u/PinkCheekedGibbon

We had my daughter tested right at the earliest sign the testing parameters permitted, and she hit the ceiling on several areas but I'll just say her "working memory" rated like a goldfish and everything else was somewhere in between. It was long, she lost interest, and I'm sure you can fill in the gaps.

We had her assessed because I wanted more of the contextual picture of how other things (her speech articulation, etc) might layer in with her cognitive, so I could best support her. But having sat through the thing and observed, I can't really see where a toddler could score higher than their true read but can totally see where they could score way lower.

Anyone else have thoughts? We might need to have her assessed again, with a different measure, closer to school starting, so she can get into a program we really like (great price, great curriculum, great ratio...) but I'm grumbling toward that unenthusiastically.

Several excellent teachers from our Montessori have been poached over to the local pair of Bezos schools. We know they're "Montessor inspired" but not adheret, as they're only preschool and only 3-5 year old students. We're trying to sort out how worried to be about the rest of the staff's incentive to stay or go as well as whether to try and qualify to attend there or not (they have an income ceiling but it's right on the edge for us due to recent changes for our family). And is the poaching this a big thing with the Bezos Academies?

My (only child) dad (California) is elderly and has gotten increasingly vague and inconsistent about his estate. He won't give me copies of his estate documents, even though he still talks about me handling a lot of the practical/personal stuff when he dies. He has essentially asked me to fulfill the "social executor" piece, like contacting his friends and managing his healthcare contacts, but is planning to replace me in the true financial executor piece.

Recently he told me his IRA, apparently the largest piece of his estate, no longer goes to me and instead goes directly to my toddler. There doesn't seem to be any trust or stewardship plan. I'm obviously thrilled for my daughter to have opportunities, but I'm not sure giving an 18-year-old the keys to a family legacy with no structure is actually wise. I'd rather she grow up with both opportunity and responsibility, and I also don't think skipping over me this way is particularly good for our family or relationship, because it also ties my hands from stewarding it in ways to make it grow, and/or prevent interest on things our family needs (mortgage on our house, etc).

The weirder part is that Dad says an estate attorney (name's a mystery) told him having an out-of-state executor is a bad idea (even if it's his only immediate family member alive), so he's replaced me with the adult daughter of a woman he dated more than a decade ago. And now he says she's also getting his home, which previously was going to me.

He's still fairly independent and handles his own affairs, and maybe these changes are what he legit wants, but my it doesn't make sense to me and feels awful, intentional or fueled by pressure/deception. But I've also watched his reasoning/contextual awareness decline, and the secrecy + changing stories + this person suddenly becoming executor AND getting his home (despite her existing, vast trust fund) makes me uncomfortable.

I'm mostly trying to figure out what I should be doing now so I'm not scrambling as his capcacities change, he potentially gets taken (further?) advanage of, or he passes away. What should I document? Emails, timelines, old plans, statements he's made? Is it worth sitting down with an estate attorney in his state now, and what do I ask for in the scope of their representtion?

Also, any wisdom on talking to Dad about this without it sounding like "where's my inheritance?" I don't feel entitled to his money. I do want to understand the full picture, know that these are actually his wishes, and make sure whatever he leaves my daughter is structured in a way that's good for her rather than just dropping a pile of money on her at 18...and it possibly being held by this random new executor I've only met once (30 years ago) and doesn't know my kid.

My shoes got soaked, and to paraphrase the Scissor Sisters, I looked like a drowned harassed rat. However, feeling the raindrops, gentle to pelting to sprinkling, sometimes in sync with my cadence and sometimes not, increasingly squishy and increasingly elated...was like nothing else.

Now I get why Andy said no matter what, you do your outside workout. And frankly, sure, I could have waited until the clouds parted (half my day of work was self-scheduled, with only 4 hourly clients) but I sort of wanted to try it.

I even jumped into a few puddles toward the end, and it was glorious.

Anyone else have one of these moments?

I’m thinking of doing something like 3 meals with at least one cup of cooked veggies, one cup of raw veggies, and 30 grams of protein plus thoughtful accoutrements for taste…and then snacks must have a fruit or veg in them but can have cheese or nuts etc too.

I know the rule says to simply have a plan and stick to it - this isn’t a rule question. I’m asking if others chose something like this as opposed to “paleo” or “no sugar.”

I got off a colleague zoom and it left me thinking about a clinical population I used to be so focused on that it was probably more than half the reason I became a therapist. I wanted to change things for them--to revise whole narratives and make people care and shine a gigantig search light on what the field was missing about this population.

