Just saying, it's like I get up, have breakfast, do something like get groceries, then it's supper and bedtime. I don't know where my days have gone. Is it a sign?
I've recently realized that one of my best friends has a pretty different worldview than me, and perhaps isn't the brightest crayon in the box.
Some background: We've been friends since primary school and have always kept in touch. We moved to different cities after graduation, pursuing different careers. During these years, we'd talk about once a month, sometimes more often, talking about everyday stuff like what was happening at work, relationships, hobbies, etc. We celebrated our life milestones together and would see each other in person once a year. I always knew that we saw things differently, but those topics didn't come up super often because we focused more on catching up or supporting each other with practical advice about life. It's honestly nice to have someone who knows my background pretty well so I don't have to give big backstories about things.
Now we live in the same city again and see each other much more often. And things feel different.
Now that we hang out in person, I notice how much she ignores me, how much she sees things in absolutes, and how she doesn't even seem to know really basic things.
On ignoring me: she'll ask me a question and then interrupt me as I'm answering to talk about something else. In the last couple years, she's also started challenging my identity and lived experience on three occasions, to which I've told her I will put up with. The last time, I think she was trying to be more broad so as to not challenge me, per se, but I told her I didn't want to talk about it if she wasn't going to listen to me and acknowledge me.
On seeing things in absolutes: To be fair, this has been a pattern I've seen in a lot of problems she's told me about. She will love her job or adore her friend until something happens that she doesn't like and she'll just completely stop trying, get fired from her job, or ghost her friend.
Recently she was complaining about men of a certain religion and how they were all bad, which was frustrating to me as I have friends who practice that religion and, also, I know that's not true. Then it became apparent to me that she wasn't even getting the religion right, and when I pointed it out, she brushed it off and said, "oh, I don't know that kind of stuff." Fine, but when you're making sweeping negative stereotypes, maybe get the group right?
Now, when we're talking about current events, she kind of has the same approach and doesn't seem to find the nuance in situations. I think she tries to, but her critical thinking isn't very strong and she just watches a bunch of TikTok about the topic and calls it nuanced thinking, which maybe it could be, but usually it's just a bunch of weird hot takes that she repeats to me without much filter.
(As a side note, we've talked about critical thinking and media analysis and although we were in the same class in high school where we did regular media analysis, she doesn't remember, which doesn't surprise me because I remember her doing very poorly in school, and she's admitted she didn't ever pay attention in classes. Also, I think this relates to the previous point about ignoring me, she calls it dissociating, but whatever it is, she isn't great at focusing).
On not even knowing basic things: She just says really clearly wrong things. Like recently she said that Catholicism isn't Christianity (we're both Catholic... not good ones though) or eating vegetarian is more expensive than ordering meat at a restaurant (I get there can be exceptions, but generally). I don't even know when to bother correcting her because she usually digs her heals in and it's hard to argue something that you've always taken as obvious. And hey, I could be wrong on some of these things, and that's fine, but she doesn't have the information or proof for any of this stuff.
So, I'm just seeing all these differences. Over COVID when she was laid off for six months and then more recently when she was on maternity leave, she was watching more TikTok and Youtube and just getting into all sorts of stuff that isn't really my jam. She used to be much more into her escapism--fiction, romance, fantasy, magic--stuff, which was fine, but now she's trying to engage with big topics and just doesn't seem equipped to sort through the information. She's worked in the service industry with rich, high-end clients in an affluent white neighbourhood so I think she gets some worldview from that, even though she herself has been in debt since college (not good at budgeting, loves thrift shopping, eats out a lot/exclusively on a small income). I've worked in nonprofit media and communication and now am a social science researcher, so a large part of my job has been to learn things and disseminate information. Furthermore, I've always been interested in how the world works and I read a lot of nonfiction both on my own and with my other friends. Which is just to say, we have had very different experiences in our careers and adult life.
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Anyway, long story short. It's getting frustrating to hang out with her. I hate reading this and seeing how badly I'm portraying her too... I love her and she's been there for me and supported me through things, but it's starting to feel quite different now and I don't know what to do. I don't even know if there is any advice for something like this. I value our friendship and I maintain my boundaries, but I just feel sad.
The "sugar feeds cancer" comment! Oh my god, I just can't take it anymore. I've heard it more times than I can count and I feel like it extra frustrates me as a type 1 diabetic who needs sugar sometimes, like if I go hypoglycemic.... not to mention that lots of healthy foods have natural sugars.
