u/FancifulCat

And there is almost always no solution to borderline and/or narcissistic abuse. So try your best to internalize that you can't change the outcome logically because disorders don't really have a grounded reality in the first place.

Edit: why,: rumination just makes the negative neural pathways stronger and takes away from your capacity to focus on positive experiences. This develops into learnt helplessness outlook towards the world and your brain is consistently full of cortisol. As a result your energy for executive function drops.

You can combat this by doing a bunch of heavy physical activities that force motor control. You start with small 3 to 5 minute tasks (it doesn't take long if you're in a bedrotting mood) and build it up over the months. You must do it to the point that you feel EXHAUSTED. You essentially want to starve your own brain of energy from the rumination.

Actively you can give your brain say 3 minute time limit to think about the fucked up pwBPD experience and then get up and stop. Though I had more success with physical activity.

This must be in addition to therapy from a narcissistic abuse specialist. Don't go down the gym rat route in an attempt to distract yourself, it won't work in isolation without say CBT remodelling your thought processes.

One of the reasons I clocked out of dating was that I can't imagine spending every freaking day with a guy that I genuinely find so boring and predictable.

Many of them I met before seem to:

Want you to "watch them" play their steam or console games whilst you sit there like a duck staring for hours.

Say performative shit just to have sex with you and it is so obvious what they are doing.

Suck your energy dry by trauma dumping their day and unresolved childhood issues.

Want you to wear their sports team shirt or drag you to waste an entire weekend on sports events that you have ZERO interest in.

They rarely take the time or genuinely dont care about your inner life, your interests and hobbies. You get the feeling that you could be ANY girl, any woman in your place would fulfill his needs. There is no curiousity about your inner mind and ambitions. The lack of psychological attachment and depth is so depressing and boring. I've heard many guys don't care about VERY important things like religion, hobbies, lifestyle etc. They say shit like "ohh I don't mind what religion or country she comes from, just want a girlfriend". It really shows how objectified and flat we are in their life. Literal npc vibes.

They create mess and chaos in the house that I have to follow like a shadow to clean up. More wasted boring hours.

I can make a longer list but yeah, I am sick of being an "female bodied appendage" to their life. Its soul sucking.

Edit: the dangerous part is that the low bar it makes it so easy for guys to lovebomb. Because what I would finally feel like is how a woman should be treated in dating is actually just a narcissist lovebombing me lmao.

Edit 2: I just remembered an awful experience where my ex bought me 700 dollar worth of gifts for my birthday that was themed to HIS INTERESTS. It was basically show replicas from star trek actually. And he expected me to jump up and down about that.

Reddit lets you hide your post and comment history which is great. But I've read around that some weirdo stalkers manage to use AI and your username to snipe your history through API data even if it's private or even deleted (not sure if this is true reddit holds the deleted data but I'll mention it to be on the safe side).

So if you're dealing with heavy legal stuff, or just want to maintain your sanity and privacy just be wary there are loopholes that people stalk your profile. I don't know what supposed AI chatbot or model they are using, but it generally has been heavily mentioned and validated from other users in other subs.

Just passing it forward to protect y'all

I'm a cheese addict, sadly. Name any meal I will melt cheese on it. I'm trying to cut it down. I'm curious though if cheese is quite deceptive for the portion size? Say a handfull of shredded mozzarella or 1 ball a day, would this be considered a lot?

I don't like the term "love" bombing, to me it's just overblown romance tactics and attention flooding to throw smoke over their shitty personality. Nothing about that is love. If they didn't have a shitty personality they would not feel a need to overdo the fake romance anyway.

Or if you do something for yourself that men disagree with, you know you're doing something right for the quality of your life.

Become a "Hmmm I'm not ready for a relationship but let's see how it goes" final boss and then extract men for their labor.

Just play by their rulebook, it works! 😂

(Sarcasm obviously).

Reminder for y'all

I've seen it time and time again. Coworkers who are sort of lying to themselves or conditioned into doing so to keep psychologically intact. That their job has underlying meaning, that it is their life goal and journey. I don't blame them, whatever works for them to survive.

But I won't subscribe to it. There is NO AMOUNT of meaning or dopamine or purpose I can extract from a job if I am at risk of not even covering the heating bills, rent and food. I've seen awfully talented people with multiple degrees, even doctorates, very gifted productive folks who will never be able to even get a deposit down on a home. And yet they are supposed to show up to a job demanding heavy skills and be grateful they even have that post because so many would dream of that role and purpose?

Honestly what the fuck. Emotional fulfillment is NOT a fucking substitute for a living wage. Please stop with this gaslighting and toxic gratitude.

Vent over

Not justifying his actions, just relating. He's a very well written deeply complex character. But seeing him rage (spoiler: for example to his mother over dinner) was very relatable and almost healing for me.

Spoil yourself like a princess, a baddie, the star.

As someone who many years ago was on the waitingtowed subreddit - (my personal opinion a place were self esteem goes to die), I realized that I was largely after that day where I would be a spectacle of proof that I was loved. For sure at the time I wanted that guy, but honestly, it was more social conditioning for validation. I did zero research onto my lifestyle after that day, what I would expect for the next 50 years. Young and stupid, and pressured by a pro-marriage culture where many tie the knot young.

It took years later after therapy to realize, after leaving men who would drag their feet or even be abusive, that if I did self-care pro max every day, my desire for a wedding dropped to zero. I started really enjoying loving myself, smiling alone, romanticizing my life daily so when I would attend other people's weddings or think about my own, the thought of it wouldn't fill me with too much anticipation anymore.

It was only then I really started to critique the guys I dated, ask questions like "what lifestyle is he going to provide for me everyday, is he going to make everyday beautiful and worth it?". Then I researched the statements of married women, asked my family. The result was bitter and jaded. Women stating they were happier as single mothers, the degree of their self sacrifice and collapse of personal identity. Being made to feel guilt for resting. The lovebombing, the narcissistic disorders comine out after kids arrive, their husbands treating kids like puppies to take out every now and then...

Nothing really about marriage seemed attractive to me anymore, because by comparison of how I treated myself vs how these married women were treated, I couldn't imagine giving that up, or taking the legal risk for the "rare guys that are decent and not douchebags". Certainly one day wearing an expensive dress wasn't going to be worth it. I would literally buy a beautiful ball gown myself and have a photoshoot if I wanted.

I'm rambling, but that was my personal experience.

The most fucking annoying part I found when healing from abuse my pwBPD inflicted in life, was how they cause so much fucking chaos in people's lives, make problems that don't need to exist, hurt people, gaslight people, start drama, talk shit about people behind their back.

Then as soon as you start holding their shit accountable, give them the exact attention their actions seem to want, they retreat into a fucking corner like a scared kid, all silent, pretending like they never asked for all the attention in the first place. They even block you so it's impossible for you to call out their shit face to face, then they come out of the walls like a ghost weeks later and pretend like nothing happened acting all mature and adulting.

Energy vampire. I have no other words. I genuinely think they don't know what they want.

I think many people here would benefit from saying this phrase in their head whenever other people bring drama and chaos into your life that is nothing to do with you.

Especially when pwBPD creates problems that don't need to exist in the first place.

Let them scramble, ignore them, its a them problem.