u/b3llr1ng3r

in a few days i’ll be one year sober from crack cocaine. tonight i had a fucked up dream that i was using again, but this time nothing went wrong. i say this and i mean that usually when i get the drug dreams, my rock turns into pebbles, black soot, cigarette ash, chips of ice etc. then once im able to focus and turn that back, my pipe turns into plastic, or i can’t find one, and after that my lighter won’t work, i can’t move my thumb to flick it, or it’s dead. and its just hours of me jonesing for it and fucking chasing for this high that never comes. but tonight i got high and i never have been able to do it. i realised i was dreaming and i asked someone for a torch, and just lit my toke and i remember everything. i don’t even care that i got high though, nor do i feel guilty about it, but i felt this strange feeling of relief, because that dream told me that i remembered it like i smoked yesterday. i remember the high and i remember breathing it in and holding it and letting it hit my brain and feeling my ears ring. and idk for some reason i thought i would forget that some day esp after a year but i guess not. i feel a mix between this sadness and contentment that i can’t pinpoint that well.

how do you get these dreams to go away? i don’t want to have been a year sober and still be thinking about it while i sleep. it took me 5 months to finally get over not wanting to smoke again but it just seems like my subconscious won’t do that.

i love that it’s so advanced that even beggars have wechat QR codes for you to transfer them money.

is the difference between neurotypical thinking and OCD that neurotypical people are able to “get over it” / cope/ deal, whereas for OCD it’s hard to?

what if someone has OCD but is able to get over it due to just being resilient?

note: i don’t say “coping” instead of “bettering myself” because i don’t think i am coping with anything. i’m actively changing and allowing myself to process things “healthily”.

i feel like i’m really self aware, and my way of thinking and coping has changed a lot since i’ve gone through traumatic experiences. as a result, i feel as though what i went through didn’t get the proper emotional response or the severity of its effects aren’t felt as it should feel like it “deserves”. i feel a disconnect with how i used to be and how i am, and how i would’ve handled it previously to now. for context, i am female, and 22 years old.

a year ago i had a hard drug addiction. on top of that, i was beaten, raped, assaulted, and verbally abused, and also had severe prolonged psychosis which triggered old memories and OCD. before that, i also struggled with body dysmorphia, COCSA, and social anxiety.

ever since the rape and assaults, i haven’t been able to emotionally process it. i’m aware it is called “emotional blunting”, common after trauma as a survival mechanism. i’m able to think about it in such a way without my emotions, which in turn allows me to process it a lot better and a lot more “maturely”. i’ve found that in my relationships, i was once an anxious attachment type, and now i have secure/avoidant type attachment. this is not because of the rape, but because the pattern recognition and “organisation” of thoughts in my psychosis allows me to understand things with heightened empathy, self-awareness, and understanding of bad from good in such a strong moral way.

as a result, i feel like i’m “getting better”, by avoiding bad coping mechanisms, things that aren’t beneficial to me, unhealthy ways of thinking, self destructive behaviour, etc. on top of that, i now am really healthy (in terms of way of thinking) when it comes to weight, body image, and self worth. by no means am i objectively extremely “good looking” and am actually overweight (from antipsychotics), but i feel a lot more comfortable with myself and am working towards a healthy weight loss, lifestyle, and a balanced social life.

just really annoyed at my older brother. he has his own place to stay at and he comes home and all he does is complain. i hate him so much. he bitches and does nothing but treat me like shit. he doesnt talk to me normally, he doesn’t listen, hes always tired and then takes it out on me. we recently got a dog and i was training him this morning 8am and he shouted at me for me to shut up and go to my room. the dog is literally a puppy and i had to clean up his shit and pee this morning which was why i was being “loud”. He never is grateful to anything i do or my parents and literally i was like “why come home then, just dont” and he starts threatening me saying “dare you to say that again? and coming closer. and then he says “dont come home? how dare u say that” and its juet like i said it because hes never happy here he always complains and takes advantage of thinga and makes it my problem. im sorrh am i in the wrong here.

I injured my leg a while ago, and haven’t been hitting legs. I just wanna lose weight, not really gain muscle (I’m a girl) or like gain it but just to lose weight faster not to look bigger. Is this possible?

Edit: I am already eating on a cal deficit I’m just asking about workouts. Thanks

I just watched this movie again after being sober. In 32 days I will have been one year sober from crack cocaine.

Funnily enough, I watched the movie back in 2023, the literal summer before I fell into drugs and started using. Not that the movie got me into it, I had already started experimenting with it just before I got home for a couple of months.

I genuinely think the movie was made for me. I know a lot of people think that. But just little things alongside the whole plot, a brother of the same name, the fights with my parents asking the exact same things in a room near identical to the one he was in when they asked him why, the timeline with school and age, the use of the notebook for drawings and writing, the book “the beautiful and damned” making an appearance when I found that book in my neighbours book nook one day when I tried to stop using. The coincidences almost killed me watching it again the second time and I cried so much today. I just think it’s a beautiful beautiful movie and everyone should watch it, especially if you’ve also recently become sober.

