u/grewprasad

I'm from India, 23M. I live in a village with my family watching over our farm. After getting continuous suicidal thoughts I went to a therapist and got diagnosed with NPD, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. I've only gone 2 sessions.

The issue is no one in my circle believes that I'm suffering from these disorders. I for a fact 100% know I have these because they ruin my career, personal life etc. I have had these symptoms since childhood but thought it was just a trait not disorder since I don't have any history of physical abuse or having a major traumatic event. It has been since my dad died (2023) these symptoms grew on me. I've tried my best to distract myself by working and watching what I love, cinema. But now I don't enjoy anything, other than enjoying it I simply hate living among these people.

My family, employer(friend), friends(Msc PSY graduates) brings arguments like

"It's just our mindset, if you think you have a disorder you'll have it so just stop thinking like this"

"you have nothing, this is called second year syndrome where you research stuff and think that the symptoms match your traits"

"every human is a combination of everything, everyone has npd, ocpd, even I follow unhealthy perfectionism it's not a big thing"

"anxiety attacks are just a myth just face the situation with confidence, sorry but it seems like you are not manly and have low testosterone check for that instead"

"Don't use this gimmick, being suicidal isn't a joke and can't be used as an excuse to resign the work, and I can see you aren't showing suicidal symptoms it's not visible"

"Even I get depressive episodes, but I don't rant like you because I move on. But you seem to be stagnant and ruminating the thoughts, it's just your mindset not a big thing just take a short break and come back to work"

"Don't speak like this to other people they'll think you have some mental disorders or assume you as a retard, if they think that our family image will get spoiled don't be a pussy"

"psychology and psychiatry are scams, therapy is a scam just follow the path of god.. following atheism is the main problem you have, just visit the temple and stay for a while speak with people and there'll be no depression"

"psychiatrists will diagnose disorder for anybody, and suggest medication, even as a psychologist I can't trust them. If we diagnose, everyone in the world will be diagnosed with one disorder or another. Even if psychiatrists see small traits they'll label it as disorder. You can't trust a questionnaire. Getting misdiagnosed is common in this field"

"good sleep and physical activity will solve everything there's no disorder, just cope like everyone else it's called life"

"there are people who suffer financially and are still happy, compare yourself with them. Your situation is nothing compared to others, how come they aren't suffering from any disorder? because they have strong will, just use your brain"

etc etc

Literally no one is there to understand me other than strangers in reddit. India is the worst place you'd ever wish to be when you have mental health issues. How to make them understand this is a real thing? Even psychology graduates are saying the same. Are they taking it lightly because I had masked the symptoms well in my past? Will they only understand my argument if I finally die out of depression? I guess even then they won't understand how the individual human brain works and still berate me for being a pussy just like how they berated my father when he died. Please help me. How to efficiently make them understand and counter the arguments

I'm from India, 23M. I live in a village with my family watching over our farm. After getting continuous suicidal thoughts I went to a therapist and got diagnosed with NPD, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. I've only gone 2 sessions.

The issue is no one in my circle believes that I'm suffering from these disorders. I for a fact 100% know I have these because they ruin my career, personal life etc. I have had these symptoms since childhood but thought it was just a trait not disorder since I don't have any history of physical abuse or having a major traumatic event. It has been since my dad died (2023) these symptoms grew on me. I've tried my best to distract myself by working and watching what I love, cinema. But now I don't enjoy anything, other than enjoying it I simply hate living among these people.

