u/PinkCheekedGibbon

I'm curious whether I've completely missed a shift in playground etiquette.

Today my 2½-year-old was standing in one of the splash pad circles playing with the fountains when an older, much larger girl came running around a corner without looking and plowed into her. My daughter briefly went airborne before hitting the concrete and ended up with abrasions and a very frightened cry.

As I picked her up, I calmly said to the other child, "You hurt a child who is smaller than you. Please be careful and play safer."

That was the entirety of my interaction, and I scooped my girl up and went to sit with and soothe her.

While my daughter was still crying in my arms, the other girl's mom came over to tell me I should never have spoken to her daughter. Instead, I should have found her and let her handle it. Two other moms agreed (their over-the-top behavior is another story, but I won't derail myself...).

I was honestly stunned.

To me, there's a difference between disciplining someone else's child and briefly addressing an immediate safety issue in a shared public space. I wasn't assigning consequences or trying to parent her. I was simply naming what had happened and asking her to play more carefully.

I also want my daughter to grow up knowing that if someone hurts her, I'll notice, I'll protect her, and I won't pretend nothing happened. That matters to me.

Have I completely missed a social norm here? Is it really expected now that adults never speak directly to another child, even after they've just hurt yours, and even if only to reflect impact and ask them to stop?

Looking for your ideas on how to reconnect with a friend that things have been distant and surface with for a while, after that person enacted a pretty big harm/betrayal on you.

Perhaps you miss the person and the friendship, but you just can’t settle back into how things were while they aren’t on the same page about what happened. They’ve reached out once or twice via text and you’ve kept things light, because you were feeling hurt but didn’t want to expend the vulnerability and tension to share its sticking power yet.

You’re starting to feel like it may be the time, but you’re unsure and you don’t want to end up with tension when there was just distance. Or worse, more hurt.

Thoughts?

We have about 4 months until my daughter comes with us to Tahiti/Moorea (once in a lifetime trip) and we really want her to get to participate beyond just sitting in a glass bottom boat. I don't expect her to full-on snorkel at this point, but I'd love for her to be able to use her goggles to see fish, coral, and cetaceans. Is this reasonable to aim for with a 3 year old? Is it safe? Can it be fun for her? She can currently jump in, float, and swim to the side and get out. Not much else yet.

The episode that sent me crying in nostalgia for my childhood and dreams for my little girl. I live in a desert but I absolutely have all sorts of water and mud play stuff ready for whoever there’s glorious rain. This is the parenting I want to offer. Anyone else?

Okay hear me out. Yes, Muffin can be loud and intense, but she and Bluey each have (very age appropriate) sense of egocentricity, entitlement, prioritization of their own needs first. Bluey’s a few years older, so her emotional regulation has grown in a bit more - enough for her to breathe and realize the others have needs and feelings too, after it’s pointed out to her. Muffin is just neurobiologically not there yet, and that’s okay. She’ll get there in her own time.

Muffin is passionate, determined, and adores her big cousin Bluey. Cues on being a granny, direction on flower girling, leads on the games when she’s tired… I have a soft spot in my heart for that kiddo.

They’re literally just sweet sponges if you don’t torch them. Just squishy, airy, space holders. I never understood Rocky Road or topping anything that doesn’t at melt them (hot cocoa is a weak “okay fine”). Rice crispy treats are great, but it’s folded with butter and that fixes everything. Marshmallow “fluff” out of a jar is at least spreadable…

I was boasting to a friend how well my daughter’s Spanish is coming along in her bilingual preschool. And then, to illustrate…

Me: “Baby, Como Estas?”
Baby: “Good.”
Me: ***stares blankly***
Baby: ***laughs hysterically and runs away***

Wouldn’t change it for the world. I hope she humbles me for years to come. With the best laugh.

Hoping to get a read/discernment here because I don’t know if I’m seeing things through tired toddler mom goggles. An “ambassador” from a therapist tech app (clinician with a referral code) tried to post in a Facebook group I admin (mid thousands of highly engaged members). We don’t allow that but I offered that she can have them reach out to me for potential collaboration. In the span of a week, I’ve heard from the CEO on Facebook, instagram, LinkedIn and 3 different business email addresses (my practice, my supervision/consultation, and my eponymous that just has my CV and links). This morning, he’s no scheduled a (for potential therapy clients) free 15 minute consult (and it’s described as such on the website). His words have all been friendly, not entitled but damn, it’s a lot!

Anyway, it felt annoying before but feels intrusive and overwhelming now that he’s decided to use a prospective clinical client channel. But is that my “demand avoidance” or judgmental lens, or is this legit inappropriate? And is this typical in startup or fledgling business leadership but just odd to us?

What would you do in my situation? My impression is that it could just be startup culture and a enthusiasm and that I can’t fully know if he’s a boundary pusher until meeting, but it also feels like way more urgency and pressure than is comfortable. That said, I do appreciate that we’ve got the reach and influence that makes us sought-after.

