u/SaitamaSeasoning

​

I've been seeing this guy for about two months, and I'm genuinely confused about what this relationship even is.

When we first met, I wanted something casual. He was the one who kept pushing for something more serious. But every time I wanted exclusivity or asked where this was going, he'd tell me that I'm not really his type, that I don't check his boxes, and that he still needs to meet other people. Yet whenever I try to distance myself or end things, he insists we shouldn't break up and that we should "see where it goes."

Recently, we went on a trip together. We met a couple who got married after knowing each other for just a week, and we were both amazed. Later that evening, he jokingly asked if I'd marry him. I said yes because I assumed it was a joke too. Later, he admitted it was. But he refuses to believe I knew he was joking.

Earlier that day, he had also told me that he likes me a lot but can't love me because we have too many differences. He is from a conservative north Indian family, and I am an east Indian woman. He says we were brought up differently, have different values, and that I don't fit what he wants in a partner. When I asked why he was still trying to make this relationship work, he said he doesn't want to be rigid and wants to explore whether he can "deal with me."

That sentence has stayed with me.

Another thing happened on the trip that really shook me. It was my first time in a swimming pool, and I don't really know how to swim. While we were playing around, he repeatedly pushed me underwater. I panicked because I genuinely couldn't tell if I was okay. My friend got angry, pulled me away from him, and told him, "Don't manhandle her. You're going to kill her."

He was clearly upset that she intervened. Afterwards, he started criticizing me, saying I'm the product of the five people I hang out with, calling me "badtameez," and saying that's my default personality and I'll never change. He also told me how female friendships are of zero values. We fought after that.

I was extremely frustrated and ended up apologizing to him for "ruining the trip," even though I'm not sure I actually did.

On our way home, I read a piece of news to him that said a man has drowned his 6-month-pregnant wife in a bucket. He said "she must have been like you." I was too stunned to speak.

Since we've come back, things have been distant. We've barely spoken compared to before. I'm also sick now, so maybe that's adding to everything emotionally.

Here's what I know: I want to be loved. I don't want to be with someone who says they like me but can't love me. I don't want to spend months hoping he'll change his mind.

At the same time, I can't seem to leave. I'm very physically attracted to him, and I've become emotionally attached too.

Part of me wants to tell him the truth—that this relationship isn't giving me what I need. Another part of me is scared of how he'll react. He's said things before like his blood boils at the sight of me when he's angry, and because of that, I'm honestly nervous about ending it. Some friends suggested I tell him my ex came back into my life and I have unresolved feelings, just to make the breakup easier. But I don't know if lying is a good idea, and I'm worried that hurting his ego could make things worse.

Am I overthinking all of this? Does his behavior sound like someone who's genuinely conflicted, or someone who's keeping me around because it's convenient? And if you were in my position, how would you end this relationship safely?

​

TLDR: My boyfriend says he can't love me but won't let the relationship go. After a frightening pool incident and several disturbing comments, I'm scared to break up with him. Are these serious red flags, and how do I leave safely?

I've 26 (F) been seeing this guy 28 (M) for about two months, and I'm genuinely confused about what this relationship even is. We have broken up, patched things up multiple times.

When we first met, I wanted something casual. He was the one who kept pushing for something more serious. But every time I wanted exclusivity or asked where this was going, he'd tell me that I'm not really his type, that I don't check his boxes, and that he still needs to meet other people. Yet whenever I try to distance myself or end things, he insists we shouldn't break up and that we should "see where it goes."

Recently, we went on a trip together. We met a couple who got married after knowing each other for just a week, and we were both amazed. Later that evening, he jokingly asked if I'd marry him. I said yes because I assumed it was a joke too. Later, he admitted it was. But he refuses to believe I knew he was joking.

Earlier that day, he had also told me that he likes me a lot but can't love me because we have too many differences. He is from a conservative north Indian family, and I am an east Indian woman. He says we were brought up differently, have different values, and that I don't fit what he wants in a partner. When I asked why he was still trying to make this relationship work, he said he doesn't want to be rigid and wants to explore whether he can "deal with me."

That sentence has stayed with me.

Another thing happened on the trip that really shook me. It was my first time in a swimming pool, and I don't really know how to swim. While we were playing around, he repeatedly pushed me underwater. I panicked because I genuinely couldn't tell if I was okay. My friend got angry, pulled me away from him, and told him, "Don't manhandle her. You're going to kill her."

He was clearly upset that she intervened. Afterwards, he started criticizing me, saying I'm the product of the five people I hang out with, calling me "badtameez," and saying that's my default personality and I'll never change. He also told me how female friendships are of zero values. We fought after that.

I was extremely frustrated and ended up apologizing to him for "ruining the trip," even though I'm not sure I actually did.

On our way home, I read a piece of news to him that said a man has drowned his 6-month-pregnant wife in a bucket. He said "she must have been like you." I was too stunned to speak.

Since we've come back, things have been distant. We've barely spoken compared to before. I'm also sick now, so maybe that's adding to everything emotionally.

Here's what I know: I want to be loved. I don't want to be with someone who says they like me but can't love me. I don't want to spend months hoping he'll change his mind.

At the same time, I can't seem to leave. I'm very physically attracted to him, and I've become emotionally attached too.

