u/Realistic_Airline_54

Mein IQ wurde vor paar Montag in der Psychiatrie getestet. Es war 87. Seit dem ich diese Bestätigung meiner niedrigen Intelligenz bekommen habe, merke ich konstant wieviel schlauer meine Mitmenschen sind. Ich hab Angst dass mein nc am Ende schlecht wird. Ich bin in 6 Monaten fertig und es sieht nicht gut aus. Einen guten nc zu bekommen war immer mein einziges und stärkstes Ziel. Ich hatte Albträume wo ich einen schlechten nc bekommen habe. Ich hatte nie eine Leidenschaft oder irgendwas was mir Spaß gemacht hat. Mein einziges Ziel ist Geld und wenn ich einen tiefen nc erreiche ist das vorbei.

I was in a haram relationship a short while ago and did zina. Though I have not lost my virginity, ive done a lot. My focus is now almost completely gone and ive had an IQ test done in the mental hospital I was i a few months ago, which additionally confirmed my fear and ruined my thinking patterns and self-esteem even more. I witnessed a train suicide and a classmate also died bc of it about 2 months ago. I have moved to my father about 3 months ago because I was told it would make me feel better. It didn't. My therapist constantly wants to talk to my father and tells me that im doing fine. I started taking ahshwaghnada since im not being prescribed antidepressants for the depression ive had for almost 6 years now. My future is hopeless since my grades are actively plummeting no matter how hard I study and im not going to find a partner whos willing to be with a girl with a past like mine. I cannot tell my therapist about my consistently worsening suicidal thoughts. My dreams are getting more and more vivid and realistic. I have lost a lot of feeling but the negative ones are there. Ive never been this emotionally disconnected form Islam, which I would've never thought of after quitting my adult content addiction when I was a child. Are we sure this isn't hell?

Weil die Theorie Prüfung wegen der anstehenden Reform 2027 schwerer zu bestehen wird, wollte ich die lieber noch dieses Jahr hinter mir bringen. Jedoch habe ich nur noch den halben September, Oktober November und Dezember. Schafft man die Theorieprüfung in dieser Zeit? Mache auch gleichzeitig mein Abi

UPDATE: Ich habe mich heute noch bei einer Fahrschule angemeldet! Die Theorie Stunden brauchen insgesamt 14 Tage (täglich 90min solange ich keine verpasse) und einen Sehtest und erste Hilfe Schein werde ich Samstag machen. Vielen Dank für eure Ratschläge!

Because of the occasional physical and mental abuse of my mother and the theories of the professionals and therapists in the mental hospital and outside, I moved ot my dad who promised me freedom because I just turned 18.

Turns out I'm even more trapped than before, an forced to go to school every day even when I mentally cannot at all, am over an hour away from school and my boyfriend and just as, if not more depressed than before.

Can't even tell my therapist that I want to reset my character because she well send me back to the mental hospital. It feels like I'm in an endless loop of agony and I feel like I'm in a cage.

If I had just stayed with my mom, id at least be able to mention my emotions without getting an unserious answer she'd just ignore me which feels way better. The emptiness and constant sadness is growing every day as the realization hits.

My father did not keep any of his promises, like letting me move out of the house as well. I'm now constantly being controlled with my blood sugar because I'm diabetic SINCE I WAS 3.

I genuinely don't know what to do and I can't even move back in with my mom because my dad already spent so much money in my room and other stuff and already signed me up in the city I live in now.

It feels like I constantly need to vomit from stress. Ignoring the fact that a classmate reset himself and I saw someone jump in fron of a train on my way back home from school which is the reason I was sent to the hospital.

Not because of my cognitive decline, depression or anxiety which are not even being mentioned in any of my therapy sessions anymore. I genuinely think I have to commit as well.

I'm so far from my religion that I don't think it can stop me anymore. It was my only reason for the last 5 years even when I stood in the kitchen with a knife to my stomach at 14. I need out I need to go away I can't even see the only person I love and love myself with.

