u/Soggy-Mixture9671

Just thinking a bit about ancient civilizations and how many of them lasted a significant amount of time and had their own rich histories, but we're only able to discover and research them thousands of years later. I think a book about our current era being that kind of "ancient civilization" to a new civilization of people would be really interesting. I know we're not all technically one civilization, but I think there are a lot of things that could happen that would wipe most of the population out (post-apocalyptic stuff lol)

I started T yesterday, and while I know everyone's bodies react differently, I wanna try to gauge what to expect first. I just keep getting worried that something will change faster than I can adapt to 😰.

Got labs done for another thing entirely, but they tested my TSH and it was 6.5. I'm 21 now, but I've been wondering about my thyroid for years because I have all the symptoms of hypothyroidism and I think someone else in my family has had thyroid problems. But the last time I brought it up specifically, they didn't really do anything about it because I guess my levels weren't bad enough. My T4 is within normal ranges, but the fact that I've felt like shit for forever and the symptoms line up with hypothyroidism, I think it needs to be considered more thoroughly. I had just kinda forgotten about this for a while and have been trying to find other reasons why I might feel the way I do.

How can I advocate for myself and get this to be taken more seriously?

So I wasn't planning on taking summer classes, but I'm staying in my college town over summer to work, and typically I use loans to cover my housing because it's rediculously expensive (about to move somewhere cheaper), and I needed to be enrolled at least part time to recieve any aid (including my loan that I was planning on taking out). So now I'm taking two classes; one for my major and a class that I'm taking purely because I need 2 more credits of upper level classes to graduate.

I don't want to be taking classes right now at all, so my motivation for them is very, very low. The class for my major isn't really a problem because I'm enjoying that more and it's an easier class to pass (lenient on late work and lots of point opportunities), but the non-major class is not as easy, in a way. The work itself isn't hard and if I had the motivation to get through it, it would be a breeze, but there's only around 10 assignments + a term paper, and the late penalty is 10% per day, so it's fairly unforgiving. Also both classes are online and I absolutely hate online classes because it's so much harder for me to stay engaged.

I do kinda like the class and think the material is somewhat interesting, and I think the assignments are decently fun, but the fact that I even have to take it right now has killed any and all motivation to participate in it. I've already missed 2 assignments and am about to turn something in late and it just sucks. I'm also trying to figure out stuff with my mental health right now (trying to find an antidepressant that works for me, and I think the one I'm on rn is making things mildly worse).

Withdrawing from the class isn't really an option because it would defeat the purpose of taking it in the first place. I also would be fine to take it in the Fall because that was my original plan.

So, TLDR; I kinda just wanna email my professor and be like, "Hey, I do like this class and want to do well in it, but I don't think I can do it right now and will be retaking it in the fall," as some sort of courtesy(?) so it's not like I've totally stopped participating out of the blue. Will probably explain the circumstances of this as well,,,

The two weeks where I was only working were SO nice and I wish I could go back to that. I don't wanna go into Fall term continuing to feel burnt out just because I haven't had a proper break :(

I've struggled with my mental health all my life and a lot of that has comprised of me, unmedicated, brute forcing life. I'd like to say I've done fairly well despite my brain and my life circumstances, but I really want to be able to do better. I'm entering my 4th year of college and I'm still such a terrible student and lack any and all motivation despite finally being in a major that I truly enjoy.

In April of this year, I finally kinda "cracked" and decided I wanted to try to focus on my mental health again after dealing with a really bad depressive episode and a pretty bad year prior to that. I started taking Wellbutrin, and I really can't tell if it's working enough for me to stay on it. I've upped my dose and I feel like I technically have more energy, but I still have no motivation to actually DO anything and my anxiety is so, so bad. I really wanted this to just work because I don't want to have to come off of it and try something new and go through another month of getting used to something.

Additionally, I'm really scared to go on any SSRIs because I was on one years ago in highschool and felt that it made me soooo suicidal. I also felt this way when I went on a birth control that was supposed to help the mental illness side-effects.

I decided to go on Wellbutrin specifically because I suspect that I have ADHD but hadn't had the means to pursue a diagnosis (now I do, so I should probably look into that again), and I was hoping that I could kill two birds with one stone by taking this antidepressant. But if it's not working, what do I DO now?