My family, employer(friend), friends(Msc PSY graduates) brings arguments like

"It's just our mindset, if you think you have a disorder you'll have it so just stop thinking like this"

"you have nothing, this is called second year syndrome where you research stuff and think that the symptoms match your traits"

"every human is a combination of everything, everyone has npd, ocpd, even I follow unhealthy perfectionism it's not a big thing"

"anxiety attacks are just a myth just face the situation with confidence, sorry but it seems like you are not manly and have low testosterone check for that instead"

"Don't use this gimmick, being suicidal isn't a joke and can't be used as an excuse to resign the work, and I can see you aren't showing suicidal symptoms it's not visible"

"Even I get depressive episodes, but I don't rant like you because I move on. But you seem to be stagnant and ruminating the thoughts, it's just your mindset not a big thing just take a short break and come back to work"

"Don't speak like this to other people they'll think you have some mental disorders or assume you as a retard, if they think that our family image will get spoiled don't be a pussy"

"psychology and psychiatry are scams, therapy is a scam just follow the path of god.. following atheism is the main problem you have, just visit the temple and stay for a while speak with people and there'll be no depression"

"psychiatrists will diagnose disorder for anybody, and suggest medication, even as a psychologist I can't trust them. If we diagnose, everyone in the world will be diagnosed with one disorder or another. Even if psychiatrists see small traits they'll label it as disorder. You can't trust a questionnaire. Getting misdiagnosed is common in this field"

"good sleep and physical activity will solve everything there's no disorder, just cope like everyone else it's called life"

"there are people who suffer financially and are still happy, compare yourself with them. Your situation is nothing compared to others, how come they aren't suffering from any disorder? because they have strong will, just use your brain"

etc etc

Literally no one is there to understand me other than strangers in reddit. India is the worst place you'd ever wish to be when you have mental health issues. How to make them understand this is a real thing? Even psychology graduates are saying the same. Are they taking it lightly because I had masked the symptoms well in my past? Will they only understand my argument if I finally die out of depression? I guess even then they won't understand how the individual human brain works and still berate me for being a pussy just like how they berated my father when he died. Please help me

1. I'm new to reading books. I started reading so that I can learn more about politics but starting off with leftist literature is very tough for non native english speaker so I started off with what this sub usually suggests for beginners. But I guess I have undiagnosed ADHD and can't retain information that much. I have to read a page 4,5 times and yet It feels like I've not read that page the next day. It's ok for fiction but If I'm about to read a heavy non fiction book like age of revolution etc I need to retain information otherwise the purpose of reading is absolutely wasted. Is there any way I can retain information like an average bookworm? Any practices to follow?

2. I'm diagnosed with OCPD, so while reading I often go into rabbit hole of googling stuffs to understand what the sentence means, and it leads to indefinite number of tabs, overwhelming information and as usual I'll forget them the next day. I tried having an online journal where I enter every new word/term/phrase etc I learn so that I wont forget but yet It's of no use. I started having many duplicate entries because obviously I forgot that I already entered it down

3. I'm addicted to playing chess mindlessly. I didn't learn any proper stuff just playing to kill time/shift my mind when I'm anxious. I thought I can replace it with reading. Can you suggest me books (famous/fiction/non-fiction/leftist) which doesn't need linear reading, like a collection of short stories or a book with many small chapters etc where I can open a random page to read at anytime and still it can be understandable, feel useful and completes withing 10-15 pages so it helps me practice reading without worrying about retaining minute details thank you

1. I'm new to reading books. I started reading so that I can learn more about politics but starting off with leftist literature is very tough for non native english speaker so I started off with what this sub usually suggests for beginners. But I guess I have undiagnosed ADHD and can't retain information that much. I have to read a page 4,5 times and yet It feels like I've not read that page the next day. It's ok for fiction but If I'm about to read a heavy non fiction book like age of revolution etc I need to retain information otherwise the purpose of reading is absolutely wasted. Is there any way I can retain information like an average bookworm? Any practices to follow?

2. I'm diagnosed with OCPD, so while reading I often go into rabbit hole of googling stuffs to understand what the sentence means, and it leads to indefinite number of tabs, overwhelming information and as usual I'll forget them the next day. I tried having an online journal where I enter every new word/term/phrase etc I learn so that I wont forget but yet It's of no use. I started having many duplicate entries because obviously I forgot that I already entered it down

3. I'm addicted to playing chess mindlessly. I didn't learn any proper stuff just playing to kill time/shift my mind when I'm anxious. I thought I can replace it with reading. Can you suggest me books (famous/fiction/non-fiction/leftist) which doesn't need linear reading, like a collection of short stories or a book with many small chapters etc where I can open a random page to read at anytime and still it can be understandable, feel useful and completes withing 10-15 pages so it helps me practice reading without worrying about retaining minute details thank you

I need to download a short. But I can't able to find it on vkvideo, ok ru, youtube, vimeo (which mostly has these kinda rare shorts). Is there any other way to find it and download

1.I'm an atheist and I tried spirituality but it didn't work for me. So I wanna ask how spiritual people with Dysthymia feel? Like does it give hope like god's there with us or god is doing it for some reason something like that to cope?