I’m looking to make friends with someone who speaks and writes Punjabi (Gurmukhi). I need a little help with a letter I want to write to my friend’s dad who lives in Canada.

I also would like to know more about the sikh religion and learn how to speak the language.

Thank you

This is what I translated (go down to comments for a picture)

ਪਿਆਰੇ ਸ਼੍ਰੀ ਗਰੇਵਾਲ

ਮੈਂ ****ਤੁਹਾਡੀ****** ਧੀ******** ਦੀ ਜ**਼ਿ**ੰਦਗੀ** ਵਿੱਚ ਇੰਨਾ******** ਦੁਖਦਾਈ ਪਲ**** ਲਿਆਉਣ******** ਲਈ****** ਮ**ੁਆਫ਼ੀ**** ਮ**ੰਗਣਾ** ਚ**ਾਹੁੰਦਾ**************** ਸੀ******।**** ਉਹ****** ਮੇਰੇ************ ਲਈ**** ਦ****ੁਨੀਆਂ ਸ***ੀ ਅਤ**ੇ* ਮੇਰੀ** ਸਭ ਤੋਂ ਚੰਗੀ****** ਦੋਸਤ********** ਸੀ।** ਮੈਂ** ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ ਦੋਵਾਂ******** ਨ******ੂੰ ਉਸਨੂੰ** ਦੁਖੀ ਕਰਨ**** ਲਈ**** ਮੁਆਫ਼ੀ ਮੰਗਣਾ** ਚਾਹੁੰਦਾ******** ਸੀ,** ਖਾਸ ਕਰਕੇ** ਜ******ਦੋਂ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਆਪਣੇ ਘਰ ਬੁਲਾਇਆ ਅਤੇ ਮੇਰੀ ਦੇਖਭਾਲ ਕੀਤੀ। ਤੁਹਾਡਾ ਵਿਸ਼ਵਾਸ ਅਤੇ ਦਿਆਲਤਾ ਹਮੇਸ਼ਾ ਮੇਰੇ ਲਈ ਕੀਮਤੀ ਰਹੇਗੀ।

ਤੁਹਾਡੇ** ਕੀਤ*ੇ ਹਰ* ਕੰਮ**** ਲ****ਈ ਧੰਨਵਾਦ******,******** ਪ**ਰ******** ਸ****ਭ ਤੋਂ**** ਮਹੱਤਵਪੂਰਨ,** ਅ**ੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ**** ਨੂੰ** **ਇਸ** ਦੁਨੀਆਂ ਵ****ਿੱਚ**** ਲਿਆਉਣ**** ਲਈ**। ਉਹ**** ਇੱਕ****** ਅਜਿਹੀ** ਵਿਅਕਤੀ** ਬਣਨ ਜਾ ਰਹੀ ਹੈ ਜਿਸਨੂੰ ਮੈਂ ਕਦੇ ਨਹੀਂ ਭੁੱਲਾਂਗਾ।

ਸਤਿਕਾ*******ਰ *********ਨਾਲ,
******ਡੋਰੋਥੀ

(My name)

Dear Mr Grewal

I just wanted to apologise for causing such a traumatic moment in your daughter's life. She meant the world to me and was my best friend. I also wanted to say sorry to you both for hurting her especially after you invited me into your home and took care of me. Your trust and kindess will always be treasured by me.

Thank you for everything you've done, but most importantly, for bringing Amrit into this world. She is going to be someone I'll never forget.

Sincerely,
(My name)

Has anyone had any bad experiences with classmates at HKU? I’m talking not with people you knew in high school that also went but just people you met in classes. Thanks:)

A year ago I was in a pretty bad shape. I lived in a horrible crackhouse with the worst people you could never even imagine. They would r*pe, ab*se, and hurt me emotionally everyday. I fucked up really badly with life and just ended up there with the wrong people.

I think tonight I’m just sad about something really small. I left a teddy bear I had since I was 9 there. My dad bought it for me and I remember being the happiest kid that day. And I took him everywhere. He moved houses with me, slept in all the tiny beds I slept in, and kept me comforted every night.

And then I moved into that house and one day I was admitted to the psych ward and I left all my things behind (at least what was left of what wasn’t stolen) and I left him. He’s just probably there now, watching the horrors of the world around him. I imagine him just wishing I’d come back for him and I feel like a kid who lost her best friend. I know it’s dramatic and it’s just a bear but I loved him and I feel like I ruined him by bringing him there. And I’ll never see him again and it just sucks. I don’t know what I need to hear but I’m just sad and I feel like my childhood is getting violated the longer he stays there. I just hope he’s safe and hiding somewhere, and not watching the world I taught him go to shit like I learned when I grew older.