Part of me wants to tell him the truth—that this relationship isn't giving me what I need. Another part of me is scared of how he'll react. He's said things before like his blood boils at the sight of me when he's angry, and because of that, I'm honestly nervous about ending it. Some friends suggested I tell him my ex came back into my life and I have unresolved feelings, just to make the breakup easier. But I don't know if lying is a good idea, and I'm worried that hurting his ego could make things worse.

Am I overthinking all of this? Does his behavior sound like someone who's genuinely conflicted, or someone who's keeping me around because it's convenient? And if you were in my position, how would you end this relationship safely?

​

TLDR: My boyfriend says he can't love me but won't let the relationship go. After a frightening pool incident and several disturbing comments, I'm scared to break up with him. Are these serious red flags, and how do I leave safely?

I've 26 (F) been seeing this guy 28 (M) for about two months, and I'm genuinely confused about what this relationship even is.

When we first met, I wanted something casual. He was the one who kept pushing for something more serious. But every time I wanted exclusivity or asked where this was going, he'd tell me that I'm not really his type, that I don't check his boxes, and that he still needs to meet other people. Yet whenever I try to distance myself or end things, he insists we shouldn't break up and that we should "see where it goes."

Recently, we went on a trip together. We met a couple who got married after knowing each other for just a week, and we were both amazed. Later that evening, he jokingly asked if I'd marry him. I said yes because I assumed it was a joke too. Later, he admitted it was. But he refuses to believe I knew he was joking.

Earlier that day, he had also told me that he likes me a lot but can't love me because we have too many differences. He is from a conservative north Indian family, and I am an east Indian woman. He says we were brought up differently, have different values, and that I don't fit what he wants in a partner. When I asked why he was still trying to make this relationship work, he said he doesn't want to be rigid and wants to explore whether he can "deal with me."

That sentence has stayed with me.

Another thing happened on the trip that really shook me. It was my first time in a swimming pool, and I don't really know how to swim. While we were playing around, he repeatedly pushed me underwater. I panicked because I genuinely couldn't tell if I was okay. My friend got angry, pulled me away from him, and told him, "Don't manhandle her. You're going to kill her."

He was clearly upset that she intervened. Afterwards, he started criticizing me, saying I'm the product of the five people I hang out with, calling me "badtameez," and saying that's my default personality and I'll never change. He also told me how female friendships are of zero values. We fought after that.

I was extremely frustrated and ended up apologizing to him for "ruining the trip," even though I'm not sure I actually did.

On our way home, I read a piece of news to him that said a man has drowned his 6-month-pregnant wife in a bucket. He said "she must have been like you." I was too stunned to speak.

Since we've come back, things have been distant. We've barely spoken compared to before. I'm also sick now, so maybe that's adding to everything emotionally.

Here's what I know: I want to be loved. I don't want to be with someone who says they like me but can't love me. I don't want to spend months hoping he'll change his mind.

At the same time, I can't seem to leave. I'm very physically attracted to him, and I've become emotionally attached too.

Part of me wants to tell him the truth—that this relationship isn't giving me what I need. Another part of me is scared of how he'll react. He's said things before like his blood boils at the sight of me when he's angry, and because of that, I'm honestly nervous about ending it. Some friends suggested I tell him my ex came back into my life and I have unresolved feelings, just to make the breakup easier. But I don't know if lying is a good idea, and I'm worried that hurting his ego could make things worse.

Am I overthinking all of this? Does his behavior sound like someone who's genuinely conflicted, or someone who's keeping me around because it's convenient? And if you were in my position, how would you end this relationship safely?

TLDR: My boyfriend says he can't love me but won't let the relationship go. After a frightening pool incident and several disturbing comments, I'm scared to break up with him. Are these serious red flags, and how do I leave safely?

I've 26 (F) been seeing this guy 28 (M) for about two months, and I'm genuinely confused about what this relationship even is.

When we first met, I wanted something casual. He was the one who kept pushing for something more serious. But every time I wanted exclusivity or asked where this was going, he'd tell me that I'm not really his type, that I don't check his boxes, and that he still needs to meet other people. Yet whenever I try to distance myself or end things, he insists we shouldn't break up and that we should "see where it goes."

Recently, we went on a trip together. We met a couple who got married after knowing each other for just a week, and we were both amazed. Later that evening, he jokingly asked if I'd marry him. I said yes because I assumed it was a joke too. Later, he admitted it was. But he refuses to believe I knew he was joking.

Earlier that day, he had also told me that he likes me a lot but can't love me because we have too many differences. He is from a conservative north Indian family, and I am an east Indian woman. He says we were brought up differently, have different values, and that I don't fit what he wants in a partner. When I asked why he was still trying to make this relationship work, he said he doesn't want to be rigid and wants to explore whether he can "deal with me."

That sentence has stayed with me.

Another thing happened on the trip that really shook me. It was my first time in a swimming pool, and I don't really know how to swim. While we were playing around, he repeatedly pushed me underwater. I panicked because I genuinely couldn't tell if I was okay. My friend got angry, pulled me away from him, and told him, "Don't manhandle her. You're going to kill her."

He was clearly upset that she intervened. Afterwards, he started criticizing me, saying I'm the product of the five people I hang out with, calling me "badtameez," and saying that's my default personality and I'll never change. He also told me how female friendships are of zero values. We fought after that.

I was extremely frustrated and ended up apologizing to him for "ruining the trip," even though I'm not sure I actually did.