2. I care about things that aren't actually in my control like climate change, racism, capitalism, war etc etc. Which brings me more despair. And If I ignore them instead of acknowledging it I'd feel guilt which also brings the same amount of despair. Is it the same for most of them with Dysthymia?

I'm diagnosed with OCPD, PPD and NPD. I'm an wfh editor, freelancer. Due to OCPD I often miss deadlines. It's mostly because I fight within my mind to perfect the edit but always used to rush and finish the project after crossing the deadline, begging for forgiveness from the client and reducing my fee as compensation. I'm on SSRI's. When I'm doing farm work inn my family farm I feel sad but no anxiety but when my work involves other people who expect a lot from me I get terribly anxious. I've left a lot of jobs and clients just because I can't handle the anxiety attacks. And I hate the caller tunes and notifications because I always worry that it'll be my clients. I also have time blindness which worsens my case. I tried using metronome, timer nothing worked.

People here talked about exposure therapy, my therapist hasn't talked about that for now. So instead of abandoning my last job I asked the client that I will do it for free but don't ask me for deadline. He said ok, he's understanding. I was you know felt relieved but then he sent me the full pay saying it dont matter, now I'm feeling anxious. Like I've have an big responsibility. And I haven't heard from him for about a week. I was taking medication, going for therapy, walking the dog, started watching movies etc etc. Like when I used to work, I never even left my room or the software I use to work. I'll always be on work, less sleep, skipping meals, no socialization etc. But this one week I felt sad but not anxious. Today I suddenly got a message "Hey where's the video, What's the ETA?" My heart started to beat so faster that it could burst, I was walking around the room faster and faster, breathing and sweating heavily thinking about what to say, I felt like ending myself, you know right I'm crazy like that. And decided to reply an ETA (I dont know whether I can give it at the ETA or not), reply sent but he was offline. But then in 10-20 minutes my anxiety reduced. But the 10 minutes was like hell. I don't know how to overcome this. I think I'm not suitable for any kind of job

I'm diagnosed with OCPD, PPD and NPD. I'm an wfh editor, freelancer. Due to OCPD I often miss deadlines. It's mostly because I fight within my mind to perfect the edit but always used to rush and finish the project after crossing the deadline, begging for forgiveness from the client and reducing my fee as compensation. I'm on SSRI's. When I'm doing farm work inn my family farm I feel sad but no anxiety but when my work involves other people who expect a lot from me I get terribly anxious. I've left a lot of jobs and clients just because I can't handle the anxiety attacks. And I hate the caller tunes and notifications because I always worry that it'll be my clients. I also have time blindness which worsens my case. I tried using metronome, timer nothing worked.

People here talked about exposure therapy, my therapist hasn't talked about that for now. So instead of abandoning my last job I asked the client that I will do it for free but don't ask me for deadline. He said ok, he's understanding. I was you know felt relieved but then he sent me the full pay saying it dont matter, now I'm feeling anxious. Like I've have an big responsibility. And I haven't heard from him for about a week. I was taking medication, going for therapy, walking the dog, started watching movies etc etc. Like when I used to work, I never even left my room or the software I use to work. I'll always be on work, less sleep, skipping meals, no socialization etc. But this one week I felt sad but not anxious. Today I suddenly got a message "Hey where's the video, What's the ETA?" My heart started to beat so faster that it could burst, I was walking around the room faster and faster, breathing and sweating heavily thinking about what to say, I felt like ending myself, you know right I'm crazy like that. And decided to reply an ETA (I dont know whether I can give it at the ETA or not), reply sent but he was offline. But then in 10-20 minutes my anxiety reduced. But the 10 minutes was like hell. I don't know how to overcome this. I think I'm not suitable for any kind of job

