u/Significant-Alarm835

I always wonder why nobody reaches out to me, why people don’t make an effort with me, why I never get invited out.

And I’ve come to the solid conclusion that it’s because I simply have nothing to offer in the friendship. There’s really not much about me that’s interesting despite having a personality and my own hobbies and interests.

I’m told I’m funny but it’s more in a ‘laugh at’ way rather than with. My voice comes across as whiny even when I’m happy and excited; I still sound like a teen despite being 23. I’m not the best with empathy because I tend to sound fake, and my way of empathy ends up me talking about a similar experience and ultimately talking about myself.

I infodump way too much to create fast connections but it causes people to push me away. This is mainly due to not being heard as a child by my parents. A lot of the time I’m just word vomitting for the sake of talking because I hate any sense of silence.

And I’m just not really good at anything. I’m bad at sports so nobody would ask me to play, I’m mediocre at any arts based activity so nobody wants to collab filmmake with me or go to an art class with me. While I have similar interests to people I’ve met, there’s nothing beyond that to want them to want to be around me.

The only thing I feel advanced in is knowledge pop culture, music, trends or memes but that’s not really anything special, nor it is anyway to build a bond with anyone.

I know that sounds entitled of me, but I just wish I could have a close circle of friends I could rely on (and who’d do the same back) instead of just having acquaintances I have to chase up just to get zero back.

When I’m stuck at home and seeing others out enjoying themselves my loneliness hits the absolute roof. I know I should stay off socials but when even when I go out solo and see groups having fun it’s just an isolating feeling.

I’ve tried everything in my power to make new friends; I’ve joined plenty of hobby and interest meet groups and met tons of people, but I just stay an acquaintance and nothing really sparks. They like me, but not enough to want to have a proper connection. The closest I get is their socials and they ultimately become another follower, because they never reach out to me and when I message them I get nothing back; this is a relentless curse I face non stop with anyone who comes into me life.

I’ve tried talking less (because I do overshare), but then I just feel robotic, I try and be curious and ask questions, but they don’t give anything back. I’ve just not reached out hoping to hear something, but nope, and whatever we had (not much) fizzles out, and repeats. I’ve known some people from the groups for almost a year now and I’ve gotten nowhere with them, but then I watch them get extremely close with someone they’ve known for a couple weeks to a month, and it makes me thinking I just provide no value to them.

I’m not a horrible person, I have a big personality, tons of interests, hobbies, and ambitions, but people fail to see that in me and just ignore me.

I could give up and just shut the world out, but that’s not in my nature, and then nobody will know me. Yet when I go out, nobody wants to know me. It’s a catch 22 for me.

I feel like some might have the same consensus as me, but for me it goes:

7. Headlines (friendship never ends). No shocker this is at the bottom. After a 7 year hiatus (9 as a 5-piece), I think they could’ve done better, especially considering it was for Children in Need. Also the mega lack of Mel B vocals is poor.

8. Mama. I can enjoy it as a piece but can’t relate on an emotional level due to not having a healthy relationship with my own mum. Yes I’m biased.

9. Goodbye. It’s a bittersweet song but I don’t think it’s necessarily groundbreaking like the previous ballads. I do love Mel B’s voice in it as it feels filled with genuine emotion.

10. Let Love Lead The Way. I see this as the most underrated SG single, but for me I just love the harmonies. Emma’s vocals in it are absolutely angelic, along with Mel C’s belts near the end.

11. Too Much. I have a personal connection with the song title because I’m considered “too much” by other people. I also find it so nostalgic as it’s the opener for the Spice World film.

12. 2 become 1. Their most mature ballad, but still says in sync with the Spice style. It’s warm, gentle, and the music production has aged well to this very day.

13. Viva Forever (no surprise). My all time favourite ballad they made. I genuinely tear up when I watch the music video especially as I think of how my own childhood and innocence has faded away. It feels even sadder that Geri didn’t get a solo part; creepy foreshadowing of her departure.

I‘ve come to this conclusion because nobody shows any genuine interest in wanting to connect with me. I get politeness and friendlessness towards my face but over text they’re as dry as the Sahara desert and it’s me who always has to reach out first. Once I stop I never hear from said person again, and the cycle continues. It’s like an ancient curse of a sort. The closest I am to others is a floater friend or friendly acquaintance.

