i’m sorry for asking this, i don’t mean to doubt Him, but i’ve been wondering recently. Why do little kids get things like cancer? why can’t parents pray this away from their kids even when they try?

Grad student abroad in Korea. Labmate (H) — same workspace, same friend group. Factual timeline of the past year.

Winter 2025 — the warm start: Weekly weekend drinks with him and a mutual friend, right after his breakup. Drunk, he repeatedly said he wanted to get close to me and how kind I am. Shared family secrets.

May 2025 — the move: Helped me find an apartment, toured places with me, translated everything (I'm not Korean), moved all my stuff in his car. Multiple people said this was way beyond normal labmate effort.

June 2025 — the lab dinner: Sat next to me all night, leaning in, and confessed he liked "a friend" but was scared to act because he didn't want to ruin the friendship. Next day: claimed zero memory of saying it.

Throughout the year:

• Looks at me a lot, even when I'm not talking
• Saw me walking home crying once — hung up on his friend mid-call and walked me home
• I offered him a piece of my steak; he cut up the entire steak for me first. Mutual friend: "See!! You're nice to her, that's why I think you like her"
• Same friend: "everyone sees how you two look at each other"
• His male friend: "he's just nice to everyone, it doesn't mean anything"

Then — the shift: Started declining my invitations. Asked him to a movie — he invited our mutual friend along. Got colder or less attentive, but also busier with work at the same time.

But also:

• Still likes my posts, including a bikini story
• Eats dinner one-on-one with me when no one else is around
• We plan group outings sometimes, he doesnt avoid me friendship wise

Now — lab summer camp:

• Drunk night: a guy asked me if I thought H was attractive. Then another friend asked out loud if I liked H. His close friend offered twice to "call him for me" when i wanted to go back to my hotel room because it was late (it was already 3rd round and H and I had spent 2nd round together with other people)
• The night before my birthday: H asked me to come smoke with him while we were waiting for others, he also asked what I wanted to eat for dinner since it was my bday tomorrow
• Same day , H crashed our rental car. He spent my birthday handling it (~$350), skipped dinner, and never said happy birthday. (Last year's gift: a shirt in my fav colour that said "hey cutie"). The accident got him down a lot.
• Days after: studied together at a cafe, we did a surfing trip with H and another guy, H liked my birthday and surf posts, but still didn't wish me happy birthday. The other guy attended to me all day, and H didn't seem to care.
• When the other guy talked about travelling the world, H told me to "go together" with him. I asked if he'd come, he said "I'm too old". (he's only 4 years older)

I've tried so hard over the past year to get over him. I don't want to like him. he's emotionally unavailable and a coward. But its been so hard, i cry so much and blame my brain for refusing to get over him.

Camp ends Friday. I've given myself until Wednesday to ask him directly.

but i need insight,

Grad student abroad in Korea. Labmate (H) — same workspace, same friend group. Factual timeline of the past year.

Winter 2025 — the warm start: Weekly weekend drinks with him and a mutual friend, right after his breakup. Drunk, he repeatedly said he wanted to get close to me and how kind I am. Shared family secrets.

May 2025 — the move: Helped me find an apartment, toured places with me, translated everything (I'm not Korean), moved all my stuff in his car. Multiple people said this was way beyond normal labmate effort.

June 2025 — the lab dinner: Sat next to me all night, leaning in, and confessed he liked "a friend" but was scared to act because he didn't want to ruin the friendship. Next day: claimed zero memory of saying it.

Throughout the year:

• Looks at me a lot, even when I'm not talking
• Saw me walking home crying once — hung up on his friend mid-call and walked me home
• I offered him a piece of my steak; he cut up the entire steak for me first. Mutual friend: "See!! You're nice to her, that's why I think you like her"
• Same friend: "everyone sees how you two look at each other"
• His male friend: "he's just nice to everyone, it doesn't mean anything"

Then — the shift: Started declining my invitations. Asked him to a movie — he invited our mutual friend along. Got colder or less attentive, but also busier with work at the same time.

But also:

• Still likes my posts, including a bikini story
• Eats dinner one-on-one with me when no one else is around
• We plan group outings sometimes, he doesnt avoid me friendship wise

Now — lab summer camp:

• Drunk night: a guy asked me if I thought H was attractive. Then another friend asked out loud if I liked H. His close friend offered twice to "call him for me" when i wanted to go back to my hotel room because it was late (it was already 3rd round and H and I had spent 2nd round together with other people)
• The night before my birthday: H asked me to come smoke with him while we were waiting for others, he also asked what I wanted to eat for dinner since it was my bday tomorrow
• Same day , H crashed our rental car. He spent my birthday handling it (~$350), skipped dinner, and never said happy birthday. (Last year's gift: a shirt in my fav colour that said "hey cutie"). The accident got him down a lot.
• Days after: studied together at a cafe, we did a surfing trip with H and another guy, H liked my birthday and surf posts, but still didn't wish me happy birthday. The other guy attended to me all day, and H didn't seem to care.
• When the other guy talked about travelling the world, H told me to "go together" with him. I asked if he'd come, he said "I'm too old". (he's only 4 years older)

I've tried so hard over the past year to get over him. I don't want to like him. he's emotionally unavailable and a coward. But its been so hard, i cry so much and blame my brain for refusing to get over him.

