u/SmallSurprise1947

My emotions are scattered everywhere, so for the sake of sanity I am resorting to posting some weird past occurrences here to distract myself.

Instance 1: THE TWO BOYS

In the school which I previously studied, it had a flurry of wannabe 'gunda' kids, every form of bigotry is coded into them, the school was nothing but hell for me, but back to the point, there were two such bullies in my school, they would regularly call an openly feminine gay boy names and whatnot, everyone is aware I am sure.

So it was lunchtime, the class was not empty but not too filled I would say (everyone would run to the school grounds for lunch), I was eating my class in lunch for reasons irrelevant, so the two bullies were discussing amongst themselves, something out of my earshot, then they started rough-housing, apparently violence was very cool to them (so typical), forgive my adolescent eyes for looking(my hormones were all over the place, anyone looked appealing), soon their loud rough-housing turned into a sort of wrestling, upon taking a closer look, I thought I was just hallucinating, but no, what I saw was true, both had visible bulges in their pants, and no they were prominent than before, it was obvious that both had an erection, I know not of what happened to them, for I changed schools.

Instance 2 : THE FRIEND

So I and my family had visited a place in rural Bengal, it being known for its scenic beauty, we were staying there for a week in a hotel, nearby lived a boy, I have forgotten his name, he was typically conservative, consequence of being a village boy, but he was fun to talk with, and I could ignore his bigotry for it was only a matter of a weak. It so happened that he was talking quite passionately about adult content and women, he was quite invasive while asking questions, so I told him that I majorly like men, his disgust bore no consequence for me, for he could not reach my parents, nor did I live here or had any connection, to my surprise, his reaction was quite mild, but only for a moment.

After a while, he started weird questions about my homosexuality, and after a while it reached the same old "so are you attracted to me?", I will admit, this question seriously pissed me off, nonetheless I gave him a reality check, although I may have been a bit harsh, for some reason he took a bit too much offence, like he was fuming, and he also blocked me on whatsapp.

What I shall write now is but a product of my sheer cowardice. In a matter of a few days, I will be joining my college, therefore I joined the fresher group of my designated branch. What I am feeling at this point, it appears to be an arduous task for me.

Upon conversing with the boys in the group, I was hit with the "heterosexual fervour", the shallowness of the men and boys in the country to which I am painfully familiar with. I am not here to describe the behavior exhibited or it's cause, but how it affects me.

Peers, friends all had isolated me, mocked me behind my back, I was the subject for every derision hurled, stepping foot into that school felt suffocating. But, after school there was home, school did not follow me home, but there exists no such respite in college, where I am surrounded by people every minute of the whole day.

A single moment of putting my guard down, a single moment of vulnerability will cause repetition of the cycle I had some how escaped, but it will be harder now and it's effects will matter more, for college is a place of networking and career building, if I am outed, nobody will see me for what I am, but a disgusting creature.

It feels so suffocating....

So I scored 98.8%ile in JM and 25.6k crl in JEE ADV(so a noob), basically I have some weak topics/uncovered topics which I will mention here, please help me out. I have joined MNIT Jaipur Engineering Physics this year.

PHYSICS:

Mechanics(NLM+wpe+com+rot)

SHM(cannot solve tough problems)

THERMO(same here)

Wave optics

Chemistry:

PHYSICAL-(IONIC EQUILIBRIUM, ALSO REDOX AND NOT VERY STRONG HERE SO IT FUCKS UP OTHER PARTS OF CHEMISTRY), surface chemistry and solid state(uncovered)

ORGANIC- STEREO-ISOMERISM

Inorganic- p-block, metallurgy, (uncovered)

MATHS- PNC, probability(weak due to pnc), matrices and determinants, sets+pnc, Integration inequalities, trigonometery, also some of conic sections some of vector 3D.

Pls tell if it is possible and a way to make these strong and how to end my syllabus and revision until DEC with mocks, please this is urgent.

So, I will be joining MNIT Jaipur this year and I got to know that the mess is pure veg, prior to this, two months back I have started taking care of my health and I complete my protein intake using meat, and it's not like they'll be serving unlimited paneer everyday and everyone knows how mess food is, even with whey I will get max 50 Gm. Any suggestions?

So I paid that SAF and PAF fee, I have a seat in MNIT Jaipur, something about physical reporting was written that we have to visit csab website, but I am confused when do we have to do the physical reporting?

