u/coolfunkDJ

There are some obvious ones like when 1st goes to bludgeon a caveman with a rock, or when 9 literally tells a Dalek to kys. But I’m curious of more points in the show where the Doctor behaves in a way that you could argue is immoral/against the Doctors morals. I’m very curious to see what examples everyone brings up!

I’m looking for something like Lost or Twin Peaks where there is this underlying mystery that is revealed to you slowly over time and you’re expected to try and piece it together and understand what’s happened/happening. Does anyone have any shows like that?

Preferably something that spans the show or at the very least a season, no one off mysteries like CSI please. Im looking for an overarching story not a case of the week mystery (thought case of the week is fine if it contains a longer ongoing mystery outside of it ala Fringe)

Long story short, my parents are close to kicking me (25NB) out because they don’t like the fact i’m queer. i’m not allowed to date anyone who’s the same sex, im non binary and they call me by my deadnames and wrong pronouns, and recently we’ve been getting more and more heated about it.

There’s other family drama that’s contributing to it, but even just having a book upstairs that’s left wing sent my mum into a frenzy where she said it’s about time i move out. I think she’ll do it soon, recently I said it felt like it’d be easier if i wasn’t here anymore and she didn’t deny it.

Who can I get into touch with about moving out before I go homeless? I need some place that’ll accept DSS as i’m unemployed and on universal credit. Otherwise i’d have found some place right. ow, but all the agencies ghost me as soon as I mention it.

I have ADHD and it has been a lifelong fight and struggle to stay on top of chores like dishes, washing, hoovering etc. while also having enough dopamine in me to go to work and stay on top of tasks. It’s been something i’ve struggled with my entire life, with high school in particular being very depressing years of my life.

In university I dated a girl who didn’t communicate properly and would just end up mothering me and I hated it. I really did try and improve but I would always fail to live up to their expectations. They broke up with me citing that they didn’t believe I really had ADHD and it was a case of weaponized incompetence.

I really appreciate intersectional feminism because it takes into account other marginalised groups and how that plays into things, and recently i’ve been feeling like a shit person because I am someone who is feminist and doesn’t ever wanna be the guy who is letting his partner do everything because she’s a woman, but in my case I literally cannot help being behind every other ND, it’s not weaponized it’s just incompetence straight up.

Whenever I see comments about how men expect their partners to do everything in the house I feel a huge amount of internalised ableism and shame, rationally I know they aren’t talking about me and that women with ADHD also struggle with these things just as much as I do. But I can’t help feeling like a terrible person for something that to an extent I can’t control. Every woman I date now I am brutally honest with, and tell them that while I am very much functioning that I will still struggle and have setbacks and flare ups just to avoid a situation like that repeating again.

If a person can't communicate with me, I will no longer put up with it and will break things off for both our sakes, that's how it ended with the last girl I seriously dated. I felt like things were slipping back into that region even when I'd only be staying at their house and they'd need everything to be spotless and done instantly and I immediately saw the incompatibility and warning flags there. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just don't want to be that guy again and knew I couldn't live up to that expectation.)

To put the record straight, progress has been slow but it has been progress. 10 years ago I couldn’t brush my teeth regularly, shower regularly etc. but now I meal prep my own dishes and wash up, hoover and clean the bathroom when I can muster it up and push through it, and shower and take care of my hygiene. I still am terrible at keeping up with the other chores but I can feel myself edging towards competency.

Anyway TL;DR I often just feel like my disability is a moral failing when I see posts about their partners not doing their side. I was in a relationship for 6 years where I was progressing but not nearly enough for them and they ended up shouting at me and getting frustrated and just ended up doing most of the tasks anyway in a way that felt like mothering and I hated it. Now seeing discourse online about weaponised incompetence spikes insecurity and self hate, and i’m wondering if they are talking about me (people have told me no?) and how to manage feelings of shame and internalised ableism.

Hooh, that’s a lot. Thanks for reading 🙏🙏

It’s absolutely scorching in my house and I don’t have any AC so i’m going to go into town today. Where are some good cool places to have fun? I was thinking of grabbing a book and heading to a cafe, so if anyone has any AC cooled coffee places i’d appreciate that too

Can’t afford to get it installed for 1k and it wouldn’t be ready in time for this new heatwave anyway. I need something that preferably wouldn’t break the bank but help cool down a small stuffy room in the loft extension.

I feel as though it’s an oversimplification on both sides honestly.

1. Bad Writing

Yes, the show has always been progressive, there’s no doubt about that. HOWEVER, the show also was well written. Political messages were given by the medium of stories in universe, where allegory and commentary was used to enhance and make a more
compelling plot.

However now, instead of being a cherry on top, politics took centre stage. The problem was never that the show was political, it’s that the show is now
badly written and using its politics as a crutch.

Look at how RTD1 handled criticism of Thatcher during the falklands war. He made a character act in a similar way during an alien invasion, and had the Doctor make a funny quip while condemning her actions. You can watch that episode without even connecting the commentary.