And I struggled and wasn't effective and got utterly exhausted because I cared too much and people were way too invested in their extant ideas and way too insulted that someone so "new to the field" would have the audacity of speaking up about it.

So I shelved it, whole cloth. I focused on other things that I experienced success with: regulatory advocacy and board complaint support (client and therapist side), coalition building, practice mentoring and business/marketing support, helping grad students stay resilient and make strong choices, etc.

But then I look at the population on the shelf and the soft layer of dust sitting on top and I grieve: the changes I couldn't make, the relief I could usher in, the resonance I failed to find.

I don't know what to do with any of it, but I wonder if anyone else can relate. I'm a better clinician now, and have a depth of appreciation now whose absence probably *was* a sign of arrogance before. But still, the population I wanted to help change things for a decade ago still needs support, and I don't find myself taking it off the shelf and carefully blowing the dust away.

The passage on the school's website says a number of things about the elementry curriculum, including this:

I'm horrified. Are they going to talk about making women out of men with ribs, about covering with fig leaves, about the biological kingdoms coming in biblical order?

>The curriculum, for all 6 years, is built around the five great lessons given at the beginning of each year:

>Creation of earth

>Coming of plants and animals

>The arrival of humans

>The arrival of math and language

>Invention...

I can't. I mean, I'm not against religion but just like I don't want anchovies on my hot fudge sundae, nor do I want it in my daughter's classroom except when studying literature or cultural phenomena. It's not listed as a religious school and I feel worried that I'll miss this stuff hidden in a curriculum somewhere as I continue my school search.

How can you be both Montessori and Creationist?

It's all in the title. Daughter is coming with us for a weeklong cruise on the Quantum before she turns 3. We looked at pictures of the room and it looks very much more like a nursery - just toys on a mat and some rocking chairs for the adults. So...

Can an older toddler enjoy it in there? Is there opportunity for active play? Is there a potty that's tot sized for them or should we bring one for her?

So it’s not one of these but let’s say I had a Stacie, Marcie, Tracie, etc. He’s decided to use Staci, Marci, Traci, etc. He is very “European” (immigrated 70 years ago) and thinks the -ie is too American, not sophisticated enough. I don’t care a ton, except I don’t want the dissatisfaction he has in her name to rub off eventually, and if he goes as far as I expect he will with it, it could be a logistical nightmare later on. And I chose her name because I like it as is. We talked about it, no movement.

Thoughts?

Honestly it’s wrecking my budget, digestion, and body so I’m excited for the challenge.

Not asking for a rule clarification. I just live in Arizona and, with outdoor workouts in the summer, for sure need to supplement electrolytes. When not doing the 75 Hard, I use one that happens to also flavor my water, but for compliance, I want to switch to a capsule/tablet, or sugar free gummy, option. Prefer not the latter. Thanks all!

ETA: not sure where “event” came from in the title. I tried to just say “replacement.” My phone is evidently possessed.

Unlike many places, our district lets September–December birthday kids start kindergarten at either almost 5 or almost 6. We actually went to an early childhood consult about a completely different question, and they unexpectedly encouraged us to seriously consider early entry.

We're not trying to create some child prodigy speedrun through life. What sold me wasn't graduating earlier—it was everything that comes along the way.

Some of the advantages we've realized:

• She'd still play rec and club sports with kids her own age since those are birthdate-based, not grade-based.
• She gets access to school-year activities, summer camps, and enrichment programs that use grade as the entry point a full year sooner.
• Band, orchestra, strings, and other school opportunities start a year earlier.
• Lots of other grade-based enrichment opens up sooner.

Then there are the practical benefits.

Skipping that extra preschool/K year saves our family close to $30,000. That's not about pinching pennies—it gives us flexibility later. We'd feel much more comfortable encouraging a gap year, study abroad, a family sabbatical, or even simply taking extended time off if life ever called for it.

The biggest objection I hear is maturity.

But here's where my thinking shifted: if she ever genuinely seems to be struggling socially or emotionally, we can adjust our approach then. What we can't do is reclaim a year once we've intentionally delayed it.

And I don't really buy the argument that this means "rushing childhood."

School isn't the only place childhood happens.

She'll still have playgrounds, soft play, neighborhood adventures, gardening with us, travel, hobbies, museums, holidays, family traditions, and all the everyday magic that makes childhood special. If anything, not spending another year paying preschool tuition means we can afford more of those experiences.

I'm curious whether anyone else has found themselves leaning this direction. Most of the conversation online seems overwhelmingly pro-redshirting, so I'd love to hear from families who intentionally chose the opposite and how it played out.

Our school district’s early childhood specialist brought up something today that I honestly hadn’t considered much: early entrance to kindergarten.

