u/danceswithturtles286

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had what I’ve said are sleep paralysis episodes, but lately I’m not sure if they’re panic attacks, or maybe panic attacks that happen as a result of sleep paralysis episodes?

Lately it’s been brutal and I dread trying to sleep, as I’ve been experiencing as many as 4-5 in a row. Every time I try to go to sleep, I awaken about 30 minutes later with a sense of panic that manifests as tightening in my chest and is usually accompanied by fearful and irrational thoughts that I’m dying or that I’ve forgotten a cat locked in a basement somewhere (always in my mom’s childhood home), or, very strangely, that I have unwanted breast implants (I know-WTF, my brain is wild)?

I feel as if my heart is beating out of my chest. I sometimes have the ability to wake myself out of it and sit up and turn on the light to orient myself, but other times I fall right back asleep and have another one 30 mins later, and this happens for several hours. I sometimes recall feeling paralyzed but other times I think I wake out of it with the panic attack as a result of the paralysis that I don’t remember. Sometimes it’s so torturous that I just won’t try to sleep again that night 😞

In the past I did have visuals, like that the smoke detector was a malevolent entity, but now more often they’re just imagined sensations, like that there is something standing on me.

Does anyone else experience them this way? Does what I’m describing sound like classic SP, or that they’re combined with panic attacks? Trying a new med this week and hoping it’s helpful. Unfortunately for me they’re genetic, as my mom and brother have them

I know that having community/making friends is important to happiness and can mitigate depression symptoms & I’ve been doing more socially lately and have met a few people who I’m becoming friends with. The thing is, I totally mask around them because who wants to be friends with someone who’s depressed and ruminative? Plus I don’t think it’s appropriate to share struggles immediately when you meet a new friend; you need to build trust for that. I might share that I had a sad day but haven’t gotten into the extent of my mental illness (major depression, anxiety, ADD, sleep problems). Then I leave interactions feeling exhausted and not fully seen. I don’t invent a personality or anything; how I act is who I am and who I would be all the time if depression didn’t steal so much from me. I don’t know what the solution could possibly be

Is it just me or are people getting worse at conversation?

I love meeting new people and have been on a lot of first friend dates recently and can’t help but notice how bad people are at holding or contributing to a conversation. I ask questions and follow-up questions, and very often people don’t ask them back or show curiosity if I mention my interests.

I went on a first friend outing with someone last night and she really didn’t ask many questions at all about me but texted me after to say what a wonderful time she had and how she’s so glad to have found me as a friend and that she looks forward to getting together again, and I’m confused because she doesn’t actually know a lot about me.

I met a friend about a year ago through a women's group that she co-runs with her best friend. From the beginning, I really liked her, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual. We had a lot of deep conversations at group events and realized we had quite a bit in common. I’d been looking to make deeper friendships with other women.

In April, we finally got together one-on-one. We ended up talking for several hours, and we both commented on how easy it felt to talk to each other. The following week, I asked if she wanted to hang out again, and we had another great time. We texted a little in between, too.

At one point, she invited me to go dancing with her and a couple of other women from the group. I declined because I tend to feel a little left out around those two women. After that, I initiated plans again, but a couple of days beforehand I realized I'd forgotten I had therapy scheduled. I apologized and asked if we could pick another day instead. She said of course and mentioned she needed to check with her husband about their schedule. That conversation was on April 30.

After that, nothing.

By mid-June, I figured she had probably just forgotten to reply, so I sent a quick "hello." She responded with several long, thoughtful paragraphs saying she'd been thinking about me a lot. She explained that she and her husband had been spending time in a nearby mountain village because they were looking to buy a second home & suggested we talk on the phone, and a few days later we ended up talking for a couple of hours. Once again, the conversation flowed so easily. Before we got off the phone, she said she'd be back in town the following week and would love to get together.

Then I didn't hear from her for another few weeks.
Eventually I saw on social media that they had bought the house, so I texted to congratulate her. Two weeks later she replied, apologizing for the delay and saying they'd been incredibly busy with the new place. I completely understand that buying a home is a huge undertaking. At the same time, I also think that most people can spare 30 seconds to send a text saying, "Things are so hectic right now, but I'm thinking of you. Let's catch up next week."