I'm begging because I can't take this at all ive dealt with so much but I'm genuinely at the end anyone have any answer I have no one to help me please

Ich Frage weil ich schon jetzt, vor der ersten klasuur Phase und der Abi Vorbereitungszeit, sehr viel Angst und Stress habe. Manche sagten mir, dass die 12. Bzw. 13. Klasse viel entspannter war und schnell vorbei geht. Das ist das was meinen Stress etwas herunter fährt vor allem weil ich wegen dem Stress und natürlich andere Sachen letztes Schuljahr in der Psychiatrie gelandet bin ✌️

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Im failing Highschool, got out of the mental hospital a few months ago too early because I would've failed my school year if I didn't get released. My boyfriend might be cheating on me, my mother started abusing me and made my boyfriend lose his job after she found out we were together, im the ugliest in my family, I have an IQ of 87 which has lead every decision I've made after I got that diagnosed in the mental hospital, im a type 1 diabetic, therapy isn't doing anything and im a horrible practicer of my religion. Every decision I make ends in a disaster. The only time I was happy in the past 5 years was in the first 2 weeks of the mental hospital because I found a lot of likeminded people. Now I sit alone as I always dis in the school that I despise. Its too late to change schools now. Had the opportunity last year but I didn't take it. Im pathetic and no attempt of bettering myself works. Turned 18 a few days ago and I guess im happy that I can go out whenever and as long as I want if my father let's me and doesn't lock me in like my mother did. Gained back all of the weight and more that I lost with my ED I had 4 years ago.

Im failing Highschool, got out of the mental hospital a few months ago too early because I would've failed my school year if I didn't get released. My boyfriend might be cheating on me, my mother started abusing me and made my boyfriend lose his job after she found out we were together, im the ugliest in my family, I have an IQ of 87 which has lead every decision I've made after I got that diagnosed in the mental hospital, im a type 1 diabetic, therapy isn't doing anything and im a horrible practicer of my religion. Every decision I make ends in a disaster. The only time I was happy in the past 5 years was in the first 2 weeks of the mental hospital because I found a lot of likeminded people. Now I sit alone as I always dis in the school that I despise. Its too late to change schools now. Had the opportunity last year but I didn't take it. Im pathetic and no attempt of bettering myself works. Turned 18 a few days ago and I guess im happy that I can go out whenever and as long as I want if my father let's me and doesn't lock me in like my mother did. Gained back all of the weight and more that I lost with my ED I had 4 years ago.

Im failing Highschool, got out of the mental hospital a few months ago too early because I would've failed my school year if I didn't get released. My boyfriend might be cheating on me, my mother started abusing me and made my boyfriend lose his job after she found out we were together, im the ugliest in my family, I have an IQ of 87 which has lead every decision I've made after I got that diagnosed in the mental hospital, im a type 1 diabetic, therapy isn't doing anything and im a horrible practicer of my religion. Every decision I make ends in a disaster. The only time I was happy in the past 5 years was in the first 2 weeks of the mental hospital because I found a lot of likeminded people. Now I sit alone as I always dis in the school that I despise. Its too late to change schools now. Had the opportunity last year but I didn't take it. Im pathetic and no attempt of bettering myself works. Turned 18 a few days ago and I guess im happy that I can go out whenever and as long as I want if my father let's me and doesn't lock me in like my mother did. Gained back all of the weight and more that I lost with my ED I had 4 years ago.

I dont know if im being naive regarding my boyfriend

I (18f) met my bf (20m) about a year ago. I met him at his work place. A few months later we started talking after his work and hung out and also played videogames for hours after into the night.

Slowly it developed into a romantic relationship.

The issue is, that he also went out with other girls after work before he met me.

He talked a lot with them and he knows them longer than he does me.

My sister really despises him and told me all of this. She also asked me the question why he wouldn't still be

texting or secretly meeting up with them.

I already asked him about one of the girls and he told me it doesn't work like that for him. I also don't understand why he would still be with me if after he lost his job bc of me and after I broke up with him twice.

My sister told me he would still meet up with them even though we see each other every 2 days.

No one knows how I behaved with him, they only know how the other girls did, which is why I can't tell if I was just easier than them or not. I feel so pathetic, this is my first relationship and I've given a lot to him.

