u/Particular_Heart3785

Or any affections.

My mom used to be so much warmer when I was younger. My mom is now much more colder as she believes I deserved it. She called me a psychopath and thinks she spoiled me too much. My relationship has grown worse over the years, especially when I came out as queer. I resented her very badly and wrote in my diary that I hated her over it. She admitted she read my diary “by accident” why she said she no longer loves me anymore and wouldn’t care if she never spoke to me again. I literally told her I felt so much rage over her queerphobia and she kept gaslighting the whole thing and kept interrupting me with “I don’t care!” Or “that’s in the past!”

I noticed her hugs if ever, are very quick, light, stiff, cold, or just unnatural. She either gives me a side hug that a coworker would give you or rough angry quick one where I feel like she’s ready to break my neck/spine. She sometimes act like I have a contagious disease when I’m near her.

I remember a colleague I known for a while gave me such a warm hug when we met and left that it just stay with me and wanted more of it. I now noticed I don’t like being touched in certain ways, but I notified how touch deprived I really am.

Same with kind words. My mom used to be very supportive of me of things like school (she still kinda is) and sometimes who am I overall. She’s now insulting and suggests I’m inferior in a lot of ways, like she calls me lazy and stupid, or cold, snobbish, and pretentious for things like awards or titles/roles given to me. I don’t tell her anything anymore because she’ll just put me down, use the information against me, wouldn’t care/respond, or believes I’m lying.

There’s so much to say but the keep it short is that my relationship with my mom is very very strained. We used to be very close, like hugging and I love you before leaving/saying bye. We used to say we are also best friends.

Now, it’s like we are roommates. My mom told me she still feels very hurt that I wrote in my diary, (she said she read by accident) that I really hate her and I called her a narcissist. She cried and said she felt like she couldn’t forgive me no matter what. She said I’m a narcissist (I don’t know if I do) and my dad was a sociopath/psychopath and that I inherited it from him, plus being spoiled. I called her and used to hate her because she has been extremely queerphobic towards me and I felt like I couldn’t be myself around her. She denied that she’s prejudiced and said she didn’t care. Not true as she screamed and cried when she found or if I came out to her that I’m queer. I used to go back in the closet when she denied and pressured me to believe I’m not. The relationship definitely deteriorated much faster when I realized I’m queer, there’s more I could say here. I no longer believe she is a narcissist, but I do believe she has BPD or some level of emotional immaturity. The simple way to put it is that I grew up with toxicity. I couldn’t communicate with her as I felt like she wouldn’t understand or fights that could occur.

She used to be overly involved or overly protective parent, or a helicopter parent, to now she’s very apathetic and distant that she just shrug and say “it’s your life” I cried and felt very sad when my mom told she no longer loves me as much anymore and that she doesn’t really want to say “I love you” anymore

I seriously believe I have anger issues. I also struggle with empathy sometimes. I used to have a lying problem and lied a lot. I used to live a double-life from my mom because I was worried of her reaction. Like me not telling her for a while that I’m queer or different beliefs, and just for sense of privacy. I do believe that I can be very cold and selfish, I was even told by a few people that I am.

My mom said she feels like I don’t really care about her or if she’s dead and why she calls herself a “meal-ticket” she said this before when I was 12, but now it’s far worse now.

I cannot moved out yet. I felt really sad the past few weeks and just sense the loss anyway. Now I feel empty.

I can’t afford therapy by money and time. I’m trying to be okay right now, but I don’t know how.

My relationship with my uBPD mom is not healthy at all. There’s nothing I can do while living with her. I can’t move out yet.

She cleaned my room, which is very nice of her but I feel upset because I worried of her finding something that would make her very angry. Like she literally had a mental breakdown and wouldn’t stop crying for days, she even told she thought ending her life after she discovered I’m queer and my fights with prior. She found books and clothes I was hiding under my bed.

This time I came home and she was trying to fix the tv (Wi-Fi issue) I don’t know why I just felt rage and I was being rude to her. She snapped and ran to her room. I apologize to her after I calm down and she told me she can’t take it anymore and she would rather not have a relationship with me and be all alone for the rest her life. She said she feels like she wasted her entire life and feels miserable

She very likely has depression but will not seek help. She seems like she been crying whenever she leaves her room to eat or use bathroom. I gave her dinner and she didn’t say anything and took it immediately to go back her room.

