u/Hot_Reputation2142

How does that feel or why did you came to that conclusion? Also, has anyone tried mood stabilizers and do they help?

ISTG, like when you have a grasp on something you could maybe be it just slaps AGAIN, I hate it because then I have no interest in finding out or exploring, I'm just a couch bug ): and I have no interest on getting treatment or getting "better" (the identity loss makes harder to figure out what better actually means) WTFFFF, I hate this

I'm 29 years old. I have had a harsh life, always on the edge and long life of poverty and struggle. This year I had a breakdown and now I'm directionless and I'm just sooooo emotionally flatened that after all the chaos it feels like relief. Before I felt guilty if I didn't fill my planner for a day or if I didn't made something productive. Now I just don't care. Don't have goals, ambitions, hobbies. I feel I was so trapped before in a loop for attention and "fame" and "sucess" that I just really appreciate how depression lets me think without the rush, people pleasing and desperation. Omg. I know I'm not good but it has been good. I'm afraid I will lose this if I get "better".

Everyone I see mentions mood swings as a symptom BUT they only talk about irritability , depression or anxiety BUT could it be possible to have uplifted moods? I'm just discovering what are my symptoms and what is me ): I'm confused.

What do you felt this treatmet did to your personality? What where your expectation and how this surpassed them or achieved them?

I think this is not a routine test to run, just like ferritin or vit d and it's SO important. I often think about people who died in silence because they didn't know they had this and thought being tired and irritated was their personality or their fault.

I'm getting treated but if you don't how bad can it really get?

Worse, when you choose a thing to do a d you get money and oportunities and suddenly you don't want it or don't know what to do with it

I've been in the art world for long and at first I Washington full of illusion but as I talked more and more with people in it I despise it more and more to the point of not wanting to touch paint EVER AGAIN. I hate the dinámica of power, recognition, boot licking and I don't want to be part of it. I know there's a part of all this that my unmedicated illness is responsible for BUT, I would hate accepting this once I'm medicated and not depressed. Does anyone relate to this? Was there something you where afraid to come to terms with before medication?