u/shopaholic_life

Broskis I need help 😭 I wanna buy a skateboard, but I don’t really wanna do tricks or anything. I mostly just wanna use it to get from A to B.

So I’m thinking I should probably get a cruiser instead, BUT the whole reason I wanna skate in the first place is because skating apparently originated from surfers wanting to surf on land. So now I’m thinking maybe I should get a surfskate because it actually mimics surfing on land??

Idk 😭 what do you guys think: cruiser, regular skateboard, or surfskate?

Broskis I need help 😭 I wanna buy a skateboard, but I don’t really wanna do tricks or anything. I mostly just wanna use it to get from A to B.

So I’m thinking I should probably get a cruiser instead, BUT the whole reason I wanna skate in the first place is because skating apparently originated from surfers wanting to surf on land. So now I’m thinking maybe I should get a surfskate because it actually mimics surfing on land??

Idk 😭 what do you guys think: cruiser, regular skateboard, or surfskate?

Broskis I need help 😭 I wanna buy a skateboard, but I don’t really wanna do tricks or anything. I mostly just wanna use it to get from A to B.

So I’m thinking I should probably get a cruiser instead, BUT the whole reason I wanna skate in the first place is because skating apparently originated from surfers wanting to surf on land. So now I’m thinking maybe I should get a surfskate because it actually mimics surfing on land??

Idk 😭 what do you guys think: cruiser, regular skateboard, or surfskate?

Broskis I need help 😭 I wanna buy a skateboard, but I don’t really wanna do tricks or anything. I mostly just wanna use it to get from A to B.

So I’m thinking I should probably get a cruiser instead, BUT the whole reason I wanna skate in the first place is because skating apparently originated from surfers wanting to surf on land. So now I’m thinking maybe I should get a surfskate because it actually mimics surfing on land??

Idk 😭 what do you guys think: cruiser, regular skateboard, or surfskate?

I'm going to my boyfriends house on Saturday (I'm 17, he's 18). He's been to my house and met my grandma twice and now I'm going to his. There's a few things I'm worried about:

- He's a 40 min train ride away, and I've never been on a train before in my life (he gets them 2x a day for work and then visiting me), so I actually have no clue how to get a ticket, where to go, how to even get on a train, etc.

- Obviously I'm autistic, so I have no clue how to speak to his parents. I'm very socially awkward, and have a speech impediment which makes it hard to understand me. He is autistic (not diagnosed but yk, peer reviewed), and so is his mom (Au-dhd, diagnosed), which ig kind of makes it better, but not only am I autistic, I also have a fear of woman because I have been, for lack of a softer word, abused by almost every female in my life, especially my mother and other motherly figures. He knows this and has sort of told his mom. She is very nice, from what I've heard from our shared friends who know her, I'm just freaking out. I bought her a very very nice candle because I know she likes candles and he said she'll love it, but I don't know how to give it to her, I'm just so awkward and I mumble and stutter and it's horrible. (Can someone give me a script? /srs). Apparently she said I'm pretty and really wants to meet me so like, yay.

- His mom wants to cook for me, but I've been going through a phase for the past few weeks where I haven't been eating. Even looking at food (like a sandwhich for breakfast) makes me feel so so so sick and I have to force myself through sickness to eat it, because like, yk, I have to eat. It's honestly so bad, and it's just randomly started.

- I also have um, very bad toilet anxiety, as in, if I'm not near a toilet that I'm comfortable with, I will have an extremely bad panic attack, even thinking about it is making me freak out rn. I don't exactly want to have to go in his bathroom and I'm absolutely terrified, already having a panic attack from thinking about it.

- And the last thing is, his parents have no clue we are dating. We think they know because he's always hanging out with me and his parents always tell him to bring mints and blah blah blah, but they still just dont know, which is gonna be sooo awkward.

So, um, help?

I'm going to my boyfriends house on Saturday (I'm 17, he's 18). He's been to my house and met my grandma twice and now I'm going to his. There's a few things I'm worried about:

- He's a 40 min train ride away, and I've never been on a train before in my life (he gets them 2x a day for work and then visiting me), so I actually have no clue how to get a ticket, where to go, how to even get on a train, etc.

