u/Responsible-Tie-2570

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Ik it’s none of y’all’s responsibility, I just need some support rn :/

I didn’t eat for a while but I broke my fast today and ate up to my cal limit. I’m feeling rlly strong B/P urges rn and if I give in ik I’ll end up eating at least >!3-4k!< and throwing it all up. I don’t want to do that because I’m worried about my teeth as it is and I’ve been purge free for so long now

I want chocolate brownie batter ice cream and sweet tarts rainbow ropes and mochi and cheesecake and caramel candies and apple pie and spring rolls and a big fat juicy hamburger and peanut butter and bananas and salt/vinegar chips and danishes and bacon and steak burritos and frozen raspberries with pink lemonade and Reesie’s peanut butter cups and almond joys and just fucking everything. I want to eat it all and throw it up and do it again and again until I feel lightheaded enough to just go to sleep. I want to eat everything in sight. I want to break into a grocery store and roam the isles eating anything and everything I can shove in my mouth like a tornado.

I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m not even hungry.

Not in recovery but my therapist knows about my issues with food.

My previous therapist and now the one I’ve been with for a few months have both said the same thing when I talk about getting treated better when I’m underweight. I lot of the reason that I want to keep losing is because when I’m thinner people pay me more attention and they actually want to be around me. When I’m thin I have no shortage of friends and people flirting with me or being kind to me. Therapists always tell me something along the lines of “do they really treat you better or is your mind just telling you that” without acknowledging that I DO get treated better when I’m thin.

I do, I just do. People are always crawling into my DMs and telling me how attractive I am when I’m thin. I never have a shortage of people, men or women, who want to talk or take me out when I’m skinny. I got together with my bf because he saw some pictures on instagram of me when I was thinner. I had gained xx kg since then and he was disappointed that I looked different so I lost it all again. People say “health comes first” and a lot of people really do mean it but subconsciously they’ll always think I look better when I’m hungry.

I feel like I’m going crazy, I know for a fact that people are kinder to me when I’m thin but my therapist keeps challenging that. Idk, I feel like they should be challenging why my self worth is so tied up in other people instead of just telling me I don’t get treated better when people perceive me as more attractive. They do and I know it. It feels so dismissive, one of my previous therapists told me I should just go to the gym instead because “the beauty standard for men is to be muscular, not thin” which ig I do kinda see the point but it’s not entirely true. I feel that with the rise of K-pop and thinner, lankier men in the public eye it’s definitely shifted the beauty standards as of late

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I’m not in recovery and I’ll admit I’m on a lot of parts of the internet that aren’t exactly pro recovery but this is one of the few recovery oriented spaces I’ve felt comfortable enough to interact with. This community is mostly wonderful and has really made me consider recovery over the fast few months but some people are just really mean purely because I’m a man.

I know that men are a very small minority here. I know that we are an absolutely tiny portion of this sub and this disorder in general, the small number of us already makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to vent in general but it never helps to hear that I’m somehow not struggling enough because I’m a man.

I know that women do struggle a lot with social pressures to be thin and that’s a lot of the reason that many women develop this disorder in the first place. I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman and I don’t know the struggles that come with that but I try to treat everyone who struggles with this disorder respectfully. We’re all struggling, that’s why we’re here, I just wish that my gender didn’t make it harder for some people to afford me that same empathy.

(95% of this community is absolutely wonderful, I’m definitely not talking about all women in this community with this post, the vast majority of this community has been more empathetic towards me in regards to this disorder than anyone irl ever has)

I usually just restrict these days but I used to purge a lot and I still do sometimes when my family makes me eat more than I’d like.

I’m really worried about my tooth enamel because of this and I want to do something to reduce the damage my teeth are taking from purging. I’ve read that gargling water with baking soda can help prevent some tooth damage after purging but I’m not sure how true that is and I don’t want to accidentally do more harm than good.

Has anyone tried it? Does it actually help or is it cope?

I’ve lost enough weight that it’s noticeable, I objectively don’t look sick or anything but I definitely look like I weigh less than I used to. I crave looking thinner and I want to keep losing weight but for some reason whenever anyone points out my weight or how much I’ve lost I get mad or insecure about it

Maybe it’s just because I’m a guy or something. I feel crazy because I want to get smaller but whenever someone says I’m “skinny” “bony” or a “stick” it makes me feel emasculated I guess. I feel like I’m at a constant war with myself because I want to be as skinny as possible but I don’t want anyone else to notice it. It feels like it should be private I guess :/

So I didn’t eat for about >!2.5!< days and I took a bunch of laxatives during that time. This morning I tried to eat a muffin but could only get down about >!1/3!< of it before I felt like I was going to puke.