I wish I was never angry over the tv not working and being childish. I’m worried about my mom as she has been staying her room for several hours now, still looking extremely depressed.

I felt like our relationship has on the string for a while despite rarely fighting by being more understanding of her health ( and I have to bite my tongue or avoid showing negative emotions around her) . The only issue that we would talk about certain things to chit-chat but not much. We used to be so close, now we are like roommates.

I don’t know if I title this right.

My mom said recently she loves me (after very, very rarely for the past two years to say, she even told me she doesn’t really love me as much anymore) but it took me saying it first to her. She either seemed indifferent by saying it back, sometimes annoyed or even disgusted to say it back. She even tried to ignore me and pretend she didn’t heard anything.
She done passive-aggressive acts, like she “forgot” it was Birthday, twice.

She now seems less annoyed and more indifferent to say it. I wish I could believe she didn’t meant it but I feel very hurt she no longer loves me. She recently told me on her own that she loves me. It feels like it is very random and unpredictable when she will tell me that first. She very rarely hugs me. I noticed the more recent hugs she gives me are very weak and cold. They seem like hugs you give to a casual friend or coworker.

She’s noticeably warmer with other people like she looks happier and gives them longer and stronger hugs. I felt hurt and jealous.
She also told me she wouldn’t care if she never saw me again, but later told me she was just “joking”

I wish I could tell her how I feel and work on having a better relationship with me. I tried to tell her that the relationship became far worsen when I came out and she emotionally abused and gaslight me. She completely denied that she reacted negatively and said she was “just shock” and even told me to “get over the past”

The more I think about it, the more I realized that she won’t get better and choose her ego as “good person” over me

I just realized I became very obsessed with women in my life if they hold strong resemblance towards my mom.

Me and mom used to be very close, now I realized it was enmeshment or even emotional incest. Long story short, I came out as queer and fought with my mom over it. She’s extremely prejudice and wanted me to be hyperfeminine and to go marry a man to have babies with. There’s a lot of more, but it is mainly my mom gaslighting and abusing me as she is very emotional immature. She’s now extremely cold and distant towards me, this happened after I stood up for myself and put boundaries. I still struggle though, as you can see here.

I noticed that I became obsessed with women, becoming romantic and even sexual attraction toward them if they have some physical traits like my mom. I’m only attracted to them and worried that it is unhealthy. This obsession happened after my mom told she couldn’t really love me as much anymore why she stopped telling me she loves me anymore. I literally daydream dating them and picturing a very close relationship with them. For the record, I DO NOT feel that way towards my mom. It’s just very weird and I don’t know why.

There’s much more but my feelings are intense and realized how unhealthy it is sometimes. I’d would go to therapy but I don’t have money or time unfortunately. Plus I had several negative experiences with seeking therapy that now I’m very skeptical of seeking one.

I’m curious if anyone here also experienced something similar like mine? I feel like my mom is dead but she’s not, and taking that grief by being very obsessed with women resembling her.

I realized I became very obsessed with a few women in my life if they hold strong resemblance towards my mom.

Me and mom used to be very close, now I realized it was enmeshment or even emotional incest. Long story short, I came out as queer and fought with my mom over it. She’s extremely prejudice and wanted me to be hyperfeminine and to go marry a man to have babies with. There’s a lot of more, but it is mainly my mom gaslighting and abusing me as she is very emotional immature. She’s now extremely cold and distant towards me, this happened after I stood up for myself and put boundaries. I still struggle though, as you can see here.

I noticed that I became obsessed with women, becoming romantic and even sexual attraction toward them if they have some physical traits like my mom. I’m only attracted to them and worried that it is unhealthy. This obsession happened after my mom told she couldn’t really love me as much anymore why she stopped telling me she loves me anymore. I literally daydream dating them and picturing a close relationship with them. For the record, I DO NOT feel that way towards my mom. It’s just very weird and I don’t know why.

There’s much more but my feelings are intense and realized how unhealthy it is sometimes. I’d would go to therapy but I don’t have money or time unfortunately. Plus I had several negative experiences with seeking therapy that now I’m very skeptical of seeking one.

