Cut out the passenger floor pan in my welding class today. Still have to clean up the edges and wire brush the surface rust at home and prime. I’ll weld in the new pan and brace in a week or so.
Some additional rust in the driver’s side and cargo bay, but nowhere near as bad.
So tired and hungry after cutting everything out.
I’ve noticed that a handful of people on this sub, and other trans-specific subs, are unable to identify blatant transphobia from others. A lot of posts I see ask if the following behavior is transphobic:
-My parent says they will never see me as the gender I identify as.
-My partner calls me my assigned gender at birth to other people, even though I asked them not to.
-My friend said I’m not really trans because of x, y, or z behavior or trait.
Are people actually unsure whether or not the situations above are transphobic? Or are they seeking validation in an indirect way? Is it helpful for us to point it out? Im autistic and there’s a chance I’m not picking up on some sort of social cue here, but I get a little frustrated seeing these posts.
I’m all for validating someone’s feelings, I just feel weird confirming things I think someone already knows.
TLDR: I feel guilty for feeling more mentally healthy when my husband isn't home.
I (28m) am only left at home by myself (more than 12 hours) a few times a year. I have ADHD, autism, and some killer anxiety, the severity of which varies with medication and therapy. I was very rarely granted any privacy as a kid, and the few times a year my parents would go out felt like the safest times of my life emotionally. My husband (31m) works from home most of the time, and most of his friends have moved away, so he has very few social engagements. We've been married two years and together for seven.
A few times a year we are invited up to his best friend's lake house, and I encourage him to go alone since he almost never sees his friends without me, and I want him to be able to talk about me / our relationship / private thoughts without me present. I also enjoy making my own plans and having some control over my space. I've been having to work from home over the past two weeks due to renovations in my office, and we've been kind of on top of each other in our shared home office.
My husband (31m) bought our 1,000 square foot house 10 years ago and expected to be a bachelor his entire life. He is 5'1" and 125lbs, and I'm 5'8" and 270lbs. Everything in the house seems to be tailored to him, size-wise, which makes sense since he picked the house with himself in mind. There's a narrow hallway that is the only path from the bathroom and bedroom to the rest of the house. We only have one bathroom, and have two cats and a medium sized dog. Everything is a little cramped, and there are parts of the basement and attic that I can't access because they're too cluttered and I'm too big. He will frequently put things in the middle of walking paths when he's forgotten to finish a task because it doesn't bother him, but I have to step over it or move it to get through. He has gotten better at being considerate, but it's a frequent occurrence that we are going opposite directions and run into each other, and have to do a weird dance to get through.
On top of that, this little cutie is practically vibrating with ADHD. I like to say I have brain ADHD and he has body ADHD. He is constantly moving, thinking through the next chore, or sorting things. He rarely sits down. I come from a family that was mainly sedentary, except for when someone is mad. My parents never cleaned unless we were going to have company, and in those cases they tended to loom behind me or pace back and forth and be agitated I wasn't helping, without asking me to help. Because of this, I have become way too sensitive to other people's body language, breathing patterns, and the sound of footsteps.
I noticed that when my husband was packing for the trip he was working himself into a frenzy. He kept running into me, pacing back and forth between rooms, and getting annoyed at the pets for being in the way. I could tell a melt down was coming, and when I checked in on him he said he was fine and just trying to get stuff done. About thirty minutes later he was in tears about having not packed the night before and having too much on his plate, and I had to remind him that he has practically been sprinting for the past two hours and his brain thinks that he's running from something. He regrouped, said I helped him feel much better, and left for his four-day trip.
Since he's been gone, I'm much more active than usual. I've been taking care of the pets, keeping on top of laundry (which is typically his chore and is understandably backed up), making progress on bigger projects around the house, and feeding myself appropriately. I had a really bad binge eating disorder as a teen, and sometimes when I'm alone it relapses, so it's an achievement for me. While I've been getting a lot done, I feel like I'm still taking it easy and not overdoing it. I worked late two hours to get a project off my plate, and didn't feel stressed about it like I usually do. I also feel really chill and have a higher level of self-confidence than normal.
I can't help but feel guilty that it's nice to be alone. I'm still texting him most of the day, calling him a few times a day, and sending him my checklist as I complete tasks. I do miss him, but I also really like being alone and in control of my space. Not once have I felt in the way, or annoying, over the past two days. I hate to say if he came home early I'd be a little disappointed. He's gone on 3-7 day trips before for other reasons, but it's usually only a few times a year.
Is there something wrong with me, or with my living situation? I'm in therapy and look forward to discussing this there, but wanted to get some non-clinical opinions. I know I'm anti-social in general, and would like to overcome it if possible, without completely changing who I am as a person.
