u/BeneficialJuice2878

I’ve just moved back to uni and started hanging out with one of my close friends from last year. She had a tendency last year to constantly try to adjust plans to fit other people into our original plans. For example, inviting one friend to do something with us, or trying to get us to do something different entirely with her other friends. She also has a tendency to go off and start looking for some of the boys she had a thing for last year, who used to say really awful things about women and make us pretty uncomfortable.

So essentially me and my other friend had made plans with her to go out for some drinks and probably clubbing this week. She ends up messaging something along the lines of “my friends invited me to a themed social… Do you want to go together?”.

Obviously, neither me or my other friend actually want to go do this social with people we don’t know, in a society we aren’t part of but it always comes across bad If we say no. It just feels like she’s constantly wanting to hang out with her other friends and tries to ‘squeeze’ us into other plans if that makes sense.
so we ended up saying no to going to this social and she started asking why, trying to convince us etc… Then she started saying that she just wants to be social this year and not miss any opportunities. We told her we totally get that and she should go to the social if she wants. she then said she isn’t going to ditch us to go to a social and we can just go out like we planned, but obviously she was being pretty passive aggressive about it all. Now me and my other friend have said we’re just going to stop inviting her to stuff as it’s becoming a pattern.
Its all pretty obvious she doesn’t want to be with us and just feels bad but she’s already made plans with us.

thoughts?

Started in a SEND school this year and typically teach year 4 students - specialist autism pathway. The children are non verbal and a lot of them are 1-1. What I see constantly is teaching assistants ‘gentle parenting’ them when they’re being violent, as if they don’t know what they’re doing is painful and as though they arent clever. The children are comfortable biting and scratching/hitting certain TA’s because they use a soft approach and know no discipline will take place. other TA’s, who are more strict do not nearly get hit/scratched as much or bitten.

An incident recently happpened in the ohtside play area where one pupil (young girl) threw a tantrum because a young boy was on the big swing. She went to hit the boy and the two TA’s nearby gentle patented, told her she had to share and even praised her when she stopped hitting him for a few seconds. They allowed her to sit right next to him and continue to try and hit him. I asked if they wanted me to move her to another area, they said not to as she needs to be taught to share. They thought she had calmed down but merely 10 seconds later she grabbed him by the hair, smacked his face and went to kick him. At this point I was appalled and picked her up myself, moved her away from the boy and held her back whilst she tried to hit me in the face. I told her not to hit and that she is not allowed on the swing any longer today. She eventually calmed down and did not attempt to go back to the swing as she knew I’d be watching, left the boy alone and did not attempt to hit me again that day. On the other hand, she continued to throw tantrums around the same other two TA’s and even bit them an hour later. Which they continued to gentle parent. They did not tell the teacher about this and did not write up any reports on the matter.

there was also another incident in the sensory room where a boy ran up to another student and grabbed her hair, ripping a fair chunk out. Just for the sake of doing it. She did not interact with him whatsoever, he just ran over and attacked her. Again, no report or write up was made. probably because the school staff don’t want any trouble with parents so they just pretend things have never happened.

now, I’m all for remaining calm and talking the children through their behaviour. But essentially letting a little girl attack another boy and not implementing disciplinary action or telling her otherwise is one of the worst I’ve seen TA’s act. And this shows in the way the children act towards different staff members. I have never been bitten or scratched As I don’t allow the children close to me when they’re overstimulated and being violent.

Why is it that in SEND schools violent behaviour is normalised? Is this particularly in the school I’m working at or is it common across the board?

Essentially, me and my boyfriend (both 22) have been together for a couple years. He has since gained 40 kilos in one year and has never managed to shake it. He recently had to go to the hospital for gastritis as his stomach lining was so inflamed from a poor diet that he had to be medicated. This was only 3 weeks ago and he continues to eat crap. He let it slip to me that today he ate 250 grams of beef mince for lunch, as well as another 250 grams for dinner as the beef “needed eating before it went bad”. When he could have just froze it and he wanted to eat it.

I told him that I think it’s a disgusting amount of red meat in one day - as that may be a week’s intake of red meat in half a day for most people. I also told him if he carried on like this he’d have clogged arteries, his stomach would be inflamed again and his heart is going to give way eventually. He got angry at me and told me I was being ridiculous as all of the ”gym bros” he knows eat that much beef. i do want to add, he hasn’t been to a gym in 6 months. I told him he was not a so called “gym bro” and he just got more angry, telling me to let him be and he’ll continue to eat however he wants.
Am I the asshole for being blunt?

Anyone else had this issue - i had 3 holiday days balance when I left. Yet my recent payslip they have deducted 1 day of holiday pay (somehow equalling £114) as it claims I have only earned 12 days and I’ve used 13.

Do I contact payroll/head office?

i do want to note, I don’t believe it is sexual grooming as I have no evidence of that being the case.