I’m curious if anyone here also experienced something similar like mine? I feel like my mom is dead but she’s not, and taking that grief by being very obsessed with women resembling her.

I have been reflecting something odd. I didn’t know if I should pick question or vent flair for this post

I feel very jealous by the thought of a partner (I don’t have one btw) having a very close long-term friend, especially if they know each other since childhood and fear that my partner could leave me for their friend.

There can be a lot of reasons why they weren’t together before me, like one of them was dating someone else while the other was single, fear of losing friendship, etc. I realized after reading a few Reddit posts that I also couldn’t handle if my partner still talks or hangs out with someone she had a sexual relationship in the past, even once. It would make me feel very uncomfortable because of possible spark that might make them to do again. I fear being cheater on as I know people who have been, like my dad cheated on my mom and mom’s mental health afterwards.

I do have a fear of abandonment and struggle with social skills for most of my life. I never had a long term relationship and struggle with making friends, very likely because I have autism and been homeschooled for most of my childhood.

It is very weird that I’m obsessed with the thought and get triggered by media trope “friends to lovers” or felt anger when I read posts of people dating/marrying former childhood best friends. I just feel pure rage by the thought of being cheated on. I just feel like I would turn into an insecure a$$hole if my partner has very close male friendship or still talks to exes. I don’t want to be controlling and make the relationship toxic.

I have been chronically single for nearly my entire life. I think I was also traumatized by emotional neglect and abuse from my mom. Almost two years ago, she stopped telling me loves me anymore and became much colder towards me over me different beliefs (I won’t get into the details about it). We used to fight many times, I learn to grey-rock. She even said she refuse to tell me she loves me anymore and she feels indifferent towards me now. She told me this after I told her I wish we have a close healthy relationship. I cried and still cry about it even today. Writing this just made me cry. She used to be more loving toward me, but now I felt like she could express affection only through gifts and jokes. She still gives me gifts, but it feels empty if that makes sense. She usually insults me, from playful to put me down. She doesn’t really tell me anything nice about me. She became extremely cold towards me and I noticed that I get jealous of her being warmer towards other people.

I feel like this trauma transfer into friends and romantic relationships. Like I just expect people I hang out or become friends with to no longer like me and stopped talking to me or prefer someone else over me. I have a professor, a very kind soul, who wants me to do well in life and literally talks about me (successful things I done for my research/work) to other people and got a job because of her! Oddly enough, I still think she would hate me one day, I just feel like a con artist. She even mentioned her mom had a mental health problem and was very toxic/abusive towards her.

I have binge eating disorder and became workaholic the past five years. Working and eating literally distracts me, I also try working out at gym or walking to help me.

I have depression (undiagnosed, the signs are very clear as day, even people tell me I look sad or tired way more than once).

Don’t tell me to go to therapy. Too expensive and I lack time. Plus, I had several negative experiences
with therapy that it made me put off the idea of it.

Thoughts on this?

It was a very rare opportunity for me to go France and Sweden because of invitations and scholarships I won (the scholarship covers all travel and hotels fees) and went to both countries for a week. Nmom has been jealous since then, that I cannot say anything about it no matter what, that I even hid things relating to Sweden and France from her if I can (those are actually my dream places to visit that I even taught myself to speak some French and Swedish). Obviously, she still comes across anything that reminds her of me going to Europe and gets angry anyway. She calls me names and gives me dirty looks. I know she always wanted to visit Europe and I feel bad she didn’t get the chance to like I did.

Today, she said that I’m a miserable arrogant snob a**hole for going there alone. She told me that I must have been miserable for there without a family to enjoy those moments.she said this after she told me how the world is messed up by people lacking empathy and critical thinking. She also said I’m one of them.

I’m a big loner but I made a few friends from the conference/university there.

She mocked me when she found out I have a journal that documents travel plans and information years ago (budget, places to visit, movies to watch, customs, etc).

I feel really bad sometimes that I went to Europe or having dreams to visit different countries.

They are expensive ofc. But I really like that I got those experiences and learned so much.