I'm taking 10mg Nexito (Indian) after getting diagnosed with OCPD, NPD and Dysthymia. I'm shit scared of horror movies and never watched them in 10 years. Now since I was adviced by my therapist to do liberating activities I started watching movies about grief and interested to watch hereditary. Since I'm on ssri prior watching it, I've never felt afraid or anxious throughout the movies. Then only I came to read about emotional blunting as a side effect of ssri.

But here's the concerning part. Due to OCPD I chase perfection in everything and find no happiness in the process or the final product. Due to NPD and Dysthymia I get 100% of my serotonin from others externally (affirmations) and nothing internally (all by myself). If that's the case how can numbing positive and negative reactions help me? I'm gonna ask this to my therapist next week but I'm curious to know about it.

Also if I stop taking ssri will everything return back to normal or will I relapse, fall harder than before? TIA

23M, diagnosed for OCPD, NPD and anxiety with Dysthymia. I'm from rural India where people follow caste system. In caste, there'll be many clans. If something good or bad happens to a member of a particular clan like funeral etc every clan member has to be present there. Especially for funeral, we've to be there for 3 days. 1st day, 3rd or 5th day and 16th day. Everyone weighs someone's pride by the number of people visiting their funeral. If someone has a large crowd of people in their funeral then they'll be regarded as a great person so and so. So once someone dies the news will be passed to every clan member and they have to be present at the dead's house asap (here mostly clan members live in the neighborhood). If you skip the deceased clan member's funeral, if something happens in your family then the family of the deceased clan members wont show up. That's it. Mostly in every funeral, women get inside the house and cry with the women of the family while the men will gather around the house sitting in groups having laughs, gossips and geopolitical session. I find this useless, like what's a funeral without consolation? And more people means the family of the deceased have to spend more for the food and rent for the chairs etc. Like what's achieved from this. And I've noticed almost everyone only comes to the funeral as an obligation, fear of being left out, following tradition that's it. Me and my relatives have no common interest to talk about so always I'm used to sit alone or get into a group and try to gel among them awkwardly putting a performance, which is exhausting.

AND THE MAIN PROBLEM IS.. Death is unplanned!! My plans get ruined because of this obligation of going to funeral. I try to fix my sleep cycle and a clan member dies at 1am, I've to be there at 1am till 12pm because I'm doing a WFH editing job, which isn't considered as a "job" for them. They'll only treat IT engineering wfh jobs as real jobs and see me like an jobless person, literally 0 respect is given for me or anyone who is considered to have less money than them. Class solidarity. And I always get notified at the last moment from my family for the 3rd day and 16th day rituals and they want me to be there. I ask my mom to go but she says that I need to be there too since my dad is no more. She says that if my dad was alive, they would've gone to these funerals and I would've been peacefully working like how other people do. Everyone here does farming and other stuff that isn't deadline related, it's like that from the starting of this culture. So then this system would've worked but in this modern age, they're simply ruining my mental health and career and even my family aren't understanding this because they're afraid that no one's gonna show up when they're dead. Fucking priorities huh. I hate this family and these people. But I have a dog and bought a PC against their will, so I can't leave this village since they wont take care of this dog and i can't bring him with me since rental houses wont allow pets here, and he's (dog) not trained to be in a crowded city. There are a lot of mess and I created more which silences me whenever I try to escape this place, like I wouldn't have bought the PC and the dog If I knew it's going to be this depressive to live here. It's been 3 years since my dad's demise and not one day passes without me thinking "it would've been me"

