I don’t have any other travel for the next few months. So I took the day after having a hard evening to do some much needed housework and relaxing. Anyone else do this?
She corrects me sharply.
A mutual friend of ours was having a baby. I said do you know what you might be having? She said no. My friend wrinkled her nose and said How would she know? I got embarrassed and said oh ok nevermind. But sometimes people have a feeling.
Today, my friend sent a dress she wanted to buy. I said I’m about to buy that it’s so pretty. My other friend said wow you (name) is going to have the same wardrobe as (friend). I said I’m just kidding I just love it so much I’d buy it.
Then I texted the friend separately. I said would it weird you out if I did buy it? She said no LMAO (to which I feel like she’s laughing at me) and I never said it’d weird me out. I said ok just checking.
I called the bottom of the dress pants and she said that’s a skirt and I said oh ok I couldn’t tell.
Idk it’s just adding up for me and I want to talk to her about how I feel.
I feel quite awkward at work. Everyone has been there for years and talks to each other. I don’t know work appropriate topics. I sit right next to my boss too. She’s great and really chill, but when it’s slow I feel awkward to go on my phone, and unsure of what to talk about. Please give me some tips on how to deal with this.
My mom and I had a falling out over the summer. Consequently, right after the falling out my parents decided to separate. My mom moved out with my siblings like a refugee. My dad was left alone. My siblings are also adults, but one is crazy and hates my dad, and probably drove a huge rift between my parents with her constant demonizing of him when my mom and him had fights.
I’ve fallen out with the other one too, because it’s simply too painful to be around them. They refuse to allow me to know their address because the sister who demonizes my father (unfairly), also demonizes me. She forbid them from letting me know where they are and letting me come over. My younger sister who is also living with her avoided telling me the address, and my mom told me clearly why. It hurt a lot. I did try to meet them somewhere in public but it was too painful.
I am the only one supporting my dad. I feel bad for him. He’s not perfect by any means, can be ill tempered and unkind at times, moody, but he has a good heart. I’ve never had a long standing issue with him or hated him, or felt super hurt by him. My dad cannot believe he is going through this. He’s feels immensely alone, at times even feeling like no one in the family wants him around, and I agree. They don’t want him around. At the same time he can’t get over it. He rants, ruminates, obsesses, researches, and just cant stop talking about it. He believes my mom is heavily influenced by my sibling who can be manipulative, and I agree, but I also don’t think he was perfect and could’ve done things differently. I also believe my mom could be better too. Ultimately, I can’t save the family. A lot of things happened but it’s just extreme emotions at the end of the day. Nothing like abuse, cheating or anything like that. Just not getting along and being kind to each other.
Last night my dad spent 3 hours talking to me, a mix of my sister’s life and a mix of rants about why the family fell apart. He went home and started sending me concerning messages about how I wouldn’t see him again. I made him stay at my house because it didn’t seem right to leave him alone while he felt so low and was passively ideating about his demise.
I am exhausted. He came at 1am. I slept only 4 hours. Work today. My life feels so disrupted. He keeps telling me to focus on my friends and life. I feel so alone. My life is my family. I can’t even stomach being around my mom and sisters even though I miss them. I feel incredibly lonely. My friend who was supporting me through this just had a baby. My husband tries, but I still feel low. I am trying to convince my dad to get into therapy, which is its own exhaustion.
What do I do? How do I not fall into a pit of depression and despair? It feels like my life is barreling away from me. I’m hearing rumors of my other sister moving out and getting into a relationship soon, and while that relationship was somewhat viable (although she often shut me out), that’ll be gone too. It’s terrifying to be truly alone.
It’s already too late; I already reposted it to my story. It was about the Macklemore vs Ed Sheeran controversy. I’m worried I’ll be terminated over this? That I align more with one than the other? Do you think my coworkers will screenshot this and report me to HR, and as such I’ll be terminated?
I push myself to talk because i know it'll help my social anxiety, but I commonly feel like I'll mess up.