Now look at how RTD2 handled Rose Noble during the 60th. She makes constant jokes about gender, she is bullied because gender, and she saves the day because gender. The episode is banking on the progressive messaging to make a compelling and well written story, when it should be the other way around. She doesn’t really even have a personality outside of “this person is trans”, which makes for
horrible representation, and I say this as a non-binary person myself.

Chris Chibnall did similarly, instead of working on creating a compelling Doctor who was multi faceted and took the character in an interesting direction, he instead made a generic amalgamation of previous Doctors and hoped that the fact she’s a woman would make up for that.

So yes there are idiots who just complain because they’re right wingers, but I think the more reasonable fans in the audience have a point. Because the problem at the end of the day isn’t the politics, it’s the bad writing.

2. Bad Politics

But okay, bad writing aside, I still think the actual politics of the show is very lame. Keep in mind that I am a leftist myself and as gay as RTD, yet I can’t defend the politics of the show anymore, and claiming that it hadn’t changed or that it’s always been this way seems like denial.

The show when tackling important topics such as social justice, used to take a more nuanced approach to the topic in a way that felt like displaying the realities of the situation. Take for example A Christmas Carol, yet another Moffat episode. The social commentary of the episode is very similar to the Dickensian spirit of the book, that rich elites are miserable people who lack empathy for the poor.

However just like the novella it’s based on, it takes a very multi faceted approach. You have the Doctor visit him when he’s a child, where you learn he is a victim of abuse and abandonment. The way he changes is not through victriol or lecturing, as the Doctor starts the episode off that way and the villain ends up digging his heels in further. Instead, he changes by learning to love and see the consequences of treating others as a means to an end. It’s a beautiful tale that tells a deeper message about why people become bigoted in the first place.

Now contrast that episode with something like The Robot Revolution. It’s a similar premise, the villain who treats women as a means to an end does so because of a troubled childhood he had. However, instead of using that as a means of redemption for the character, the companion quips that he’s an incel and the Doctor laughs as he gets reduced to sperm.

Do I need to point out the difference in approach here? The former Moffat episode didn’t treat the main villain as a good person, but also gave us hope that even bad people can grow. In The Robot Revolution, the Doctor just berates the clearly broken and mentally ill man, and then laughs as he is killed.

It’s a trend among many RTD2 episodes, in The Giggle the ambulatory wheelchair user makes a sassy quip about someone claiming she’s faking, and that’s the end of the commentary. In The Star Child The Doctor is berated for assuming pronouns and given no leniency, claiming thats typical of “male presenting” people. I could go on and on, it’s rife within his era and is genuinely new to Doctor Who.

When Peter Capaldi punches a racist bigot in Series 10, even he acknowledges that it was a wrong thing for him to do, even if he deserved it. If Ncutis Doctor did the same thing, he would just laugh about how he’s a bigot with his companion and the audience would be expected to join in on the laughter, as it’s used for a cheap laugh.

Conclusion

So no, while I wouldn’t say that the show has “gone woke”, claiming that the politics hasn’t changed is highly disingenuous. It very clearly has shifted to a much more vitriolic and one note approach, where instead of using allegory and story to explore ideas that mirror the real world, we create strawmen of bigoted characters and say means words about them for a few laughs. Instead of using politics to enhance the flavour of an episodes stakes, it becomes a one dimensional soapbox that actively works against the episode in order to make a point about social justice.

I consider myself allied to feminist causes and I have besties who are women who get approached by men and it’s always so uncomfortable for both her and the guy. I often feel bad especially since they are taken and the interaction is usually very uncomfortable, and the idea of doing that to another woman genuinely makes my skin crawl.

I would never feel entitled to anything, and always respect the first boundary thrown. However, just the idea of approaching in the first place makes me feel creepy. Is this wrong?

EDIT: Thanks everyone for the replies!

Fuck it, its Pride Month. I dont think this month should just be kitschy consumerism thing where we pat eachother on the back about how queer we all are. This month was founded on revolutionary social progressivism. It was founded on dangerous, incendiary activism. I am consanguinamorous.

I have had romantic feelings towards family of mine in the past and in the present. I am also a consang activist, ally, and friend. I came to these realizations of myself a year or so ago after engaging with media that unlocked deeply repressed emotions ive had towards family throughout my life. Since that realization, I have been on a journey of introspection and growth.

I have involved myself in various consang communities, engaged in activism on the web, learned so much of the history, philosophy, and suffering consang people face across the globe. I have had the fortune of being a close friend to many consang couples who must hide in the background of our society, lest they be legally persecuted, jailed, and killed. I have watched them be doxxed, sexually exploited, and abused due to the immense power society holds over them. All for the crime of consenting love between consenting adults.

I have had to assist friends of mine in relocating to escape to safe haven states. I sheepishly approached this topic about half a year ago because I was terrified to lose friends of mine. I was, a lot further along in my understanding of the topic than I led on, and for that I apologize.