On our way home, I read a piece of news to him that said a man has drowned his 6-month-pregnant wife in a bucket. He said "she must have been like you." I was too stunned to speak.

Since we've come back, things have been distant. We've barely spoken compared to before. I'm also sick now, so maybe that's adding to everything emotionally.

Here's what I know: I want to be loved. I don't want to be with someone who says they like me but can't love me. I don't want to spend months hoping he'll change his mind.

At the same time, I can't seem to leave. I'm very physically attracted to him, and I've become emotionally attached too.

Part of me wants to tell him the truth—that this relationship isn't giving me what I need. Another part of me is scared of how he'll react. He's said things before like his blood boils at the sight of me when he's angry, and because of that, I'm honestly nervous about ending it. Some friends suggested I tell him my ex came back into my life and I have unresolved feelings, just to make the breakup easier. But I don't know if lying is a good idea, and I'm worried that hurting his ego could make things worse.

Am I overthinking all of this? Does his behavior sound like someone who's genuinely conflicted, or someone who's keeping me around because it's convenient? And if you were in my position, how would you end this relationship safely?

I am 25, based in Kolkata, and in urgent need of a job.

​

I have a Master's degree in English Literature and graduated with a First Class from Delhi University. Despite applying extensively, I have been unable to secure even a guest lecturer position. At this point, I cannot afford coaching classes or paid courses, but I need to become financially independent as soon as possible.

​

I have decided to prepare for IBPS and other banking examinations. The problem is that I am starting almost from scratch, especially in Quantitative Aptitude and Reasoning. I feel overwhelmed and do not know where to begin.

​

If anyone has cleared IBPS, SBI, RRB, or similar exams without coaching, I would be deeply grateful for guidance. Please suggest:

​

Free YouTube channels

​

Books that are absolutely essential

​

A beginner-friendly study plan

​

Sources for current affairs

​

Mock test platforms

​

Common mistakes to avoid

​

Any realistic strategy for someone who is desperate to secure a stable job within the next year

​

I am willing to work hard. What I lack is direction and money for coaching.

​

Any advice, resources, or encouragement would mean a great deal right now. Thank you.

​

​

I am 25, based in Kolkata, and in urgent need of a job.

​

I have a Master's degree in English Literature and graduated with a First Class from Delhi University. Despite applying extensively, I have been unable to secure even a guest lecturer position. At this point, I cannot afford coaching classes or paid courses, but I need to become financially independent as soon as possible.

​

I have decided to prepare for IBPS and other banking examinations. The problem is that I am starting almost from scratch, especially in Quantitative Aptitude and Reasoning. I feel overwhelmed and do not know where to begin.

​

If anyone has cleared IBPS, SBI, RRB, or similar exams without coaching, I would be deeply grateful for guidance. Please suggest:

​

Free YouTube channels

​

Books that are absolutely essential

​

A beginner-friendly study plan

​

Sources for current affairs

​

Mock test platforms

​

Common mistakes to avoid

​

Any realistic strategy for someone who is desperate to secure a stable job within the next year

​

I am willing to work hard. What I lack is direction and money for coaching.

​

Any advice, resources, or encouragement would mean a great deal right now. Thank you.

​

​

I am 25, based in Kolkata, and in urgent need of a job.

​

I have a Master's degree in English Literature and graduated with a First Class from Delhi University. Despite applying extensively, I have been unable to secure even a guest lecturer position. At this point, I cannot afford coaching classes or paid courses, but I need to become financially independent as soon as possible.

​

I have decided to prepare for IBPS and other banking examinations. The problem is that I am starting almost from scratch, especially in Quantitative Aptitude and Reasoning. I feel overwhelmed and do not know where to begin.

​

If anyone has cleared IBPS, SBI, RRB, or similar exams without coaching, I would be deeply grateful for guidance. Please suggest:

​

* Free YouTube channels

* Books that are absolutely essential

* A beginner-friendly study plan

* Sources for current affairs

* Mock test platforms

* Common mistakes to avoid

* Any realistic strategy for someone who is desperate to secure a stable job within the next year

​

I am willing to work hard. What I lack is direction and money for coaching.

​

Any advice, resources, or encouragement would mean a great deal right now. Thank you.

​

I am 25, based in Kolkata, and in urgent need of a job.

​

I have a Master's degree in English Literature and graduated with a First Class from Delhi University. Despite applying extensively, I have been unable to secure even a guest lecturer position. At this point, I cannot afford coaching classes or paid courses, but I need to become financially independent as soon as possible.

​

I have decided to prepare for IBPS and other banking examinations. The problem is that I am starting almost from scratch, especially in Quantitative Aptitude and Reasoning. I feel overwhelmed and do not know where to begin.

​

If anyone has cleared IBPS, SBI, RRB, or similar exams without coaching, I would be deeply grateful for guidance. Please suggest:

​

* Free YouTube channels

* Books that are absolutely essential

* A beginner-friendly study plan

* Sources for current affairs

* Mock test platforms

* Common mistakes to avoid

* Any realistic strategy for someone who is desperate to secure a stable job within the next year

​

I am willing to work hard. What I lack is direction and money for coaching.

​

Any advice, resources, or encouragement would mean a great deal right now. Thank you.

​

​

​

I am 26, based in Kolkata, and in urgent need of a job.