I work for a large institution, and the department I oversee communications for has over ten sub-departments. We send out a monthly staff newsletter to about 600 people. On average, only about seven people click any of the links.
This newsletter is also VERY long- it started as a way for our departments to showcase achievements or bring attention to due dates, and instead has turned into a bulleted list of non-actionable information submitted by the departments: so and so presented at this conference, 200 people attended this event, our food drive collected 300 lbs of food, etc. Some information, like RSVP forms or formal announcements, really do need to be shared.
I take almost a full week each month organizing the newsletter and sending it for approvals or edits. I’m also not proud of it. My bosses have even started jokingly shaming people for not reading the newsletter. At one point they suggested an additional newsletter that just promotes new hires, but I honestly don’t think all 600 of us need to know that. I’ve proposed a new format that focuses on stories or features, and lists need to know info at the bottom, and will be presenting on it next week.
What are your newsletter strategies? How do you handle information that some people think is need-to-know, when it really isnt?
Minus the drinking.
I’m a trans man who took a long time to come out, since I didn’t have any safe male role models. But when I see Heiter, I realize that he is almost the epitome of the kind of man I want to be.
I’ve only consumed the anime, so there could be some characterization in the manga that disappoints me. I was raised by high-functioning alcoholics, and self-deprecation used to be my humor of choice. As I watch Heiter, he jokes about being a lazy drunk, but when Fern enters his life he sets that aside and his humor transforms into more of a playful, awnry banter. He’s still cheerful throughout hard times, which is something I’m aspiring towards.
He also could have, as the drunken comic relief, been presented as a pervert. Luckily, the extent is him patting Frieren on the head without her consent (which still isn’t cool). He seems to genuinely care about his friends and their well-being. He’s also nowhere near the main character. Himmel is important because he is the front-man. Eisen is important because he gives Frieren someone to talk to about lifespan differences. Heiter is… just a good friend. We know Eisen loves sour grapes and we get more of his story about his struggles with cowardice, and Himmel is almost always painted in a good light, but Heiter is just a priest who was orphaned and was friends with Himmel. He’s just average. And I love it.
IDK, I don’t quite know how to express it. Feel free to share your thoughts!
I am very interested in shintoism and any books that are inspired by the concept of kami. I was a big Percy Jackson kid growing up, and enjoy reading books where gods are influenced by people’s belief and sacrifices to them.
Shrines, offerings, and being the god of one individual or regional thing is interesting to me. The Fallen Gods series by Hanna Kramer is a good example of this.
Our bathroom exhaust has been revving up and getting much louder than usual. The first few seconds sound the same as usual, but then it starts almost sputtering as it gets louder. Instead of one consistent hum it is more of a staccato pattern. If I could share a video I would.
After doing a reverse image search I found the model number and how to remove the grille, and vacuumed up all the dust that was visible and took a rag to it. Im sure there’s some left in there, but I did the best I could without getting additional tools.
When I turned it back on it was a little quieter, but it still revved up and made the same pattern of noise. I’m somewhat handy but hesitant to mess with electrical stuff- I know to flip the breaker- is it possible that the motor may be the issue?
I can’t find a lot of repair documentation but I can find websites selling replacement parts.
Edit: Fixed!!! I took it apart and there was an almost hardened layer of dust in the motor’s wheel and in the casing. I havent been able to clean the heater side as the power is hooked up a different way, but it sounds so much better.
I grew up in a very rural part of the U.S. You would not be able to get to the nearest Walmart without driving an hour, there was no public transportation, and both my parents had new-ish cars. This all seemed reasonable at the time. When I was a junior in high school my parents bought me a $11,000 car that had been totaled and rebuilt by a dealership. I ended up moving a four hour drive away for college and I was thankful for them funding that.
Now, as an adult, I’ve noticed that whenever my parents paid off a car they immediately traded it in. We very rarely had car issues, and in retrospect I am a little hurt that my parents didn’t care enough to put any money towards my college tuition or housing. The summer before college I worked 70 hour weeks between two jobs. Right now they drive a top of the line SUV, and a big shiny Ford F-150 with all the features, although they only drive 1-2 people at a time and don’t have anything to haul.
Neither of my parents needed a car for work, and they worked at my high school and could have carpooled, but took separate cars every day for convenience. My sister and I would also ride separately in her car. It was common for my parents to drive to go only 3-4 blocks away.
At 23 my mom told me they paid off my car, and she asked if I was going to trade it in. Yes, my car wasn’t great, but I wasn’t about to add a monthly car and insurance payment after covid lockdown messed with my finances.
