepare for potential outcomes, like documenting and being careful with my words.

Curious how do you deal with students arguing with you during class on controversial or sensitive topics?

I had a student asking me questions that was were either confrontational or loaded; can’t say too much here, basically I told students a topic that is considered controversial and presented diverse perspectives on it. The student assumed I must be supporting something he deemed as harmful opinion and asked me questions that were loaded. I could tell he was very angry by gestures and tone of voice, I tried to reassure that these are based on the studies/academic discussions and debate, asserting that these are not my opinions. He seemed like he had his own idea what I said and tried to “win” the argument by his questions.

I tried to remain calm (I usually get very uncomfortable with fights and avoid them as much as I can). After that, I heard a few students whispering to each other, I couldn’t make out what they said, but it was very intense. I tried to remind them that I was only sharing recent events and they are free to decide on their own, as my job is to educate, not to indoctrinate, them.

I was literally worried that student would snapped out even further afterwords, but he just stopped attending to my class, and didn’t do the final paper, which lead him a failing grade.

Has this happened to anyone else?

This woman and I are part the same cohort when we first joined, at first she seemed nice enough, but she later revealed to be gossipy and makes snarky comments or passive-aggressive insults towards me. She got worse when I stopped talking to her after I had enough with her insults and lies. She stopped trying to be friends with me and used to only tried to talk to me insult me in anyway she can. I managed to avoid her as much as possible. She tried to be “nice” to me again afterwards, but she got the picture I don’t want to talk to her ever again unless we have to. She now gives me dirty looks, but ignores me as well.

I noticed recently that she would whisper insults when we walk past each other and if no one or very few people are around in the hallway.

One time, I had mentioned at a meeting an issue I was having (can’t reveal too much here, but most people including employers didn’t really care, they even commented that they understood by similar experiences) with a task.

When we are alone in the hallway and walking past each other, she smirked and whisper a “question” to really put me down. I ignored her.

She kept doing it, recently she whispered about my weight (I’m very overweight, she’s thin) like “what a fatass” and I still ignore her.

The thing is that no one would believe me if I said she’s doing this to me or that she’s a nasty person. People think she’s very nice and friendly, and she is a very popular person.

If I confront her, I know she’ll just lie and claim she didn’t say anything or that I misheard her. Or worse. I know she gossips about me, since I noticed some people acted very weird towards me, even the ones I never met before seemed to despise me so badly by being incredibly aloof/rude/insulting towards me. Again, she used to tried to gossip about other people to me when she was trying to be “friends” with me. She was fake with them and tell me about their personal lives, which I learned some stuff she told were lies to make me dislike them!

Thoughts?

Edit: grammatical errors

I was wondering if the US Virgin Islands is LGBTQ friendly? I thought of visiting or possibly living there, but I’m worried since I’m queer and have been read immediately as queer (I look androgynous) that I could face harassment or worse.

If so, what places to visit to meet other LGBTQ+ people?

I thought moving there but I’m worried of rampant queerphobia, as I heard from a few horror stories.

I was wondering anyone who ever visited or lived in the US Virgin Islands can share what is it like?

I’m curious about anyone’s experiences dealing with students that are Karens or students who think they’re entitled to things like grades, how you’re teaching, or other things.

Or any affections.

My mom used to be so much warmer when I was younger. My mom is now much more colder as she believes I deserved it. She called me a psychopath and thinks she spoiled me too much. My relationship has grown worse over the years, especially when I came out as queer. I resented her very badly and wrote in my diary that I hated her over it. She admitted she read my diary “by accident” why she said she no longer loves me anymore and wouldn’t care if she never spoke to me again. I literally told her I felt so much rage over her queerphobia and she kept gaslighting the whole thing and kept interrupting me with “I don’t care!” Or “that’s in the past!”

I noticed her hugs if ever, are very quick, light, stiff, cold, or just unnatural. She either gives me a side hug that a coworker would give you or rough angry quick one where I feel like she’s ready to break my neck/spine. She sometimes act like I have a contagious disease when I’m near her.

I remember a colleague I known for a while gave me such a warm hug when we met and left that it just stay with me and wanted more of it. I now noticed I don’t like being touched in certain ways, but I notified how touch deprived I really am.

Same with kind words. My mom used to be very supportive of me of things like school (she still kinda is) and sometimes who am I overall. She’s now insulting and suggests I’m inferior in a lot of ways, like she calls me lazy and stupid, or cold, snobbish, and pretentious for things like awards or titles/roles given to me. I don’t tell her anything anymore because she’ll just put me down, use the information against me, wouldn’t care/respond, or believes I’m lying.

There’s so much to say but the keep it short is that my relationship with my mom is very very strained. We used to be very close, like hugging and I love you before leaving/saying bye. We used to say we are also best friends.