- Obviously I'm autistic, so I have no clue how to speak to his parents. I'm very socially awkward, and have a speech impediment which makes it hard to understand me. He is autistic (not diagnosed but yk, peer reviewed), and so is his mom (Au-dhd, diagnosed), which ig kind of makes it better, but not only am I autistic, I also have a fear of woman because I have been, for lack of a softer word, abused by almost every female in my life, especially my mother and other motherly figures. He knows this and has sort of told his mom. She is very nice, from what I've heard from our shared friends who know her, I'm just freaking out. I bought her a very very nice candle because I know she likes candles and he said she'll love it, but I don't know how to give it to her, I'm just so awkward and I mumble and stutter and it's horrible. (Can someone give me a script? /srs). Apparently she said I'm pretty and really wants to meet me so like, yay.

- His mom wants to cook for me, but I've been going through a phase for the past few weeks where I haven't been eating. Even looking at food (like a sandwhich for breakfast) makes me feel so so so sick and I have to force myself through sickness to eat it, because like, yk, I have to eat. It's honestly so bad, and it's just randomly started.

- I also have um, very bad toilet anxiety, as in, if I'm not near a toilet that I'm comfortable with, I will have an extremely bad panic attack, even thinking about it is making me freak out rn. I don't exactly want to have to go in his bathroom and I'm absolutely terrified, already having a panic attack from thinking about it.

- And the last thing is, his parents have no clue we are dating. We think they know because he's always hanging out with me and his parents always tell him to bring mints and blah blah blah, but they still just dont know, which is gonna be sooo awkward.

So, um, help?

I'm going to my boyfriends house on Saturday (I'm 17, he's 18). He's been to my house and met my grandma twice and now I'm going to his. There's a few things I'm worried about:

- He's a 40 min train ride away, and I've never been on a train before in my life (he gets them 2x a day for work and then visiting me), so I actually have no clue how to get a ticket, where to go, how to even get on a train, etc.

- Obviously I'm autistic, so I have no clue how to speak to his parents. I'm very socially awkward, and have a speech impediment which makes it hard to understand me. He is autistic (not diagnosed but yk, peer reviewed), and so is his mom (Au-dhd, diagnosed), which ig kind of makes it better, but not only am I autistic, I also have a fear of woman because I have been, for lack of a softer word, abused by almost every female in my life, especially my mother and other motherly figures. He knows this and has sort of told his mom. She is very nice, from what I've heard from our shared friends who know her, I'm just freaking out. I bought her a very very nice candle because I know she likes candles and he said she'll love it, but I don't know how to give it to her, I'm just so awkward and I mumble and stutter and it's horrible. (Can someone give me a script? /srs). Apparently she said I'm pretty and really wants to meet me so like, yay.

- His mom wants to cook for me, but I've been going through a phase for the past few weeks where I haven't been eating. Even looking at food (like a sandwhich for breakfast) makes me feel so so so sick and I have to force myself through sickness to eat it, because like, yk, I have to eat. It's honestly so bad, and it's just randomly started.

- I also have um, very bad toilet anxiety, as in, if I'm not near a toilet that I'm comfortable with, I will have an extremely bad panic attack, even thinking about it is making me freak out rn. I don't exactly want to have to go in his bathroom and I'm absolutely terrified, already having a panic attack from thinking about it.

- And the last thing is, his parents have no clue we are dating. We think they know because he's always hanging out with me and his parents always tell him to bring mints and blah blah blah, but they still just dont know, which is gonna be sooo awkward.

So, um, help?

I'm going to my boyfriends house on Saturday (I'm 17, he's 18). He's been to my house and met my grandma twice and now I'm going to his. There's a few things I'm worried about:

- He's a 40 min train ride away, and I've never been on a train before in my life (he gets them 2x a day for work and then visiting me), so I actually have no clue how to get a ticket, where to go, how to even get on a train, etc.