But I don’t understand why. I’ve been told I have a big personality and I’m funny and loyal, but that seems to be proven otherwise if I’m adding no social value to other people’s lives. I have loads of stories to tell others and I never run out of things to say. I have a lot of hobbies and interests too. I love films and I review them for my tiktok page (I’m a content creator with a decent following). People are awed by this at the start and they follow me but then don’t engage with my posts after but they show support to other people, so that hurts.

I’m very ambitious about cinema and film and it’s my dream to go into the industry; applied for a theatrical marketing internship (waiting for response) and told everyone about it but they didn’t seem genuinely interested.

I’m also an intermediate graphic designer and have made some custom film/music posters, but nobody seems to care about that either. I go gym and run; joined a running group but I get ghosted when I ask them to run or just go out during outside planned events. I also make spoof content for my tiktoks and asked people in a film meetup group if they wanted to collab and once again I got ghosted, but some people collabed to make a short film and didn’t even ask me. I love music and have gone to around 16 concerts this year all solo because people aren’t interested in going with me; I don’t mind it solo but I get lonely a lot and seeing everyone with their friends or family kinda stings.

There’s never not a day where I’m doing nothing. After my office job I’m always having to do something to keep me sane; I just wish I could share those experiences with others who care, but nobody really does.

The other alternative is that I’m not good looking. I’m probably a 5/10 at best.

I have AuDHD so it’s not one but two strikes against me…yay.

It feels like no matter who I meet, I always just get stuck at the acquaintance stage, maybe pushing friendly acquaintance, but becoming a friend seems virtually impossible for me. I’ve tried everything in my power to get people to make an effort with me but to no avail, and so I give up, then I try again with someone else just to get another failure thrown in my face.

Nobody thinks to reach out to me first, and there’s some conclusions I’ve come to: A. people are content with who they have and don’t want to expand their circle, B, my personality is not compatible with theirs and C. I’m just an insufferable POS; I’m gonna go with the last option because I think it’s true; I’m always seen as annoying or too much for everyone, which is weird because I think I’m not enough, truth be told.

I try to reach out to others and I get nothing back. If it’s not a short blunt response, it’s just getting ghosted. I try to make plans but they go nowhere because I just get rejected, yet they gladly make time for other people and it feels like a punch in the stomach while I see them having fun while I’m rotting alone. There’s almost like this odd catch 22: I don’t get invited out because they don’t know me well and they don’t know me well because they don’t invite me.

I’ve joined loads of interest/hobby groups, and I’ve met so many people there, yet once again I just can’t make that proper connection with anyone despite actively trying and making myself known. What hurts is that I’ve seen people getting close in front of my face while I get left behind. I’ve left a hobby group about a month ago due to not feeling close with anyone and not one person has messaged me since. Nice to know how little I was valued.

I just feel like I’m destined to be a lonely loser till death. Not much has changed since the last 5 years, what’s the next 5 years going to bring me? Probably nothing.

Due to this, this causes me to speak everything that’s in my brain to whoever is in my vicinity, which isn’t fair on them nor is it on myself.

I can speak to my mum about 70% of things but I can tell she’s not visibly interested because I don’t shut up, yet she doesn’t do a lot to keep convos going or interject with her own thoughts.

It’s my ndad (he doesn’t live with me) in particular who I don’t really tell a lot about what’s going on in my life, because 9 times out of 10 I’ll get laughed at, lecturer, or it just causes a full blown argument.

I can’t talk about my current music taste (early 2000’s pop) because he finds it embarrassing, can’t talk about my hyperfixations/special interests because he finds them childish, can’t talk about a night out with friends because he lectures about getting too drunk and doing dangerous stuff (which I don’t because I’m surrounded by people who I’m safe with), can’t talk about food without him shaming me for what i eat. I can’t even talk about hobbies without him trying to encourage me into turning it into a career. I’m very gym focused atm and his dumbass really said I should become a PT; I’m not even in the right shape for that and that requires a whole course to learn.

Of course there’s way much more that I just don’t like to share because I fear what’s to come.

With anyone who I’m not emotionally dependant on, I can tell my entire life story or show every photo of my current hyperfixations, even if I know they’re not interested either.