I seem to have a blindness when it comes to myself and not matter how hard I try I just fail. 😅

So I've been craving change forever, I just don't know who or what can help me with that?

Im talking hair, makeup, style, body and more that comes with it.

I don't have the funds to pay for all of that, so does anyone know where to find a place or person like that that might help out for free?

Hello,

I've been in my first relationship with my boyfriend for about half a year. It is also his first relationship. During our relationship, my mother has made it hell for me, touching me inappropriately out of anger, verbally and physically attacking me or hiding the key when I try to meet him, because she hates him. She even caused him to lose his part time job. I have always had incredible religious guilt and got into a mental hospital a few months ago, when our relationship started, because my therapist got worried that I would harm myself after seeing someone kts at a train station on my way back home from school because of my depression and anxiety. The reason I broke up TWICE with him, is because if my religious guilt. It all got too much and I got so scared that I was going to go to hell. But I couldn't bare being without the only person that has ever made me feel safe, underestood and loved. He's been there with me through hard times and we've been through a lot together even though we've only known each other for a year. He also has issues and has been to the mental hospital a few years ago.

My worry is that our relationship is doomed. I always hear of people saying that relationships won't ever work out after breaking up twice. Our breakups were 2 days and 10 days long. Im really really scared that whatever I do won't ever make him feel safe or loved, worrying that my religion will get in the way again.

In order to actually get better for once, I decided to move to my dad in a week. Im in therapy and I've told her everything. She told me that if he is the right one, he'll be patient with me. He was and took me back the 2nd time. Im not sure what she's saying is right though. Our love differentiates because of our brains from other people, but I really regret breaking up with him and now this guilt is also eating me up alive. I know my decision to break up, instead of communicate was very immature. All I can do is learn and do better, but what if thats not enough? I talk about everything with him, except for the religious part. I really don't want this to be doomed, I love him so much.

Should I be talking with him and my therapist about this instead of reddit?

Im 18 and in year 11 and life has gotten so ridiculous I can't help but laugh. Today I had some time to reflect when I sat alone, as I always do, on a boat tour my school does yearly. I listened to music and looked out the window. This time, I did not see any positives.

I could've gone to an easier school, yet decided against it because it takes a year longer. Ended up in the mental hospital where my therapist told my mom about my first relationship. My mom of course somehow made my life even worse than it was before during my stay. None of my issues were properly handled and I got dismissed early because I would've failed the school year if I didn't. As soon as I got out, my principle and 2 other teachers told me I'd have to write all of the exams I've missed in 4 weeks, quit school or repeat this hell again. I somehow managed to pass this year, but my GPA is definitely not going to look as good as I was striving for my whole life.

My grades have been consistently dropping for the last 2 years no matter how hard I study, whatever method I use and even with tutoring.

I broke up with my boyfriend not long ago because of religious reasons. I couldn't handle the guilt I had in that relationship and now I lost the only person making me feel alive and like a person. But I guess its for the best.

I also don't want to follow the path of marriage my religion offers. Its terrifying to me. The only person I ever wanted to marry was him, because we knew each other. I offered to continue our relationship in the religious manner, but he refused. Maybe Im delusional thinking he loved me as much as I loved him. I will not be marrying a stranger.

I have been feeling depressed for the last 5 years and developed and ED, which I though I recovered from before it turned into binge eating.

Found out my IQ is low (already made a post about that) which confirmed my suspicion and basically erased the last bit of self esteem I had. Now the bright future I've always dreamt of is gone and done with scientific evidence backing that up.

I feel alienated, ugly, too loud or quiet, lonely and I am aware it doesn't actually have to get better.

I've realised that my, and many other people's, brain have been conditionalised to think there has to be light at the end of the tunnel. Not sure if thats human nature or the media we grew up with, but it definitely doesn't apply to me and probably the homeless person dying of cold in the winter, the mother happy because her baby managed to get born during w4r, just for all of them to die right after and the talented people being born in 3rd world countries being obligated to sell food in the hot weather for hours because their family lives in poverty, just to grow up and experience the same cycle. (E.G.: Happens this in my homecountry) I know im comparing my small problems to their indescribable living situations, but this is just to make readers understand my point better.