At 25 I decided to offload my car, as my spouse had a 30 year old jeep that was semi-dependable, and a nicer car that was their daily driver. I thought having three cars was excessive, and we lived a mile walk away from work somewhere with good public transportation. I was able to sell the car through Carmax for only ~$1k, since it had been totaled before and the dealership hadn’t gotten it re-inspected. I accepted the deal because my car felt like it was about to fall apart, and I could use the money to pay down credit card debt. When I told my parents about the deal, they kept trying to persuade me to trade it in for “more value”. How is it more value if I don’t need it, and would be beholden to pay an additional monthly payment?
Now at 28, my job has gotten serious enough that I don’t have the time and energy to walk to work every day. I can no longer walk, get drenched in sweat, change at work, and take a sink shower before going to an important meeting. When I tell coworkers I’m waiting for my spouse to pick me up after work, they get concerned and ask if my car broke down. My spouse drives me to work almost every day, since they start their workday later and work less hours. On the days they don’t work, I get the car and can stop for coffee and other errands on the way.
I’ve been needing a little more independence, and I’m tired of constantly managing schedules. So, I’ve decided to restore my spouse’s Jeep, and expect to throw $1-3k into it in the next year, which is less than I would spend on the monthly payment and a down payment on a new car. I have heard from people at work that I should just get a new car because I’ll put more money into the Jeep than it’s worth. Overall, that’s not true, and I’m tired of being exploited via debt payments, manipulative marketing, and being convinced that I need something new because everyone else has it.
The vehicle has sentimental value, and working on it with my spouse has been a good bonding experience. They’ve also agreed that it can be “my car” when we’re done, even though I’ll still share when they need to haul something.
I am just tired of feeling like I’m the only one avoiding predatory debt.
I stopped playing in January after finishing the main quest line. Decided to hop back in, I am not quite sure all the changes that took place, but the game is so much easier to play?
I had started new saves multiple times throughout the game whenever it looked like I was stuck, or I caught on to a mechanic I should have been using the same time, but this new save everything feels much cleaner, like the chest placement, hull stabilizers, etc.
Before I left the first location I picked everything clean, leaving a battery to charge in case I came back. I had reached level 8, and after going to dock 49 I picked that clean as well. Right now I’m afk while my ship charges up again
I see this look in video games a lot, and i saw an ikea timer that matches it well. There’s something about the off-white plastic with orange accents.
Is there a word for this aesthetic?
I have a 95 XJ, my spouse has had it since they were in high school. I've been doing little things to fix it up, and when we cleared it out saw a big hole in the cargo bay. They aren't surprised if there is more throughout the rest of each section.
I'm working on getting the seats and carpet out for now, but has anyone had their floor pans fully replaced? If you went with a mechanic, how much did it cost? I understand this will vary wildly, but I'm trying to gauge a reasonable estimate before talking to a mechanic.
Edit: neither of us know how to weld, and learning to do so may be a little outside of our wheelhouse right now with our regular 9-5.
My spouse has had their ‘94 Jeep Cherokee XJ since high school, and it needs some love. I’ve decided to take it on as a personal project, since we’ve been sharing our nicer car and it would be nice to have a more functional ride.
Someone broke the back window, and instead of calling a shop I decided to order the window and gasket off ebay and replace it myself for $100. I know nothing about cars but i like to research, take things apart, and put them back together.
There’s some rust on the bumper, a sagging passenger door, and the AC fan doesn’t work, but I’ll chip away at it little by little. One day i may pay to get it a good paint job. Open to suggestions for what to fix next.
My tub drain has never been plugged when the toggle lever has been tripped. My spouse bought our house about a decade ago from a landlord, and theres quite a few things that are out of date that we’re still addressing.
I decided to replace our bathtub hardware, and look at the drain stopper to see if anything needed addressed. I removed the corroded overflow plate and plastic plunger, cleaned the parts (the plunger had a lot of buildup) and replaced the overflow plate.
I expected that clearing that buildup would allow the plunger to lower fully, and finally plug the drain, but no dice.
is it possible that there is additional buildup that is blocking the plunger from dropping, or that there is a part missing? The tub drains correctly. i think theres a chance the rod could be missing, but id need to take it apart again.
Included part of a diagram from the Spruce for reference.
Some context- I (28ftm) was on the dance team and cheer team in high school. If i was given a choreographed routine i could memorize it quickly, had a lot of fun doing it, and received a lot of positive feedback. But, as an adult in social settings, i absolutely cannot dance to save my life.
i even have a spouse as a set partner, so its not like i have to worry about the social part of dancing with someone. i took a hiphop class a while back, hoping it would teach me some fundamentals i could apply, but NOPE. The worst part is sometimes ill be having fun and getting in a groove, but then i become HYPERAWARE of everything im doing and just start barely moving.