This has been bothering me so much. I can’t say too much but I’m a part-time instructor and I had a white older female student (let’s call her “Karen”) who filed a complaint against me when I had to cancel class two hours before it start because of a family emergency. I didn’t know about this after the semester, it was only when I spoke to a friend/colleague. She said the email sent to chair was extremely long with very odd comments that nitpick everything I done wrong, including “violating a dress code” (we don’t really have one since some of wear flip-flops or crocs to teach before and it was me wearing sneakers to teach) and it was enough for them not take it seriously. I’m also so thankful that a colleague stood up for me and explained to the chair about my background.

Karen became so rude to me later in the semester and gestures very stand-off towards me. She even rolled her eyes at me and snorted. Her paper was obviously performative anti-racist bs, it was SOC class I was teaching btw. She said literally what you could imagine a white racist person pretending to be not racist would say, “I would tell every white person to read this textbook” “I will make sure as white person that I will remain vigilant of every subconscious forms of racism” (HA!). The essay made me cringe so much, and she even refused articles I recommend reading or my feedback to explore further on whiteness and racism, including how being queer and woman doesn’t prevent being racist. I even included an article on false racial empathy. She didn’t care to read/mention them.

I could tell Karen was really pissed off that she had to read more than just textbook and do research for this course, she even complained about that in the evaluation. Her comment in the evaluation was so long that I couldn’t even believe it was how may times I had to scroll to read the whole thing. Karen even lie by claiming that she already knew everything before class and I was pushing too much work beyond reasoning.

There’s so many white women in academia and elsewhere that are like her. I could go on, but what irks me is the performative act that they “care” as “allies” while acting out through racism so viciously. I don’t trust white women and there are very, very few I would trust enough to hang out with. But I still remain cautious anyway since they either still don’t really get it, or may reveal a mask all along.

This worries me students that will report me over anything and might even lie. I’m a mixed-race Black woman btw.

In upcoming semester, I will be guarded as much as possible to avoid potential outcomes.

I had some very harsh comments, with some valid criticism I’m looking at and working to improve for next semester, and some comments were so brutal that I literally became bedridden for almost a week (I’m doing much better now!). There were a few bizarre comments I had that I couldn’t help but laugh, like one student said I talked about race too much and it was ethnic studies course lol

I only canceled class three times: I emailed everyone one day before I was feeling sick. Two other ones were emergencies (sudden family emergency and car not working). I messaged everyone to explain what happened. I’m very new to teaching and trying to get better at it. The spring semester was entirely different because of a new course I had never taught before, and it was more difficult to organize compared to the original course, which had more available resources than I could for my lectures.

I was told by one of the faculty members, but she couldn’t tell me as much as it was confidential, that one student filed a complaint about me, but she and the chair thought that the student was strange for other reasons, like the email was massively long and listed very specific things I did wrong (like how I “violated a dress code” by wearing sneakers, we don’t care about that since the chair wears crocs many times and a few of us wear sandals while teaching) and overall vibe they felt about student. I’m very certain which student filed a complaint, as I noticed she became rude to me near the end, as she rolled her eyes and snorted when I told everyone I’m trying to finish grading their last assignment by Monday. When I told the students they had an evaluation, she asked if they are anonymous (she’s a senior) and immediately thought that’s an odd question from her. I knew what she was going to do next.

Surprise, surprise, she raked me over the coals, her writing was too obvious, but maybe she didn’t care. She even lied about what happened in class, like that I never taught useful or new information or that I was making students do too much work beyond reasoning (I literally allow flexibility and other options for students to do well in assignments. The assignments were mostly weekly check-ins and two major assignments, and a final paper that required them to do research other than just the textbook). I’m glad a few instructors got my back and even told the chair about several presentations I did for conferences or invited guest lectures. That stressed me out, and I will make sure to avoid further issues in classes next semester.

This was my second semester of teaching and my first semester I was never late and only canceled twice (one for a mandatory meeting that I warned students at the start of the semester and even added “no class” on that day to my syllabus) and another one was an email sent the day before class that I had a flu. No one seemed to care and even a couple of students told me they hoped everything was well with me.

I almost forgot to mention that I’m a PTI and I had emailed the department/chair about my absences. The chair didn’t seem to mind at all when I spoke/emailed to him about them.