I think its time for me to be louder and more open about these topics though. I can speak up, the worst that happens to me is social exile. And with that risk, I can hopefully be a support network for so many people who havent found themselves or havent found someone to rely on. I am a friend of Lily. Hopefully you all can accept that.

I’ve been recovering from agoraphobia and got very good at handling it, to the point where i can pretty successfully leave my house for day trips and manage my anxiety very well.

However, for the first time i’ve agreed to sleep over at a friends house. It’s someone I trust but i’m still so nervous about being away from home for so long.

Can anyone give me any advice?

This may be a little bit of a lengthy post, but I promise you the context here is important.

2 years ago my grandma passed away, for most of her life she was a Catholic, which she learned from her mother. My sister used to take her to mass every now and again, and all the family had a deep relationship with her (rest in peace.)

During this time tensions were very high due to grief and also due to our Uncle (Nanas caretaker at the time) not correctly paying into her life insurance scheme. This meant that the funeral would have to be funded three ways: My Auntie, My other Uncle (who i’ll refer to as Unc from now on), and My Parents.

During their first meeting about the funeral, it exploded into a massive argument. Not being there, I hear two stories: My parents say it was because Auntie wanted to decide all the logistics of the funeral despite them paying three ways. However, my Auntie says it’s because my parents wanted a Protestant funeral instead of a Catholic one.

There tried to be a second meeting but tensions only worsened, with my Dad and my Unc eventually pulling out of the funding, leaving my Auntie to pay for it. My Dad says this is because she wasn’t giving them any say in the funeral.

Okay, that’s the context out of the way, now for the problem. My Auntie cut my parents off after the ordeal, calling them toxic. They have had a very long relationship with a lot of ups and downs, and this Auntie has been in my life constantly. My sister however, has a much deeper relationship with her, and because she’s catholic she naturally sided with my Auntie during this whole ordeal.

A year ago when the talks of marriage was in the air, both my sister and my parents got into a very heated fued that lasted months, over inviting the Auntie to my sisters wedding. My sister eventually caved in, saying that she wouldn’t invite Auntie if it meant my parents could go to her wedding.

However a year later and my sister made the decision to invite both my parents and my Auntie to the wedding, which has resulted in probably the worst family fight i’ve ever been witness to.

My sister’s reasoning for doing this is that A. She never agreed with my parents during the conflict over the funeral, and B. She has a deep relationship with her Auntie and she’s always envisioned her being there. Her fiancé also says that she likes the Auntie a lot and would like her to be there also.

My parents have absolutely flipped shit about this. As of today, they’ve decided that my sister is no longer their daughter. My dad said that if he doesn’t get to walk my sister down the aisle, then she is no longer his daughter.

Thing is, it’s them who’s choosing this? They are very adamant to spin it as my sister choosing her auntie over her parents but i just don’t see it. No matter how much you hate Auntie, you should be able to put that aside for your daughter’s biggest day?

They say that it’s partially also their day, seeing their daughter off into a new lifelong partnership. Yet, if they cared that much about it then why not just shelf your pride for a day? They say it’s because it’ll ruin the wedding and they won’t be able to enjoy it, but to me that just screams of emotional immaturity.

I’ve gotten into arguments with my parents about this, but they are so highly emotional and set in their position it’s no use. I can’t even bring up my own damn sister around them anymore because they start flipping out about how she’s utterly betrayed them after all they’ve done for her.

And here’s the bit of nuance: my sister has treated my parents quite badly in her 20s. She used to live with them and would refuse to help around the house and trash her room and swear them out. My parents have done a hell of a lot for her, often dropping plans at a seconds notice to help her with car troubles or financial troubles and basically be her housemaids. So i can understand how to them this is a culmination of ungratefulness that broke the camels back.

Am I the asshole for not taking my parents side in this? They desperately want me to be on their side but i’m just not. Despite everything I just mentioned, I think it’s ultimately my Sisters big day and you should be able to put aside petty childish bullshit, especially if it truly meant that much to you.

What do you think? Who’s the assholes in this situation? There’s a lot of people to point fingers at, that’s for sure.

EDIT: Thanks for all the feedback, I was feeling very uncertain before posting this about my position so it's nice to hear the support. Here's the TL;DR (as provided by u/fletch-)

>Tl;dr. My sister is getting married. She has invited our Aunt. My parents are in a huge feud with our Aunt and are insisting that she not attend or they won’t. My sister was a nightmare child at home as a young adult and my parents think she is ungrateful. Whose side should I take?

I find it’s really hard to explain that I have panic disorder, OCD and generalised anxiety disorder and still adore theme parks. They feel like my safe space.

I freak out on trains or in public places, but being on a ride strips all of that away and i feel a huge weight lifted off my chest.

I hate queuing more than I do the rides, not because i’m nervous to ride but because i get claustrophobic.

This is just a bit of a vent because I don’t know how normal this is and people often don’t understand it, I’m hoping that at least some people can relate lol. My best friend calls me a mystery 💀

I think maybe the fact i’ve been riding them since i was 5 fairly regularly may play a part?