Now, it’s like we are roommates. My mom told me she still feels very hurt that I wrote in my diary, (she said she read by accident) that I really hate her and I called her a narcissist. She cried and said she felt like she couldn’t forgive me no matter what. She said I’m a narcissist (I don’t know if I do) and my dad was a sociopath/psychopath and that I inherited it from him, plus being spoiled. I called her and used to hate her because she has been extremely queerphobic towards me and I felt like I couldn’t be myself around her. She denied that she’s prejudiced and said she didn’t care. Not true as she screamed and cried when she found or if I came out to her that I’m queer. I used to go back in the closet when she denied and pressured me to believe I’m not. The relationship definitely deteriorated much faster when I realized I’m queer, there’s more I could say here. I no longer believe she is a narcissist, but I do believe she has BPD or some level of emotional immaturity. The simple way to put it is that I grew up with toxicity. I couldn’t communicate with her as I felt like she wouldn’t understand or fights that could occur.

She used to be overly involved or overly protective parent, or a helicopter parent, to now she’s very apathetic and distant that she just shrug and say “it’s your life” I cried and felt very sad when my mom told she no longer loves me as much anymore and that she doesn’t really want to say “I love you” anymore

I seriously believe I have anger issues. I also struggle with empathy sometimes. I used to have a lying problem and lied a lot. I used to live a double-life from my mom because I was worried of her reaction. Like me not telling her for a while that I’m queer or different beliefs, and just for sense of privacy. I do believe that I can be very cold and selfish, I was even told by a few people that I am.

My mom said she feels like I don’t really care about her or if she’s dead and why she calls herself a “meal-ticket” she said this before when I was 12, but now it’s far worse now.

I cannot moved out yet. I felt really sad the past few weeks and just sense the loss anyway. Now I feel empty.

I can’t afford therapy by money and time. I’m trying to be okay right now, but I don’t know how.

My relationship with my uBPD mom is not healthy at all. There’s nothing I can do while living with her. I can’t move out yet.

She cleaned my room, which is very nice of her but I feel upset because I worried of her finding something that would make her very angry. Like she literally had a mental breakdown and wouldn’t stop crying for days, she even told she thought ending her life after she discovered I’m queer and my fights with prior. She found books and clothes I was hiding under my bed.

This time I came home and she was trying to fix the tv (Wi-Fi issue) I don’t know why I just felt rage and I was being rude to her. She snapped and ran to her room. I apologize to her after I calm down and she told me she can’t take it anymore and she would rather not have a relationship with me and be all alone for the rest her life. She said she feels like she wasted her entire life and feels miserable

She very likely has depression but will not seek help. She seems like she been crying whenever she leaves her room to eat or use bathroom. I gave her dinner and she didn’t say anything and took it immediately to go back her room.

I wish I was never angry over the tv not working and being childish. I’m worried about my mom as she has been staying her room for several hours now, still looking extremely depressed.

I felt like our relationship has on the string for a while despite rarely fighting by being more understanding of her health ( and I have to bite my tongue or avoid showing negative emotions around her) . The only issue that we would talk about certain things to chit-chat but not much. We used to be so close, now we are like roommates.

I don’t know if I title this right.

My mom said recently she loves me (after very, very rarely for the past two years to say, she even told me she doesn’t really love me as much anymore) but it took me saying it first to her. She either seemed indifferent by saying it back, sometimes annoyed or even disgusted to say it back. She even tried to ignore me and pretend she didn’t heard anything.
She done passive-aggressive acts, like she “forgot” it was Birthday, twice.

She now seems less annoyed and more indifferent to say it. I wish I could believe she didn’t meant it but I feel very hurt she no longer loves me. She recently told me on her own that she loves me. It feels like it is very random and unpredictable when she will tell me that first. She very rarely hugs me. I noticed the more recent hugs she gives me are very weak and cold. They seem like hugs you give to a casual friend or coworker.

She’s noticeably warmer with other people like she looks happier and gives them longer and stronger hugs. I felt hurt and jealous.
She also told me she wouldn’t care if she never saw me again, but later told me she was just “joking”

I wish I could tell her how I feel and work on having a better relationship with me. I tried to tell her that the relationship became far worsen when I came out and she emotionally abused and gaslight me. She completely denied that she reacted negatively and said she was “just shock” and even told me to “get over the past”

The more I think about it, the more I realized that she won’t get better and choose her ego as “good person” over me

I just realized I became very obsessed with women in my life if they hold strong resemblance towards my mom.

Me and mom used to be very close, now I realized it was enmeshment or even emotional incest. Long story short, I came out as queer and fought with my mom over it. She’s extremely prejudice and wanted me to be hyperfeminine and to go marry a man to have babies with. There’s a lot of more, but it is mainly my mom gaslighting and abusing me as she is very emotional immature. She’s now extremely cold and distant towards me, this happened after I stood up for myself and put boundaries. I still struggle though, as you can see here.