​

I have a Master's degree in English Literature and graduated with a First Class from Calcutta University in 2024. Despite applying extensively, I have been unable to secure even a guest lecturer position. At this point, I cannot afford coaching classes or paid courses, but I need to become financially independent as soon as possible.

​

I have decided to prepare for IBPS and other banking examinations. The problem is that I am starting almost from scratch, especially in Quantitative Aptitude and Reasoning. I feel overwhelmed and do not know where to begin.

​

If anyone has cleared IBPS, SBI, RRB, or similar exams without coaching, I would be deeply grateful for guidance. Please suggest:

​

* Free YouTube channels

​

* Books that are absolutely essential

​

* A beginner-friendly study plan

​

* Sources for current affairs

​

* Mock test platforms

​

* Common mistakes to avoid

​

* Any realistic strategy for someone who is desperate to secure a stable job within the next year

​

I am willing to work hard. What I lack is direction and money for coaching.

​

Any advice, resources, or encouragement would mean a great deal right now. Thank you.

​

TL;DR: Two-month on-and-off relationship. He kept seeing rishtas and talking to other women while policing my interactions with men, went through my phone, raised his voice, called me degrading names, and caused me severe anxiety. I hurt him too by discussing our sex life with a male friend. We finally broke up, but despite being unhappy throughout most of the relationship, I still want him back. Why? People keep telling me he would come back because he proposed a FWB, which I rejected because I have feelings. But still hoping that he would come back, would he?

I (25F) dated a guy (27M) for about two months. It started casually, became a relationship, then ended because he cited cultural differences. We got back together twice after that.

While we were together, he continued seeing rishtas and admitted to talking to other women, deleting the chats. Yet whenever I spoke to someone else—even one rishta—it became a problem. He would go through my phone, raise his voice, and once repeatedly hit me on the head while "teaching" me to ride a bike. He called me "easily degradable" and being around him gave me so much anxiety that I lost 6 kg in 6 weeks. I once risked my safety and got out of my house at 2 in the morning just to have a confrontation with him about the names he was calling me. I do not react like this. And he pretended everything was okay. I was getting up at 5 to see him every single morning and would spend nearly 5-6 hours a day with him. Sometimes I would arrange my schedule around him and leave everything to be with him, stay over night. Yet he felt that was bare minimum.

I had just come out of a long-term relationship. I was very disappointed and heartbroken. And with this person I sought physical intimacy because that was missing from my life. And i lost my virginity to him. A big deal for me which i thought would not bother me as much, but it did.

Recently, after we agreed to be serious, he went through my phone and found messages with a male friend where I discussed explicit details about our sex life. Some details were exaggerated. He was hurt. I felt ashamed and disappointed in myself for hurting him.

Afterward, I removed myself from his contacts and blocked him. He told me not to because he wanted to see "what I would make of my life" and that I wasn't worth the time or attention. The day before, I cried in front of him out of frustration after he accused me of being emotionally unavailable and admitted I had feelings for him and he meant a lot to me.

We both said awful things. I once said I could tolerate him for sex; he has said the same thing to me. But he said it to me and I to my male friend. I am the problem here. Because once he told me he talks to his male friends explicitly about girls they have slept with.

We finally broke up. He still messaged me afterward and asked me to come over. I couldn't. We met briefly outside my house. Later, I told him we shouldn't see each other anymore and asked him to block me. He did. Then I called because I wanted to apologize. He said I was being childish, and he was drunk, honestly, I agree. I regret hurting him and feel ashamed of some of my actions.

The thing is, I still want him. I have just started catching feelings for him. I've told him that if he came back, I would let him in. But I was never truly happy with him. Help me get over this. I am clearly in the wrong for violating our privacy but I needed a male perspective.

TL;DR: Two-month on-and-off relationship. He kept seeing rishtas and talking to other women while policing my interactions with men, went through my phone, raised his voice, called me degrading names, and caused me severe anxiety. I hurt him too by discussing our sex life with a male friend. We finally broke up, but despite being unhappy throughout most of the relationship, I still want him back. Why?

​

​

I (25F) dated a guy (27M) for about two months. It started casually, became a relationship, then ended because he cited cultural differences. We got back together twice after that.

​

While we were together, he continued seeing rishtas and admitted to talking to other women, deleting the chats. Yet whenever I spoke to someone else—even one rishta—it became a problem. He would go through my phone, raise his voice, and once repeatedly hit me on the head while "teaching" me to ride a bike. He called me "easily degradable" and being around him gave me so much anxiety that I lost 6 kg in 6 weeks. I once risked my safety and got out of my house at 2 in the morning just to have a confrontation with him about the names he was calling me. I do not react like this. And he pretended everything was okay. I was getting up at 5 to see him every single morning and would spend nearly 5-6 hours a day with him. Sometimes I would arrange my schedule around him and leave everything to be with him, stay over night. Yet he felt that was bare minimum.

​

I had just come out of a long-term relationship. I was very disappointed and heartbroken. And with this person I sought physical intimacy because that was missing from my life. And i lost my virginity to him. A big deal for me which i thought would not bother me as much, but it did.

​

Recently, after we agreed to be serious, he went through my phone and found messages with a male friend where I discussed explicit details about our sex life. Some details were exaggerated. He was hurt. I felt ashamed and disappointed in myself for hurting him.