My daughter has a late fall birthday, and in our district, children born Sept-Dec can either start kindergarten at 4 (with an evaluation for academic readiness and emotional maturity) or wait until they’re almost 6.

It caught me off guard because everywhere I look online, the conversation is almost entirely about redshirting.

I can absolutely see the arguments for waiting. At the same time, I’m also seeing some potential upsides if she truly is ready: earlier access to grade-based camps and activities, more flexibility later if we wanted to travel, homeschool, or spend a year abroad, and she’d still be able to participate in sports with kids her own age. It also feels like it preserves options rather than automatically delaying everything by a year. (The financial savings are nice too, but I’m not focused there.)

I’m not looking to debate whether redshirting is good or bad. I feel like I’ve already heard that perspective many times.

Instead, I’d really love to hear from parents who didn’t redshirt, or whose child qualified for early entrance, and are glad they made that choice. What made it successful? Is there anything you’d encourage us to pay close attention to as we consider our options?

My daughter is 2 years, 8 months, and I’m realizing we may have accidentally potty trained her to the timer instead of to her body.

She stays fairly dry at school (about two accidents a week), but with her teachers’ support we recently stopped prompting as much to see what would happen. It turns out that if no one reminds her, she usually pees her pants. She also doesn’t seem to mind wet underwear much.

Looking back, I think the combination of scheduled potty trips at school and lots of pull-up time at home made it harder for her to connect with her body’s signals. She knows how to use the potty, cooperates happily when asked, and is really proud when she goes. She just rarely initiates. In the past month she’s only gone completely on her own once, and only occasionally tells us she has to go before it’s too late.

We need her potty trained by age 3 for school, but I’d also love for her to gain that independence because she seems so proud when she succeeds.

Has anyone had a timer-dependent toddler like this? What helped them start recognizing the urge and initiating on their own?

A woman asked if my embryos could become hers. I held them for three years, checked in about every six months, and didn’t pursue other potential recipients because she consistently said she was committed.

Along with a handful of smaller concerns, the arrangement ultimately fell through (I unfortunately closed it, much to her dismay). One sticking point was that she declined to reimburse the embryo storage costs I’d been paying specifically to hold them for her while we waited.

During those three years, she repeatedly postponed the transfer to prepare her body. She told me she planned to carry herself, was a good candidate, and even shared that her uterine lining looked great.

A few months later, I saw that she’s now looking for embryos again and says she already has a surrogate lined up.

I know finances, medical recommendations, and fertility journeys can all change. But I’m struggling to make sense of the sequence of events. Does this sound like a fairly typical progression, or is there something I’m missing?

Open donation was a huge, proactive part of our family’s plans with IVF, so we could offer more connections to our solo kiddo, but especially, to extend the opportunity forward for other families (at least one) to have their baby/babies and build their families (in open donor relationship) as well, so this has been a hard hurdle.

PS: I know there are things I’d do differently today (contracts, attorneys earlier, etc.). I’m really hoping to stay focused on understanding the timeline rather than relitigating my process. Thanks from a surprised, sad, but still hopeful donor.

I’m a solo mom with an only child, and I’m planning my daughter’s 3rd birthday. I’ve noticed that every little friend comes with mom, dad, siblings from newborn to middle school, and sometimes even a grandparent or two.

Maybe this is just the norm now, but it honestly makes us feel like outsiders at our own party…and it skews the budget for scale and not special extras. Instead of celebrating with my daughter’s friends + a parent each, I’m suddenly hosting entire families and planning for everyone’s meals, seating, and safety.

I’m considering putting, “Due to limited space, we’re limited to hosting kiddos who know the birthday girl, plus one grown-up per child,” on the invitation, but I worry it’ll come across as rude.

Is the Party of Five RSVP just standard these days and I need to budget for it? Or if not, how would you word that boundary on an invitation?

Thanks all! I know this can be a tender topic. We just want a great experience for our family and attendees!

I reconnected with someone who had called herself my mentor when I was younger. She’d really given the impression I was special to her through years of engagement and language that explicitly conveyed it.

Over the next couple of decades, I built exactly the kind of life I thought she’d be excited to see. I genuinely expected the reunion to feel warm and joyful. Not over the top, just, “Look at you. I’ve wondered how you turned out.”

Instead, she was oddly distant and withholding. Polite, but emotionally flat. It was perplexing and made me question my own memories and perception of the relationship.

I guess I expected that archetypal mentor reunion we see in the media: warmth, shared celebration of a lives of meaning, and mutual pride.

Nothing. I mean, she was proud of her own life but…

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you ever figure out what happened, or did you just make peace with the disconnect?