I went to the bathroom and puked a small amount of bile but nothing else, I also had massive diarrhea but that’s to be expected. I’m just wondering if I’m gonna be ok? Google said I’d probably be fine but I thought I’d ask here just to be sure

I’m not even underweight but every time I restrict as much as I want to I end up passing out and feeling dizzy all the time. I know it will only get worse as I continue to lose weight because I didn’t have these symptoms a few BMI points ago.

I’ll never be able to be as thin as I want without having horrible side effects and I have to come to terms with that. Realistically I don’t think I’ll die- it could happen of course, but I never want to get to a weight where death is a common concern. Even without dying I know there’s other things to worry about.

I know I could damage my organs. I know I could lose even more hair. I know I’ll keep passing out and I know it’ll get worse. I know I’ll end up with heart issues. I know I could damage my skin. I know my bones will suffer.

Why isn’t all that enough to dissuade me? Why do I keep going even though I know it will only get worse?

Something I’ve always wondered when looking at pictures from that era is how they got them that thin and close to the lip.

An example I’m thinking of is Little Richard

My mom got diagnosed with pre diabetes a few months ago and has not done anything to try to prevent the onset of diabetes since her diagnosis. She still eats the same way she did before and whenever I bring up her health she says I’m fat shaming her. I don’t want to make her feel bad about her weight but I also don’t want her to get diabetes when it’s possible to reverse at this point.

When I first heard about her diagnosis I talked with her about it and offered to start doing research into what foods can help with prediabetes and how to reverse it. We came to the decision that I would meal prep all of her meals for her and she would stick to it. I made enough for her to have 3 meals a day and 2 snacks, all for about 1500 calories a day with very little added sugar. It was a lot cleaner than she normally eats but I prioritized protein and it was enough food considering she’s 5’4. That plan lasted 2 days before I found an entire empty box of brownies in our kitchen trashcan. I asked her and she confirmed that she had eaten all of them. Admittedly that did irk me a bit. I spent about 4 hours making her meals that were healthy and counting out all the macros and calories just for her to leave the food I made her in the fridge to eat brownies instead. I stopped meal prepping after that.

I probably should’ve kept making her food and not given up but I doubt she’d take it seriously. I have a restrictive eating disorder so she thinks that I was starving her too. I’d never do that to anyone but myself and I do genuinely want her to get better but she won’t take anything I say seriously because of my weight/condition. She had anorexia in her 20’s and is worried that if she starts trying to manage her diet in order to get her health under control she’ll end up anorexic again. I obviously don’t want that to happen which is why I offered to cook for her in the first place but I don’t think she wants to change enough to actually do it.

I’m worried she’ll die soon. Not a single person on her side of the family has lived past 72, most of them die at about 65. At this point I worry she won’t see me graduate college if she doesn’t get her health in check. She refuses help from doctors because she doesn’t trust them and she thinks GLP-1’s are bad for you. I doubt she’ll be able to lose weight but ik that’s not the only thing that can be done to help her condition. I tried reducing sugar but she has a sweet tooth and won’t cut back on sugar. Is there anything else I can try to help her with? I’m honestly at a loss rn :/

I don’t eat anything that’s cooked in oil unless I can pat it down beforehand. I don’t eat butter and if any of my food has an oily texture I won’t eat it.

I’m 17 so I still live with my parents and it pisses them off so much. They make food with oil and I won’t eat it. I can’t eat it. I only eat a few foods because they are safe but tbh that’s mostly because everything else has oil.

I wish they wouldn’t get so mad about it. I know they love me and stuff but they just get angry and yell at me all the time. I mostly make my own food now but they sometimes force me to eat with them

It probably comes down to “all cats are different, just like people” but why???? Surely they hear us talking and want to copy it to communicate or something but then why don’t all of them do it?

One of my cats will respond with a meow when I ask her questions, I genuinely think she knows what I’m saying a lot of the time but my other cats either only meow when they want food or don’t meow at all.

Do they have different levels of human speech comprehension or do they just not feel like talking to me?

Ik that an anorexia diagnosis requires someone to be under a certain bmi but my understanding is that atypical anorexia is all the same other requirements as an anorexia diagnosis except the person went from overweight to a “healthy” bmi

I went from a few pounds overweight to a “healthy” bmi but since I was never more than a little overweight idk if it counts as atypical anorexia or as OSFED. I usually just refer to it as a restrictive ED but it feels so invalidating not knowing what it properly is