I needed to vent, but curious what other people have gone through with students like this?

I only cancel class three times: I emailed everyone one day before I was feeling sick, two other ones were emergency (sudden family and car problems). I messaged everyone an explained what happened. I’m very new to teaching and trying to get better at it. Spring was an entirely new course I never taught before and more difficult to organize compare to the course (that even as more available sources I could for my lectures).

I was told by one of the faculty members (but she couldn’t tell me as much) that one student filed a complaint about me, but her and chair thought that student was strange for other reasons, like the email was massive long and list very specific things I done wrong (like how I “violated a dress code” by wearing sneakers, we don’t care about that since the chair wears crocs many times and a few of us wear sandals while teaching ) and overall vibe thy felt about student. I’m very certain which student who did that, as I noticed she became rude to me near the end, like she rolled her eyes and snort when I told everyone I’m trying to finish grading their last assignment by Monday, and when I told the students they have evaluation, she asked if they are anonymous (she’s a senior) and thought that’s an odd question from her.

Surprise, surprise, she raked me over the coals, her writing was too obvious, but maybe she didn’t care. She even lied what happened in class, like that I never taught useful or new information or that I was making student do too much work beyond reasoning (I literally allow flexibility and other options for students to do well in assignments. The assignments were mostly weekly check-ins and a two major assignments, and a final paper that required them to do research other just the textbook). I’m glad a few instructors got my back and even told the chair about several presentations I done for conferences or invited guest lectures. That stressed me out and will make sure to avoid further issues in classes next semester.

This was my second semester of teaching and my first semester I was never late and only canceled twice (one for a mandatory meeting that I warned students at the start the semester and even added “no class” on that day to my syllabus) and another one was an emailing sent the day before class that I had a flu. No one seemed to care and even a couple of students told me they hope everything is well with me.

I almost forgot to mention that I’m a PTI and I had emailed the department/chair about my absences. The chair didn’t seem mind at all when I spoke/emailed to him about them.

I noticed this a lot. I keep saving photos of Black women (especially with a gap tooth!) from mostly 1960s to 1990s

I just love fashion and something about the beauty is so radiant to me. I get so 🥵😍💦 if NSFW sources 🤭

Curious if anyone else is the same?

I posted yesterday about the bad reviews about how disorganized and unprepared I was, enough that one of them said they hated my class and learned completely nothing from me. Another said I kept repeating topics and created random questions “out of [my] ass” to make students talk in class. Some students seem very rude and made inappropriate comments or gestures towards me over how I managed class (even if they’re getting an A!)

I already have Fall courses set since March. They’re even full (likely because of my published work and ratemyprofressor, I felt so relieved to see I have a few positive reviews, now waiting for negative ones to show up any day).

I’m feeling better now after reading the comments. Thank you! Now my question:

Would negative reviews impact enough for the department/chair to remove me for this Fall?

I’m doing everything in my power to make sure the lectures are done before August and ready for each modules and revising my plans to lower workload enough to not overwhelm students. I am also making sure the topics in lecture do not seem too random/repetitive. The best part is that I will have a class I’m taking as student that ends ten minutes before my class I’m teach starts, within the same building (no more being late!)

I might be paranoid over nothing but I am curious if this happens before?

I was crying earlier, now calming down.
This is my first time teaching. The department had already me set for Fall, but I’m still worried about the evaluations:

I KNEW that the mass majority will mention I’m very disorganized/not-prepared, i didn’t have enough time to finish course design based when I was hired and all.

I have about 3.5/5 in one course and 4/5for another, most said I’m very disorganized with my lectures, assignments, readings, and lacking PowerPoints. Some said I kept repeating/stuttering or they didn’t really learn much (but some said they learned so much). They also hated the workload, which I tried to ease or even removed when I realized it was too much. A few hated that I made them do their own research for assignments, writing down worksheets, or group talk, than me just lecturing. I want students to talk in class and make it more interactive. Sometimes students were very quiet and tried to get them to talk more willingly.

I can’t say too much here, but had a few emergencies that made me cancel class three times. A few mentioned that, along with me being late for class. I emailed them that I will be. These were morning classes and I live 45 minutes away, plus construction works or traffic slows me down no matter. One emergency I had to cancel class a few hours before it started because of my cat’s health and another for my car not working.