Camp ends Friday. I've given myself until Wednesday to ask him directly.

but i need insight,

Today was so hard, I broke down crying on the phone to my mom. I kept telling her how tired I was. I really am tired. I’ve been holding back for so, so long not to worry them, but I failed today. I told her I want to go home too. I think she got worried, because she also cried and told me she loved me, which never happens.

I feel so guilty. I never want to worry my parents. She asked me if my window opened too, and to show her my view. I think she was scared I’d do something.

I think I needed that intense crying session, though. It felt like I emptied most of my pent-up emotions. But I feel so guilty still, even though she and my dad said it's okay and to always call them.

I honestly feel so weak, I just want a hug from them. I never thought I’d be this weak or want to go home to them. I refuse to let myself quit my PhD and go home, no matter how badly I want to.

I wish i can go home for a bit, i live two plane rides away that are a total of 14 hours (basically a 24-hour travel day with layovers and stuff), and a round trip costs enormous amounts of money. I shouldn't have done that, knowing how weak I am, but I've lived here for two years so far with no problem.

i don’t identify with my emotions. my brain is so evil, it hates me. it doesn’t want me to feel good. it gives me emotions and feelings I DONT WANT TO FEEL and i try to stop them but it’s like my brain is controlled by my heart and emotions and it’s controlling me.

it’s not intrusive thoughts, it’s constant emotions and feelings that i never wanted to feel. i didn’t chose this but my brain chose the worst.

i don’t identify with my feelings. my brain makes me feel so many negative and difficult emotions even when i DONT WANT TO! i want to stop feeling and thinking this way but my brain is against me. it hates me. i can’t control it. what do i do

last year january- june 2025 i had this mixed signals situation with a friend. he would flirt while tipsy and be warm while sober. he did a lot for me, and everyone clocked it.

then i messed up and went to a terrible hair salon. got a shitty haircut. around that same time he got colder. but that was also right after a night where everyone teased him for clearly seeming like he was into me. he was drunk and almost half confessing, but i was too stupid to pick it up.

since then (late june 2025), he’s been colder and more neutral. i can’t tell if it’s the haircut or he just lost interest or is being more aware of how he comes off. i was ugly during july 2025 because of the damn hair. then i fixed it.

we’re still friends we hang out often but he doesn’t flirt with me anymore. did i fuck it up??????? fuck me

i’m never someone’s first, second, or even third choice. people want me when they need me, that’s it, when there’s no one else.

my ex used me for six years then threw me away like trash when i wasn’t beneficial. my friend who i hadn’t seen in a year told me she’ll see me when she comes to town then saw others and i only found out she came AFTER she left through an insta post.

my childhood friends made a group separate without me as soon as i moved away for grad school.

i’m grateful for my immediate family but they only love me because im their kid or sister. don’t think they’d willingly chose me ever.

i’m never someone’s first, second, or even third choice. people want me when they need me, that’s it, when there’s no one else.

my ex used me for six years then threw me away like trash when i wasn’t beneficial. my friend who i hadn’t seen in a year told me she’ll see me when she comes to town then saw others and i only found out she came AFTER she left through an insta post.

my childhood friends made a group separate without me as soon as i moved away for grad school.

i’m grateful for my immediate family but they only love me because im their kid or sister. don’t think they’d willingly chose me ever.

i feel too fat for my current haircut, if that makes sense. i feel like my body needs long hair to cover up. but my shoulder length hair makes my head look too small and my body is just too big. i think i need to lose weight quickly to match my hair. i’ve been stuck at my current number for AGES

please bear with me. this is long but i promise it gets to a point.

uncertainty has always given me so much anxiety. especially when it comes to people. when i was younger i used to worry about my sister. if there was even a hint of uncertainty about her or her whereabouts i would lose it and get so anxious. but that was mostly because i’d be scared for her safety. i am now able to do better with that. but it’s a similar feeling now with my friend H. i feel like if i don’t know what he’s up to i don’t have control and im not safe.. “like what is he doing? who is he meeting? im going to lose him forever he’s probably meeting a girl and i’ll never get the chance to know if he likes me. i’m too late!” those are the thoughts in my head, but also i feel threatened like i have no one. so whenever he’s busy and i see that he’s stuck at the office im calm, but when i sense he has some free time or he leaves his desk im super anxious! its SUPER embarrassing, and completely feels out of my control. i hate being this honest.