But I know this isn’t fair to random people I’ve just met, especially ones I want to befriend, because I come off as too intense or too much. If I was able to get my thoughts out in a household where there’s no negative consequences, I wouldn’t be taking it out on other people; even my best friends get wound up with it and that’s when I decide I just need to shut up and do some reflecting.

This is a sort of comment you’d say to a small child; I’m TWENTY FUCKING THREE.

My Ndad and I have never had a rock solid relationship, mainly because we end up arguing whether it’s at home or in a public space. Any conversation can flip into a lecture an argument in a second due to a plethora of things; me saying the wrong thing, not thinking before speaking, or being ever so slightly disobedient. I have undiagnosed ADHD so that comes into play, but then he loses his temper and then I get annoyed and just go silent.

We were at a family event visiting my stepmum’s side of the family for a BBQ. All was fine for 99% of the time but when I sat on a chair funny because one of my legs were playing up, he and my stepmum were quick to scold me; I got embarrassed but didn’t say say anything back because I didn’t want to cause drama. My dad sardonically said “the witching hour’s begun” which is something BABIES do when they cry or get fussy. Funny enough there was a baby there who was crying and had to be put down for a nap.

Once that brief moment passed we were all good. There were a few kids there who were causing light mischief (spraying water guns) and their parents told them off in a lighter manner compared to what I’ve had to endure from my dad when I’ve done the most insignificant things wrong. I once wrote a the letter e backwards when I was about 7 and he screamed at me and shamed me.

In the car on the way home, this is when the “you were so well behaved” comment came out from my dad, with my stepmum in agreement. I just said thanks in a questionable tone and left it there, but in my brain I was thinking…are you serious right now?

It feels infantilising as hell; neither of them have ever treated me like an adult, but then again sometimes I don’t help myself because I can act out and behave silly, but maybe that’s because I was forced to grow up faster as a kid due his narc tendencies and an emotionally neglectful mother (she’s not the narc one luckily and she’s much better now).

I’ve never had a core group of friends that I’ve felt close to, or just one single person at that really. Every past friendship I’ve had was for their own convenience, to be a butt of the jokes, to be used for money, or just an extra friend who’s just there. I decided to cut myself off from these kind of people but it ultimately lead to me being absolutely lonely to the point it’s depressing and miserable.

I’ve always get told that “it takes time” or “it’ll happen eventually” yet I’ve heard those same phrases for 2 years solid now and nothing has worked in my favour.

I’ve tried plenty of meetup groups that fit my hobbies and interests, and some just to try something new because I was getting bored of the same thing. But none of these have lead to solid friendships, just friendly acquaintances who don’t want anything else, but they will get closer with others, and it stings.

Then I get told that I’m “not meeting the right people” or “not in the right place”, but I literally am; these are atmospheres I really enjoy and vibe with because they are in sync with what I like, and there’s people who share a common ground with me, but as they don’t really give me the time of day, it has me coming to the conclusion that I’m just insufferable and add little to no value in others lives.

Maybe I’m coming off too strong, but it’s hard not to be when all I face nowadays is rejection, ghosting, and abandonment. If I stayed inside and shut the world out, nobody is gonna know me, yet if I actively get out there, people don’t want to know me. I legit can’t win.

I can’t even connect with other ND people which is the real heartbreaking part because then that really has me thinking I’m just doomed to be platonically alone until death.

Where do I begin?

Well, I’m ugly in the face, I have fat cheeks, I’m short, I have a weak jawline, barely any visible muscle, bushy eyebrows, pale skin, gap teeth, and a whiny 13-year old boy voice (I’m 23). Every outfit I try looks awful on me and I’ve been through every single style possible. I also can’t pose in photos for shit without looking dumb.

In terms of personality, I talk way too much, I can’t maintain eye contact, I get bored when others talk, my mouth always gets me into trouble, I always want attention and validation, my interests are too niche, my passions constantly switch and die out.

I have no friends, no girlfriend/boyfriend, no siblings, and emotionally neglectful parents.

I have no proper talents that make me stand out, I can’t drive, I’m not smart, I’m not athletic, I get too overwhelmed to finish projects, I lose focus, I can’t stick to any hobby over a month.