- Obviously I'm autistic, so I have no clue how to speak to his parents. I'm very socially awkward, and have a speech impediment which makes it hard to understand me. He is autistic (not diagnosed but yk, peer reviewed), and so is his mom (Au-dhd, diagnosed), which ig kind of makes it better, but not only am I autistic, I also have a fear of woman because I have been, for lack of a softer word, abused by almost every female in my life, especially my mother and other motherly figures. He knows this and has sort of told his mom. She is very nice, from what I've heard from our shared friends who know her, I'm just freaking out. I bought her a very very nice candle because I know she likes candles and he said she'll love it, but I don't know how to give it to her, I'm just so awkward and I mumble and stutter and it's horrible. (Can someone give me a script? /srs). Apparently she said I'm pretty and really wants to meet me so like, yay.

- His mom wants to cook for me, but I've been going through a phase for the past few weeks where I haven't been eating. Even looking at food (like a sandwhich for breakfast) makes me feel so so so sick and I have to force myself through sickness to eat it, because like, yk, I have to eat. It's honestly so bad, and it's just randomly started.

- I also have um, very bad toilet anxiety, as in, if I'm not near a toilet that I'm comfortable with, I will have an extremely bad panic attack, even thinking about it is making me freak out rn. I don't exactly want to have to go in his bathroom and I'm absolutely terrified, already having a panic attack from thinking about it.

- And the last thing is, his parents have no clue we are dating. We think they know because he's always hanging out with me and his parents always tell him to bring mints and blah blah blah, but they still just dont know, which is gonna be sooo awkward.

So, um, help?

Hi, I’m 17 and I’ve been interested in spirituality for a really long time, but I feel kind of stuck and confused about where I actually stand or how to move forward. Sorry if this is all jumbled up/ a mess.

I first got into it when I was really young (like around 6). I was given some of my stepdad’s mum’s old “witchy” books (mostly Wicca stuff), and I’ve kind of been on and off interested ever since. Around 2020 I bought crystals, jars, candles, etc., and got more into Paganism (mainly Greek/Roman). I’d just say I’m “spiritual,” but I don’t actually know what that means for me. I don’t really believe in a God or deity, more like energy and spirits and stuff.

I feel like I believe in the Earth as God, like Mother Earth, Gaia, etc, but then I start thinking about space, the universe, science, and everything kind of falls apart in my head. I also really love learning about religion academically like learning about how they came about, what causes it, mythology, etc, but I also know the contradictions about them (Religions come about because of environment, resources, society, etc), but knowing all that also makes it hard for me to fully believe in anything without questioning it constantly. 

I’m also really interested in learning about Caribbean, Native American, South American, and Polynesian spiritualities/cultures, but I know a lot of those are closed practices and not for outsiders. For context, I’m white/Scottish, so I’m trying to be respectful and not cross any lines, but I've always felt "connected" (idk the word) to Caribbean and South America in general, which isn't me trying to be like "I should be able to do these close practices because I like them and blah blah blah", I know its not an excuse or anything, just saying I really like to learn about them, haha, trying not to be a colonizer lol. I just genuinely find them really interesting and meaningful to learn about.

I’m so so so so so interested in occult things, satan stuff, idk what to call it cause I know satanists don’t actually believe in Satan–and neither do I–but yk, I just love and are so interested in occult and “dark” things like that.

Another thing is my family is very anti-religion/anti-spirituality (strong atheists), so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. also feel like I'm forcing myself to believe in spiritual/religious stuff and that in the back of my mind i know its not true, but then again, i also do. My mum is also very spirtitual, but she abused the shit outta me growing up badly, so I don't want to connect to her in anyway, but her and my aunt also have "premonitions" through dreams a lot, which come true 75% of the time.. soo... is it in my blood? I also love the feeling of having somewhere to go and having a community, like a church. I strictly oppose Christianity/Abrahamic religious in general, but I love the idea of a church yk? Like a place to go with other believers, in a nice, peaceful environment to talk and discuss as a community.

I am very spiritual , I can feel it all around and in me, but I have nowhere to put the energy. I have no rituals or things to do. I’d like to have religious duties and rituals personal to myself/my beliefs, and I’d like to have a sort of sign to do when “praying” and a thing to say at the end , like “amen” (curse of growing up Catholic through school).