Thoughts?

My daughter (2.5) is currently at a Montessori with a toddler room that's been great for her. We're not unhappy with anything significant except the cost. She's in full Spanish Immersion, which has been incredible for her as well. They're pretty adherent to Montessori, which is great for her sense of ownership on tasks, order, learning, and boundaries. It's not so great for creativity and play-based learning. Gorgeous place (though it leans corporate), she's rarely gotten sick since they are so clean, and the tot room is 3 adults to 12 kids. The 3-6 room (children's house) is 26 kids with 3 adults. They have a bit of gardening but it's mostly a synthetic outdoor space with great climbing structures and slides, and they do have a few chickens and a bunny for the school plus fish or hamsters in each room.

It's truly been the best option for our family through her upcoming birthday. There are a few other great preschools for the under-three set but this is the only one not at a church, and the only Montessori, and the one with the best ratio of kids-teachers, so it was the best fit for our family. But...As the kids come up on 3 years old and potty trained, there are so many more options available. We looked at a few but, for ease, want to compare our favorite with the simply moving up at the current school.

Here's the info, presented in contrast with "adherent" or "high fidelity" Montessori:

It's a 3-6 year old school, split into two class rooms, older and younger. The classrooms have Montessori materials as well as many natural ones and very generous art supplies and creative items. The decor is more vibrant, with many more soft and unusual textures. The outdoor area includes a garden surrounded by fruit trees, an picnic tables for doing projects, big dispensers of red, yellow, and blue water (prob acrylic paint dilutes) for mixing, mud kitchens, etc. The other part of it is a playground offering more co-creation opportunities but no play structure or slides. Also, we're in Phoenix so we were surprised they didn't have misters (our current school does). Montessori math materials are available but they teach Singapore. Most lessons are at pre-set stations and loosely offered themes as opposed to the kids getting their mat and work solo, but they do some 1-1 lessons. Also, fully English with occasional guests (once a week for an hour?) doing mandarin or spanish, so we'd miss out on that. I got a slight chaos vibe but also a beautiful organic one.

Backgrounds: All of the teachers at the new option have a bachelor's degree, with the head of school and one other holding a master's. At least one teacher in each classroom at her current school has a bachelor's but the admin team, I don't believe, have bachelor's degrees. I still think 2/3 of them are fabulous, though they have less subject matter knowledge.

Health: The new school takes temperatures at check-in every day, no exceptions. Both schools send kids home and letters to everyone with communicable diseases. So kind of the same, but I like the temp checks. Kids at the new school are less likely to be vaccinated, from what I gather, so not thrilled about that.

Schedule: Our current school only has off for a few holidays and one professional development day. They have a huge closure calendar which parallels the local school district (like the whole week between Christmas and New Year's).

Costs: it matters, but I can squeeze it if it's right for her. The strict Montessori is just over $2,400 a month including 7 AM to 6 PM if we need to be there that long, which is rare but great in an emergency or one-off (Grandma needs an early surgery, I need to work late, etc). The more "bohemian" Montessori/Reggio blend is just over 1k a month for 8:30 - 3:00 or $1,300 for 8:00 - 4:30. We would apply some of the difference to additional childcare (hopefully a Spanish-speaking 10 hr/wk nanny).

It seems like our decision is really about which thing we want to supplement at home. If we go with the new option, we'll need to really offer that crisp, orderly, prepared environment at home. We're an ADHD family so that might not happen so easily. We are also worried that these beautiful tidying and hygiene habits she's gotten at her current school wouldn't carry over easily. If we go with her current school, we'd likely amp up our art and creating options at home, which is fun but also time/resource heavy (but I'd LOVE to do it). We already have more than a dozen fruit trees but I need to be better about the garden. It for sure would incentivize us doing more outdoor living and giving her that fairytale element.

Anyway, which would you choose if it were your kid? (Answer as a parent and ECE. I'm a psychotherapist with a background in ECE and her grandma, who lives with us, is a retired psychologist and SPED teacher with ECE certification so we can jump in with any ideas fairly eagerly).

A colleague/friend approached me to collaborate on an advocacy issue she cares a ton about. And it’s something I support, and while it’s not otherwise a priority to me, I was happy to support and already had moved other things aside and gotten started on the labor and planning how we could tap my network, etc.

Here’s where it gets tricky.

I had to remind her of my boundary around working with another colleague, who had exploited my experiences (after I’d experienced a major crime, not going to detail) for her own entertainment and personal gain. That person had chosen gossip and actions that directly kicked me when I was down, amplifying the impact of the crime and making recovery harder.