23M, diagnosed for OCPD, NPD and anxirty with Dysthymia. I'm from rural India where people follow caste system. In caste, there'll be many clans. If something good or bad happens to a member of a particular clan like funeral etc every clan member has to be present there. Especially for funeral, we've to be there for 3 days. 1st day, 3rd or 5th day and 16th day. Everyone weighs someone's pride by the number of people visiting their funeral. If someone has a large crowd of people in their funeral then they'll be regarded as a great person so and so. So once someone dies the news will be passed to every clan member and they have to be present at the dead's house asap (here mostly clan members live in the neighborhood). If you skip the deceased clan member's funeral, if something happens in your family then the family of the deceased clan members wont show up. That's it. Mostly in every funeral, women get inside the house and cry with the women of the family while the men will gather around the house sitting in groups having laughs, gossips and geopolitical session. I find this useless, like what's a funeral without consolation? And more people means the family of the deceased have to spend more for the food and rent for the chairs etc. Like what's achieved from this. And I've noticed almost everyone only comes to the funeral as an obligation, fear of being left out, following tradition that's it. Me and my relatives have no common interest to talk about so always I'm used to sit alone or get into a group and try to gel among them awkwardly putting a performance, which is exhausting.

AND THE MAIN PROBLEM IS.. Death is unplanned!! My plans get ruined because of this obligation of going to funeral. I try to fix my sleep cycle and a clan member dies at 1am, I've to be there at 1am till 12pm because I'm doing a WFH editing job, which isn't considered as a "job" for them. They'll only treat IT engineering wfh jobs as real jobs and see me like an jobless person, literally 0 respect is given for me or anyone who is considered to have less money than them. Class solidarity. And I always get notified at the last moment from my family for the 3rd day and 16th day rituals and they want me to be there. I ask my mom to go but she says that I need to be there too since my dad is no more. She says that if my dad was alive, they would've gone to these funerals and I would've been peacefully working like how other people do. Everyone here does farming and other stuff that isn't deadline related, it's like that from the starting of this culture. So then this system would've worked but in this modern age, they're simply ruining my mental health and career and even my family aren't understanding this because they're afraid that no one's gonna show up when they're dead. Fucking priorities huh. I hate this family and these people. But I have a dog and bought a PC against their will, so I can't leave this village since they wont take care of this dog and i can't bring him with me since rental houses wont allow pets here, and he's (dog) not trained to be in a crowded city. There are a lot of mess and I created more which silences me whenever I try to escape this place, like I wouldn't have bought the PC and the dog If I knew it's going to be this depressive to live here. It's been 3 years since my dad's demise and not one day passes without me thinking "it would've been me"

I never vent or rant to people because it's tiring to make them understand what I'm going through and would feel like gaining unwanted attention and pity from them. But after getting diagnosed with Dysthymia, NPD and OCPD, I shared that information with my colleague for which he replied "Dont take offense but only idle/jobless(deragatory) people have the time to ovethink, hve morality conflicts and be depressed, just don't think about it you'll be fine without medications". Even he goes for therapy (without diagnosis,just normal therapy) and yet can't get people's minds can be different. I'm more sad than to get offended by that. And I don't have the courage, time, stamina to explain it to others but without them understanding my life would get even worse.

I never vent or rant to people because it's tiring to make them understand what I'm going through and would feel like gaining unwanted attention and pity from them. But after getting diagnosed with Dysthymia, NPD and OCPD, I shared that information with my colleague for which he replied "Dont take offense but only idle/useless people have the time to ovethink and be depressed, just don't think about it you'll be fine without medications". Even he goes for therapy (without diagnosis,just normal therapy) and yet can't get people's minds can be different. I'm more sad than to get offended by that. And I don't have the courage, time, stamina to explain it to others but without them understanding my life would get even worse.

