u/hottofusoup

genuinely feel so sick rn from all the fucking konjac. told myself id ween off the artificial sweeteners and konjac and oat fibre so i wouldnt show up to the hospital a bloated mess but i failed bc ana brain instead was like “oh you wont have a chance to have konjac jelly anymore in the hospital so you should cram 12 packs in one day” 🫩

fuckkkk i really dont wanna go lmao. already dreading the fucking tuna sandwich i chose for my lunch on first day of admission 😭 cant remember what i picked for dinner or snacks bc this ed has rotted my memory and cognitive function 🙃 all i know is that im scared and dont think im going to last more than a week…even though i know in my heart that this is what i need to get my life back i still dont feel sick enough.

my mom treated me out to AYCE sushi today so i could eat a good meal before shitty hospital food for the next few months and all i ate was fucking salad and half a piece of sashimi even though ive been craving raw salmon and tempura for ages so clearly this ED is making me miserable but brain worms are telling me im just fine aughhhh. I even bought myself $20 worth of 9% milk fat yogurts as a treat bc ive been obssessed with yogurt bowls lately and i chew and spat all of it 🙃🙃 why am i such a goddamn chud man

since all the artificial sweetener and fibre is making me swollen its made me retain a lot of water so im dreading being weighed tomorrow because its higher than the last time they checked so i feel like i wont be seen as “sick enough” if that makes sense?? idk i feel like i need to be sicker before i deserve treatment and that the doctors are gonna judge me for putting on weight since last time i saw them 🫠 i feel the need to tell them that this isnt my normal weight (without all the damn sucralose and fibre) and that i need to justify my weight gain or somethingw

Banana mug cake + brown sugar gingerbread cookie dough icing + cinnamon and chocolate cookies/cookie dough + chocolate ice cream 🤤🤤 gen reached flow state making this

if they want me to stop eating oat fibre they should stop making it taste so good 😵😵 ate like half a kilo in one go lol

At least i had a smidge of yogurt, a piece of squash, and a pinch of kamut puffs to balance everything out 😬 also tried freezing my oat fibre dough (slide 3) and it was actually really good lmfao

mildly disgusting and stomach turning especially because i added too much xanthan gum so it was stretchy and gummy 😵‍💫

Dry fried the mushrooms with the oats and cooked with shredded zucchini, dashi, and whisked in an egg white near the end! Added the miso when it was almost done cooking. Seasoned with soy sauce, mirin, garlic powder, and black pepper. Air fried some extra zucchini, mushroom, and tofu and paired them with a marinated egg and some kimchi; this was so comforting and good omg 🤤

the mug cake is half eaten so it looks like that LMFAOOO… i added a bit of mango kefir and frozen mango plus cinnamon to a mango konjac jelly to make my life super exciting 🫩✌️the aquafaba thing failed cause it separated from the xanthan gum in the freezer but my mom got pissed at me and asked me wtf i was eating/doing to myself immediately after i took this photo so it unfortunately went down the sink before i could let it defrost and remix it 😵‍💫

its actually pretty good but i still want an oat fibre cake LOL.. fav veggies done this way are carrots, sweet potato, pumpkin, zucchini, bell pepper. Slightly dubious but still tasty include mushroom, asparagus, okra, cabbage, broccoli, and cauliflower. worst is radish but tbh my tastebuds are so fried they all taste good to me 😭😭 also the veggies look dehydrated as fuck because i roast without oil and chop them up super small LMFAOOO

tbh even when i was eating my oat fibre concoctions i was still eating my veggies with sweetener/sf syrup so this wasnt too strange for me

not having 200g fibre a day anymore is actually making me feel a lot better but now i need to find creative ways to replace the chocolate cake fix i got everyday from my oat fibre cakes 😵‍💫 probably just gonna have one or two a day instead of SIX lmfao

still have 6 bags of oat fibre sitting in the basement if im ever in need though LOL

the banana bread eggnog caramel peanut butter one in slide one was genuinely one of the best things ive ever had in my life recently holy shit😭😭 so fluffy and cinnamony and warm and comforting ugh… when u restrict for so long that even the shittiest low cal mess tastes like heaven 😵‍💫

playing with the ratio of water to oat fibre also lets me adjust how fluffy or dense/chewy/brownie-esque i want the result to be 🤤 also got a new set of 4 mini le creuset cocettes so i can make 4 mug cakes at a time and oatfibremax to a new level without my other creations getting cold 🙏 added a new dessert to the rotation… tfw u rlly want a bigass yogurt bowl with a shit ton of toppings but your stupid disorder says no so you make a slop bowl of watered down yogurt with microwaved frozen fruit and konjac jelly and baby puffs and pretend to find fulfillment in your miserable ass life 🫠

wish i could have a real slice of fudgy ass cake or cheesecake or brownies with ice cream/whipped cream/CREAM CHEESE FROSTING or a huge yogurt bowl with BANANA or SWEET POTATO and peanut butter and granola and nuts and shit but these slop bowls that only taste mildly of anorexia will have to do for now…

20M, 160 cm, 25.50kg, anorexic, non smoker. I take testosterone, finasteride, and vitamins. This afternoon i noticed these splotches randomly appearing on my skin. There isnt pain or anything when i touch it but im suspecting that its anorexia related. I did have low WBC counts the last time i did bloodwork (june 1). Levels were 2.7 and ref range was 4.0-11 at the time. Thank you!

its about $1/pack at costco whereas the chinese grocery stores carry them for $2 each so i had to stock up while i could 😭😭 was so fucking exhausting and maybe a sign i need to recover but idrc about that rn

ive made better looking oat fibre pizzas (slide 3 and 4) i swear but i watered down the sauce too much this time and didnt put cheese on it since i wont eat it anyway 💔 also got lazy and just microwaved it with the sauce so it became soggy yet also dry… not my proudest work 🫩

ive genuinely perfected my recipe and i need to have the chocolate one a minimum of twice a day help 😭😭 its so fudgy and chewy like a brownie and when its slightly undercooked its like cookie dough/brownie/cake batter 🤤

(deleted recipe sorry… not gatekeeping but its pure insoluble fibre and genuinely probably unsafe and incredibly unhealthy to be consuming so i dont want to influence others im sorry 😭)