u/SceneRemarkable8217

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Every morning:

**•**	How am I feeling *right now*, in my body?  
**•**	What’s one thing I want to bring into today?  
**•**	What do I need from myself today?

Every night:

**•**	What was hard today, and how did I get through it?  
**•**	What’s one thing I did that was kind — to myself or someone else?  
**•**	What do I want to let go of before I sleep?  
**•**	What does the most compassionate version of me want to say to me right now?

I eat regularly and full meal every day
High protein and i don’t cut any types of food
When i crave something i eat it
But in weekends i noticed i eat out of boredom or habit
I just put a watch and start eating but this is sick cause i want yo stop doing this and i don’t know how
I go out often these days cause i know if i stay at hoke i’m gonna binge
But this is not a solution to a lifetime
And i really need help
How can i sit at home peacefully without doing a bad habit that i’m used to like binging on food ?

What food should i eat ?
And as a curly headed what should i do to protect it from breakage and thinning?

I found myself shaking my leg without realizing many many times especially whenever i’m angry or anxious

As someone who has
emotional/ binge eating disorder,
mother and father wounds ,
Childhood trauma,
Anxiety attachment,
Anxiety ,
Social anxiety,
My mood affect every aspect of my life .
And i want to read books about psychology and therapy that can actually help me mentally and emotionally.
I know a book won’t do wonders but some books are unforgettable this is what i’m searching for.

When a person is ill mentally, the child will have uncountable traumas and he won’t be stable .
I took a decision to not get married or to have children unless i did the therapy and i achieved mental stability.
I will forever have that grief from my parents they raised 3 mentally traumatized children.

It is comforting in the moment . But it doubles the problem after i finish . And i eat much more in the session of my binging since i know iMm judging myself and i won’t be able to eat all that quantities afterwards.
And binge eating is no longer serving me it is destroying me .

I need advices from anyone who actually knows how emotional handling happens.
I have been using food to cope for long enough and i've noticed that in all my family's member my mom also cope with food, dad gives us sweets this is his only way of showing his love.

that's not who i am. I am a person who genuinely likes a healthy lifestyle and likes working out. But my emotions are always an obstacle that stop me from reaching my physical/health goals.
I went through a lot to understand how to eat and with help of nutritions i know what should i eat on a daily basis regularly and i do it. But once I'm stressed the food noise suddenly hits out of nowhere.

I tried to breath and i tried to wdrink water i ate high protein fregular meals but today my mood was bas as hell and i could not stop thinking about that ice cream and i ate it then ate bunch of sweets 💔

2019-2023
binges comes from:
Angriness
Studying and not understanding
Sadness
Weighing my self
Home alone
Snacks at home
Snacks at home and they hide it from me
Solitude
Stress
Anxiety
Weight gain
Ignoring my feelings and coping with food without me realizing that I’m actually eating my feelings .
I don’t leave home after binges just because i felt like trash .
I stopped posting my pictures for many years because i felt so insecure.
I said to myself many times i was “unlovable”
Lost my period and got diagnosed with pcos because of the stress i went through , took pregnancy prevention pills at 15 years old just to get a period .
Lost most of my hair i was literally shedding hair down.
+aggressive restriction then binging like crazy, i forced my self many many times to throw up .

2026:
Binges come from:
Home alone times in general
Many Snacks while home alone
Being in stress in general like exams season

+i don’t throw up after binges anymore, i don’t starve myself next day i eat high protein meals after binges and on daily basis, i workout 3-4x a week and not after binges because i just enjoy working out, i stopped weighing my self totally , i stopped binging when i’m angry i started expressing my self defending my point and yelling at people who disturb me instead of eating my angriness,
I started seeking peace with myself and health not just a skeleton body . Starting getting period again even and i gave up on all doctors and pills . I started taking care of my vitamins and hair and food that nourished me .

I’m posting this just to remind my self and anyone who is reading this , that we are warriors and we are so strong in every way
Even if you think you didn’t make any progress
Trust me you did , but you’re so drowned down to the level where you judge yourself and feel so guilty . But this is your brain lying to you .
It is a journey
You deserve to heal
And healing is a stable process that took time and self care❤️.

Wich foods ?

Even if i am not stressed
When i’m home and chilling i immediately binge eat when everyone leaves.
It’s been like this 7 years i was 14 since they start hiding food from me and i started eating secretly .
Now i’m still in this hide and seek game . I always eat when i am alone even if i am not hungry and not stressed just alone at home and i dont know what to do

And i just found myself crying with no reason
Putting my arm on my other shoulder and talking as if another person is hugging me made me cry even harder
I think i am crying of loneliness , i have family and i have friends
But the feeling of love and someone genuinely caring about me is totally missing from my life
I feel like i am hard to allow my self into any kind of talking with someone
Or they just don’t do hard enough to reach out to me and
Or they do try but i’m just always setting excuses to not let my self have a partner
I’m afraid .. of loving and caring for someone who will betray me , and i just allow myself to talk with guys but the moment they stop putting in some effort i feel so sad and left behind even if it was just a week or 2 since we started genuinely talking
The moment i think about sending a message my brain start saying no !and this will probably be a bad idea and you don’t want to be in a relationship and if i make a step i will prove that i am into it . So i just shut up and don’t say anything.
I wanna be loved and love but my standards aren’t high they are hard to find as if they are unexplainable. I always find a bad thing in the person who try to approach me my brain is so afraid of me choosing wrong to the level where this is not standards this is walls i just pit them in front of me so i won’t let myself choose neither right or wrong .
Maybe my parent wound will always be shallow and bleeding everywhere. I wish i can tell my dad that i search for “ his absent love” everywhere and in everyone to the level where i stop allowing myself self from talking with guys just because i’m afraid he won’t be good and i’m just attaching into him because i’m mentally just hungry for love .
I struggeled with my self love and self esteem and confidence through all my teenage years and j was always seeking validation from anyone
I used to be jealous of my older sister because she had many men talking and approaching to her when she’s out or even on social media , she’s 10 years older than me, when i grow a little i find out that i am a totally different person than what she is . I stopped seeking validation online or even i real life i started spreading confidence and compliments to my girls and close friends . And everyone say i look and act very confident .
The boys hitting on me aren’t in the same amount as my sisters was getting and honestly i realized this is not because i am not attractive enough but it is because i am very hard to talk to
She’s not wrong and i am not wrong we are totally just different people with different way of dealing with things.
I don’t really know why i am posting this but it feels better to let this out off my chest .