Essentially, I have noticed a pattern with my pub manager. Every single person that has been promoted 9 times out of 10 is a young woman. Ranging from around 18-21. We currently have 8 “lower” managers (shift leader/shift managers) that are young women and just 2 that are men. As for “team leaders” we have 6 that are young women, 2 that are men. Thats a 7-2 ratio of young women being promoted to men.

so I started to tune in to some of the weird tactics he uses to get people to stay in the company. With me, for example he would tell me I was vital to the team, the best worker they have brought in recently etc etc. he then tried to push me for promotion, but I’m a university student so I declined. All seemingly normal, but he started to make jokes about convincing me to stay there after finishing my degree so I’m always with the team… when I did hand my notice in (unrelated to his behaviour) he then kept pulling me aside trying to convince me to stay. Telling me he will make arrangements so the job runs smoother for my needs, asking if I have another job lined up, telling me I’m vital and he doesn’t want me to go, as well as getting other managers to pull me aside for meetings randomly to try and convince me to stay. It all just got a bit much and I realised just how manipulative this man is when it comes to building his team and getting people to stay in the awful company.

I then begun talking to some of the younger women he had promoted. and she claimed that when asking how his day is going, he responded “a lot brighter now you’re here”. She said this in a VERY proud way that he was praising her, but I couldn’t help but think it was strange, she of course mentioned that he was urging her to go for a managerial position. As well as just generally being a bit TOO chatty and giddy around her at work. He would then ask her to pick up completely inappropriate shift patterns that were outside of her availability (working till 2am the night before going into college), upon doing so he bought her cupcakes to show his appreciation and telling her the pub would’ve crumbled without her coming in for that one shift…

I do want to say that I think this is less of a predatory way of going about things and more of a manipulative way of doing so, so that once people are promoted to managers they are contractually ’locked in’ to staying with the company if that makes sense.

am I overthinking it or does anyone else think a lot of this is inappropriate?

This all started in my final two months of first year university. My hair was falling out badly and I became a recluse as I felt so embarassed about my hair. I just wanted to hide all day every day.

it started with small McDonald’s orders here and there. Just a burger, fries and a Diet Pepsi for example. But I found it became weirdly addictive to order. In all seriousness it became the only thing I thought about most of the day, as it was my only form of enjoyment I had I suppose. I woke up and looked forward to the evening so I could order. I would usually order between 12am-3am when my flatmates would go out so I could sneak the takeaway in without them seeing as I was ashamed. Im a petite girl most would say - 5’3, 52kg. I never gained weight during this phase weirdly. As I ordered more and more each order would get larger. I would typically order 3 double cheeseburgers, fries, cheese bites and a frappe or dessert.

when I started doing this every day I started to feel really guilty as I was wasting my hard earned money on crappy takeout. So I started refunding my orders. when I did it once and got a full refund I realised I had a cheat code - I could get huge takeout orders all for free. So I started abusing the system. I would order takeout 5 times in one app and refund them all until I got blocked for it. So I switched to another app And did the same - Uber, just eat, deliveroo, dominos, woosh, you name it. i ran them all dry until they stopped letting me refund.

once my hair stopped falling out I started taking care of myself again and I stopped craving junk food constantly, I started cooking properly meals for myself again.

just wanted to share because looking back, it was a depressive episode but I was in denial

I feel like this is probably the classic supply worker conundrum. Woke up at 6:30, got ready and waited for the call, it’s got to 3pm now and no communication.

pretty frustrating when my consultant has been communicating with me non-stop for the last 2 weeks stating he is going to be needing me Monday-Friday for the first month of school, yet Monday comes and there’s no work for me...

Is it typically this slow at the start of the year? not understanding why he was so adamant on me getting work Monday - Friday the whole first month.

what do I do?

I feel like this is probably the classic supply worker conundrum. Woke up at 6:30, got ready and waited for the call, it’s got to 3pm now and no communication.

pretty frustrating when my consultant has been communicating with me non-stop for the last 2 weeks stating he is going to be needing me Monday-Friday for the first month of school, yet Monday comes and there’s no work for me...

Is it typically this slow at the start of the year? not understanding why he was so adamant on me getting work Monday - Friday the whole first month.

what do I do?

I feel like this is probably the classic supply worker/sub teacher conundrum. Woke up at 6:30, got ready and waited for the call, it’s got to 3pm now and no communication.

pretty frustrating when my consultant has been communicating with me non-stop for the last 2 weeks stating he is going to be needing me Monday-Friday for the first month of school, yet Monday comes and there’s no work for me...

Is it typically this slow at the start of the year? not understanding why he was so adamant on me getting work Monday - Friday the whole first month.

I feel like this is probably the classic supply worker conundrum. Woke up at 6:30, got ready and waited for the call, it’s got to 9:30 and no communication.

pretty frustrating when my consultant has been communicating with me non-stop for the last 2 weeks stating he is going to be needing me Monday-Friday for the first month of school, yet Monday comes and there’s no work for me... I know I have no right to be frustrated as I’m not contracted a certain amount of hours.

Is it typically this slow at the start of the year?

I feel like this is probably the classic supply worker conundrum. Woke up at 6:30, got ready and waited for the call, it’s got to 9:30 and no communication.

pretty frustrating when my consultant has been communicating with me non-stop for the last 2 weeks stating he is going to be needing me Monday-Friday for the first month of school, yet Monday comes and there’s no work for me...