​

Afterward, I removed myself from his contacts and blocked him. He told me not to because he wanted to see "what I would make of my life" and that I wasn't worth the time or attention. The day before, I cried in front of him out of frustration after he accused me of being emotionally unavailable and admitted I had feelings for him and he meant a lot to me.

​

We both said awful things. I once said I could tolerate him for sex; he has said the same thing to me. But he said it to me and I to my male friend. I am the problem here. Because once he told me he talks to his male friends explicitly about girls they have slept with.

​

We finally broke up. He still messaged me afterward and asked me to come over. I couldn't. We met briefly outside my house. Later, I told him we shouldn't see each other anymore and asked him to block me. He did. Then I called because I wanted to apologize. He said I was being childish, and he was drunk, honestly, I agree. I regret hurting him and feel ashamed of some of my actions.

​

The thing is, I still want him. I have just started catching feelings for him. I've told him that if he came back, I would let him in. But I was never truly happy with him.

​

​

​

I’m a 25F Bengali woman who got out of a decade-long relationship because we wanted different futures. I was emotionally wrecked and vulnerable when I met a 27M North Indian banker in Bengal who came on \\\\\\\*very\\\\\\\* strong immediately — saying he loved me within days, asking for exclusivity, giving me constant attention, dropping everything to see me, etc. I got attached to the validation very quickly.

At first it felt intoxicating. The sex was amazing, he was attentive, protective, affectionate. But very soon things became ugly. He constantly made patriarchal comments about women, marriage, cooking, careers, etc. He insulted Bengali men all the time while fetishizing Bengali women, which made me feel objectified rather than genuinely loved.

He would alternate between idealizing me and degrading me. He called me beautiful constantly, then later called me “used,” “old,” arrogant, cold-hearted, and said no self-respecting man would want me because I had an 8-year relationship before him. He compared me to women his parents were sending him rishtas for and sent me a picture of a girl he said was “more suitable” and prettier than me. I became extremely insecure and obsessive after that.

There were also physical aggression moments. Once while teaching me how to ride a bike he kept hitting my head repeatedly and later threatened to leave me stranded. Every conflict became emotionally explosive. I started reacting in ways I never had before — rage, obsession, stalking socials, wanting revenge, feeling violently attached. I genuinely feel mentally and physically unwell after this relationship. I have lost 6 kilos in the span of 6 weeks alone. He makes me act out a lot. He once said I was very easy to degrade and I got out of my house at 2 am just to confront him jeopardising my own safety. After that I started being distant but he acted like nothing happened and we made out a little. He left for his trip and called me saying he got us two tickets to Sikkim next month, to which I said I can't make it.

The confusing part is that I never even thought he was right for me. I disliked so many things about him. But I got addicted to the intensity, attention, and emotional highs/lows after losing my long-term partner. Now we’ve blocked each other for 6 days and I can’t stop thinking about him or the girl he compared me to.

I wake up thinking about him, even when I know he does not make me happy.

Part of me misses him terribly and wants the validation back. Another part of me hates him and feels humiliated for tolerating any of this. I don’t know if I’m grieving him, grieving the attention, or just spiraling after two back-to-back emotionally intense relationships.

How do you stop obsessing over someone who made you feel simultaneously desired and worthless?

TL;DR:

Got out of an 8-year relationship and rebounded with a guy who love-bombed me hard. The relationship became toxic fast — amazing sex and intense attention mixed with insults, comparisons to other women, patriarchal comments, and emotional manipulation. We blocked each other 3 days ago and now I’m obsessing over him even though I know he treated me badly. I am imagining him in harmful situations and somehow I want him back just so I can retain my power. I hate him for treating me poorly but I hate myself even more that I let him treat me his way. What to do if he comes back other than ignoring him? What can I say that's going to sting?

​

I’m a 25F Bengali woman who got out of a decade-long relationship because we wanted different futures. I was emotionally wrecked and vulnerable when I met a 27M North Indian banker in Bengal who came on \\\*very\\\* strong immediately — saying he loved me within days, asking for exclusivity, giving me constant attention, dropping everything to see me, etc. I got attached to the validation very quickly.

At first it felt intoxicating. The sex was amazing, he was attentive, protective, affectionate. But very soon things became ugly. He constantly made patriarchal comments about women, marriage, cooking, careers, etc. He insulted Bengali men all the time while fetishizing Bengali women, which made me feel objectified rather than genuinely loved.

He would alternate between idealizing me and degrading me. He called me beautiful constantly, then later called me “used,” “old,” arrogant, cold-hearted, and said no self-respecting man would want me because I had an 8-year relationship before him. He compared me to women his parents were sending him rishtas for and sent me a picture of a girl he said was “more suitable” and prettier than me. I became extremely insecure and obsessive after that.

There were also physical aggression moments. Once while teaching me how to ride a bike he kept hitting my head repeatedly and later threatened to leave me stranded. Every conflict became emotionally explosive. I started reacting in ways I never had before — rage, obsession, stalking socials, wanting revenge, feeling violently attached. I genuinely feel mentally and physically unwell after this relationship. I have lost 6 kilos in the span of 6 weeks alone. He makes me act out a lot. He once said I was very easy to degrade and I got out of my house at 2 am just to confront him jeopardising my own safety. After that I started being distant but he acted like nothing happened and we made out a little. He left for his trip and called me saying he got us two tickets to Sikkim next month, to which I said I can't make it.