I don’t like the use of crystals/insense/stuff like that, but I have an ankh necklace that I wear constantly and never take it off, and I’m also planning to get an ankh tattoo on my chest inbetween my yk..things. Idk why I’m saying this, I’m just yapping ikik.

I don’t really know what I’m asking rn, just, ig, is this all normal? Idk what to think or to do, etc. There’s nobody ik or can talk to abt anything so 🤷

Sorry this is long, I just feel really lost but also really drawn to this at the same time.

Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot :)

Hi, I’m 17 and I’ve been interested in spirituality for a really long time, but I feel kind of stuck and confused about where I actually stand or how to move forward. Sorry if this is all jumbled up/ a mess.

I first got into it when I was really young (like around 6). I was given some of my stepdad’s mum’s old “witchy” books (mostly Wicca stuff), and I’ve kind of been on and off interested ever since. Around 2020 I bought crystals, jars, candles, etc., and got more into Paganism (mainly Greek/Roman). I’d just say I’m “spiritual,” but I don’t actually know what that means for me. I don’t really believe in a God or deity, more like energy and spirits and stuff.

I feel like I believe in the Earth as God, like Mother Earth, Gaia, etc, but then I start thinking about space, the universe, science, and everything kind of falls apart in my head. I also really love learning about religion academically like learning about how they came about, what causes it, mythology, etc, but I also know the contradictions about them (Religions come about because of environment, resources, society, etc), but knowing all that also makes it hard for me to fully believe in anything without questioning it constantly. 

I’m also really interested in learning about Caribbean, Native American, South American, and Polynesian spiritualities/cultures, but I know a lot of those are closed practices and not for outsiders. For context, I’m white/Scottish, so I’m trying to be respectful and not cross any lines, but I've always felt "connected" (idk the word) to Caribbean and South America in general, which isn't me trying to be like "I should be able to do these close practices because I like them and blah blah blah", I know its not an excuse or anything, just saying I really like to learn about them, haha, trying not to be a colonizer lol. I just genuinely find them really interesting and meaningful to learn about.

I’m so so so so so interested in occult things, satan stuff, idk what to call it cause I know satanists don’t actually believe in Satan–and neither do I–but yk, I just love and are so interested in occult and “dark” things like that.

Another thing is my family is very anti-religion/anti-spirituality (strong atheists), so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. also feel like I'm forcing myself to believe in spiritual/religious stuff and that in the back of my mind i know its not true, but then again, i also do. My mum is also very spirtitual, but she abused the shit outta me growing up badly, so I don't want to connect to her in anyway, but her and my aunt also have "premonitions" through dreams a lot, which come true 75% of the time.. soo... is it in my blood? I also love the feeling of having somewhere to go and having a community, like a church. I strictly oppose Christianity/Abrahamic religious in general, but I love the idea of a church yk? Like a place to go with other believers, in a nice, peaceful environment to talk and discuss as a community.

I am very spiritual , I can feel it all around and in me, but I have nowhere to put the energy. I have no rituals or things to do. I’d like to have religious duties and rituals personal to myself/my beliefs, and I’d like to have a sort of sign to do when “praying” and a thing to say at the end , like “amen” (curse of growing up Catholic through school).

I don’t like the use of crystals/insense/stuff like that, but I have an ankh necklace that I wear constantly and never take it off, and I’m also planning to get an ankh tattoo on my chest inbetween my yk..things. Idk why I’m saying this, I’m just yapping ikik.

I don’t really know what I’m asking rn, just, ig, is this all normal? Idk what to think or to do, etc. There’s nobody ik or can talk to abt anything so 🤷

Sorry this is long, I just feel really lost but also really drawn to this at the same time.

Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot :)

Hi, I’m 17 and I’ve been interested in spirituality for a really long time, but I feel kind of stuck and confused about where I actually stand or how to move forward. Sorry if this is all jumbled up/ a mess.