I’m an agnostic atheist and almost never tell people because I prefer to keep religion private and want to avoid potential discrimination or arguments.

Recently, in one of my graduate seminars, religion came up during a class discussion. The professor mentioned avoiding "sexual indulgence," and some students questioned the wording. During the conversation, a woman in the class who had previously been friendly with me and often chatted with me during breaks asked whether I believed in sex before marriage.

I was a little confused by the question, but I replied that I don't think people should have to wait unless they personally want to. I see it as a personal decision and don't think it makes someone morally better or worse.

She responded by saying that "Us Catholics don't accept sex before marriage" because of beliefs about purity. Later, I heard from another student that she also believed homosexuality was incompatible with Christianity and did not accept LGBTQ people. For context, I'm a demisexual lesbian and nonbinary, and I'm generally very open about being queer.

After that, she became noticeably more distant. She stopped talking to me, sat much farther away in class, and mostly ignored me.

While nothing openly hostile occurred, and I’m thankful for that, the interaction has stuck with me. What I've been thinking about is the assumption that Christians or Catholics must hold the same views on sex and marriage or LGBTQ issues. I absolutely understand that many Christians are accepting or part of the LGBTQ community and have different views on sexuality. I think her question was also inappropriate to ask anyway.

I'm curious what people here think, especially those who have encountered Christians who view LGBTQ or different views on sexuality as incompatible with Christianity?

I keep thinking of this and I could be wrong, but my mom had a male friend she used to crush on. He was very rude towards me. He seemed so immature and creepy. But my mom and him were childhood friends and he’s fives older than her (she was 5 years old when they met)

Anyway, he made a sex-related joke when I was 13 about my toys/plushies and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I never told my mom about this.

For some reason, they stopped talking to each other. I don’t know if he’s dead, ghosted, or if they lost contact.

Am I overreacting over this? I wouldn’t say anything like that to a child or teen and the fact he just said it anyway is a red flag to me. I knew what sex meant at that age but grew up never taking about it at home or anything.

I keep wondering if this is grooming.

I (32F) have been recalling this memory. It has been bothering me for months now.
 
Context: My mom used to be very close friends with her childhood friend (let’s call him Trey) since she was 5. He was 5 years older than she was. They grew up in the same neighborhood and he was my mom’s only friend at the time.
It seemed like she had a crush on him but was in denial. They couldn’t really hang out as much after she moved out of state. My dad, who was still likely projecting since he cheated on her and was just a horrible person in general (I won't get into details here), didn’t feel comfortable with their relationship. What’s interesting is that Trey’s wife (who later became his ex) also felt very uncomfortable with their relationship and felt jealous. My mom acted like she was stupid for feeling that way. My parents split up when I was 10. She was 42.

When they both became single and divorced, they met up when visiting the state and gave each other very long hugs. I noticed my mom acted very weird, like giggling more and seeming kinda shy, sitting next to him instead of me when we were at a restaurant.

I also wondered whether they dated before and then stopped to remain friends, and when exactly. My mom has been abused. She was neglected at 11 and told me she used to date a lot around 12. I felt like he might have done something to her when she was still underage.

She even kept accusing me, as young as 11, of wanting to sleep/date boys or men, even men as old as 25. I was very grossed out and uncomfortable. She was so adamant that I was "boy crazy" that it was delusional. She went far enough to ask me very invasive questions once in a while, especially since I came out to her as a lesbian and she is still in denial.

Anyway, Trey would joke all the time and act silly. Very outgoing, loud, and immature, like he literally screamed in public for humor. 

I hated him. He was very rude and picked on me for various things, like being very quiet and reserved. He kept putting me down so many times, but he’d pretend to be nice sometimes. I was so worried my mom would marry him or something. I remember feeling so sick and scared whenever he was around. My mom assumed that I had a fear of men; she felt ashamed, even angry, about my social awkwardness and quietness. Even saying his name makes me feel sick. I still very much hate him. 

For some reason, when I was around 14-15, they stopped talking to each other. My mom very rarely mentioned his name for years. I never asked her what happened to him. I don’t know if they simply lost contact, grew apart, went no-contact, or he’s dead. I just felt so thankful they never got together or anything like that.