The confusing part is that I never even thought he was right for me. I disliked so many things about him. But I got addicted to the intensity, attention, and emotional highs/lows after losing my long-term partner. Now we’ve blocked each other for 3 days and I can’t stop thinking about him or the girl he compared me to.

Part of me misses him terribly and wants the validation back. Another part of me hates him and feels humiliated for tolerating any of this. I don’t know if I’m grieving him, grieving the attention, or just spiraling after two back-to-back emotionally intense relationships.

How do you stop obsessing over someone who made you feel simultaneously desired and worthless?

TL;DR:

Got out of an 8-year relationship and rebounded with a guy who love-bombed me hard. The relationship became toxic fast — amazing sex and intense attention mixed with insults, comparisons to other women, patriarchal comments, and emotional manipulation. We blocked each other 3 days ago and now I’m obsessing over him even though I know he treated me badly. I am imagining him in harmful situations and somehow I want him back just so I can retain my power. I hate him for treating me poorly but I hate myself even more that I let him treat me his way. What to do if he comes back other than ignoring him? What can I say that's going to sting?

Got out of an 8-year relationship and started seeing a guy from my gym who pursued me hard. Physically, the chemistry was intense and probably the best sexual experience I’ve had. Emotionally/intellectually, he constantly made me dissociate. He was misogynistic, judgmental, controlling, obsessed with “respectable women,” kept stereotyping Bengali women, insulted me regularly (pig, monkey, easy to degrade), compared me to other women, and had double standards about male/female sexuality despite having a huge sexual history himself.

At the same time, he’d also be affectionate, sing to me, cuddle me, tell me he missed me/loved me, ask for exclusivity, say I was intelligent and special, etc. Constant push-pull. I never actually wanted a serious relationship with him because I fundamentally did not respect his worldview, but I kept going back because the attraction and sexual chemistry were extremely strong and I felt desired after years of not feeling that way.

Eventually I realized sleeping with him was making me feel bad about myself. When I tried to end the sexual aspect, he reframed it as me secretly wanting marriage from him and being upset because I’m “not his type.” He also said the "only" respectable thing about me was that I was a virgin before him and I was easy to degrade.

That triggered me badly. I ended up going to confront him at 2 AM, jeopardising my safety, which is completely unlike me. I said horrible things too. I told him he was completely unlovable. I genuinely don’t want him back and know he exaggerates/manipulates a lot, but I cannot understand why this dynamic affected me so intensely or why I reacted so emotionally to someone I don’t even think I truly liked as a person. But I am scared what if he comes back and I act like this again because I have no shred of dignity left?

TL;DR:

Got out of a 9-year relationship and started seeing a guy from my gym for ~2 weeks. It became extremely intense, fast, and mostly physical (great sex), but he was also controlling, sexist, inconsistent, and disrespectful.

He oscillated between wanting a serious relationship, judging my past/culture, and just wanting sex. I stayed mostly for the physical attraction despite being repulsed by his personality. Things ended after he got aggressive during a bike lesson, shut down communication, and then suddenly blocked me everywhere. I don’t want him back, but I’m confused about what triggered such an abrupt block when the whole dynamic was chaotic from both sides.

Longpost:

I (mid-20s) just got out of an 8-year-long relationship. I was asked out by a 27-year-old North Indian guy at my gym, whom I initially found sweet. But very early on, he would say things like he was under a lot of pressure from his parents to get married and was looking for “the one.” This spooked me because I didn’t want anything serious anymore. Also, he has a transferable job and is probably leaving this month (hoping for it)

So I told him I was seeing someone. It felt true in a way because I had been in a relationship for so long, on and off, that anything felt like cheating. He told me he had a crush on me for 6 months, had been trying to find me, asked people around, even checked the gym register. He had sent me a Facebook request (I’m not active there, so it was pending). Eventually, he came up to me and I gave him my Instagram. We started talking there, and he was really polite.

One day, I felt really lonely and went out with him. He seemed nice at first. But on the very same day, his words gave him away to be patriarchal and conceited. I ignored all of this because I was very physically attracted to him. He even said I was "the one."

On the bike, he was constantly touching my knee, which I thought was a signal. After we smoked and it hit me, I placed my head on his shoulder, which he later kept bringing up as me “giving him signals.” After that day, we met again post-gym. He had come from election duties and brought a Monster drink for me. We drank it together, which I found sweet.

Then he asked if he could kiss me and leaned in. I pulled away. I asked him about his sexual past since I was only interested in him sexually. His past is very vast—he has slept with more than 15 people, including sex workers. I asked for reports to check if he was clean; he shared them.

After he dropped me home, I gave him a peck on the cheek, but he leaned in for a kiss on my lips. I knew at that moment he was only interested sexually as well—because why would he push things like that when he was about to be transferred and leave.

Also, this guy has a lot of women around. He keeps everyone he sleeps with around, never blocks them.

On the third day, while smoking, he again asked if he could kiss me. I said no, but gave him a peck on the cheek again. I leaned my head on his shoulder, and he immediately kissed my forehead and then my lips a little, grabbing my face to kiss me. He is an excellent kisser—aggressive and gentle at the same time. But he was very rough with my breasts and waist. He kept touching me to which I touched his dick back. He kept saying he had wanted to do this for a long time and was lucky I agreed to go out with him.