I first got into it when I was really young (like around 6). I was given some of my stepdad’s mum’s old “witchy” books (mostly Wicca stuff), and I’ve kind of been on and off interested ever since. Around 2020 I bought crystals, jars, candles, etc., and got more into Paganism (mainly Greek/Roman). I’d just say I’m “spiritual,” but I don’t actually know what that means for me. I don’t really believe in a God or deity, more like energy and spirits and stuff.

I feel like I believe in the Earth as God, like Mother Earth, Gaia, etc, but then I start thinking about space, the universe, science, and everything kind of falls apart in my head. I also really love learning about religion academically like learning about how they came about, what causes it, mythology, etc, but I also know the contradictions about them (Religions come about because of environment, resources, society, etc), but knowing all that also makes it hard for me to fully believe in anything without questioning it constantly. 

I’m also really interested in learning about Caribbean, Native American, South American, and Polynesian spiritualities/cultures, but I know a lot of those are closed practices and not for outsiders. For context, I’m white/Scottish, so I’m trying to be respectful and not cross any lines, but I've always felt "connected" (idk the word) to Caribbean and South America in general, which isn't me trying to be like "I should be able to do these close practices because I like them and blah blah blah", I know its not an excuse or anything, just saying I really like to learn about them, haha, trying not to be a colonizer lol. I just genuinely find them really interesting and meaningful to learn about.

I’m so so so so so interested in occult things, satan stuff, idk what to call it cause I know satanists don’t actually believe in Satan–and neither do I–but yk, I just love and are so interested in occult and “dark” things like that.

Another thing is my family is very anti-religion/anti-spirituality (strong atheists), so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. also feel like I'm forcing myself to believe in spiritual/religious stuff and that in the back of my mind i know its not true, but then again, i also do. My mum is also very spirtitual, but she abused the shit outta me growing up badly, so I don't want to connect to her in anyway, but her and my aunt also have "premonitions" through dreams a lot, which come true 75% of the time.. soo... is it in my blood? I also love the feeling of having somewhere to go and having a community, like a church. I strictly oppose Christianity/Abrahamic religious in general, but I love the idea of a church yk? Like a place to go with other believers, in a nice, peaceful environment to talk and discuss as a community.

I am very spiritual , I can feel it all around and in me, but I have nowhere to put the energy. I have no rituals or things to do. I’d like to have religious duties and rituals personal to myself/my beliefs, and I’d like to have a sort of sign to do when “praying” and a thing to say at the end , like “amen” (curse of growing up Catholic through school).

I don’t like the use of crystals/insense/stuff like that, but I have an ankh necklace that I wear constantly and never take it off, and I’m also planning to get an ankh tattoo on my chest inbetween my yk..things. Idk why I’m saying this, I’m just yapping ikik.

I don’t really know what I’m asking rn, just, ig, is this all normal? Idk what to think or to do, etc. There’s nobody ik or can talk to abt anything so 🤷

Sorry this is long, I just feel really lost but also really drawn to this at the same time.

Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot :)

Hi, I’m 17 and I’ve been interested in spirituality for a really long time, but I feel kind of stuck and confused about where I actually stand or how to move forward. Sorry if this is all jumbled up/ a mess.

I first got into it when I was really young (like around 6). I was given some of my stepdad’s mum’s old “witchy” books (mostly Wicca stuff), and I’ve kind of been on and off interested ever since. Around 2020 I bought crystals, jars, candles, etc., and got more into Paganism (mainly Greek/Roman). I’d just say I’m “spiritual,” but I don’t actually know what that means for me. I don’t really believe in a God or deity, more like energy and spirits and stuff.

I feel like I believe in the Earth as God, like Mother Earth, Gaia, etc, but then I start thinking about space, the universe, science, and everything kind of falls apart in my head. I also really love learning about religion academically like learning about how they came about, what causes it, mythology, etc, but I also know the contradictions about them (Religions come about because of environment, resources, society, etc), but knowing all that also makes it hard for me to fully believe in anything without questioning it constantly. 