I hadn't been getting that comment too much recently, but I celebrated my five year cancer-versary with a really nice, expensive mini chocolate cake I shared with some friends. Yay me. But holy shit, the people (including a family member, no less) who asked me if I knew sugar fed cancer.... I just can't.
If I could, this is probably what I'd say to them....
Yes, Linda, I know sugar feeds cancer cells just like it feeds ALL the cells in my body and that phrase is such an oversimplification of the complex metabolic processes that our bodies, and the cancer cells therein, use.
And also Linda, as a diabetic I know how much glucose is roving around in my blood all the freaking time and I probably know way more than you about glycemic indices and how to deliver insulin to my body and how to use exercise to prevent severe spikes in my blood glucose levels.
And finally, Linda, I know cancer is killing me, but I'd have been dead 1000+ times by now if it wasn't for sugar... so I think I'll have my freaking gummy bears today instead of dying. Thank you.
Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. I'd love to know how other diabetics with cancer handle those comments. I obviously don't say all that stuff that way, but I do get a bit snarky for sure.
Composers, DJs/producers, sound artists. They can work with vocalists or vocals, but are more about creating the sound and melody than the lyrics.
My faves are Caribou, Kid Koala, Colin Stetson, Sarah Davachi, Glenn Gould, Venetian Snares, Little Snake...
I was out with a friend the other day and she was mentioning how she likes to analyze who watches her Instagram stories* and when they stop watching. And it reminded me of what made me actually stop watching those: about a year ago another friend had told me how she keeps tabs on who watches her stories too and was actually frustrated that her partner had clearly been on IG but not watched her stories!!
I just absolutely can't stand people being so up in my business and being judged for how often I have Instagram on to watch stories and if I've watched all their two dozen stories or not. Honestly, I never ever put that much thought into it, never even thought people actually would waste time looking at those analytics, until that first friend said something about it and I realized it's so not worth it. It just feels so absurd to me and such a mind game. Ugh. You know, I still have my surfing issues, but glad I've cut that part out.
*I don't know what Instagram calls them anymore, but the things that are up for 24 hours
My husband's a retail manager at a family-owned business. He's been at this job 10 years now. His last raise was 4 years ago, when the owners basically decided they couldn't afford giving raises anymore, not even to match inflation, only to match minimum wage. My husband makes a bit more than minimum wage, but not what I think he actually deserves for the work he puts in.
Today, he told me he needs to start going in another half hour early to make sure pre-open tasks get done. He's not going to get paid for this, but if he doesn't do it, the owner is going to get pissed. My husband already arrives a half-hour before his shift starts, but I think some of that is just him getting coffee/breakfast and organizing his stuff. He also stays 15-30 minutes after most of his shifts because the cash out, cleaning, and locking up inevitably take longer than the time the staff are given, and since he's manager, he's responsible to make sure it all gets done right. When I've come to pick him up at work, I've seen what they have to do just to close the store, and yeah, it takes longer than the 15 minutes they're given because it's a big store with lots of customers up to the last minute.
I keep telling him he needs to ask for raise or get paid for the extra time he consistently has to put in just to do the basics, but he says he doesn't have a good enough case. To put it nicely, he's a "humble" guy, but how do I help him make a case for himself to get paid better? Or is this just normal?
I don't live in the US, where it seems a lot of reddit'ers on this sub might be based, and I'm often confused if not surprised at how different healthcare there seems to be there than here in Canada (where we still have private health insurance, but also a lot of public healthcare too). I'm not just talking about medication costs and what's covered by insurance, but I suspect maybe diabetes education and supportive care are different too? I don't know what it is because posts often talk about the outcomes and not so much the underlying supports. For instance, I see so many posts of people going to hospital for DKA, but I feel like in Canada they really try to avoid having me go to hospital (it's hard on the public healthcare system) so my diabetes educator annually reviews procedures for responding to hyperglycemia, safely monitoring ketones, and when to go to the hospital if ketones don't come down. Do people get that education in the US and other countries? Is it ignored because of drug costs?
Anyway, it got me curious to hear from people who've lived in different countries, how they approach diabetes differently, maybe subtle differences that aren't immediately noticeable?
It's a couple weeks after Stampede ended and I've seen a couple restaurants still advertising their stampede breakfasts. And it got me thinking: what IS a "Stampede Breakfast"?