i wish i can rely on someone at the end of the day, even if H is doing anything else, i can go and i have a friend, parents, anyone that won’t leave me alone.

a few weekends ago i stayed in the office until 12 am, it was because i was scared of hurting myself. i didnt want to be alone becasue i felt out of control. i texted my friends but all were busy, so i stayed at the lab where some people were still working, including H.

i didn’t know what i would do. but then i got better, and ever since ive been so scared of going back to that state. i’m not sure what’s wrong with me. my head knows it’s unreasonable and wrong

you know what’s killing me? uncertainly of where people are.

i’ve always been like this with my sister, like if there’s even a hint of uncertainty about her or her whereabouts i lose my shit and get anxious. but that was mostly because i’d be scared for her safety. i am now able to do better with that but now i have this feeling towards a friend, H. i feel like if i don’t know what he’s up to i lose all control and safety of my own. it’s crazy. “like what is he doing? who is he meeting? omg im gonna lose him forever he’s probably meeting a girl and i’ll never get the chance to know if he likes me. i’m too late!” those are the thoughts in my head. so whenever he’s busy and i know he’s stuck at the office im calm, but when i sense he has some free time im super anxious!

maybe it’s because im a foreigner here and he’s taken care of me since i got here, he’s very kind and friendly and even though i tried to not like him, i fell hard. people used to try to get us together but we’re coworkers so there’s always hesitation.

i know it’s not healthy, i know it’s stupid, i’m seeing a therapist and im on anxiety meds. lowkey im just helpless or i need to tell him my feelings and get an answer and get it over with

tldr; my all time favourite artist maybe be performing one of his last ever shows this weekend two hours away, my friends are busy/broke, do i go alone?

I’ve been a fan of this artist for years, and seeing them live has literally been on my vision board since 2022. They recently said in a livestream that their next few shows might be their last ever. they’ve been going through a rough patch mentally. So this could be a genuine “now or never.”

the show is a small event this weekend, in a city about 2 hours from where I live. Entry is free but first-come, first-served with limited capacity. you queue from 9PM and their set isn’t until around midnight.

i asked my friends but they’re all pretty busy this weekend or can’t afford it. so Going means a solo overnight away from home.

Why I want to go:
• It might genuinely be one of their last shows ever
• I actually prefer tiny-venue shows to big arena concerts, and this is exactly that kind of night
• A few fans I found online are meeting up there, so I wouldn’t be totally alone
• (slightly embarrassing) I have a tattoo inspired by their music so it means allot to me

Why I’m hesitating:
• Going alone, late at night, in a big city m
• No guaranteed entry, I could queue and still not get in
• Lodging was a nightmare (sold out / expensive), though I managed to grab a refundable room nearby
• It’s a lot of effort and money for a \~1-hour midnight set
would i be a loser if i go alone? i’ve been feeling self conscious lately about living alone and being single so this is amplifying it

Honestly, I’m scared of regretting it either way, but i figured if i go i can also pass by my favourite hair salon for next day since i needed a trip there anyways.

I keep flip-flopping. If you’ve done a solo overnight for a show, or been to one of these capacity-capped free events — was it worth it? Would you go?

I’ve been a fan of this artist for years, and seeing them live has literally been on my vision board since 2022. They recently said in a livestream that their next few shows might be their last ever. they’ve been going through a rough patch and talked about stepping back. So this could be a genuine “now or never.”

the show is a small event this weekend, in a city about 2 hours from where I live. Entry is free but first-come, first-served with limited capacity. you queue from 9PM and their set isn’t until around midnight.

i asked my friends but they’re all pretty busy this weekend or can’t afford it. so Going means a solo overnight away from home.

Why I want to go:
• It might genuinely be one of their last shows ever
• I actually prefer tiny-venue shows to big arena concerts, and this is exactly that kind of night
• A few fans I found online are meeting up there, so I wouldn’t be totally alone
• (slightly embarrassing) I have a tattoo inspired by their music so it means allot to me

Why I’m hesitating:
• Going alone, late at night, in a big city m
• No guaranteed entry, I could queue and still not get in
• Lodging was a nightmare (sold out / expensive), though I managed to grab a refundable room nearby
• It’s a lot of effort and money for a ~1-hour midnight set

Honestly, I’m scared of regretting it either way, but i figured if i go i can also pass by my favourite hair salon for next day since i needed a trip there anyways.

I keep flip-flopping. If you’ve done a solo overnight for a show, or been to one of these capacity-capped free events — was it worth it? Would you go?

please i have no idea what it is about that season specifically but everything from the storylines to the filming to the music is a master piece

i’m 26F and in the middle of doing my phd and i’m broke AF. also i haven’t dated in years. but omg do i NEED a baby!!!!!!! i wish i can borrow a baby whenever i want. i know they’re not all fun and games but i genuinely am ready and i even had a dream i had one and i was so happy