I also noticed on social media that her best friend had been spending time with her at the cabin. I know established friendships are different from newer ones and don't require the same effort or bandwidth. Still, I found myself wondering why it never occurred to her to invite me up for a visit if she genuinely wanted to build a friendship.
That's what's so confusing to me. Every time we actually talk, she's incredibly warm, affectionate, and engaged. She says things that make me feel like she really values our connection. But then her actions don't seem to match that energy. She rarely follows through, and I'm almost always the one reaching out.

Essentially I feel like I’ve been trying since April to get together with someone who seems to like me but can’t find the time for me. Part of me wants to give her the benefit of the doubt because she's been going through a transition (but only since June), but my best friend was just traveling with two kids under 4 and still found time to stay connected, so I don’t really buy it. She also bakes on the side but doesn’t have a 9-5 job where her entire day is being eaten up by work and a commute and has a grown child in college.

I'm honestly not sure what to do. If she were a dude I probably would have taken the hint and moved on by now, but friendships seem so much harder because they just slow fade out. I haven’t replied to her text yet because I’m not sure what to say. In it she offered to celebrate my birthday that just passed but I don’t know if it was just lip service. Do I let her know that I feel as if it’s been hard to get together, or do I just leave it?

A friend is staying at a place with two young children and the stairwell is open with a large recess in the landing where it begins several feet back from
the actual stairs but has no railing. It’s in the middle of the narrow hallway and has to be basically walked over to get to the bathroom. It was not disclosed in photos nor in the description. Host is saying no one else has ever complained about it and is offering a partial refund but my friend and her family think a full refund should be offered since it’s clearly a safety hazard for adults & children alike. Airbnb has been slow to respond and says they need to “go through the proper channels”

If you salsa dance socially with your husband/wife, do you dance with other people or do you only dance with your spouse? Why or why not?

Any adult who cannot cook at least at a basic level (understands heat control, can successfully cook meat, starches, and veggies, understands food safety) is inherently dependent on external systems, such as restaurants, food delivery apps, and corporate food manufacturers, or in the case of the ultra-wealthy, private chefs, to fulfill their most basic biological need. This creates a state of forced helplessness. Relying entirely on others for something as immediate and important as sustenance is acceptable for a child, but in an adult, it signals a failure to fully transition into autonomous adulthood. It suggests an unearned expectation that the logistical burdens of daily survival should always be outsourced or managed by someone else. This of course excludes disabilities because in that case it is not possible to cook one’s own food

I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember: depression, anxiety, ADD. I’m now 43 and have seen the pattern enough times that it’s begun to really disillusion me: I start to engage in activities that make me feel better or have a plan that I believe will give me more purpose, I pursue it for a short time, and then the novelty of it wears off and I’m right back to square one. I keep thinking about applying to grad school and even took a course this summer related to the program to have more recent coursework and I did very well in it. But it took me over 10 years to complete my BA because of how much I struggle with sleep, time management, procrastination. I’ve seen countless therapists, have been on different medications that sometimes seem to temporarily work but then stop working and I’m just…tired. Now I’m facing perimenopause and things are much worse. I’ve started HRT but it’s expensive and doesn’t seem to be helping much.

I used to believe that one day I would get to a healthier place mentally, but all I see despite my best efforts is maybe a few good days and then a lot of really hard and low days. I’m afraid to apply to masters programs because my undergrad transcript is all over the place and my GPA wasn’t very good, and even if I could get into a program, I’m not confident that I could actually complete it because of how debilitating my sleep disorder is.

I work part-time and my husband pays most of the bills. I’ve gotten full-time jobs and have struggled so much with the demands that I end up getting severely physically ill and have to quit. I waste a lot of time scrolling social media because I can’t muster up the energy for much else. Then I delete it and try to get things done for the day and do the same thing the next day. It feels like Groundhog Day

The hardest part is that under the mental illness, im a very vibrant, talented, interesting person with a lot to offer the world, but it feels like it’s locked up in the prison of mental illness.