Anyway, the colleague/friend reflected back that it’s essentially a moral shortcoming for me to have that boundary, and that surely the good and right choice for me would be to “put it aside” and work with this person for the greater good. She conveyed shock, disgust, and disappointment in me that I’d put my dignity over what she perceived as “the greater good.”

She seemed to feel that my boundary, which was regarding my time and work and labor and name, was pushing to triangulate her and that she was friends with both of us and mutually loyal. Not only was it not about her, but how can my boundaries that preserve my own peace and dignity after I’ve been harmed and my own injury’s been exploited be “at” or “about” her?

So anyway, I said to her that I need to step away from the project and won’t be able to help. She seemed so angry that she wouldn’t have access to my organization and labor, like it was owed and my withholding was an act against her.

Anyway, that was last week. And today I reached out offering to talk when we both have the bandwidth and naming the rupture. She wrote back as though she was the hurt party but does intend to reach back out when she’s ready. Was she being reasonable? Was I being reasonable? Is this rupture fixable and do I even want to fix it? I’m shocked and uncomfortable and sad.

A colleague/friend approached me to collaborate on an advocacy issue she cares a ton about. And it’s something I support, and while it’s not otherwise a priority to me, I was happy to support and already had moved other things aside and gotten started on the labor and planning how we could tap my network, etc.

Here’s where it gets tricky.

I had to remind her of my boundary around working with another colleague, who had exploited my experiences (after I’d experienced a major crime, not going to detail) for her own entertainment and personal gain. That person had chosen gossip and actions that directly kicked me when I was down, amplifying the impact of the crime and making recovery harder.

Anyway, the colleague/friend reflected back that it’s essentially a moral shortcoming for me to have that boundary, and that surely the good and right choice for me would be to “put it aside” and work with this person for the greater good. She conveyed shock, disgust, and disappointment in me that I’d put my dignity over what she perceived as “the greater good.”

She seemed to feel that my boundary, which was regarding my time and work and labor and name, was pushing to triangulate her and that she was friends with both of us and mutually loyal. Not only was it not about her, but how can my boundaries that preserve my own peace and dignity after I’ve been harmed and my own injury’s been exploited be “at” or “about” her?

So anyway, I said to her that I need to step away from the project and won’t be able to help. She seemed so angry that she wouldn’t have access to my organization and labor, like it was owed and my withholding was an act against her.

Anyway, that was last week. Was she being reasonable? Was I being reasonable? Is this rupture fixable and do I even want to fix it? I’m shocked and uncomfortable and sad.

Daughter is 2.5 and she has stopped napping entirely on weekends unless there's a long car ride after a boisterous morning. She also won't wind down to sleep (any night of the week) until 10. Friends' kids tend go turn in at 7 or 8 and I don't know whether to be concerned. And if so...more exercise? Less flashy playtime? Lavender in the shower/bath for her? Some reiki or reflexology points? I want to be sure she develops normally and gets the sleep she needs.

For background, I was a PG kiddo (154 FSIQ, though I hit the ceiling on all but two subtests so it was likely higher...and I hate naming that, but it's the crispest reference on hand). I know what it's like to be woefully under-supported (won't go into the details here) and I don't want that for my daughter. I have a feeling she's PG as well, though we're not doing the full testing for a while. Here's my fork in the road:

Option 1: Our neighborhood school is a block away from home. Exceptional community, great social-emotional program, brilliant STEAM program, after school enrichment options that are varied and solid (per other parents), and an idyllic and short walk to school along a stream with ducks. Every teacher either has or is working toward a gifted endorsement and each grade has one designated cluster teacher plus additional support from the gifted specialist. They also have additional acceleration available for (at least) math starting in grade 3. My understanding is that they can also further individualize, if necessary, with hybrid online options. It goes through 6th grade and the middle school it feeds into has a gifted self-contained and is adjacent to the high school for ease.

Option 2: The neighboring school, just south of us...but on the other side of a freeway and a few miles down, so not ideal for fostering early independence or having sweet walks with daughter to school. Maybe long bike rides, but that's not always ideal. Huge K-8 school with a strong Gifted Self Contained program that other parents seem to rave about and a focus on arts and music. My understanding is that the rest of the school is okay but the GSC is great. Most subjects are taught to the entire class with extended depth and are two years ahead, with opportunities for high school credit.

I'm leaning toward the neighborhood school because I strongly want to foster independence and help her feel as included as possible, but I don't want to make a mistake with the academic side and face the aftermath of a lonely kiddo who loves learning but hates the structures around it. The good news is that the gifted cluster seems to be together throughout elementary in this model so she would have consistency. What would you do and what questions would you ask yourself to try and sort it out? What would you look for on the school tours?

TLDR: for a likely "profoundly gifted" child, would you opt for neighborhood school with solid gifted program so she could gain the benefits of local learning or opt for the obligatory drive, hassle, and less idyllic environment of the self-contained gifted program on the other side of the freeway?