Every decision I make leads to disaster.

My religion states that life is a test and that we should fight against the pain and trust in our God, but is that humanly possible? I suck at my religion. I don't consistently pray for more than 2 months, been in a relationship and don't do most of the obligations. I've started praying once a day (mostly) and its gotten to the point where I just break down mid prayer because of all this and the hopelessness. Its not like there's a better choice than believing in God, if God can't help me, who will? But it still feels like someone is laughing at my face watching me go through life putting every type of inconvenience in my way.

Sometimes I listen to old timey music imagining a fallout scenario because it gives a certain type of comfort. Then I look outside and realise everything's already a wasteland. Maybe us humans developed so far that, at some point, we started redeveloping.

Then there's looks, moving, my father and everything else I haven't listed but you get the idea. Is everyone's life like this?

Man I don't know I genuinely don't wanna do this anymore but whatever ive been saying this for ages and im still alive ig. Only thing that has stopped me is religion.

Hope I didn't offend anyone with this or cringe y'all out. Yes I go to therapy once a week and I can't talk to anyone (but my bf who Im not with anymore) about this.

I feel like such a terrible person. I've already broken his heart twice and ruined a lot. Do I deserve it? I think he deserves an intelligent, confident, fit girl. One that can express their feelings clearly and explicitly. One that doesn't shy away from intimacy when it comes from her. One that can suppress their shyness or grow out of it.

However, does he miss me like I constantly miss him? Are our ideas of love too different? He told me it was never an option to break up with me, but I did it. Several times. Why is he still with me if I'm just giving him a headache? Will he ever get tired of me and my behavior? Does he put up with me because he thinks there is no one else like me? Because that is definitely not true. There are girls like me who are much more creative, patient, mature and of course prettier. He doesn't deserve to have to worry about his partner if he does this. I manipulate everything and everyone that interacts with me in a negative way for me. I can't believe that such a sensible, patient, clever and at the same time intelligent man loves so much. Is it because of my youth? Because I see nothing, really nothing, that would keep a man like him close to me. Does his love remain even when wrinkles and age show? What if I'm not so cute anymore? Or is his love so real that his perspective of me corresponds to his love? I wish I could show him how he can change me and my life for the better. But I don't dare. But if I tried it, it would come across as inauthentic. What does he really think of me?

Despite my stupid decisions to leave the one and only thing that gave my life color, joy, warmth and feelings that I couldn't even imagine before, I find it difficult to put into words the strength of my devotion to him. I never want to lose everything, his way of speaking, his eyes, his words, his actions, even his humor, really everything and nothing more, even what I can't see. Even songs that I wouldn't normally hear become the most beautiful melodies when he shows them to me. All my torment disappears when I hear his voice. Every time I see him, he's a thousand times more irresistible than before. And then when I think it can't get any better, he surprises me again. I long for his embrace. Hope every message on my phone is from him. Missing him right after we said goodbye. Am I really lucky, for the first time in my life, and am able to experience something perfect, or am I wrong? Just like with him, is he lucky or not to have met me?

(Original is German so it might sound off)

(I was hesitant to pot this here o this will sound vague + pls no judgement)

17f
Im scared that breaking up because of my religion was a midtake. I just couldn't take the guilt since relationships are not allowed and we did some other stuff which made it worse.

I asked whether he wanted to continue the relationship in our religious way (he follows the same religion) or end it. He told me that it wouldn't be him or real if we continued in the allowed way.

We went through do much together. He visited me in the mental hospital when my whole family was actively stressing me out, he accepted every flaw of mine, he helped me with all of the 7 exams etc.. I had to repeat after existing the mental hospital and didn't blame me when my parents, who despise him, got him Fired.

I've been going through depression and some other stuff for half a decade and this was the first time I felt something again. Life had color. Now its all gone and im back to where I was.

According to my religion, we would not have been happy if we continued either way because it wasn't continued in the proper manner.