I think I should try to find a psychiatrist who can really help me find a good mix of meds, but part of me is worried that nothing is truly gonna make me feel okay and I'm always going to be struggling with this. I'm just so frustrated with everything :(

I ran out today and was supposed to pick up my prescription, but it wasn't ready for me then (it should've been 😒). NOW it's ready, but I really don't feel like going back out, so I just wanna get it tomorrow after work and then take it, but then I'd be taking it at like 4:30/5pm, and idk if that's TOO late. The latest I've taken it before was at around 1pm the other day and I was fine, but this is a good amount later and I typically take it at around 9pm every day (mainly on weekdays). Usually I wouldn't really be worried about taking it late or skipping a day, but I haven't done that with this med yet and I don't wanna have a terrible day by not taking it in the morning.

It's been a while since I've been super involved in this community. I kinda wanna get back into it, but I want to "reset" my brain a little. I've never really been 100% certain about my type, and I wanna look into it with fresh eyes. Does anyone have easily-accessible resources that I should look into that have maybe become more popular within the past one or two years?

This is just a quick rant, if anything, but I just bought 2 new pairs of men's pants and they lowkey fit perfectly, but kinda too perfectly. I'm fat and have really thick thighs and hips, so everything ends up looking feminine on me no matter what </3 is this something that might change from being on tesosterone (fat redistribution)? i do also plan to start working out, too, i guess

My 21st birthday is coming up on August 3rd, a Monday, and I'm not entirely sure if there's a "best" place to go that day. I definitely plan on going out on different days when there's more going on in town, but I wanna still have fun the day of my birthday. Thanks in advance :)

Currently on my 4th week of 300mg xl after raising the dose from 150 after 6 weeks. The 150 felt like it does doing something for me, but not enough, so I ended up raising the dose to see if that would help at all. I originally got on Wellbutrin because I suspect I have ADHD but wasn't able to pursue a diagnosis at the time, but I also struggle with depression and anxiety, so was hoping this would help that, too.

Since I'm still only on week 4 of this, I know that there's still time for my body to adjust to it better, but this adjustment period has been kinda insane compared to 150. My anxiety has been soooo bad and I haven't been able to drink much caffeine without making my anxiety unbearable. I constantly feel jittery and kinda on edge, and I've been having more anxious intrusive thoughts than before. Also while my depression is better than pre-Wellbutrin, I still experience some low days and never just feel "good", and I still have very little motivation to do things that I don't wanna do (but that might just be a personal problem). Also have been very irritable. I do think my overall energy levels have improved, at least.

Anyway, background information aside, I saw a therapist a few days ago for the first time in a while, and when I was talking about all of this stuff, she made a mention of how people with ADHD usually don't feel worse when on this (and when drinking coffee), but obviously that's not the same experience for everyone. But like, yeah, I think it's at least worth considering that something else may be going on.

I'm just kinda wondering, (1) should I lower my dose again, (2) is this even the right antidepressant for me, and (3) do I even have ADHD? My next follow up isn't for about a month (I could probably see a doctor sooner if I really felt like I needed to), and I at least wanna wait until the 6 week mark before really deciding anything, but I just don't know how I SHOULD be feeling.

I really don't know what my problem is. I know I'm not cis. I know I want to transition. Not transitioning in the past has only made me feel worse, and I certainly don't want to take back any of the transitioning I've done this year. I've cried quite a few times from dysphoria AND euphoria. None of these feelings are just "in my head" and I know that, so whyyyy am I still doubting myself?

I don't even know how to articulate this, but I can't really imagine myself post-transition. I can imagine myself as someone else, in a way, that's more masculine, but it isn't necessarily me. All of the guys that give me gender envy are so far from me and it's kinda frustrating. So it's like, I know I'm not going to magically turn into one of these guys just by taking T, but that just makes it so much harder to imagine myself post-transition.

I just hate the unknowns of all of this. I hate how much transitioning feels like walking into a void, not really knowing where you're going to end up. I hate how slow this whole process is (finding a new style, getting new clothes, etc.) and I currently feel like I'm in limbo and NOT starting T surely isn't helping.

I can't think of a real reason why I would regret taking it, yet there's still this thought in the back of my mind telling me that I will.

Also, hate the thought of having to inject myself weekly. Absolutely hate needles. I'm such a baby about pain (specifically when anticipating it). I can't do the gel because I'm often around animals and don't want to risk anything. I don't even know if I want to go on a low dose or a normal/higher one. I guess it'd be safer to start on the lower end (maybe?) cause I can always go up, but I'm also impatient. And at the SAME TIME, I hate change!!! Maybe I'll enjoy it once it's actually happening, but I keep getting so wrapped up in thinking about it.

Does this fear ever go away?

Tldr; kinda just want to live with one of my friends, but another one of our friends also wants to live with us after not commiting to a decision about who's living with who, and we don't want to live with them because we'd likely be incompatible as roommates

I think the answer to this overall is no, but I feel kinda bad about it so I wanna get some other viewpoints. At least, enjoy this dumb as hell story:

My friend group has essentially been living together between two apartments for the past two years. We all still get along great, but I think living together has put a strain on some of our friendships.