My mom has a history of having really horrible friends that I won’t share too much here. However, one of them asked me extremely creepy questions about my body and sexuality when I was 18. My mom was at first very mad at her and stopped being friends with her, but she didn’t understand why I didn’t tell her. My mom later dismissed my trauma, saying, “You’re an adult,” like I was stupid for what I felt. She always dismiss my feelings anyway, that I learned not to trust her anymore.

\*\* This memory bothers me, but I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or what: \*\*

I remember when my mom left me alone with Trey in my room to get something really quick. I was 13 at the time. One of my plushies dropped, and I threw it back to my bed. He made an adult joke about how my plushies were positioned. I felt very uncomfortable/disgusted and just said “I don’t know.”

I think that’s a massive red flag to me that he said that to me. I never told my mom about this.

Any thoughts about this?

I (32F) have been recalling this memory. It has been bothering me for months.
 
Context: My mom used to be very close friends with her childhood friend (let’s call him Trey) since she was 5. He was 5 years older than she was.
It seemed like she had a crush on him but was in denial. They couldn’t really hang out as much after she moved out of state. My dad, who was still likely projecting since he cheated on her and was just a horrible person in general (I won't get into details here), didn’t feel comfortable with their relationship. What’s interesting is that Trey’s wife (who later became his ex) also felt very uncomfortable with their relationship and felt jealous. My mom acted like she was stupid for feeling that way. My parents split up when I was 10. She was 42.

When they both became single and divorced, they met up when visiting the state and gave each other very long hugs. I noticed my mom acted very weird, like giggling more and seeming kinda shy, sitting next to him instead of me when we were at a restaurant.

I also wondered whether they dated before and then stopped to remain friends, and when exactly. My mom has been abused. She was neglected at 11 and told me she used to date a lot around 12. I felt like he might have done something to her when she was still underage.

She even kept accusing me, as young as 11, of wanting to sleep/date boys or men, even men as old as 25. I was very grossed out and uncomfortable. She was so adamant that I was "boy crazy" that it was delusional. She went far enough to ask me very invasive questions once in a while, especially since I came out to her as a lesbian and she is still in denial.

Anyway, Trey would joke all the time and act silly. Very outgoing, loud, and immature, like he literally screamed in public for humor. 

I hated him. He was very rude and picked on me for various things, like being very quiet and reserved. He kept putting me down so many times, but he’d pretend to be nice sometimes. I was so worried my mom would marry him or something. I remember feeling so sick and scared whenever he was around. My mom assumed that I had a fear of men; she felt ashamed, even angry, about my social awkwardness and quietness. Even saying his name makes me feel sick. I still very much hate him. 

For some reason, when I was around 14-15, they stopped talking to each other. My mom very rarely mentioned his name for years. I never asked her what happened to him. I don’t know if they simply lost contact, grew apart, went no-contact, or he’s dead. I just felt so thankful they never got together or anything like that.

My mom has a history of having really horrible friends that I won’t share too much here. However, one of them asked me extremely creepy questions about my body and sexuality when I was 18. My mom was at first very mad at her and stopped being friends with her, but she didn’t understand why I didn’t tell her. My mom later dismissed my trauma, saying, “You’re an adult,” like I was stupid for what I felt. She always dismiss my feelings anyway, that I learned not to trust her anymore.

** This memory bothers me, but I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or what: **

I remember when my mom left me alone with Trey in my room to get something really quick. I was 13 at the time. One of my plushies dropped, and I threw it back to my bed. He made an adult joke about how my plushies were positioned. I felt very uncomfortable/disgusted and just said “I don’t know.”

I think that’s a massive red flag to me because that’s really creepy for a man to say that to a child.

Any thoughts about this?

I have been crying, I passed conditionally with the firsts comp last year. This year, a different topic, I failed so bad due to the lack of time from teaching and other responsibilities.

I know that I will be on academic probation soon and feel sick to my stomach to think about it. I was on it before fo being late in deadline for my MA (it’s a BA-PhD program), but it got removed when I passed my MA thesis. I will have one more chance and will speak to my advisors soon and prepare more during this summer.

Edit: spelling and grammar errors