u/emacydobon

We’ve been using SACU for years and have grown increasingly frustrated. We do use an online banking service, but like to have a local bank account too in case we need it. Anyone have any recommendations? Preferably looking for no monthly/annual fees.

Our biggest issues with SACU:
-forced overdraft protection and high fees
-long check processing time
-very low daily spending limit
-no integration with online services like Plaid

Looking for advice from more experienced parents who have multiple kiddos!

So, recently we have been looking into a 2K/Early Learning program for our soon to be 2-year-old. Being a SAHM (but former childcare provider and early educator), I really want to make sure she is prepared going into Pre-K environments and want to get the ball rolling on some of her social and emotional skills with other peers her age. We also have our second LO due around Christmas this year, and having very little support from family, we could honestly use a little bit of help/time off a few hours a week (I feel guilty even saying it like that).

I guess my confliction is with timing. We are considering both the Winter and Spring Session at a wonderful 2K place locally, the first from November-February and the second from March-June. Is it better to get my 2-year-old in before new baby is born, so she has her own thing going on separate from new baby and is used to the new 2K environment before things at home start changing, or to wait to she can adjust to the new environment at home with new baby and then go? I’m having a hard time conceptualizing which would be more difficult for her and having no experience with multiple kids, I’m at a loss.

If anyone has a similar experience or advice, I’m in need!

Just need to rant for a second in a space that actually gets it lol.

My daughter’s second birthday is coming up this weekend. After a fiasco of a party last year, we decided we’re taking her on a day trip to see the zoo, an amusement park, going out to eat, all the fun things. We still wanted her to be able to do “traditional” birthday things so we’re inviting a few people we’re close to the day before just for cake and presents. Nothing serious.

My husband did suggest maybe inviting MIL, but after everything that’s happened and months of no contact I just can’t stomach the idea of her walking around my house even for a few hours. I feel selfish because my daughter probably would like the extra lovings and attention (though she has only seen MIL maybe twice in the past few months, which was MIL’s choice since she “shouldn’t have to ask”). But I’m 18 weeks pregnant and stressed out and don’t want to be stressed out worrying about what they’ll find in my house to gossip about next if I invite any of the “troublemakers” (I call them the gossip crew, lol. MIL, my SILs and SIL’s older daughter).

But I know the backlash from not inviting them will have consequences, too. It just feels like there’s no winning.

As a side note, my husband has shown me so many posts they’ve made over the past few months that are so obviously about me and it’s driving me nuts. I haven’t spoken to ANY of them since February (and my MIL since November) and they STILL. POST. ABOUT. ME. How I’m a narcissist with Peter Pan syndrome (because I’m a SAHM?) and how toxic people control their partners away from their families. I mean it’s like every week at least. I try not to let it bother me, but I’m not great at that. I just don’t know how I can let people like that in my home knowing that’s how they see me, and knowing they will hyper-analyze everything I say and do to continue their circle-jerk. I just want it to end. And it still doesn’t, even when I don’t even interact or see them for months on end.

Anyway. Rant over lol. Just needed to get off my chest while husband is out with baby for a few.

So me and my wife were watching invincible, we usually don’t let our baby watch with us but it was the last season so things were dragging and we figured she would see much (I was ready with the eye shields just incase thou), what we didn’t expect was her to salute Thragg! It was the episode where he rose to power and was giving the whole “all is ours” speech. When all the viltumites were raising their fists yelling “All is ours!” She stood up peanut butter sandwich in hand and rose her fist yelling “all is ours!” In her almost two year old speech. Me and my wife looked at each other busted out laughing, now we know to keep her away from any kindof pipeline or cult leader because she will absolutely fall for it. 😂

And it’s almost freaking hilarious. I posted here before about my MIL - and since then things have escalated to the point of NC between her and my husband. Don’t really feel like writing out all the specifics, but since then she’s pretty much tried every trick in the book to “punish” him for it. It’s horrible but almost cracks me up because it really shows that she never really cared for him in the first place - like I’ve been telling him for years.

So far in the past two weeks she has:

-demanded back a wagon she GIFTED our toddler

-demanded we get rid of the couch in her garage she told us a year ago she wanted to sell for us, on the same day of our niece’s baptism

-revoked my daughter’s Children’s Museum pass (she gets for free from state benefits)

-demanded she is removed from husband’s car title she has been on for five years immediately (but she will not pay to do, it is $250!)

