u/TheColaDemonCat

I am asking because I honestly do not know if this is considered weird. This is my first fanmail letter ever...

My logic is... if you were to talk to them in person, you both would know how you guys look like. You know how they look like since they are famous, but you are just some mystery fan to them. Adding a photo of yourself makes things more personal. Just like writing a letter is more personal than an email to them...

I am a female writing to a male author, so idk if that makes it more weird ?

So I'd like to know if should I include it or not?

TL;DR: Should I include a picture of myself to a fanmail letter to an author I appreciate to make it more personal.

I wonder if this is a dumb question, or a weird one... but i have never written fanmail, but I want to write to a specific author.

My logic is... if you were to talk to them in person, you both would know how you guys look like. You know how they look like since they are famous, but you are just some mystery fan to them. Adding a photo of yourself makes things more personal. Just like writing a letter is more personal than an email to them...

But, I am afraid it will come across as weird or creepy ??

I am a female writing to a male author, so idk if that makes it more weird ? I'd appreciate to know what you guys think!!

I literally just got a PT job at B&N this week, but tbh I need more money !! I have already made them aware that I'd be interested in a full-time position if it ever becomes available, but again, who knows when that is going to happen. In the meantime, I was thinking of getting a 2nd PT job, but to help make more money, but I'm not sure how willing B&N usually is in providing a more consistent schedule or working with me to make a schedule so I can have 2 jobs. I'm a bit hesitant to ask them directly at the moment since I literally just started my first day today, and I don't want it to look bad or whatever. Has anyone been in a similar position or know the answer ? I'd like to add I want to avoid quitting because I was really looking forward to working here, but again, the wage is rather low, and at only part time, it is worrying me due to my finances.

Hello, I am a 25F university student who has been extremely indecisive all my life. My indecisiveness mixed with other stuff that happened in my life caused me to stay in school much longer than most of my peers. I feel particularly ashamed and stupid of this because I could have gone to graduate school by now instead of still working on my damn Bachelor's degree.

I am currently studying computer science and have 2 years left. However, I have been debating on switching to Electrical & Computer Engineering, which would take me 3 years to complete.

Originally, I wanted to go to graduate school directly after my undergrad, but I think it would be best for me to work a few years or so before going to grad school.

I am thinking of switching to EECE because I could get most CS jobs with the degree as well as other jobs that a CS degree wouldn't allow me to.

Another reason is because I would like to actually learn to build things, not just code (especially with AI getting better at coding each time). Like, it would be really cool to be able to build an iron man suit like Alex Lab and be able to do similar stuff like that.

Career wise, well, ideally I'd like a fully remote job one day. I'm not sure what I'd want to do though tbh. I've never been able to pinpoint what I really want to do.

My biggest hesitancy with switching is mostly just the extra year. I've already taken so long. I'm not sure if it's possible if I were to stay with my CS degree to learn and advance in Computer & electrical work at all ?

I just wanted to hear what others have to say as to what I should do. I'd really appreciate it.

The moment I ask a question. ignored

I ask the most basic, important questions. Especially for high-priced items or items that are large.

I want to make sure I am getting a fair price and/or look it up so I can get the EXACT dimensions of it so I know it can fit in my car.

I am a single female with 0 help on my side and 1 car that isn't a pickup truck. So, kinda need to know this shit.

Also, some free postings, I tell them I am interested in buying them. Never hear from them, yet their listing remains active*

I was also willing to buy this sofa for cheap and he told me to come ASAP. I arrived 20 min later with extra xash in hand for him since i needed help moving it. He wasn't ready at all and told me to come back later. Didn't hear back from him days later, despite trying to follow back up with him. I didn't see my messages since I thought he changed his mind. Listing gone

Sellers are as bad as buyers sometimes. Omg.

Also, this isn't a complaint really since it was Free... but i got this instant pot for free. IT STANK TO HIGH HEAVAN. OMG my car smelled like rotten fish for a bit.

