u/demureape

imagine you are a thirteen year old girl. you’ve never had a father figure in your life, just a psycho abusive mother. your experiencing this new game called the last of us. you have no idea, but it’s going to be a part of the most profoundly impactful piece of media you will ever consume.

one year later, and your best friend has been diagnosed with, and beat cancer, just to die from a viral infection. your filled with regrets of not being close with her that last year and never getting to apologize for things that happened in the past. you never fully deal with this in the next 10 years. it’s that soul eating mix of grief and regret that makes you wish you were dead (sound familiar?)

your 16, a second game is announced and you are incredibly excited. the game is finally released but now you’re trying to finish your degree. you don’t really have time to play it. you avoid spoilers for THREE YEARS. like not a hint not a drop of a clue. you finally get your hands on it. by this time your deadbeat dad abandoned you for a second time. you’ve waited 10 years. only to experience the most gut wrenching piece of fiction pretty much ever created. almost like it’s literally tailored specifically to your own grief and trauma.

its like the universe created these games SPECIFICALLY TO HURT YOU!!!

at first, i hated this game, so so much. I thought it was the worst thing ever created. i still kinda hate it tbh. but now i can admit that its still a good game despite the fact that i kinda hate it. but it hits way to close to home for me to every fully “enjoy” it the way some people do, maybe the way people were meant to. I’ve seen people say its their comfort game, which is nuts to me, i cannot fathom how. i could never play it without balling my eyes out. multiple times. it still brings up so many emotions in me, the kind of emotions that don’t go away with time. it’s how i imagine a man who watched his teenage daughter get murdered in front of him would feel playing the last of us.

i will admit tho, this game forced me to confront my own grief and regret and guilts, and i’ve forgiven myself the way ellie has by the end of the game. still hurts. but i no longer hate myself for it. i no longer carry that burden.