I’m also really interested in learning about Caribbean, Native American, South American, and Polynesian spiritualities/cultures, but I know a lot of those are closed practices and not for outsiders. For context, I’m white/Scottish, so I’m trying to be respectful and not cross any lines, but I've always felt "connected" (idk the word) to Caribbean and South America in general, which isn't me trying to be like "I should be able to do these close practices because I like them and blah blah blah", I know its not an excuse or anything, just saying I really like to learn about them, haha, trying not to be a colonizer lol. I just genuinely find them really interesting and meaningful to learn about.

I’m so so so so so interested in occult things, satan stuff, idk what to call it cause I know satanists don’t actually believe in Satan–and neither do I–but yk, I just love and are so interested in occult and “dark” things like that.

Another thing is my family is very anti-religion/anti-spirituality (strong atheists), so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. also feel like I'm forcing myself to believe in spiritual/religious stuff and that in the back of my mind i know its not true, but then again, i also do. My mum is also very spirtitual, but she abused the shit outta me growing up badly, so I don't want to connect to her in anyway, but her and my aunt also have "premonitions" through dreams a lot, which come true 75% of the time.. soo... is it in my blood? I also love the feeling of having somewhere to go and having a community, like a church. I strictly oppose Christianity/Abrahamic religious in general, but I love the idea of a church yk? Like a place to go with other believers, in a nice, peaceful environment to talk and discuss as a community.

I am very spiritual , I can feel it all around and in me, but I have nowhere to put the energy. I have no rituals or things to do. I’d like to have religious duties and rituals personal to myself/my beliefs, and I’d like to have a sort of sign to do when “praying” and a thing to say at the end , like “amen” (curse of growing up Catholic through school).

I don’t like the use of crystals/insense/stuff like that, but I have an ankh necklace that I wear constantly and never take it off, and I’m also planning to get an ankh tattoo on my chest inbetween my yk..things. Idk why I’m saying this, I’m just yapping ikik.

I don’t really know what I’m asking rn, just, ig, is this all normal? Idk what to think or to do, etc. There’s nobody ik or can talk to abt anything so 🤷

Sorry this is long, I just feel really lost but also really drawn to this at the same time.

Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot :)

So I'm 17 and tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm going to an arcade with a guy I like.

We've been talking quite a lot recently and there's been a decent amount of teasing/flirting. A while ago I posted on my story asking if anyone wanted to go to the arcade with me for my birthday (it was definitely aimed at him lol), and he replied almost immediately with "I'll come."

We're planning on spending a few hours at the arcade and maybe getting food afterwards.

We've been talking and flirting for a while now and a few days ago we went to the cinema with friends, but we sat next to each other and held hands while we both kind of flirted during the movie.

The problem is that I have approximately zero experience with dates. I'm excited, but also kind of nervous because I don't want to be awkward or accidentally make things weird. I tend to overthink everything and I'm already worrying about things like conversation, what to wear, whether he'll actually see it as a date, etc.

Does anyone have advice for arcade dates specifically? Things you wish you'd known before your first date? Or just ways to stop overthinking and enjoy the day?

Thanks :)

So I'm 17 and tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm going to an arcade with a guy I like.

We've been talking quite a lot recently and there's been a decent amount of teasing/flirting. A while ago I posted on my story asking if anyone wanted to go to the arcade with me for my birthday (it was definitely aimed at him lol), and he replied almost immediately with "I'll come."

We're planning on spending a few hours at the arcade and maybe getting food afterwards.

We've been talking and flirting for a while now and a few days ago we went to the cinema with friends, but we sat next to each other and held hands while we both kind of flirted during the movie.

The problem is that I have approximately zero experience with dates. I'm excited, but also kind of nervous because I don't want to be awkward or accidentally make things weird. I tend to overthink everything and I'm already worrying about things like conversation, what to wear, whether he'll actually see it as a date, etc.

Does anyone have advice for arcade dates specifically? Things you wish you'd known before your first date? Or just ways to stop overthinking and enjoy the day?