I was not diagnosed with ADHD until a year ago. When I was a kid, I had no problems in school until 5th grade hit, and that's where I guess all my mental health problems decided to slap me in my face. Despite this, I remained a very good student all the way up to community college. Then I switched to university, and it has been a slap in the face for me again.

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Now I never really studied in my life. I very rarely ever did. I am also terrible at routines and could never keep a consistent routine going. I always was on time , even early with my work, because I was motivated by making sure I didn't fail. Bad grades were heavily punished in my home, so it pushed me hard. I'm guessing university upped the difficulty, especially being in engineering, requiring me to actually study.

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I was able to do all of this without any medication or coffee. However, I noticed lately I can't do it anymore. I can barely do any tasks whether I want to do them or not. I can't start or finish the task at all. It’s gotten really bad to the point I can't even get out of bed most of the time to do anything.

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I have medication for adhd but I have been avoiding it cause when I did try it (and it worked), it causes me to get angry and have fights with my partner. I probably will get back on it because I need to. It literally feels like my brain is melting or eroding away ?

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To make matters worse, I literally had to drop out of spring semester because I was failing every single class, because I could not study, learn, memorize, NOTHING.

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I am just wondering does ADHD get worse over time or staying unmedicated?

Background Knowledge:

My boyfriend (M31) and I (F25) have been dating 1.5 years and living together for a year. Our lease is coming to an end, and we have been looking at new places to rent.

I am still a college student, and so I am, for the most part, 'financially dependent' on him.

I would like to emphasize that before we agreed to move in, I made it very clear to him the reality of my finances and the time it would take to finish my degree. I made sure he was okay with __ max contribution on my end.

My bf is well-educated and established. He has a new job in which he could make some really good money. He used to not complain about the difference in contributions, but nowadays that has changed.

The Problem:

My boyfriend approached me one day telling me how I should look at 5 bedroom houses for us to lease as well. I was confused, so I asked him why?

Turns out he had a phone call with his pregnant sister. They had an idea that we all should live together. When I say all, I mean: My boyfriend, myself, his pregnant sister, her boyfriend, her daughter(3-4), and occasionally her bf's son (5-6?).

It will be temporary, 6 months to a year max.

The idea is that they can get much better housing choices (more square footage) at better prices (since the rent would be pooled). My boyfriend would also get the opportunity to live with his nieces and spend time with them. He claims with a 4000sqft house, we wont see each other/bother anyone.

He likes it because we currently live 1.5 hrs away from his sister and this gives him a chance to be with his nieces, and he gets to save money/practical choice.

I find this to be a bad idea. I have lived in a house that big with my family of 6 and we saw and heard each other everyday, especially children. I personally just do not feel comfortable doing this.

I am not sure who is going to watch the children and I will not be responsible for any babysitting. My bf is working. His sister is working, and plans on going to PA school soon. Her bf isnt working due to work accident, but I'm sure he will have to go back to work once she goes to PA school? There's her grandmother who lives an hourish away. Idk what they are going to do about that.

My boyfriend claims he hasn't made a decision yet... but it is pretty clear what he wants.

Since I am opposed to the idea, he has even suggested we don't live together for that time frame, but continue dating ??

I would like some input from others. What do you guys think? Should I consider changing my position, if so why ? Is it a bad idea, if so why ? What would you do ?

I appreciate any feedback, I have been stressed about this and I don't know if I am overreacting or if I'm being reasonable.

I am like halfway through my CS degree, and I do not remember most of the stuff I learned, and it scares me.

I am wondering, once I do graduate, what am I expect to know ?

I also have not had any internships yet, nor do I think I will have success in getting one, sadly. What should I expect in getting a job ? What will I be doing ? How much am I expected to learn myself vs. have someone help me learn what to do.

What if I don't know the language being used at all? Or if I know some of it but not even close to being an expert?

How well should I know how to code in general ? What if I still struggle at being able to code without looking at things to help me ?

I'm just not sure what to expect ? Giving me a dose of reality and expectations would really help me understand what I should prepare for.

