u/Novel_Schedule_5141

Tracking down father?

How much effort would you take in trying to track down a father?

I am very newly pregnant. I had planned on doing solo motherhood by choice in a year or two when I was more financially stable. However I had a hook up from a dating app where condom broke and plan B failed (like it has for me in the past, but that was in a committed relationship). When I told him I'm worried I might be pregnant, he told me he wasn't ready to be a father and unmatched me on the app. I only know first name, city he lives in, employer and his hometown but he did tell me one of his relatives was a relatively well known person with an identifying detail and I was able to find out who they are. He doesn't know any details about me that he could track me down if he changes his mind. I could track down who he is through a private investigator or reaching out to people from his hometown/his relative to at least give him the option to be involved once baby is here but I don't know how extra that is? I wish I could've given him my contact information before he blocked so he could at least get a hold of me if he changes his mind.

How much effort would you put into giving him a chance to be involved? I am of the camp that as long as a father isn't abusive, he should be told he has a child. But idk what to do in this situation when he's pretty much made any communication impossible and made it difficult to find him.

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u/Novel_Schedule_5141 — 5 days ago

Are there any single mothers by choice here with 3 or 4 or maybe even more kids?

I have 2 kids with my ex but after a nasty custody battle (that I tried so hard not to have), I can't imagine having kids with a man again.

I'm kicking butt at single (not solo) parenting but I wonder how solo parenting 1 or 2 more kids would be?

Would you care to share your experiences?

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u/Novel_Schedule_5141 — 26 days ago

I always imagined having at least 3 kids. I am in my early 30s and already have 2 young kids. The kids are my pride and joy. They both are attached to me and well adjusted.

However the custody battle that I never wanted and post separation abuse has turned me off having more kids with a partner. I won't risk having my kids used as pawns ever again. I'm considering freezing my eggs now and then doing IVF in my late 30s.

Has anyone already had kids with an involved father and then gone the SMBC route? Can you share your experiences please? Even if you haven't gone this route, anything I need to consider is welcome!

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u/Novel_Schedule_5141 — 27 days ago