And to top it off, I have ADHD, autism and potentially BPD.

As someone who lost friends (if I can really call them that) over the years due to drifting apart, graduation, lack of shared interests etc. I’ve found myself terribly lonely all the time, always indoors doomscrolling or just wasting my spare time. Nobody ever messages me first or thinks of me; it’s always me who has to initiate only to get nothing back or flat out ghosted. I’m someone who’s seen as “out of sight out of mind” to everybody. Due to never going out due to never being invited or refusing to go out alone, my contacts were very limited.

Since the start of this year, one of my goals was to join hobby/interest clubs and meetups, as it gets me out of the house and encourages me to do something productive, and while I’ve met tons of new people, I still find myself stuck at the acquaintance stage. People are polite and friendly to me and ask for my socials, but then they never message me first and they simply become another instagram follower. I’ve tried to arrange stuff with others, and once again I’m just rejected or ignored, and it makes me just wish I never met these people in the first place because they’re clearly not getting any value out of my presence despite the supposed friendliness; my guess is that they’re too afraid to say anything to my face and their lack of effort on text is a reflection of what they think of me.

I’ve tried all the textbook advice; if I ask questions, I end up feeling like an interviewer, if I try and make myself vulnerable, I just end up oversharing. I get told to just be myself, but my personality is evidently too draining for everyone. I’ve seen others get closer and closer at the meets while I just get left behind and nobody seems to notice that. It’s like I’m some alien to others yet I’m never told what sort of things I’m doing wrong.

What really sucks is that I’ve met like-minded people with shared interests, who are just as passionate about stuff as I am, yet not even they want to connect with me.

I just can’t win.

I have AuDHD and work for a housing company in London as one of the receptionists (I’m on a 3 month contract via agency) where I deal with staff, interviewees, and visitors. There’s 2 other receptionists (let’s call them Bob and Amy) adjacent to me who deal with the residents. It’s been a pretty chill job, but there mistakes I’ve been making within the last couple of weeks, mainly verbally.

Quite recently, I’ve noticed those two are visibly are uncomfortable around me, as they go silent when I join their conversation, and always speak formally to me rather than casual; they seem to be able to have a laugh with everyone else who comes by, but with me, they’re pretty stone-faced, despite the fact my demeanour is outgoing and friendly. I try to make conversation with them, and it just ends up me being oversharing by the end; that’s just one of the problems.

One main problem is that I’ve been taking their jokes they have with others too far and i accidentally end up turning it into gossip. There’s a girl (we’ll call her Mia) in the facilities team which I’m technically part of but also not because I run one of the front desks, who is prone to sometimes dozing off in the mail room; Bob and Amy poke mild fun about this and Mia joins in as she knows it’s a joke, then when I heard about this I accidentally took it to the next level; another staff asked where Mia was and I blurted out “probably sleeping”, moments later Amy says I need to shut up because stuff like that will get her into trouble if a manager finds out. They said the jokes fine between those two and Mia but I not only said it once to a staff, but another time to someone else. For all I know they could’ve been managers/higher ups, but my mouth got the better of me. I did apologise to Amy for taking it too far and she said it’s fine.

Today, I said stuff I shouldn’t have once again. A resident came in for keys from a separate company in our building, which I deal with; Bob and Amy deal with the main company keys. I couldn’t find the keys as they weren’t handed to me prior and the resident was getting inpatient. Instead of just apologising and reassuring the person, I was getting very anxious and saying “they didn’t tell me this” and “they never communicate with me”. Eventually I called someone from that group down to hand the keys over, and my tone with him was audibly frustrated; I basically repeated what I said to the resident to him. Once he’d gone back up and the resident was gone, Bob and Amy pull me over to tell me that was one of the managers I was talking to like that and he could easily report me, as well as the fact it looks bad on them, and I instantly felt regretful and crappy.

I should’ve just kept calm and shut my mouth for once. For the rest of the day I was silent and Bob and Amy didn’t even question it. Luckily my line manager was off otherwise she would’ve been gobsmacked too.

Thank god this is only a temporary job, because I can’t imagine myself staying there long term as everything I’m saying is just upsetting and annoying people and it’s making me even more unlikeable than I already am. I just know my whole team hates me; I can read their tone and facial expressions so well.