*Species:* Cat

*Age:* 3 years (would have been 4 next month)

*Sex/Neuter status:* Male, neutered

*Breed:* Domestic Shorthair

*Weight:* 7.2lbs

*Current medications:* Was on Furosemide at time of passing

I lost my cat, Peter, and I am struggling with significant guilt. I want to understand his condition better, whether there was more I could have done, and how much longer he realistically could have lived with better or different care. I am not looking for empty reassurance; I want an honest medical perspective.

*Peter's Full History:*

Peter was born deaf with early neurological signs such as wobbliness that resolved on its own (and later on spinning in circles when his nerves were high). He nearly died from a severe URI as a kitten and was never fully healthy after that. He has been medically complex his entire life.

His confirmed and suspected conditions included:

- Suspected congenital heart defect: confirmed enlarged heart, significant heart murmur, positive proBNP test (Age 3-4)

- Severely damaged lungs: significant abnormalities on x-ray, crackling present (age 3-4)

- Chronic upper respiratory disease: suspected FHV-1, lifelong bloody nasal discharge, chronic sneezing (after his uri infection)

- Fluid in lungs and abdomen confirmed on x-ray (Age 3-4)

- Eosinophilic Granuloma Complex: skin lesions, ulcers, inflamed gums, suspected stomatitis (Age 1)

- Persistently elevated eosinophils on bloodwork (Age 1)

- Chronic ear debris, confirmed not mites (Kitten)

- Black nailbeds throughout his life (age 2 onward)

- Sparse coarse fur and dry skin lifelong (birth)

- Congenital deafness (birth)

- Always thin and unable to gain weight (birth)

- Chronic potbelly (noted age 3, progressed since)

- Lethargy throughout his life (age 1, never played much, stairs were difficult, I had to help him most of the time)

**Key clinical finding:** Furosemide consistently helped his breathing far more than inhalers ever did, which in retrospect suggests his breathing difficulties were primarily cardiac/fluid related rather than true asthma as originally suspected.

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*What Happened At His Final Vet Visit:*

I brought him in for worsening respiratory symptoms and an eye infection. The vet found a significant heart murmur. Sedated x-rays confirmed:

- Massively enlarged heart

- Significant fluid in lungs

- Massive fluid in abdomen

- Lungs in severely poor condition

- Biventricular failure suspected

The vet believed this was either congenital heart failure or FIP. I chose euthanasia after reviewing the x-rays and understanding the severity. He was sedated lightly and passed peacefully in my arms. He purred at the end.

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* Final X-RAY:*

https://imgur.com/gallery/mpKYdcQ

This was the only X-ray they took. They feared he would not survive any longer due to his condition.

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*My Questions:*

1. Given how advanced his cardiac disease was at only 3 years old, how long do you think he had been living with significant heart disease without it being properly identified?

2. With optimal care from kittenhood — early echocardiogram, specialist cardiac management, appropriate medications — how much longer realistically could he have lived? Are we talking months more, or years?

3. Is congenital feline heart disease surgically correctable? Could surgery have saved him or significantly extended his life?

4. I am carrying enormous guilt that I didn't do enough for him. Given his presentation and the nature of congenital cardiac disease, was there realistically anything more an owner in my position could have done that would have meaningfully changed his outcome?

5. I chose euthanasia when the x-rays showed massive fluid in both his lungs and abdomen, severely damaged lungs, and biventricular failure at age 3. Was this the right call, or were there still reasonable treatment options worth pursuing?

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*Additional Context:*

I am a college student with limited financial resources. I did take him to the vet regularly and managed his conditions as best I could with what I had. I used air purifiers, humidifiers, heating pads, and supplements at home. I researched his conditions extensively. In his final hours I obtained GS-441524 from the FIP Warriors community in case FIP was contributing, but I decided this was unlikely amd that he was dying and it would kinder to euthanize.

He was loved completely for every one of his nearly 4 years. But I need honest medical perspective on whether his outcome was inevitable given his congenital disease, or whether different circumstances could have meaningfully changed his story.

Thank you.

I don't really know what is going on, but lately, there has been a rapid increase of men openly telling me (or my partner) how much they love my red hair (or redheads in general).