I never wanted to marry or have kids and he also didn't. But he was willing to marry me (the religious way) for the sake of me. Problem was were both too young and we need an external male figure of my family to get married, which I don't have. I don't want to marry a stranger or someone who talks to my father after one conversation with me.

I don't think I'll ever meet someone like him again. We both had issues, even though they vary, but both of us experienced the mental hospital for example. He was the only person I could talk to. With him I felt like myself. I felt pretty for the first time in a while. I didn't mind my body, hair, voice or whatever. Everything I hated about myself, he loved.

Now every time I close my eyes I dream of him. Im on the verge of tears 24/7 and my previous problems are getting more obvious. I just wanna laugh like I did with him, with HIM, again.

Im so confused and ashamed because even after breaking up for religious reasons, I still don't follow my religious obligations properly. Every decision I make is so wrong and turns into a disaster.

About 2 months ago, when I was at a mental hospital, I had to take an IQ test. As you've read in the title, the overall score was 87. I always knew I wasn't as intelligent as others even though people have always called me smart, but now its confirmed.

Since then I doubt every thought I have. I stay quiet during discussions, random conversations and basically everything else. My grades have significantly dropped in the past 2 years and II always had to pull all-nighters for average grades. There's not a moment since then that I don't think of my IQ score. Even while writing this I question every word that i'm typing and view it as pathetic. I'm embarrassed when im with my parents because they always thought I was extraordinarily smart. Now my dad just slides in forced "you're so smart!" comments just so I don't ks. Additionally, I notice my stupidity in everything I do. I don't know how i'm supposed to continue on living like this.

I hate that I am destined to have a harder time learning and work repetitive jobs with not as high of an income as I was striving for all my life. Self worth was always an issue with me, but after the mental hospital, I lost every last bit of it. The Hospital had to dismiss me after 2 months because I would've failed my school year if had missed any more classes.

People have already told me all about how its "just" lower average or how IQ doesn't determine everything but its not helping at all.

That stay has ruined a lot of things and now i'm all alone in this mess with something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I was hoping to get better but maybe it was a stupid decision to trust these people.

(English isn't my first language sorry if it sounds off)

17f

Edit: Since there are some relevant details left out in my original text, I've summed up a bit of info here:

• I live in Germany
• I speak arabic (1st language) + I only speak it, German (2nd language) and english (3rd language)
• I was not given any medication
• my mental state has not improved since my stay at the Hospital
• there's a slight suspicion of ADHD but that wasn't looked into because I was dismissed quickly
• before my stay I was diagnosed with moderate depressive disorder, potential body dysmorphia and potential social anxiety
• I was entered into the hospital because I witnessed a traumatic event
• I have been experiencing mental health issues for 5 years

Also, thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate all of your input and I try to take it to heart as much as I can. Really needed this and im sure this will help a lot of other people with the same or a similar issue. Im learning a lot here.

About 2 months ago, when I was at a mental hospital, I had to take an IQ test. As you've read in the title, the overall score was 87. I always knew I wasn't as intelligent as others even though people have always called me smart, but now its confirmed.

Since then I doubt every thought I have. I stay quiet during discussions, random conversations and basically everything else. My grades have significantly dropped in the past 2 years and II always had to pull all-nighters for average grades. There's not a moment since then that I don't think of my IQ score. Even while writing this I question every word that i'm typing and view it as pathetic. I'm embarrassed when im with my parents because they always thought I was extraordinarily smart. Now my dad just slides in forced "you're so smart!" comments just so I don't ks. Additionally, I notice my stupidity in everything I do. I don't know how i'm supposed to continue on living like this.

I hate that I am destined to have a harder time learning and work repetitive jobs with not as high of an income as I was striving for all my life. Self worth was always an issue with me, but after the mental hospital, I lost every last bit of it. The Hospital had to dismiss me after 2 months because I would've failed my school year if had missed any more classes.

People have already told me all about how its "just" lower average or how IQ doesn't determine everything but its not helping at all.

That stay has ruined a lot of things and now i'm all alone in this mess with something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I was hoping to get better but maybe it was a stupid decision to trust these people.

(English isn't my first language sorry if it sounds off)

17f