-removed me and my husband from her Spotify Premium family account (she gets for free from state benefits)

What really drives me nuts is that when my SIL when NC with her, she did the exact opposite - she would pay for $100s in groceries, pay for her insurance, even buy her fast food just for the kids to come over. She cried and begged and did everything in the book to try and remain in contact. But when my husband said he needed a break because she was hurting his feelings - she literally told him “Well you hurt my feelings too. Go ahead and take the fcking break”.

None of this is a big deal - we were planning on addressing most of this to more permanently cut ties soon. But the pettiness is just ridiculous. And when my husband pointed out that it’s weird all of these things became a problem only just all of a sudden, she told him “Not everything is a plot against you, Jesus”.

I know all of this is hard on my husband but sometimes I just thank the lord she finally is showing her true colors. It’s made him do a lot of reflecting on his upbringing with her and the fact she has always kind of been this way with him.

I don’t know if her tactic is to try and make him break NC or make NC permanent but she is definitely ensuring it is the latter!

The worst part about parenting when you’re young is that everyone around you already has their life and their circle established. They have their friends and their kids that their kids grew up with, playgroups and sleepovers and a support network that feels like family. Busy weekly with visits and group vacations. It’s like everyone has already developed a circle that is far too crowded for us to be in besides a monthly scheduled visit and a few text messages if we’re lucky. I had no one I could call to help me clean or cook postpartum. I have no one I could just call up to hang out at the park with my family, or come over for a casual movie night. Everyone already has that. We’re just too boring or they’re too busy to make any room for us to be the same, whether it be friends or even family. They don’t need anybody else. My daughter only recognizes two of her aunts and uncles (out of almost 12) and maybe three cousins and a grandma that makes fun of her.

Idk. We were talking about it and now I’m just ranting. This shit is so lonely. I have ultrasound pictures and a heartbeat video and I don’t know a single person who gives a fuck enough to want to see them. Or ask how we’re doing. Or anything at all.

Why did nobody tell me how extra-exhausting breastfeeding with a toddler is!

My daughter is currently 22 months and natural weaning seems to be nowhere in sight. I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant and oh my god - I’ve never been so exhausted in my life. The exhaustion is so much harder than with my first pregnancy, and I’m a SAHM vs working full time with her!

Does anyone have any tips or advice to try and combat the sleepies or the insane hunger? Will she naturally wean as my milk supply drops, or am I going to have to do this the hard way?

(I am 5’6 and 125lbs - I really don’t think tandem feeding will work out for me)

MIL was watching Daughter (20months) today while we went to our ultrasound appointment. We have just started potty training, so Husband let her know and asked that only adults take her to the bathroom to potty for now. According to him, she immediately replied he was “The most controlling person she’s ever met”, and started going off about how Daughter’s going to rebel against us when she’s older because we’re so strict and that we’re letting her run our lives. The most hurtful part is this is far from the only time she’s made these comments about Daughter. She has also said she will have no friends and no one will like her because of the way we’re raising her, and that we don’t “dress her like a baby”. That all of our decisions will make her hate us.

It feels like she is constantly trying to make us feel like we don’t know what we’re doing so we will default back to needing her. I think that’s the only way she knows how to have a relationship with her family. The childcare is helpful, but the strings, oh god. It’s days like today full of insults if we dare ask anything of her, her changing her text background with my husband to “DRAMA”, and if we ever stop asking her to watch the baby, she goes NUTS saying she shouldn’t have to ask to see her grandchild and no one else treats her this way and Husband is just like SIL and is using Daughter as a weapon. There’s literally no winning.

I’m six weeks pregnant with our second and I just don’t know how it can continue. Husband comes home crying almost every time he sees his mom. She just doesn’t care, I guess? She claims to love Husband and Daughter so much yet only has the most horrible things to say. And the second Husband speaks out again and tries to tell his family what’s happening, she’ll gather her gossip circle back up and tell them how we took Daughter away for no reason and won’t stop berating him. And we just did that. I can’t do another three months of his family blowing up both of our phones.

Anyway, anyone else lol? I just really needed that off my chest. Thank you. Anything you could have to say would be so healing right now.

UPDATE: I showed him this post when he got off of work last night and we had a good, long talk. I don’t think it’s safe to leave Daughter there unsupervised anymore and I told him he’s going to make me put my foot down about that. This morning, he did cancel her watching Daughter and said “No. You hurt my feelings yesterday when you were saying I was controlling, and it seems like you’re hurting my feelings a lot lately. I think we need a break”.

Thank you all for taking the time out of your days to respond, it made me feel so much less alone and crazy!