I mean most of the time, especially if it is just one small compliment or comment, I am perfectly fine with it and enjoy the positive attention.

Yet, if it is anything more, I can't help but think what they are likely thinking in their head, which grosses me out. Especially when they make a creepy, lustful face to go along with it. Ugh.

Today was especially bad. I was heading into a store with my partner, and this random, drunk guy started yelling, following us telling us how much he loves redheads. How great they are.... and then he started talking about sex with redheads... which is where my partner started to put distance between him and I. Eventually, he got bored and angry because he started leaving and then said how he hates redheads ??

I was already overwhelmed before that, and it sent me over the edge, and I broke down. My partner apologized, saying he wasn't sure what to do and was just shocked at it happening. I simply explained to him that most people who make it very apparent that they LOVE redheads are usually the ones who are also sexualizing/objectifying them.

I just felt like talking about this somewhere, and I'm sure many of you guys have similar stories...

Hey,

Just wanted to reach out if anyone would be interested in being friends ? I don't live close to Nashville/Vanderbilt at the moment, but I plan on going to Vanderbilt for my graduate studies for the QCB program.

I am just looking for more new friends who are semi-local and are smartypants.

I've always wanted to make my own clothes, specifically unique pieces. Things like a Victorian era dress, or a dress I designed in my head where no sewing pattern exists.

Honestly, I hate sewing patterns. I hate printing them, taping them together, cutting them out, aligning them to fabric, and cutting again.

How much would an adjustable mannequin actually help here? Could I use one to skip patterns entirely and just go rogue? How useful is it for getting clothes to fit correctly, and is it worth the price?

Would love to hear from anyone who has used one.

My boyfriend and I have been together about 1.5 years and have lived together for a year. His family is planning a trip to Disneyworld for his niece. His mom is paying for it, including for his sister's boyfriend, who has been with her for less time than I have been with my boyfriend. I am not invited.

This isn't the first time I have been "left out" when it comes to his family events, yet his sister's bf is present. I have made it abundantly clear how fucked up it is to invite one partner but not the other. Yet that seems to be high point of contention between us.

When we first started dating he bragged about how many other people he has taken to Disneyworld, and how he will take me (Idk how he thought this was a brag, it just makes me feel less special tbh). Yet, I still was looking forward to going with him.

The reason he gave me as to why I was not invited was because "I don't gel with his family," but I have tried with his family. I have always shown interest in attending family events, I have always encouraged going, I reply when they talk to me, I try to talk with them. Like, I reached out to his sister, I sent thoughtful gifts to her and to his niece, got nothing back, no acknowledgment, no thanks. His sister leaves my texts on read. I've never argued or had problems with them. The only 'problem' is that I am shy/introverted and they seem to really look down on that, including my bf. I have tried explaining to them all that it has nothing to do with them or how I feel about them, it just takes time for me to open up and the more I'm involved the more I open up. These things like excluding me literally just damage any attempts to build a relationship.

I even offered to pay my own way to Disneyworld so that I could be a part of the family experience with them, but still I wasn't invited. And it hurts to know that my boyfriend is helping plan this trip and how okay he is with leaving me out. How he defends his family's actions despite me having done nothing wrong other than wanting to be treated as an equal member of the family like his sister's bf.

My boyfriend told me last year he has 3 trips planned as my birthday/anniversary gift. Idk when or where they are, but I figured out one of them yesterday. His niece let it slip that he is planning on taking me to Disneyworld as a surprise (she wasn't supposed to say this, she's 4).

Hearing this just stresses me out because I know what he's going to think. He thinks taking me to Disneyworld one week alone together is going to erase my feelings about him going with his family next month. A separate trip doesn't fix being left out of a family one. Which just shows to me how he still doesn't seem to fucking understand what it is that is problematic.

It is simple: IT'S ABOUT HIS SISTER'S BF BEING TREATED BETTER THAN ME EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE BEEN DATING LONGER THAN THEM. WHO THE FUCK INVITES AND PAYS FOR ONE PARTNER BUT NOT THE OTHER? THAT IS FUCKED UP.