Number one for me is that it means community. I'm a born and raised Calgarian with 40 years of Stampede Breakfasts under my belt, and pretty much every breakfast has brought people together in some way. There are businesses who sponsor some breakfasts and others are held at community centers, but I love the vibe of people with common interests coming together to celebrate. Which makes a restaurant serving a "Stampede" breakfast seem weird since it would just be served to someone sitting at a table.
Number two is free. In the spirit of community, I love that Stampede Breakfasts are basically free (even though some have admission fees for an event that includes breakfast). There's something about free pancakes and sausage that speaks to the Western hospitality value of the Stampede, so charging for a "stampede breakfast" as though it were any other menu item seems weird to me too.
Number three is that they happen during Stampede. Pretty self-explanatory.
I guess the thing is that a Stampede Breakfast isn't about what's on the plate, it's about the event itself. Do you agree?
EDIT TO ADD: I love all the comments, especially how many people are emphasizing the pretty low-quality food and other unappealing features (hot sun, long waits, coworkers?, etc). There's something so ironic that we still haul ourselves around to these events every year, and that certainly feels like part of what the breakfasts means as well. I also have to laugh at a restaurant capturing these less appealing features in their $20 menu item: sorry this took over an hour, but here are your cold pancakes, floppy bacon, and joining you at your table today will be Jon from accounting!
Where I'm from, when someone asks "how are you doing?" it's pretty customary to just say "good." I've pushed on this throughout my life in various ways because I'm a little bit of a trouble-maker and I also wonder if being honest here creates deeper relationships and more connection.
Five years ago when I was waiting for my biopsy results but pretty sure I had cancer, I remember people would ask me how I was doing and I would be pretty honest: "meh" or "not great." Oddly, people would just smile and be like, "good good!" It was weird, but I think they weren't expecting anything besides "good." (Note, these were just work colleagues who I didn't really interact with much anyways... my friends were more receptive).
Fast forward, I've been really open about my cancer journey so lots of people know. But recently, I've been dealing with a lot more fatigue and haven't been posting updates as I come up to five years on treatment. I have been trying to get out a bit more though and enjoy the summer, and in doing so, I've been running into people I haven't seen in a while but who still know I have cancer. Anyway, they'll ask me how I'm doing and usually when they ask I am authentically doing good because I'm outside and doing an activity I've chosen to enjoy. When I say "good" though, they look back with this skeptical or imploring look. Then usually after talking for bit, they'll ask again, "so... how are you doing?"
And, to be honest, I'm sick of talking about cancer. I don't want to sacrifice my precious emotional energy giving a rundown of my problems. I just want to leave it at good and enjoy my time out.
So, that's why I say I'm good. One, because in that moment I usually am feeling authentically good (or whatever adjective I say). Two, because I just don't want to talk about cancer.
Anyone else feel this way? How do you handle those questions?
I don't do a lot of rural driving so wondering what people think of this.
I was visiting a friend out on her farm the other day. To get there I was on a secondary highway with no shoulder and one lane in each direction. I had to make a left turn onto the range road where she lives, so as the turn was coming up, I signaled left, started slowing down, and stopped to wait for a safe moment to turn. There were actually a few cars coming the other direction without much space between them (probably the church just let out or something, idk) so I was waiting for them to clear before turning. A pickup truck had been behind me on the highway and was stopped behind me while I waited for the intersection to clear... and then the driver honks at me while there are still a couple more tightly packed cars coming the other way!
What would you rural drivers do? Should I have just given up and taken a huge detour to get to my friends house another way? Was the other driver just being impatient? I mean, I'm sorry there's no shoulder to pass, but I'm going where I'm going and I don't want to collide with another vehicle. I checked my lights when I got to my friends house and they were all working fine so the other driver should have seen my brake and signal lights. My friend said I didn't do anything wrong... so what do the people who honk in these situations expect, why are they honking?
Looking for anything 60s-present day that's uplifting without being saccharine or poppy. Genres along the lines of alternative/indie, post-punk, industrial/EBM, goth, experimental, lo-fi.
I am terrible at making long playlists because I overthink everything and just want tons of suggestions. Long story short: I'm doing some legacy planning and trying to make a mixtape/playlist for my husband to listen to after I die (I have terminal cancer, treatment options running out). I want something to help him both process grief but also to cheer him up when I'm not there. Music is a huge part of our lives and we've always been exchanging CDs and playlists and sharing new music with each other.
I've been working on the playlist and am leaning much too heavily into the saddest tracks (VNV Nation - Beloved, Mount Eerie - Real Death, ACTORS - We Don't Have to Dance, Depeche Mode - Ghosts Again, White Lies - Am I Really Going To Die, The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??).