So I just wonder: is this it? Will I just mostly be depressed and anxious and unable to manage time the rest of my life with some brief happy moments here and there? And are those brief happy moments really worth sticking around for?

Has anyone out there ever gotten to a better place permanently with your mental health or is it just a series of hoping for nothing? I just really feel as if my life is pretty useless and that I have no purpose and I would love to change that but my brain won’t let me engage in things that could change that.

I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember: depression, anxiety, ADD. I’m now 43 and have seen the pattern enough times that it’s begun to really disillusion me: I start to engage in activities that make me feel better or have a plan that I believe will give me more purpose, I pursue it for a short time, and then the novelty of it wears off and I’m right back to square one. I keep thinking about applying to grad school and even took a course this summer related to the program to have more recent coursework and I did very well in it. But it took me over 10 years to complete my BA because of how much I struggle with sleep, time management, procrastination. I’ve seen countless therapists, have been on different medications that sometimes seem to temporarily work but then stop working and I’m just…tired. Now I’m facing perimenopause and things are much worse. I’ve started HRT but it’s expensive and doesn’t seem to be helping much.

I used to believe that one day I would get to a healthier place mentally, but all I see despite my best efforts is maybe a few good days and then a lot of really hard and low days. I’m afraid to apply to masters programs because my undergrad transcript is all over the place and my GPA wasn’t very good, and even if I could get into a program, I’m not confident that I could actually complete it because of how debilitating my sleep disorder is.

I work part-time and my husband pays most of the bills. I’ve gotten full-time jobs and have struggled so much with the demands that I end up getting severely physically ill and have to quit. I waste a lot of time scrolling social media because I can’t muster up the energy for much else. Then I delete it and try to get things done for the day and do the same thing the next day. It feels like Groundhog Day

The hardest part is that under the mental illness, im a very vibrant, talented, interesting person with a lot to offer the world, but it feels like it’s locked up in the prison of mental illness.

So I just wonder: is this it? Will I just mostly be depressed and anxious and unable to manage time the rest of my life with some brief happy moments here and there? And are those brief happy moments really worth sticking around for?

Has anyone out there ever gotten to a better place permanently with your mental health or is it just a series of hoping for nothing? I just really feel as if my life is pretty useless and that I have no purpose and I would love to change that but my brain won’t let me engage in things that could change that.

EDIT: commenters who try to center the male experience or derail what this thread is about, which is feminism, will be reported and blocked

Men like to approach me in public to ask if I “always look this nice” or if I “always dress this way” (I literally wear maxi dresses/sundresses but in the U.S. this somehow equals “fancy”), so I respond by asking if they always put so little effort into their appearance. Yesterday a man was so taken aback by it that he just slithered away

Edit for those saying this is “mean”: There is a clear difference between genuine interest and an interaction where a woman is treated as an object, a fantasy, or a challenge to conquer. Women are not confused about that distinction; we have spent our lives learning to identify it for our own safety

Because I am attractive and have a distinctive artistic style, men approach me frequently, and I can tell when someone is not actually interested in who l am as a person. They are interested in the idea of me, the attention they can get from me, or the feeling of power that comes from approaching a woman they perceive as different or unattainable. It is not connection, it is objectification

Questions like "Do you always dress like this?" are a perfect example of the problem: this is not a neutral compliment or genuine curiosity. It is a personal, invasive question that places a woman in the position of having to explain or defend her own appearance to a stranger. A woman's clothing is not an invitation for analysis, commentary, or access to her. Men who ask questions like this are testing boundaries and expecting a woman to participate in an interaction she never consented to

I’m not sure if my relationship will work out and I’ve been thinking a lot about what life looks like when you’re single without kids. The reality that scares me is that even if you have a very busy social life, you might see friends for maybe a few hours in a day, and then you go home. You’ll spend most of your time alone. Wake up alone. Go to sleep alone. Eat alone. Explore new things alone. Live the most intimate details of life alone.