Is it typically this slow at the start of the year,

passed not long ago and strangely Veygo was one of the only insurance companies that weren’t charging me astronomical amounts each month - also no black box. So I’ve got a monthly rolling subscription with them for a year.

a bit incentive they have Is that every 3 months you have your insurance repriced and you get fair discounts off the monthly cost.

my driving score is 97 currently - has anyone actually had a reprice At the 3 month mark?

It’s hard to describe, the insanely perfect, smooth and glowy base. It’s always obvious they have a lot of makeup on, but it looks ridiculously perfect. I feel like no amount of makeup I wear gives me great coverage and makes me look perfect, it always looks Naturalish on me.

what are the girls on the makeup counters doing to look so good? Is it fake tan??

I was using Vicky dercos on/off for around a year and it generally kept my scalp seb derm at bay, but my scalp never felt perfectly calm, i would still have some minor flare ups in some areas.

i tried nizoral for 5 weeks, followed the recommended doses and all - I almost feel like it makes my scalp worse. More flakey/oily. Whereas my skin feels instantly cleaner after using Vicky decos. I’m at a loss as nizoral is supposed to be perfect for seb derm but it just didn’t have any effect for me. Does anyone have any recommendations please please please?🙏🏻

over a year ago he had a severe gambling addiction that he used to lie about to cover up, since then I’ve never been able to trust him. I feel paranoid about his phone and what he’s up to at university etc. I just feel that it’s almost “embarassing” if I stay with him after all of the lying i went through. No matter how hard he tries i Can’t let that go. in my first year of university, he also never came to visit me much. At the beginning of the year, he came every 2 weeks. At the end of the year this had dwindled down to every 2.5 months, which I assumed was because he was gambling again.

i can never “prove” he is actively gambling, or has started again obviously. It’s just in the back of my mind and I feel like I’d seem crazy if I was wrong for something I was just assuming he was up to, with no proof.

please can any former addicts, current addicts, or those in recovery comment on wether it ever truly goes away.

over a year ago he had a severe gambling addiction that he used to lie about to cover up, since then I’ve never been able to trust him. I feel paranoid about his phone and what he’s up to at university etc. I just feel that it’s almost “embarassing” if I stay with him after all of the lying i went through. No matter how hard he tries i Can’t let that go. in my first year of university, he also never came to visit me much. At the beginning of the year, he came every 2 weeks. At the end of the year this had dwindled down to every 2.5 months, which I assumed was because he was gambling again.

i can never “prove” he is actively gambling, or has started again obviously. It’s just in the back of my mind and I feel like I’d seem crazy if I was wrong for something I was just assuming he was up to, with no proof.

please can any former addicts, current addicts, or those in recovery comment on wether it ever truly goes away.

Essentially, we have been together for 2 years. he Has been a good partner in overall for my first relationship, we get on well and there isn’t anything he’s been doing wrong... But I just don't feel like our relationship has a spark anymore. We’re completely different people and we live 3+ ours away from eachother when we’re both at university. I’m torn because he isn't doing anything wrong but I just don’t see him as the “ideal” partner for me anymore.

over a year ago he had a severe gambling addiction that he used to lie about to cover up, since then I’ve never been able to trust him. I feel paranoid about his phone and what he’s up to at university etc. I just feel that it’s almost “embarassing” if I stay with him after all of the lying i went through. No matter how hard he tries i Can’t let that go. in my first year of university, he also never came to visit me much. At the beginning of the year, he came every 2 weeks. At the end of the year this had dwindled down to every 2.5 months… So when I’m at university it almost feel like an online Long distance relationship haha…

I just don’t want him to think we’re splitting up so I can be with other men, as that’s the last thing on my mind.

advice??

Essentially, we have been together for 2 years. he Has been a good partner in overall for my first relationship, we get on well and there isn’t anything he’s been doing wrong... But I just don't feel like our relationship has a spark anymore. We’re completely different people and we live 3+ ours away from eachother when we’re both at university. I’m torn because he isn't doing anything wrong but I just don’t see him as the “ideal” partner for me anymore.

over a year ago he had a severe gambling addiction that he used to lie about to cover up, since then I’ve never been able to trust him. I feel paranoid about his phone and what he’s up to at university etc. I just feel that it’s almost “embarassing” if I stay with him after all of the lying i went through. No matter how hard he tries i Can’t let that go. in my first year of university, he also never came to visit me much. At the beginning of the year, he came every 2 weeks. At the end of the year this had dwindled down to every 2.5 months… So when I’m at university it almost feel like an online Long distance relationship haha…

I just don’t want him to think we’re splitting up so I can be with other men, as that’s the last thing on my mind.

WIBTAH if I broke up with him for no distinct reason except, not wanting to be with him anymore?

Part time job/ I’ve been working full time just over summer and haven’t paid tax on any of my payslips except from the last 2 weeks. My tax code is 1253L.

I have earnt just under £5500 since the start of the tax year, so haven’t hit anywhere near the £12500 bracket.

do I contact payroll/is this a mistake or has the company changed the way they are taxing?

thanks.