Thanks :)

Basically, I’ve been talking to a boy, a boy that is one of my close friends best friend. Let’s call him P.  Me and P have been talking for a while and we’ve been flirting, and finally last night, we basically just talked and agreed to hang out more one on one and see where it goes (we’ve both never dated; I’ve been in situationships before, and I think he’s been coerced into intercourse once–He’s briefly mentioned it). But the thing is, I feel really weird when it comes to relationships, like, I’ll flirt with someone but as soon as things start to progress I feel trapped, suffocated, panicky, etc. I think it’s commitment issues and stuff, but it always happens. I’m 17, and he’s just turned 18. He’s going to a top college in his city (we live a city apart), and I’m starting my senior year. I was kind of thinking of just trying it for the summer, since I don’t have many friends anyway to hang out with, and then once he goes to college I can kind of dwindle it away, or if he finds someone he really likes there—assuming I’m not overly infatuated lol.

So, the thing is, I’ve only actually kissed one guy before, a year ago, and it wasn’t like a big makeout thing or anything, and I’ve obviously never had intercourse. I’m scared in case he wants to and I’ve always had an incapability to say no (If my family asked me if I wanted to go swimming–I hate the water–I’ve always been unable to say no and get visibly anxious and scared of even saying the word). I’m very conflicted, because I’ve always had an aversion to sex (which I think is because I was exposed to very young through pornography and by my parents so I’ve always seen it as scary, hurtful, etc), and until very recently, romance, but I’m not scared of getting pregnant, I know how to use protection, birth control, plan B, and in worse case, an abortion–which I’m not very phased about getting if needs be. I’m scared of 1. It hurts  2. The awkwardness  3. Not doing it with the right person   4. Regretting it and feeling dirty and losing a part of myself   5. I just don't like it.

I’m worried in case he thinks I’m fine with doing it because I am a very…*ahem*... sexual person, as in, I like to research it (#autisticspecialinterest)  and since I was exposed to sex very early, I’ve became very hypersexual and what some people would describe as “kinky”, which he knows of.  A few hours ago when we were talking about labels, boundaries, etc, he said “Obviously It’s good to establish boundaries but no doubt they obviously will change as we move on”   And that’s kind of what made me write this–I’ve been worried for a while, but this really set it.

But, I’m also worried because I know once I do it, I’ll be fine. It’s like trying a food you don’t know if you like, once you try it, you’re fine with it and can eat it again if you want to, y'know? It’s just a stepping stone I have to get over, or a milestone I have to get. In the past, I’ve always pretended to be heavily religious (I’m actually anti-theist and very opposed and critical of any and all religions) just to be like “hehe waiting till marriage! Jesus wouldn't approve haha!”   But I feel like it’s contradictory to my hypersexualness that he knows of. And although I’m not religious, my virginity is very dear to me, I have no clue why–probably because I grew up Catholic. I feel like I should just do it and get it over and done with.

But there’s a part of me that wants to be as outgoing and rebellious as possible; I often fantasise of becoming a drug addicted, alcoholic stripper. Obviously I actually don’t want that, but I also know virginity is a man-made concept created to force women into believing they are dirty and to further the patriarchy, etc etc. I sometimes think I’m behind because like, most people can have one night stands and everything, and can talk about sex and their sexual encounters openly.

I don’t know, I’m sorry if this is incoherent, It’s 2am and I’m freaking out.

Basically, I’ve been talking to a boy, a boy that is one of my close friends best friend. Let’s call him P.  Me and P have been talking for a while and we’ve been flirting, and finally last night, we basically just talked and agreed to hang out more one on one and see where it goes (we’ve both never dated; I’ve been in situationships before, and I think he’s been coerced into intercourse once–He’s briefly mentioned it). But the thing is, I feel really weird when it comes to relationships, like, I’ll flirt with someone but as soon as things start to progress I feel trapped, suffocated, panicky, etc. I think it’s commitment issues and stuff, but it always happens. I’m 17, and he’s just turned 18. He’s going to a top college in his city (we live a city apart), and I’m starting my senior year. I was kind of thinking of just trying it for the summer, since I don’t have many friends anyway to hang out with, and then once he goes to college I can kind of dwindle it away, or if he finds someone he really likes there—assuming I’m not overly infatuated lol.