Study after study shows that longevity and happiness are inextricably linked to community, so the prospect of being alone so often worries me a lot, and not because I’m afraid of being alone—I’m a very independent person who has a lot of creative interests—but at my core, I do want to be in community. I want to be surrounded by others but have the option to be alone when needed, but I also struggle with finding people who I connect with, as it seems our current world is producing more and more of a convenience mentality when it comes to social interactions.

Then there’s the financial component: how do single people do it? I live in a very HCOL area and I can’t do it on my own; I can’t even afford a room here. I became partially disabled during the relationship and am now financially dependent. I’m starting my own business but that could take some time to really get off the ground and I don’t know if it will be lucrative. My disability means I can’t work a traditional 9-5 so I’m limited as to what I can do to make money.

So just wondering: how are people getting by on one salary, how are you saving for/buying a home, and saving for retirement and maybe even getting to travel sometimes? I see the life that many of my single friends have and it’s really hard. One in particular became a mom very young and her boys are now in their 20s and moved out with lives of their own. She’s really lonely, so kids are certainly not any sort of safeguard against that.

I guess I’m just feeling pretty afraid of what the future could hold and think that the practicality of staying in a good but not deeply fulfilling partnership is important to consider. All of my friends now have young kids so I barely see them or when I do, their children are clinging to them like sea urchins. I have made new friends but I can’t seem to find the community I need.

I’d love to see an alternative for communities for people who want to be intentionally single, where there is the option for community but the residents could have their own spaces in which to recharge

Sports are a modern-day “bread and circuses”; they channel huge amounts of public attention, emotion, and identity into structured, harmless rivalry while real-world issues remain unchanged. They
promote identity overattachment and tribalism through “us vs them” team identities, absorbing attention that could go toward civic or political engagement

They also reinforce gender imbalance in visibility, funding, and cultural value; men’s sports dominate media coverage and resources while women’s sports are often marginalized or underpaid. Large-scale sporting events also drive the demand for sex work and fuel the sex trafficking industry

I live in the U.S. and have been invited to go to several cities in Rajasthan with a newer friend who used to live there. She owns a dance company there and works with many of the dancers globally, so it would be part dance trip/part tourism, and it would likely be a group of women but we would be meeting with dancers there who my friend knows, and that would include some men.

My best friend was in India in 2011 but I didn’t remember where she visited and I read that larger tourist cities in Rajasthan are fairly safe for women, and when I mentioned the possibility of this trip, she reminded me that she went to a few cities in Rajasthan and of a lot of her experiences there, which have me feeling a bit concerned.

She went with her mother-in-law who had been there several times, and during her two-week trip they were: mobbed by men at a bus station and narrowly saved by a driver who saw and pulled over to let them in his car, a man on a bus forcefully shoved her out of the way when she didn’t move out of the way quickly enough, a man who worked at her hotel rubbed his erect penis against her as he walked by in a hallway, her ass was grabbed in a crowded market, and men constantly shouted and stared, sometimes grabbing at her clothes when she ignored them. She said she’d never return without a man and that she’d never felt more objectified or dehumanized. To note, she dressed very modestly, too

I asked my friend who’s going on the trip about this and she said this hasn’t been her experience, however, she is a bit older and so I’m not sure if perhaps the way men treat women is different depending on age? I’m 30, tall and blonde with green eyes, and attract a lot of attention from men in the US, & my best friend said she would feel concerned about me there. I’m also someone who’s traveled a lot internationally and am comfortable with navigating new places.

A couple of things: My best friend and her MIL did travel on a tight budget so it is possible they perhaps stayed in places where harassment was more likely? They were also just two women and took public transport a lot. I’m wondering if going with a group and with someone who lived there and staying in nicer places could mitigate some of the risks, or is it inherently risky to go there as a woman, and specifically as a woman who will really stand out? I will obviously dress modestly. Should I consider covering my hair? I also realize her trip was 15 years ago, so have things changed a lot in 15 years in regard to local men’s attitudes towards foreign women?

Additionally, what kinds of questions should I ask about accommodation/transportation for the trip to determine safety? TIA!

We’ve been fighting them seasonally for years. I tried Terro but obviously if they die too soon they can’t get it back to the colony. Today I made a circle of Avion around an ant and it wouldn’t go near it. Same thing with another one. Put a couple beads in front of yet another and it recoiled and went around. What now?