I would not have a problem with this if my bf wasn't going with them. I would not have a problem if I was invited with them (and I was asked to pay my portion of the trip). I would not have a problem if no partners were going at all. There are multiple scenarios I would be fine with because then I'm not treated as "less than".

I am also dreading what happens when he reveals the surprise. He is going to think it is going to fix everything and I am worried he is going to get angry when I am still unhappy with it. I don't want to come across as ungrateful or impossible to please, but I also can't pretend a separate trip undoes what is actually happening.

I keep asking myself if I am being unreasonable for not just accepting the separate trip. Of course I am grateful about going to Disney with him, and I'm trying to be excited, but this whole thing with his family has just left me feeling like shit. All I want is to be an equal member of the family like his sister's bf. I am tired of being left out and I am tired of my bf thinking this is okay.

I have been avoiding talking to him about this because it's gonna send me into a panic attack, but it needs to happen.

The big question is how to handle the moment he reveals the surprise to me? He is going to think it fixes everything. It doesn't. How do I handle this situation without it exploding. (He has a tendency to get angry, cold, and dismissive when we are angry. I have a feeling this will be a very touchy subject for the both of us.)

TL;DR: My bf's family is taking everyone but me to Disneyworld, including his sister's bf, and my bf is helping plan it. His "fix" is to take me on a separate trip. A separate trip doesn't fix being left out of a family one. How do I handle this situation without it exploding.

Hey, I'm 25 and have been on hormonal birth control since I was 17. My first was the pill for a few years, then an IUD. Over time, I've noticed side effects on both: lower libido, my hair is destroyed, mood changes, less natural lubrication, and a big increase in motion sickness (car and sea). I'm getting more and more worried about what 8+ years of messing with my hormones is doing to me long-term.

Like my mom developed a heart condition that her doctors linked to birth control. I also had an abnormal pap and had to get that sorted out. Hormones are no joke and I'd really like to step away from chemically altering them, but I'm not willing to risk pregnancy.

From what I've read, the copper IUD seems to have the highest effectiveness among non-hormonal methods. My gyno keeps steering me away from it because I haven't had a kid, but I recently learned that's outdated guidance. I'd love to hear from people with the copper IUD and how was insertion, your periods, cramping, any side effects, and how long you've had it?

I'm also open to hearing about any other non-hormonal options that have actually worked for people. Condoms are off the table for both me and my partner for several reasons.

What have you tried, what did you like, what did you hate? Anything you wish you'd known before switching?

Thank you.

My boyfriend (M31) and I (F25) have been dating for about 1.5 years. We have been living together for almost a year. Currently, we have been in a very rocky place.

About 2 weeks ago, my bf ordered a privacy screen for his phone because I "look at his phone too much" while he's texting when we are next to each other in bed and such. When I tried to turn on his privacy mode on when his phone started dinging during us sleeping, I discovered he also changed the passcode.

This seems really fucking excessive given the fact I have never looked at his phone when he wasn't aware (other than to turn off the damn sound/lights flashing every time he gets a notification).

The way he's been acting and treating me has not been good. He threatens to break up with me A LOT when we argue. He actually did break up with me last week, and then we "made up" a day later. This has been the 3rd time this has happened. He often compares me to other people like friends and exes. Tells me how they are better than me or how he can find someone better than me, how he wants to see other people, etc.

I'm essentially invisible to him. He is obsessed with his phone. We argue a lot because he ignores it when i try to tell him what I need/want and express myself when he's said or done something hurtful. We don't have sex much anymore. He's checking out of this relationship, and it is obvious.

There are some other things I could add that would justify why I think this, but this post would turn into a book. The thing I will say.. I do not understand how anyone could treat a human being, let alone someone they love, like the way he treats me.

Our lease is ending in July ? I sometimes feel like he's going to end things when our lease is up to make it easier on himself.

I don't know what to think, let alone do anymore.

I still have love for him, and I still have a glimmer of hope... I'm quite a lone too and don't have any friends to talk to about this.

Please. I'm already heartbroken as it is.