Does anyone else have this issue? has anyone overcame it?
I’ve been playing Solarpunk for a few days, and I’m hooked. Ive just gotten to the part of the game where you can build chicken coops. I really need wheat right now, but I have a huge excess of watermelon and berries, and I’m a solo player.
Is there any way to sell these crops at a later stage, or to repurpose those crops for anything other than food? Ig I could just stop growing, but I’m trying to maximize.
I have had SCP referred to me multiple times- in my understanding (please correct me if I’m wrong), this is a database of paranormal entities or objects that people can write or consume entries for.
I’m interested and have engaged with a lot of media tangentially related to SCP: Control, Alan Wake, “There is no Antimemetics Division”.
Is the best approach to just jump in and start reading?
I have a really bad habit of downplaying my birthday, and then getting upset at the lack of acknowledgement or attention.
Growing up, my sister’s, my dad’s, and my birthdays were all within the same two weeks, as well as Father’s Day, and the parties were frequently lumped together until I was a teenager. I lived in a rural area, and because I was a summer baby I never saw other kids on my birthday unless we made formal plans well in advance.
I did not have a happy home life, and my last formal party was when I was five years old. I didn’t have a lot of friends and my parents contributed to that isolation. I spent about five birthdays at 4-H camp when I was a kid, and when I got home I was told we didn’t need to celebrate because it wasn’t actually the day, and I was old enough that it shouldn’t matter.
When I was a teenager, I was expected to work, do weightlifting practice, and do chores on my birthday. Frequently we would not make plans until the day of, my mom would make a Betty Crocker mix cake, and if I drew too much attention to myself or appeared to be ungrateful (in my parents’ POV), I was yelled at and ended the day in tears. I also had to pick out most of my own presents- I would be asked the day of what I wanted, and if it was too expensive I had to pay half. We would spend 1-2 hours in the car driving to pick up the gift, and there was usually a lot of bickering and conflict on the way. I never received a card or had any presents wrapped, and we didn’t blow out candles or sing.
During college I had a best friend who would make sure my birthdays went well, but I still felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. My friend and I drifted apart, and my boyfriend, now husband, does his best with the pressure to give me a good birthday. But, I have a hard time coming up with plans for my birthday. I’m autistic and hate the heat in the summer, I feel like I can’t ask for too much effort, but I’m also scared of him not making a big deal about the day.
My parents haven’t spent a birthday with me in about a decade, and my mom will ask me what I want for a present and Venmo me money to order it myself, claiming that they don’t want to order me the wrong thing. my dad usually doesn’t even know what my present was, and lets my mom handle it. My sister doesn’t do gifts. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but it takes all of the sentimentality out of the day. On the actual day I’ll get a text message like “Happy birthday! I hope you do something fun,” but never an offer to actually celebrate with me.
This year I went on my first family vacation in a long time, with plans to be back a few days before my birthday. I would be going back to work on my actual birthday, which was yesterday. The family vacation was a bit of a disaster, and I had some emotional wounds that had resurfaced.
Apparently my husband had asked me a month ago what I wanted to do for my birthday and I had said I didn’t know, since I’d be working and would be tired from my trip. He had gotten me a present that wasn’t super sentimental and that he didn’t wrap, and didn’t get me a card like he usually did. He offered to make me a dinner by request, but the legwork to actually get the ingredients was a bit much and we pushed it to the next day. He did make sure to take me through a drive thru to get coffee before work, and wished me happy birthday multiple times, but everything felt a little lackluster. After work I asked him if we had any plans, and he asked what I wanted to do. I broke down and started sobbing about feeling stupid and ungrateful, but also like I didn’t matter.
I got all my feelings out and we agreed to do a few special things over the next weekend. I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of tradition or sentimentality. The last thing I want is for him to feel bad about not doing a lot with a lack of direction from me. I also have very few friends right now, which I’m trying to remedy, and all of the pressure shouldn’t be on him. We‘ve also been together for 7 years and do wildly different things each birthday. He struggles with his birthday as well. We’ve both developed food allergies over our relationship, which make it really hard to eat out or make dinner plans where we live. I think I’ve figured out that I need candles and wrapping paper to be a part of the day.
Is there anyone who has a lot of birthday trauma that learned how to enjoy their birthday? I don’t want to build up a romantic idea of a birthday, but I also don’t want to never expect anything and disappointed myself out of self-preservation.