On the way home, I wanted to sit in front of the bike. He constantly touched my breasts on the bike. I could feel his erection. He kept kissing my neck and ears. I was extremely turned on just from this.

When he reached home, he got drunk with his friends and called me. On the call, he told me not to see anyone else and asked for exclusivity and a serious relationship. I also wanted exclusivity because I didn't want any disease. I told him I was not ready since I had just come out of a long relationship. He said he didn’t care. Then he started saying things like women shouldn’t work after marriage, that I should rely on him and give up my career, and that no self-respecting man would want a girl like me if I got tattoos.

On the phone call he said, when I didn’t agree with him, he said he would see me as his sister and that we had nothing anymore. He said my future was not as bright as his and I might never become successful. He also said since he earns 12 LPA, his job is more important than mine.

I stopped talking to him. But the next day, he texted like nothing happened. When I brought it up, he said he must have said those things because I said something.

I ignored him and went out with a friend, drank, and got a tattoo anyway. That night, when I was drunk, he kept calling me. I opened up to him about the emotional baggage I was carrying from my childhood best friend’s death, which I regret sharing. On a video call, I was very horny and asked him to take his shirt off, and I flashed him (which I don’t remember clearly).

He asked if he should come pick me up on his bike (60 km distance). I told him to meet me somewhere else. He waited for me for 3 hours because of traffic, which I found sweet.

But on the ride back, he kept talking about the women he had slept with and continued with stereotypes. I got really mad, but he read it as jealousy. I never corrected him.

I found out he used a nickname for me that he had already used for another woman. His longest sexual partner. I asked him not to call me that. At this point, I was really disgusted by his sexual past—he had slept with almost every woman around his workplace. He would not speak derogatorily about them but he was not respectful either. This irked me.

I stopped talking again on the bike. Then he started singing. I leaned in to listen, and my disgust went away. We made out a little (second base), but since we were in a public place, I told him to stop because people were around. He got mad and said I always turn him on and do nothing about it.

He constantly talked about how beautiful Bengali women are and that I was no exception. He kept complimenting my eyes, lips, face, and especially my breasts. But it felt like he was always seeing me as a Bengali woman and not me.

After this, I asked him to come to my terrace so we could make out privately and not leave him turned on. We made out, and I didn’t want him to leave because I was turned on too. He is a gentle lover but also very aggressive. He satisfies me sexually, and I am very attracted to his body. But every time he opens his mouth, I dissociate.

We planned for him to come again at night. He did, and we tried to have sex, but since I was a virgin and very nervous, I was too tight. When he tried to enter, I instinctively kicked him on his chest because it hurt so bad. He comforted me, and we ended it with oral.

The next time he came over, I lost my virginity to him. It was a painful and messy experience, i bled over my bed sheets. I was very sore. After that, while cuddling, he said he loved me and held me tightly, asking if I loved him. I didn’t want to say it because I did not, but he kept pestering and tickling me until I said it. I didn’t mean it. He would say he missed me and asked me to say it back. And I am pretty sure he was talking to other women in between. Which I care about because I don't want to have sex with someone who is having sex with more than one person at the time.

After that, we kept meeting. He said he genuinely missed me and was getting soft. We met regularly.

Then he took me to an Airbnb. We had sex 7 times in 12 hours. I felt extremely satisfied and happy. It felt good to be desired. He kept asking why I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend of 8 years but had sex with him in a week. I didn’t have a clear answer, except that I never felt desired in my previous relationship. This person was addicted to porn.

At the Airbnb, while eating chicken and roti, he asked if I felt guilty eating meat. I said it’s part of my culture. He said I lacked empathy. And went on about indoctrinations. I started dissociating and told my friend about this while he was in the toilet.

He later sang songs for me, which I loved. Then he saw a message from my friend asking if he was still talking. He got offended and said I was disrespectful. Which I accept was true. But it's really difficult to find respect for someone who is constantly judging you.

After sex, we talked about books. He said I was very intelligent and unlike any woman he had been with. He gave me a dollar note as a souvenir to remember him by when I left for my studies. He also compared me to another woman he had met for arranged marriage, saying she lacked basic knowledge. I have an AIR. And he told me he has only been loved by dumb people and getting love from someone like me makes him feel special.

In the morning, we thought it was the last time. He said he wanted to meet my parents before leaving. I wasn’t okay with it, but my parents are chill, so I didn’t take it seriously.

Then he said he wanted a relationship and that I would have to learn cooking and household work. I already know these things, but I don’t like being told. I still agreed because I wanted more sex.

On the way back, he kept stereotyping Bengali women again. I got angry and left without saying goodbye. Later, he called and half-apologized. I agreed to meet again because I only wanted a physical relationship. I like getting touched by him. But on my terms.

We met again for a bike lesson. Whenever he spoke, I dissociated because of his outdated ideas and he constantly called me a pig or a monkey. I started listening to music when he ordered a tea for him at a shop. During the lesson, he said I might have ADHD and that he hates people with ADHD. He told me to meditate. I actually started doing it. It only became clearer that I was repulsed by him.

Later, he asked if I would go out with him if he wasn’t good-looking or rich. I knew the answer—I went out with him because I was lonely and he was leaving soon, not because he was ideal.

I got frustrated and cried because I felt constantly judged for my past while he had slept with 15+ people. He tells me that no one cares about a man's past and a woman's future. People only care about a woman's past and a man's future. His is bright. Mine is not because I am not submissive.