Looking for recommendations to get me out of this dark funk and put some fun stuff on there for him. He really likes Faith No More, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Queen, A-ha, Pet Shop Boys, Cory Hart, and Skinny Puppy but truly listens to a wide range of music beyond that 80s bias of his faves.
We both like stuff like The Mountain Goats, Sharon Van Etten, Courtney Barnett, Pixies, The Jesus and Mary Chain, My Bloody Valentine, Cold Cave, Talking Heads, Aphex Twin, Bjork, Violent Femmes, Ladytron, HEALTH, The Magnetic Fields, The Dandy Warhols, etc etc.
So really, open to suggestions, send lists!
I'm coming up on 6 weeks of using the Omnipod 5 (with G7). The first few weeks were a rough ride, but I'm finally seeing an enormous improvement and have been 84% in range the last two weeks, plus a GMI of 6.7!!! I've never seen my blood sugars so stable. Plus, way fewer BG alerts for highs and lows, especially overnight, which is such a treat.
A few things I had to figure out:
And then just allowing the Omnipod to figure things out for the first week and a bit (and then some, to be honest). I had my doubts, but it's going so so so much better now and I'm very pleased with how things are looking.
I love this "post-punk revival reprisal," as I call it. Just the stuff that feels messy, sticky, sweaty, unhinged, sleazy... etc.
In my teens, I was super into the post-punk revival era of music, like
I do listen to some new music, but I'd like to get more into what's happening these days. Some new stuff I've found that has the vibe I'm looking for more of:
Please recommend your best "post-punk revival reprisal" songs and deep cuts!
I think I'm pretty good at managing discomfort, but when it comes to hunger discomfort, not so much. Unlike other uncomfortable situations, which I can usually push through and find excitement in (e.g., talking to strangers without just going on my phone, trying new things, pushing myself through a hard workout), hunger discomfort doesn't work the same way. I'll be so uncomfortable that I can't focus on work or conversations, and not even distractions like social media or exercise help.
I'm not doing a severe calorie deficit or to lose a ton of weight, I just want to be at a bit more of a stable weight as I've been on the cusp of overweight for the last 12 or so years. I aim for about 1800 calories/day. If I stick to that, I should be losing 0.5kg per week. I'm aiming for 63kg and I'm 67kg right now (169cm). The main thing that got me down to 67kg from 71kg last fall was from a cancer-related medication I was on, where a side effect from loss of appetite. I'm off that medication now though (yay), so I'm back to having to enforce the deficit on my own. Which leaves me with this very obvious hunger discomfort that I just can't get used to.
Right now, I'm snacking a couple more times a day than I'd say is ideal and hitting around 2200 calories/day, which has caused a slight upward trend on my weight instead of the slow loss I want. No matter how many cucumbers, glasses of electrolyte water, and other light snacks I eat when I'm feeling that hunger discomfort, my body seems to just be screaming for calories.
I've seen people on this sub say that getting comfortable with discomfort is a necessary skill for losing weight, but I haven't seen a lot of tips for how to develop that skill. What have other people practiced to get better at this?
Preferably stuff released before 2000 that really captures the collective consciousness and mood of that time. Open to indie and art house suggestions as well as mainstream so long as it speaks to what it was like approaching the new millennium.
I'm looking for advice or practices that may help me (and my husband) with something we've noticed recently.
Basically, my husband and I have noticed that if one of us wakes up stressed and anxious, the mood seems to perpetuate throughout the entire day. Unfortunately, it's usually my husband who experiences more stress in the mornings (he has chronic anxiety and inattentive ADHD, no medications, and manages a retail store, which puts time pressure on him). I'm not always the best at remaining calm as he's rushing around the house, but I try to remain relaxed and support him and help him get his stuff together before he leaves so he's less stressed, but there's only so much I can reasonably do to help. Over time, I've tried to help him find tricks to manage his time and he's recently started seeing a counsellor to help him with his ADHD and anxiety. But that's more of the context.
What I'm noticing in myself is that whether I carry myself mindfully in the morning or if I get annoyed, I end up carrying the stress from the morning with me throughout the day, causing me to be less focused and feel off. I recognize that these are my responses to the situation and that I likely feel them due to empathy for my husband, so I appreciate that. I know it's okay for him to feel stressed, but I suppose I still want to help him, so that is contributing to the heightened emotions I feel. I try going for nature walks or doing qi gong to help process and move the mood, but the anxiety can really perpetuate throughout my day.