I’m a transguy who is finally developing (barely) visible facial hair. I’ve shaved it short to avoid the “unkempt teenage boy” look, and am just now leaving a bit of scruff when I shave. Im not close with my dad, and my husband is also trans. As a result, I know next to nothing about facial hair maintenance.
Im determined to take good care of my skin and facial hair, what products or approaches do you all recommend to take care of my skin and facial hair as it grows out?
I don’t necessarily need tips for how to increase facial hair growth, as it is thickening up pretty quickly, and I can grow a decent amount of scruff over the course of a couple days. My dad had to shave twice a day when he was my age, and I can tell it’s going to be more of a true beard in a year or two. I’m just a total newbie.
I was a heavy instagram and TikTok user, and tried to cut out Instagram when Meta changed their terms of service to be more transphobic. It didn’t last long. I also tried to move on to YouTube shorts when TikTok was taken down temporarily, but found that more and more conservative content and AI was being pushed on me. I tried substack, but everything was so doom and gloom and fed into my bipartisanism, anxiety, and hopelessness.
I decided to be more intentional about my social media content, and wanted to find the “gems” of a pre-2020 internet- curated blog posts, thoughtful video essays on YouTube like Pop Culture Detective and Vsauce, and other seemingly positive content. But, honestly, everything I found was lackluster. I think content like this is no longer sustainable without subscribing to a Kofi or Patreon.
After finding this subreddit, I decided to preorder a dumbphone. I tried so hard to make it work, but I think we’ve been scammed by all of the features on our phones we may use 1-2 times a month, if that. The catch? I wouldn’t have access to social media, and I felt like my scrolling thumbs would go through a withdrawal.
I started turning my phone off for the weekend, and started deleting apps one by one. Now, I can only use social media on a desktop shared by my husband. I’m reading more, writing more, gaming more, and taking more moments to just sit.
One of the biggest cons, you will feel like the odd one out. I went on a family vacation and I was the only person without my head buried in my phone a few times a day during the trip. I sat in the truck for about 30 minutes waiting for my dad to finish shopping without using my phone or reading a book- I just sat with the window down. If I go to a coffee shop with a long line, I’ve started reading my book while standing.
A month ago I spent about 6 hours a day on my phone. This past week I’ve spent about 45 minutes, not counting the map app or messaging app. That is 5 hours a day I’ve reclaimed from the technocrats, for anything I want!
Excited to see how things change when I get a dumbphone- let me know if you have any questions about my experience.
The title is a little snarky, but I went on a five day long family vacation with my Gen-x parents and millennial sister, and everyone was constantly on their phones.
The first interaction I had with my dad after arriving at the $1000+ Airbnb he paid for was him forcing me to watch a seven minute long video of him, rather uneventfully, catching a fish instead of eating dinner after forgoing food all day on my drive. My dad has developed a bad habit of entering a room other people are in and immediately blaring tik toks or watching terrible quality fishing YouTube videos on the flatscreen.
Im autistic and have ADHD, so not only does the audio overstimulate me terribly, my attention is now divided from the thing I’m actually trying to do. My sister and I had a competition going of who could read the most pages over the trip, and would leave the room whenever his audio started blaring. This happened multiple times a day over the course of the trip. He would also spend most meals in the easy chair watching tv, instead of at the table with us.
Any question he had, whether it was about the weather or the safety of train rides vs. flights, immediately went to Siri or an AI search engine. I literally showed him how the information was inaccurate or lacking context by looking it up myself, and he had no response. He started watching a TED talk about how “AI is the future” in the cellphone lot while waiting for my sister’s flight. He had me type something into his phone and immediately I turned the video off.
i told my dad that i preordered a dumb phone and he went on a rant about how im just trying to disconnect from reality and ”fix my life” by buying another product. I realized that his phone is more important to him than his kids, and his addiction is threatened by me not feeling the same way.
My mom and my sister were both on their phones, but more sparingly. My sister was texting friends back home and telling me facts about people I’d never meet, or showing me text threads about inside jokes I didn’t get. My mom was telling me about everything she learned about family members on social media, but just surface level info: someone got married, someone had a baby, someone died.
Over the trip, not counting using map apps or messaging my husband, I was on my phone for about 45 minutes a day and there were long stretches of people doing nothing but staring at their phones while I sat quietly on one of the many decks overlooking the lake of our Airbnb. next time I go on vacation I want to ask my husband to just call me, because there was nothing to talk about after texting back and forth.
I know my dad is going to hug me tomorrow when i leave and tell me it was wonderful spending time with me, but we didn’t spend any time together. We just spent time in the same room, when he was courteous enough to not blare his tik tok audio.