I noticed that I became obsessed with women, becoming romantic and even sexual attraction toward them if they have some physical traits like my mom. I’m only attracted to them and worried that it is unhealthy. This obsession happened after my mom told she couldn’t really love me as much anymore why she stopped telling me she loves me anymore. I literally daydream dating them and picturing a very close relationship with them. For the record, I DO NOT feel that way towards my mom. It’s just very weird and I don’t know why.

There’s much more but my feelings are intense and realized how unhealthy it is sometimes. I’d would go to therapy but I don’t have money or time unfortunately. Plus I had several negative experiences with seeking therapy that now I’m very skeptical of seeking one.

I’m curious if anyone here also experienced something similar like mine? I feel like my mom is dead but she’s not, and taking that grief by being very obsessed with women resembling her.

I realized I became very obsessed with a few women in my life if they hold strong resemblance towards my mom.

Me and mom used to be very close, now I realized it was enmeshment or even emotional incest. Long story short, I came out as queer and fought with my mom over it. She’s extremely prejudice and wanted me to be hyperfeminine and to go marry a man to have babies with. There’s a lot of more, but it is mainly my mom gaslighting and abusing me as she is very emotional immature. She’s now extremely cold and distant towards me, this happened after I stood up for myself and put boundaries. I still struggle though, as you can see here.

I noticed that I became obsessed with women, becoming romantic and even sexual attraction toward them if they have some physical traits like my mom. I’m only attracted to them and worried that it is unhealthy. This obsession happened after my mom told she couldn’t really love me as much anymore why she stopped telling me she loves me anymore. I literally daydream dating them and picturing a close relationship with them. For the record, I DO NOT feel that way towards my mom. It’s just very weird and I don’t know why.

There’s much more but my feelings are intense and realized how unhealthy it is sometimes. I’d would go to therapy but I don’t have money or time unfortunately. Plus I had several negative experiences with seeking therapy that now I’m very skeptical of seeking one.

I’m curious if anyone here also experienced something similar like mine? I feel like my mom is dead but she’s not, and taking that grief by being very obsessed with women resembling her.

I have been reflecting something odd. I didn’t know if I should pick question or vent flair for this post

I feel very jealous by the thought of a partner (I don’t have one btw) having a very close long-term friend, especially if they know each other since childhood and fear that my partner could leave me for their friend.

There can be a lot of reasons why they weren’t together before me, like one of them was dating someone else while the other was single, fear of losing friendship, etc. I realized after reading a few Reddit posts that I also couldn’t handle if my partner still talks or hangs out with someone she had a sexual relationship in the past, even once. It would make me feel very uncomfortable because of possible spark that might make them to do again. I fear being cheater on as I know people who have been, like my dad cheated on my mom and mom’s mental health afterwards.

I do have a fear of abandonment and struggle with social skills for most of my life. I never had a long term relationship and struggle with making friends, very likely because I have autism and been homeschooled for most of my childhood.

It is very weird that I’m obsessed with the thought and get triggered by media trope “friends to lovers” or felt anger when I read posts of people dating/marrying former childhood best friends. I just feel pure rage by the thought of being cheated on. I just feel like I would turn into an insecure a$$hole if my partner has very close male friendship or still talks to exes. I don’t want to be controlling and make the relationship toxic.

I have been chronically single for nearly my entire life. I think I was also traumatized by emotional neglect and abuse from my mom. Almost two years ago, she stopped telling me loves me anymore and became much colder towards me over me different beliefs (I won’t get into the details about it). We used to fight many times, I learn to grey-rock. She even said she refuse to tell me she loves me anymore and she feels indifferent towards me now. She told me this after I told her I wish we have a close healthy relationship. I cried and still cry about it even today. Writing this just made me cry. She used to be more loving toward me, but now I felt like she could express affection only through gifts and jokes. She still gives me gifts, but it feels empty if that makes sense. She usually insults me, from playful to put me down. She doesn’t really tell me anything nice about me. She became extremely cold towards me and I noticed that I get jealous of her being warmer towards other people.

I feel like this trauma transfer into friends and romantic relationships. Like I just expect people I hang out or become friends with to no longer like me and stopped talking to me or prefer someone else over me. I have a professor, a very kind soul, who wants me to do well in life and literally talks about me (successful things I done for my research/work) to other people and got a job because of her! Oddly enough, I still think she would hate me one day, I just feel like a con artist. She even mentioned her mom had a mental health problem and was very toxic/abusive towards her.

I have binge eating disorder and became workaholic the past five years. Working and eating literally distracts me, I also try working out at gym or walking to help me.

I have depression (undiagnosed, the signs are very clear as day, even people tell me I look sad or tired way more than once).

Don’t tell me to go to therapy. Too expensive and I lack time. Plus, I had several negative experiences
with therapy that it made me put off the idea of it.

Thoughts on this?