So, the thing is, I’ve only actually kissed one guy before, a year ago, and it wasn’t like a big makeout thing or anything, and I’ve obviously never had intercourse. I’m scared in case he wants to and I’ve always had an incapability to say no (If my family asked me if I wanted to go swimming–I hate the water–I’ve always been unable to say no and get visibly anxious and scared of even saying the word). I’m very conflicted, because I’ve always had an aversion to sex (which I think is because I was exposed to very young through pornography and by my parents so I’ve always seen it as scary, hurtful, etc), and until very recently, romance, but I’m not scared of getting pregnant, I know how to use protection, birth control, plan B, and in worse case, an abortion–which I’m not very phased about getting if needs be. I’m scared of 1. It hurts  2. The awkwardness  3. Not doing it with the right person   4. Regretting it and feeling dirty and losing a part of myself   5. I just don't like it.

I’m worried in case he thinks I’m fine with doing it because I am a very…*ahem*... sexual person, as in, I like to research it (#autisticspecialinterest)  and since I was exposed to sex very early, I’ve became very hypersexual and what some people would describe as “kinky”, which he knows of.  A few hours ago when we were talking about labels, boundaries, etc, he said “Obviously It’s good to establish boundaries but no doubt they obviously will change as we move on”   And that’s kind of what made me write this–I’ve been worried for a while, but this really set it.

But, I’m also worried because I know once I do it, I’ll be fine. It’s like trying a food you don’t know if you like, once you try it, you’re fine with it and can eat it again if you want to, y'know? It’s just a stepping stone I have to get over, or a milestone I have to get. In the past, I’ve always pretended to be heavily religious (I’m actually anti-theist and very opposed and critical of any and all religions) just to be like “hehe waiting till marriage! Jesus wouldn't approve haha!”   But I feel like it’s contradictory to my hypersexualness that he knows of. And although I’m not religious, my virginity is very dear to me, I have no clue why–probably because I grew up Catholic. I feel like I should just do it and get it over and done with.

But there’s a part of me that wants to be as outgoing and rebellious as possible; I often fantasise of becoming a drug addicted, alcoholic stripper. Obviously I actually don’t want that, but I also know virginity is a man-made concept created to force women into believing they are dirty and to further the patriarchy, etc etc. I sometimes think I’m behind because like, most people can have one night stands and everything, and can talk about sex and their sexual encounters openly.

I don’t know, I’m sorry if this is incoherent, It’s 2am and I’m freaking out.

My period is due tmr, Sunday, but it never comes on the day it's meant too. Normally a week later or a week + a few days later. But I'm going on a swimming/beach trip on Thursday (just for thursday), so I don't want my period to come before or on then. I don't have Cramps or any of my usual symptoms, other than I just bought a beef burger and I only crave beef when nearing my period lmao

My period is due tmr, Sunday, but it never comes on the day it's meant too. Normally a week later or a week + a few days later. But I'm going on a swimming/beach trip on Thursday (just for thursday), so I don't want my period to come before or on then. I don't have Cramps or any of my usual symptoms, other than I just bought a beef burger and I only crave beef when nearing my period lmao

Hi everyone,

My family and I are planning to go to Ayr beach during the summer with all the good weather coming and I was wondering if the water if safe to swim in because of all the Jelly fish and perhaps bacteria? I was also wondering if it would be okay to wear a bikini (not anything skimpy, lol) to swim in? I wont be walking around in it, i'd get changed to swim and then changed back into clothes again, but I dont want to offend anyone, especially those with kids or be judged.

Thank you for reading this! Have a good day!

Hi everyone,

My family and I are planning to go to Ayr beach during the summer with all the good weather coming and I was wondering if the water if safe to swim in because of all the Jelly fish and perhaps bacteria? I was also wondering if it would be okay to wear a bikini (not anything skimpy, lol) to swim in? I wont be walking around in it, i'd get changed to swim and then changed back into clothes again, but I dont want to offend anyone, especially those with kids or be judged.

Thank you for reading this! Have a good day!