PLS HELP GUYS, MODS PLS DONT DELETE THIS

GUYS PLS HELP

PLS HELP GUYS

pls help guys.

title is the question.

guys, I know that if you do not withdraw now, you wont be able to give JEE ADV, but guys I want to partial drop, so will I be able to give JEE next year if I freeze a seat in round 5? or do I have to freeze a seat in round 4 itself?

So I use some other chatting forums, where I have some trans friends(mostly closeted), and I observe a weird pattern every time I talk about their intimate or dating life. When they go into the dating pool, they find that it is mostly 'straight men' who actively approach them(need I say any more?).

As I said earlier, since most of them are closeted, they get to hear a lot of conversations, sometimes they find their coworker or classmate who talks about trans people as 'disgusting', 'unnatural' and yada yada (y'all know the rest), on dating apps seeking trans women or going to some illegal red light areas.

I do not understand, if I find a certain demographic repulsive it will be almost impossible for me to be attracted to them (hypothetically speaking), how can society label trans folk with disgusting slurs then force them into s*x work? what's with our country weirdly fetishizing a community they so vehemently hate?

Also pardon my ignorance, why do most trans folk have such trash taste in men?(I know the dating pool is garbage, please don't attack me 🥺🥺)

basically the title, I have heard both are good, but some also trash cengage, but it's high no. of questions have helped me in other subjects? somebody who is familiar with both? suggest.

any senior from VNIT Nagpur Engineering physics branch? I have some queries.

so basically I signed up for badminton through the online website and now the subscription shows 'active', what do I do now?
also, what is the uniform? white t-shirt and black pant? and timing?

please help

FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT POSSESS THE READING COMPREHENSION FOR READING LONG POSTS, IN BREVITY- WE WILL NEVER BE CONSIDERED NORMAL.

I write this not out of frustration or anger, but my observations, ranting about homophobia will just be stating the obvious.

As an adolescent myself, I have accepted this fact, even if we ever will be accepted wholeheartedly by the constitution, it will all be on paper, society would still not accept us as 'normal'. From childhood I was a little feminine, for which I had heard every derogatory remark "c*kka, g*ndu, etc" and whatnot, and mind you not in a friendly or joking manner, the school which should have been my safe haven was a suffocating place for me.

How can I be angry on uncles and aunties, when the majority of people in our age bracket do not see us as actual humans, but defects, disease or jokes(I am not even talking about Instagram), outside of their jokes, we do not exist.

Just look at this space, it is so dead in comparison to other teenage spaces. I would consider ourselves a bit privileged, for we are at the least, accepting of our truth, in anonymity, individuals like us are growing alone, or even getting executed or even assaulted throughout our country, from villages to cities.

Whenever I would see typical nibba-nibbi relationships, besides the second hand embarrassment, their would be sadness and anger in me, there is no restriction on them, it is considered a goal in teen years, I would and now see teen boys my age discuss girl crushes, everything is so heteronormative, you do not get shamed for life for asking a girl out as a boy.

Every young influencer wether it be a fitness influencer, always flaunts their girlfriends, nobody has the courage, including you and I.

will we ever be considered normal? like a boy asking out another boy in school/college and it being treated as normal there, boy influencers talking about their boyfriends? I do not think so, at least, I will not be alive to see it.

Same-sex marriage is not even legalized here.

my stats: JA: 25K CRL, JM:98.8%ILE, BITSAT:256(WITHDRAWN,NOT ENOUGH MONEY), so most probably I will be taking an okay NIT, since my parents are very much against drop, should I even take a partial drop or work on my career from NIT? I might be a little delusional, but I do not want to give up on college life if partial drop fails, can anyone guide me please?

https://preview.redd.it/cjeelay17fah1.png?width=1400&format=png&auto=webp&s=fc74f66ad6e16f508cdb12840b2da9b10731c7c2

I do not even want to live.

https://preview.redd.it/j1vno64z7dah1.png?width=535&format=png&auto=webp&s=44c4b3e8ec2914ac9dd0a6bff0b1c15372420aab

I was in practice of khayal long ago, I had learnt both Kafi and Bhimpalasi, till now I can feel no difference between the two ragas, both have the exact swaras as komal, what is the difference in their chalan?