I was recently diagnosed Narcissism, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. While the others were true and reasonable I can't understand how they diagnosed me with narcissism. I don't want to villainize people with narcissism, but I don't ask for attention in a social gathering, I have lot of self-esteem issues, I don't talk or act rude to people except my family, I like to isolate myself, I always think from other people's perspective, I like to do stuffs that are morally, ethically and practically right, I want my work to be perfect and talk a lot of time and won't even finish it due to the same self-esteem issues. I don't like to disturb people, so I don't even call them, but I never say no to any requests, I'm even easy to take advantage of. I don't even cut the call first, thinking it would be rude, I pamper all my friends, I don't want to lose them, I appreciate art openly whoever does it. I always put down myself and don't take praises. I get sad at criticisms but I'm self-aware enough to not get angry at people, I just accept I'm bad. I see everyone doing good in their life and I'm stuck self-loathing. I always think about how I'm going to save my family how to contribute to my family. My family even takes loan to donate for the spiritual gatherings to maintain our family's name and pride among the village and relatives, I don't give a shit about it I either give that money to a friend in need or just save for my sister's marriage or give it to an NGO. I'm single and often feel the need for an opposite sex companion to comfort me but I'm decided not to marriage because I know my family and don't want a new person to suffer what I've been put through. I also acknowledge why my family members are like that and their upbringings, I understand their fair share of sacrifice. I never tried to manipulate others for doing works for me. I do everything myself even it hurts me, it's not like I like it, it's the only way I dont disturb others

When I asked for an explanation for this diagnosis my therapist said "Narcissism doesn't only mean the stereotypical traits, there are many other types too. And your narcissism is just the "self-esteem" part. You don't want to be rude, don't want to be perceived to be a villain, don't want to look worse at what you do so you simply avoid doing it, that's what narcissist about you". But I can't find anything narcissist about that, is she lying or is it true. Please help me, it's so confusing, I need to work on myself

I was recently diagnosed Narcissism, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. While the others were true and reasonable I can't understand how they diagnosed me with narcissism. I don't want to villainize people with narcissism, but I don't ask for attention in a social gathering, I have lot of self-esteem issues, I don't talk or act rude to people except my family, I like to isolate myself, I always think from other people's perspective, I like to do stuffs that are morally, ethically and practically right, I want my work to be perfect and talk a lot of time and won't even finish it due to the same self-esteem issues. I don't like to disturb people, so I don't even call them, but I never say no to any requests, I'm even easy to take advantage of. I don't even cut the call first, thinking it would be rude, I pamper all my friends, I don't want to lose them, I appreciate art openly whoever does it. I always put down myself and don't take praises. I get sad at criticisms but I'm self-aware enough to not get angry at people, I just accept I'm bad. I see everyone doing good in their life and I'm stuck self-loathing. I always think about how I'm going to save my family how to contribute to my family. My family even takes loan to donate for the spiritual gatherings to maintain our family's name and pride among the village and relatives, I don't give a shit about it I either give that money to a friend in need or just save for my sister's marriage or give it to an NGO. I'm single and often feel the need for an opposite sex companion to comfort me but I'm decided not to marriage because I know my family and don't want a new person to suffer what I've been put through. I also acknowledge why my family members are like that and their upbringings, I understand their fair share of sacrifice. I never tried to manipulate others for doing works for me. I do everything myself even it hurts me, it's not like I like it, it's the only way I dont disturb others

When I asked for an explanation for this diagnosis my therapist said "Narcissism doesn't only mean the stereotypical traits, there are many other types too. And your narcissism is just the "self-esteem" part. You don't want to be rude, don't want to be perceived to be a villain, don't want to look worse at what you do so you simply avoid doing it, that's what narcissist about you". But I can't find anything narcissist about that, is she lying or is it true. Please help me, it's so confusing, I need to work on myself