I’ve come to the solid conclusion that I’m the problem for all my failed friendships, or why I can’t turn acquaintances into friends. I used to say to myself “it’s not me, it’s them” or “I’ve not met the right people yet”.

The thing is, I’ve always been going to the right places, always been meeting the right people, but how I act is clearly so off-putting as people don’t want to know me. I’ve joined over 10 hobby groups this year that suit my interests, and I’ve not formed a single friendship out of it to do stuff outside the meets with people. I try and reach out over text and get zero effort back. I try to arrange hangouts and get rejected, and then I see the same people out with their friends, so it has me thinking I’m bugging them.

What really winds me up is how people are excited and friendly around me in-person and acts like we’re best friends, but when it comes to text, absolutely nothing; my take from this is that people are just being polite or faking kindness.

And honestly..it’s no wonder…

I infodump about my interests to everyone in the vicinity, I’m overly hyper, I lose eye contact when people are talking, I fake interest when people talk about something I don’t care about, I struggle with empathy, I never know when to read the room or be quiet, I’m blunt and insult people without realising, I’ll try and find a better story over the one someone has just told me, I’m not conventionally attractive, and my voice is very annoying; it’s surprisingly not monotone but it’s just so whiny and sounds like a bratty pre-pubescent teen.

I hate how my brain works and how it controls my words and actions. It find it so difficult to like myself when nobody else does. I blame myself for how I am rather than my emotionally neglectful parents.

I wish I could get therapy but there are none open when I’m not working; I’m happy to be employed and making decent money at least.

I’m 22 trying to find more neurodivergent (mainly ADHD) social Meetup groups within the South London area to find potential new friends. I’m a little lonely at times and don’t have a group of friends, nor any sense of community at that.

I’ve tried Meetup, and joined one called Yay-DHD, and went to a picnic, but someone got me and some other people there very high on drugs. And someone told me that a man in the group has previously tried to spike and SA young women, so I thought to dodge that from now on.

I just really crave a neurodivergent community I can be myself in without having to mask. I wanna meet other outgoing high energy people who love to talk about their hyperfixations. Neurotypical people can’t put up with me.

I’m AudHD and sadly a chronic oversharer/info dumper towards anyone who comes into my life who isn’t my immediate family, and my habits tend to push others away because I’m just too much for them. It’s a relentless cycle because it makes me constantly needy, clingy, and wanting to be the centre of attention. I really don’t mean to be, but it’s how my brain is wired and I think it has to do with my childhood and upbringing.

I’m madly lonely when I’m at home and my mum is usually just on her phone or watching tv; I can’t even recall the last time we ate dinner together since Christmas. She’s single and I’m an only child too so that doesn’t help. I was trying to actually talk to her about something the other day and she told me to shut up because she was watching a show, so that hurt.

When it comes to my dad, I’m often quiet and get irritated by him (I have a lot of built up resentment towards him). When he asks me something I just give a vague answer back or a simple yes or no. If I ever do feel like having a proper conversation with him, 9 times out of 10 he’ll turn it into a lecture or an argument and I get even more angry and just go silent on him or will leave the room/area.

I remember he asked my about an exam result in front of all his friends when we were out and when I said I failed he was visibly upset, and it became an a heated argument to the point I just left and went home. Then he had the nerve to tell me on the phone I embarrassed him in front of everyone.

I don’t feel the slightest bit of comfort when talking to my parents, no matter the topic, because I know there’s going to be a repercussion to it. Anybody else, friends, co-workers, even random people on the street, I can talk my balls off, because I’m not with them 24/7.

People just don’t see a need to make an effort to want to be my friend because A. they already have enough people in their life and aren’t willing to add more people and B. they see no value in me and don’t have the time for me.

And it’s no wonder: I’m autistic with ADHD, I miss social cues, I can’t listen properly without interrupting or losing eye contact, I overshare/infodump, I can’t drive, I’m fat, short and ugly, my interests are too weird/cringe, my hobbies are too niche, my passions always change or die out, my personality is too much/incompatible for everyone, I always talk about the same topics, and I have a whiny sounding voice that makes me sound like a 10 year old.

The only one thing I’m happy about myself is that I’m employed and making good money.