I don't like that his moods affect me in this way. While I want to help him, I know there's not going to be a quick fix, so I'm not looking for recommendations for him. I'd like to know if other people experience this and what strategies have helped them? Or let me know if you have any insights from my story that I may not be fully aware of.
TYIA
I love slow cinema but realized that my favourite movies of the genre are quite bleak and kind of deperssing (Turin Horse, Stalker, Vagabond, Jeanne Dielman, Stray Dogs, Ghost Dog). I'm looking for stuff that's a bit more like Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which I like for its bittersweet ending, or Mystery Train, which has more young and carefree vibes that I'm into. Hit me up with your suggestions!
I've been T1 for just over 20 years and been on Omnipod5 for about a month. The O5 controller lets you put carb values in to the tenth of a gram. Do people worry about this?
I totally appreciate being more accurate with carb counting than what it was like when I was diagnosed (e.g. 1 fruit = 10g carb. period.). However, I feel like measuring to the tenth of a gram is just inaccurate given the margin of error on nutrition info cards and scales (my scale is only accurate to +/-2g), not to mention other factors like non-homogeneity of ingredients (e.g. in soups) and varying water mass in produce.
So what do others think about this? Do you just take what info you have and input the most accurate number you're given, or do you just round to the nearest gram or two?
I've undertaken a creative writing project about air and am now planning a two-week camping road-trip around Alberta to experience "air" in different ways. Curious to know what camping locations and their nearby attractions people on Reddit would recommend.
I'm keeping the definition of air quite open. My reading research and preliminary writing so far has spanned from air pollution to ghosts... so really, any sites where there are interesting weather patterns, cool air phenomena, the effects of big winds/weather, big sky, where breathing feels different, and even places that feel slightly haunted or liminal or thin.
EDIT to add: Also open to suggestions in BC and Saskatchewan if they're within ~1hr of the Alberta border.
EDIT TO ADD: Huge thank you to all of the people who took the time to give such thoughtful responses that helped me gain a better understanding of what's happening and validated my instincts. You all do amazing work!
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I'm nearing end of life and planning my funeral with my husband. I contacted the main funeral home service in my city to set up a meeting. My family has used this funeral home for three other deaths in the family and all of them have gone really well and I felt good about them. I've also attended funerals hosted by them and they all have gone well from what I can tell. They're also one of the most established providers with nine or so different locations, and good reviews. There are a few other single-location funeral providers in the city too, but I've only been to one for a distant relative and it is quite far from where I am in the city.
So, the situation:
In the phone call to set up the meeting I explained my situation and the funeral director asked if I had an idea of what I wanted and I said that yes, I'd already put a lot of thought into my preferences.
Jump forward to our meeting. My husband and I come in and the funeral director spends like 20 minutes talking about how valuable it is to preplan our funerals, kind of like a funeral sales pitch. It sounded like a pretty rehearsed speech, which didn't make a whole lot of sense coming from our phone conversation. Anyway, after that, we went through the various parts of the process: identification, viewing, burial, and celebration. I kept asking him about some of the more "logistical" details that were important to me and that I wanted a bit more clarity on, but he said that didn't matter yet and we could figure that out later. So anyway, he priced it out and we said we'd be in touch.
So it's a few weeks later (yes, admittedly longer than ideal, but my husband still works full time and I'm quite sick so it makes it difficult to have these heavy conversations) and we get in touch with the funeral director so we can wrap this up and confirm the details for my funeral, but I mention that we also have a few more questions. Before suggesting a time, he asks if we're going to be able to decide to go forward with this if we meet again... which was the plan.
I've never been on the planning side of a funeral, let alone my own obviously, but is this normal? It just feels icky and businessy. I assumed that the funeral home would kind of be by our side to help plan what I want and sort things out, but I feel like I'm a burden for asking questions or saying what I want even though it's not "typical"... but I'm also young and I don't want my funeral to look like a funeral for someone born in 1940 or whatever. For example, I want my program/memory card printed on seed paper and he was pretty skeptical that he could make that happen but said he'd follow-up with me after he checked with their printers. He never got back to me on this, but it was honestly the easiest internet search to find a business in my country that makes seed memory cards specifically for funerals.
Am I being unreasonable to want to request a different funeral director? And if I want to stay with the funeral home but have a different funeral director, will I be treated poorly because I didn't like someone there?