I was recently diagnosed Narcissism, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. While the others were true and reasonable I can't understand how they diagnosed me with narcissism. I don't want to villainize people with narcissism, but I don't ask for attention in a social gathering, I have lot of self-esteem issues, I don't talk or act rude to people except my family, I like to isolate myself, I always think from other people's perspective, I like to do stuffs that are morally, ethically and practically right, I want my work to be perfect and talk a lot of time and won't even finish it due to the same self-esteem issues. I don't like to disturb people, so I don't even call them, but I never say no to any requests, I'm even easy to take advantage of. I don't even cut the call first, thinking it would be rude, I pamper all my friends, I don't want to lose them, I appreciate art openly whoever does it. I always put down myself and don't take praises. I get sad at criticisms but I'm self-aware enough to not get angry at people, I just accept I'm bad. I see everyone doing good in their life and I'm stuck self-loathing. I always think about how I'm going to save my family how to contribute to my family. My family even takes loan to donate for the spiritual gatherings to maintain our family's name and pride among the village and relatives, I don't give a shit about it I either give that money to a friend in need or just save for my sister's marriage or give it to an NGO. I'm single and often feel the need for an opposite sex companion to comfort me but I'm decided not to marriage because I know my family and don't want a new person to suffer what I've been put through. I also acknowledge why my family members are like that and their upbringings, I understand their fair share of sacrifice. I never tried to manipulate others for doing works for me. I do everything myself even it hurts me, it's not like I like it, it's the only way I dont disturb others

When I asked for an explanation for this diagnosis my therapist said "Narcissism doesn't only mean the stereotypical traits, there are many other types too. And your narcissism is just the "self-esteem" part. You don't want to be rude, don't want to be perceived to be a villain, don't want to look worse at what you do so you simply avoid doing it, that's what narcissist about you". But I can't find anything narcissist about that, is she lying or is it true. Please help me, it's so confusing, I need to work on myself

I'm in search of movies like - Manchester by the sea, 21 grams

I'm in my early 20s, in a dysfunctional family and my father passed away few years ago. Due to the constant depression, overthinking, fight with my family, self-doubts, resigning from the job and self-loathing of doing nothing valuable when my father was alive, I ruined myself. I was diagnosed with dysthymia and my therapist said to do things that liberate yourself and I like myself to be represented in the media I consume.

I really liked Manchester by the sea and how the protagonist just accepts his situation, it felt like a breeze, such a beautiful film about grief and how to move from being stagnant and punishing yourself, at least for the sake of family/friends.

I liked 21 grams because it talks about the uncertainty of life, especially how del toro's character was written, like how he wants to bear the cross all by himself despite it being an accident, how he acknowledges that he could've saved one of the children's life but he was afraid, how Sean Penn's character feels the constant need to make Naomi's life better by all means. It's the best of Iñárritu's death trilogy for me. The other two were good films but didn't connect with me that much.

If the context wasn't enough, I also saw these films by surfing through the internet for recommendations and liked but didn't connect with me like Manchester by the sea: Our friend, Prisoners

I'm planning to watch a movie a day. And I've rewatched those 2 films and feeling good. So please suggest movies that realistically convey the human emotions like grief, relationship with family and self-loathing. Also heard The Bear series is good, that's on my watchlist too. Thanks in Advance

As the title suggests, I have two individual custom Lumetri color effects on a clip/adjustment layer. Is there a way to combine them and save as a single Lut. TIA

23M, I'm diagnosed with OCPD and Dysthymia. My family is full of regressive controlfreaks. I live in a rural area because my father gave me farmland to manage while he passed away and I have a younger sister to take care of. I can't take care of the family just by my career doing wfh, the income from the farm is crucial. I can't leave them too because my grandparents and mom are ill and become mentally disturbed if I leave

I hate this village. A good school is 25km away, a theatre is 45km away, and a mall is 50km away. I only had a chance at love during my college days but the thought of bringing a progressive modern woman of my liking into the household and ruining her prosperous life made me avoid the contact of women. Nobody will downgrade their way of life, no one's parents' will allow it. I'm from India so it's a very complicated dynamic of family relationships here. The village is depressing and has no future if rain fails. What am I gonna do by bringing a woman with a potential bright career into this hellhole. For the least I can settle for another regressive village woman but even she will get ruined by my family dynamics. I often feel like I need someone to comfort me, someone I can trust but thinking about my village and my family I can't think about marriage or loving someone. I'm gonna live alone as a bachelor. I didn't disclose it to my family because as I said they'll get themselves sick by thinking about it. I need to carry my depression with myself and live alone with my thoughts until I die. I'll be called an incel or impotent by my villagers, and 2,3 generations I'll be forgotten. Beautiful ending. As it should be.