Two friends graduated this year, so it's down to four of us to find another place to live. The original plan was going to be that we all live together. I lived with R the first year and have never lived with T and P, but I hang out with them every day and am essentially their unofficial roommate already.

This group of four (H, R, T, P) are kinda split in two with living styles and they'd been having issues with each other all year where they all kept trying to bring things up and nothing would come out of it. The reasons for that are kinda mixed, but it's a living style issue at the heart of it.

So, again, the plan was for me, R, T, and P to find a place together, but then P told T and I that he would rather not live with R because of the issues they've been having this year, and T and I were kinda neutral on it. However, R did say they had a backup plan, so we decided to prioritize 3 bedroom places since that would likely be easier to find anyway.

Then we ended up having the issue of P really wanting to find a place immediately, but T and I weren't ready to do that yet, so P decided he would find a place by himself. Cool, that's fine, now it's kinda me, T, and R, but the idea of just finding a place with T started to sound really appealing.

At one point, R and H (their 4th roommate) decided that they were going to live together if H took a job in the area, and that sounded like it was genuinely going to happen until it didn't. At this point, I was really only looking into 2 bedrooms and getting excited about it because there were way more options and I think T and I would be a pretty good roommate match.

So, R and H are NOT living together, and R asked if they could live with us and I said something along the lines of, "Maybe, but we might need to prioritize 2 bedroom places for a variety of reasons," and that seemed find because R said they possibly had another backup.

But then they text AGAIN saying that option wasn't working out. I don't want to find a 3 bedroom and I don't want to live with them (R) 😭. But I also feel bad kinda leaving them out to dry because I know they do really wanna live with us, but I just think it wouldn't really work out. And I think they know that it's not personal, necessarily, but it does still kinda suck.

Anyway I guess that's why they say you shouldn't live with your friends

Upped my dose to 300mg about 3 weeks ago and I'm REALLY feeling all of the side effects. I didn't experience heat intolerance like this when I was on 150 and I'm going to go insane. It's only 63° this morning and I feel like I just walked a mile in 90° heat 😭. 70° in my room is too hot. I think this is it for me, gang. Also my anxiety since upping it has been nearly unmanageable and I'm so annoyed. I'm hoping these go away in a few weeks but oh my god

I don't want to go back to living my life before I realized I was trans, but I'm also feeling so uncertain about things now. I hate my haircut even though it's not bad and my friends say it looks good. I hate how feminine my body is. Clothes just don't sit right on me, and it's not like I can magically lose weight in an instant. I don't even think that would solve all my problems. I don't know how to shop for clothes to align more with how I wanna look. I want new glasses but have to wait on that. My binder barely does anything for me.

I like the name I chose but it still feels so awkward to be called it. I still need to change my name on everything and have already done so on the most important things, but somehow I keep getting immense anxiety over changing my name on my family's Netflix? I've already come out to them and they're supportive so idk what my problem is.

I still like feminimity and I know I don't have to give that up, but part of me is like, "What the fuck is even the point of transitioning if it's barely making a difference?" And I know being trans doesn't need to look like one thing, but I'm just so frustrated. I'm also so close to starting T and the only thing standing in the way of that is me actually going back to my Dr to get my labs done and then making another appointment for the actual prescription. But I keep putting it off and I'm still so scared to go through with that, even though I know I don't NOT want to start T.

Tbf, I did up my antidepressant dose recently which does have a side effect of increasing anxiety and depression when adjusting, so maybe that has something to do with my mindset right now. But man do I just want to crawl into a hole and never be seen by anyone.

Changed my name with my school last week, kinda on a whim, but I've also been intending to. It got processed and my name has changed on things and that's awesome, but then I realized that this means I NEED to let my work know, especially if the name attached to my email changes 😭 it's giving me so much anxiety because I absolutely hate telling people. I could barely tell my friends and family and now I have to tell near-STRANGERS?? No one is ultimately going to give a fuck, but I'm just dreading having to do it. Yucky yuck yuck. I wish I could do all of this without anyone seeing.

So I semi recently figured out I'm trans and finally submitted a name change request with the school and it got approved today. I haven't come out at work yet just because idrk how and don't wanna make a big deal of it, but I just realized that the name on my email is probably going to change. Should I just shoot my boss a "Hey btw the name on my email is going to change" email and be chill about it, or should i go to my hr person, or like, what,,, I haven't even been working there long and idk if that makes this better or worse