He said he wanted to take things slow. Then again, he said I was never casual about him and never would be. Then he said he might see other people but actually wanted me.

On calls, he asked if I would respect him and speak nicely. But he constantly insulted me—calling me pig, monkey, etc. I found him repulsive but was still attracted to his body.

During sex, he would ask if I would cook for him or make sacrifices. His parents even sent him a picture of a potential bride, which he discussed with me. I did not mind this. Since she lives far away and he is here. So, there's no chance of him sleeping with her and me at the same time.

Then one day, after being affectionate, he suddenly said his mother wouldn’t approve of a Bengali woman. I got angry because he had been acting affectionate just moments before. I actually felt humiliated and confronted him about making a fool out of myself.

I decided to cut things off. I went to return his things (a dollar note and lighter), deleted my pictures from his phone, and blocked my number. But then it started raining. I let him drop me home.

On the way, I told him he was unstable and a manchild and I wanted nothing to do with him. But then I did something I regret—I acted crazy and clingy, stopped him from leaving, and took him home. He met my parents. Later, they told me to stay away from him. Because he was checking my phone. He would do this sometimes. The first time we spent the night together, he checked my phone and when I said lemme check yours he wouldn't let me so i take it from him. I found nothing sus. Later he let me know that he deleted chats with other women before meeting me. I did not care much either. He would go on to frame this narrative as me being possessive about him.

We continued talking. He called me unstable and psycho, said he couldn’t love someone like me, but still didn’t break things off.

We met again. He criticized my cooking. Asked my friend if I was a “good girl.” Asked if my father would be a problem if he left me since my father is an influential man.

Later, he said he liked my company and would want to come over to my room but soon he said he couldn’t get over the fact that I had been in a long relationship and that another man had touched me. But still asked if we could continue physically for the remaining days. Also said if he feels he can get over this after 5-6 days he would approach me. I said no thank you.

Finally, we met for a bike lesson. I was being distant because of what we decided, when he was singing i leaned in without touching, he pulled me closer and made me hug him from behind. He asked me if I had any plans in the evening, i refused to let him know. He kept calling me names and hitting my head every time I made a mistake. After several times, I warned him I would hit back and asked him to stop touching me. He also said something about me not touching him. When we went for a cigarette i was talking about Blake's Songs of Innocence and of experience. He was listening. After that I showed him a chat with my teacher who i was supposed to meet with my proposal later in the day.

After that, he became cold. I tried talking, but he stayed silent, told me to shut up, and threatened to drop me off mid-way.

He finally dropped me abruptly by pulling my hand.

When I got home, I realized he had blocked me everywhere.

This was the day before his birthday.

His parents are also very patriarchal and conservative. He has a twin brother who has cut all of them off. He has a very low opinion of his twin. He is extremely quick to judgment. He came to meet me wearing something his brother gifted him 4 years back.

I don’t want him back. But I genuinely don’t understand—what exactly did I do that made him block me like this, when he has never blocked anyone before?

I (mid-20s) got out of a 9-year relationship and started seeing a guy casually for about 2 weeks. It escalated *very* fast—constant texting, meeting often, making out, eventually having sex multiple times. The chemistry was great, but everything else was chaotic.

From the beginning, he was intense and contradictory:

* Said we were “casual” but told me not to talk to other people

* Kept insisting I was in love with him, even when I said I wasn’t

* Made me say “I love you” during sex and later used it as proof

* Talked about me needing to “pass level one” (him) before meeting his parents

* Asked me to be less ambitious and not leave India

* Made comments about my past (me being “used”) and my culture

After we got physically involved, he suddenly:

* Said he wanted a relationship

* Wanted to meet my parents before he got transferred (he has a transferable job)

* Then broke things off citing “cultural differences” (he’s a north indian kshatriya)

I even went to return something he gave me, but ended up bringing him home and he met my parents anyway. The dynamic was honestly all over the place.

There were also red flags:

* Ignored physical boundaries at times

* Got aggressive (hit my head while “teaching,” threatened to drop me off his vehicle and did)

Towards the end, I tried to get clarity and maybe came across a bit clingy because he was being inconsistent. The very next day—after things seemed fine—we met for another of my lessons and he was cool in the beginning but soon became rude and started hitting my head from behind, to which I talked back,he blocked me everywhere without explanation.

Now I’m left feeling confused and kind of humiliated, especially because I said things I didn’t mean in the moment just to go along with the intensity.

I don’t think I’m in love with him—I think I miss the attention and the physical connection. But I genuinely don’t understand the abrupt blocking after everything.

Was I actually “too much,” or is this just a pattern with people like this?

PS: guys, i do not regret the sex. It was AMAZING! I just don't get this sudden high and then this sudden low. One day he would want to marry me (which I didn't really want) and the next he would call me and tell me that he feels disgusted that another man has touched me when his own bodycount exceeds 15+. He would try to convince me how nobody cares about a man's past and a woman's future, only the man's future matters while the woman's past is what gets her respect in a society. (he would say his was bright since he is a finance bro) And the getting blocked everywhere bit is what has been bothering me. Also, i miss the sex. He is a great lover. I miss that. Nothing else, not even him.

Everytime he would talk I would dissociated because conversations with him were killing my libido. Then he would say I have adhd. I just wanted him for his body.