I tutor homeschool students and work with one family with three girls, ages 11, 9, and 7. The 11 and 9 year olds are a bit behind in terms of education standards but are doing fairly well and learn quickly.

The 7 year old, however, still doesn’t recognize most of the alphabet despite our going over the letters for two hours/week for the past two months. Her mom wants me to try to help her with reading, so we’re also working on vowel sounds, but she doesn’t ever seem to retain or learn new information. I use a variety of approaches like going over one vowel a week twice weekly and having her write it out, showing CVC word cards with the letter and pictures as examples, & then I have her find the letter from letter tiles and spell out the words from the picture cards. She often can’t find the letter in the letter tiles even after she’s just written it and seen examples of it. I have also recommended that her mom work with her with letter flash cards at least 10 minutes a day everyday, but it doesn’t seem like they’re doing this. I would say she’s learning and understanding at the level of a 4-year-old. Her attention span is pretty good with me but I notice that she has frequent tantrums/meltdowns in the home outside of our sessions. Her mom has never mentioned any sort of learning difference to me.

The thing is, their mom has cancer and is often going to Mexico for treatment, so I know she’s extremely overwhelmed right now. I’m not sure she fully grasps the scope of her daughter’s challenges but I’m not sure now is the appropriate time to tell her. Any thoughts on how to approach this outside of what I’ve already been doing? I want to support as best I can without adding more to this lovely woman’s plate

Please be kind. One of the issues that doesn’t get addressed enough is how this economy is forcing women to stay in relationships that aren’t working for them. I saw a study recently about how companies responded more often to resumes that had male-sounding names than the same resumes that had female-sounding names, men make more per hour and don’t face the glass ceiling, and they run everything so the entire work world is built on a toxic model.

I worked full-time and made more money than my husband when we married, and then became disabled during our marriage. I have fibromyalgia and it means sometimes feeling okay and then having days or even weeks where I can’t get out of bed. I work part-time and bring in about $1200/mo which is the most I can do, but I’m now financially reliant on my husband

Things aren’t working anymore; he’s not emotionally available, and thinks that providing for our home financially is pretty much all he needs to do. I want to leave but I plainly and simply can’t. I’d end up living in my car or on the street because rent in my area is $2000 for a studio. I have an elderly kitty who I won’t give up and every single room I see for rent (usually around $1500 which is still more than I make) doesn’t allow pets. I don’t have any family in my area. I do have family in an area with no jobs which would mean then being financially dependent on them, and they’re abusive.

I’m feeling incredibly depressed and don’t know what to do. Any ideas as to how I can provide for myself if I’m disabled and work is incredibly difficult? I’m thinking about doing some sort of spicy online content, which isn’t me, but I’m desperate and I need to find a way. Thanks for reading

I ordered 19 small items (about 2 miles away) from Sprouts for $90 and tipped $18 since I’m on a 2nd-floor walk-up.

When the shopper delivered, one paper bag had ripped, which caused damage: mandarin oranges split open, sushi spilled and was flipped with fillings coming out, and three eggs broke. Another item (mangoes) was overripe and bruised.

The store only used paper bags, but I’m wondering if shoppers usually have sturdier or backup bags to prevent this, especially for someone experienced (she’s a “diamond shopper”)

The store already refunded the eggs and mangoes. Sushi was edible so I didn’t report it, but I’m unsure how to rate this. I don’t want to hurt her income, but the level of damage feels below 5-star service. Thoughts?

I’m a private reading teacher and am great with kids but have never wanted one of my own. Very often the parents will ask if I have a kid and when I say I don’t they say “oh, but you’d be such a good mom!” It’s such a stupid thing to say because seeing someone interact with a kid for an hour a week is not a reflection of the type of parent they would be 24 hours a day. Or people who just know me casually socially will say I’m “such a nice person,” and would be a great mom. They don’t get that they see the social mask. Obviously I’m not going to get into telling others all the reasons why I don’t want to be a parent, but what’s a quick way to shut it down?