Examples:
Today at work my boss was telling us about a coffee shop at her church. I said now I have to go now that you've said all that and I chuckled afterward. No one said anything, and then they moved on to continue discussing the coffee shop. I felt awkward. Did I just imply my boss talked too much? I meant that she said all that with regards to the details of the coffee and the types of people that go there. This bothers me. I feel like people commonly ignore or laugh at me because my awkwardness.
Another thing, we dropped off food to a neighbor who had a baby recently. I said we bought the food from Whole Foods to keep it professional and so that people wouldn't feel uncomfortable eating home food. They laughed. I feel embarrassed. It didn't come out so smoothly like that. I said it's from Whole foods to keep it all .. professional.
I want so badly to have friends who cherish me and take care of me, conversation that flows the right way and doesn't stop at awkward moments. How can I fix myself?
Another example:
I was talking to a coworker about her bag and I said it's really nice. I asked if she much use out of it to which she said "my purse? Yeah I don't typically take it to the office". I said "Yeah there's a lot of controversy around if its worth it not." She didn't say anything to that and instead said something else regarding the purse I don't remember. I then said I liked that one and another one with the name from that designer. She said it was a gift, I said oh what a nice gift. She said mmhm.
I left that conversation feeling like I was pocket watching, calling out someone had really nice things, and like she didn't really want to talk to me, and feeling weird for bringing up the controversy of the brand to which she didn't reply at all.
How can I stop being weird? How can I develop a personality?
Hi guys,
I’ve searched this sub a lot for good coffee recommendations. I liked Verve’s food and didn’t like Kumquats coffee. I want coffee that’s not super purist, meaning I like a sweet drink, but not like dessert coffee. Im looking for good beans and coffee build and house made syrups, cream tops are welcome. Im interested to try Yeem’s coffee. Are there any other spots that aren’t too pretentious but also not too Starbucks-ey? Looking for places in DTLA.
Bonus if it has a beautiful space and good food too! Think Verve but better coffee 🙈
I’ve really been wanting to make friends with the girls in my book club. I’ve often felt on the outside of the group.
I was recently invited to a really fun party. I had such a good time. I thought, this is my chance to create a group. I read on here that to make friends, you have to invite friends. So I did.
I was feeling inspired, so I created a movie night event for a new movie coming out. I sent out my invites. Then, apparently a girl from the party was doing the same movie night the same weekend, she just hadn’t sent out her invites yet. I invited her and she texted me this directly. I saw her at another book club and she was upset as she had already started making some arrangements.
They asked if I could move the date to before hers, as I was between dates, and I agreed. They asked if I could do a different movie to which I was unsure.
The girl ended up telling me to keep mine and she was going to make hers a smaller group anyways as I had offered to cancel. It became apparent I wasn’t invited to her’s.
I can’t stop thinking about this, how all these girls are making friends with each other and I still sit on the outside of these groups. I feel like it’ll never get better and I’ll never get true friends.
Another instance, I met with the friend of a friend who I’ve met before and posted about it. Our mutual friend messaged me saying “I had no idea you were going to hang out” and “I didn’t know you hang out”. It makes me feel weird and intimidated. I’m trying so hard to make friends and it’s very stressful. What do I do now to calm down and focus on my own life? How do you manage these tough awkward scenarios?
She’s always hiding that she’s invited to parties by mutuals. Would it be that hard to say I’m invited to some parties? Instead she feigns ignoring and says I think I’m doing nothing. It feels like unnecessary withholding.
I’m genuinely curious if this is normal because I’ve encountered it a few times recently and it rubs me the wrong way.
A friend of mine had a baby shower, and I was added to a group that was helping put it together. I originally thought that meant helping with food/decorations/etc., but it turned out we were also expected to contribute money toward the shower. I agreed, and it honestly wasn’t that expensive. I also bought her a separate gift, so altogether I spent somewhere under $100.
At the shower, she received a TON of gifts from people. Obviously that’s what baby showers are for, but between everyone contributing to the event and then bringing gifts, it made me realize just how much stuff/money people can receive when they have a baby.
Then recently, a relative I’m not particularly close to reached out asking about sending something for their new baby.
Another situation was even stranger to me. There’s a woman in my extended social circle who I had met maybe once and barely knew. I wasn’t involved in her life at all and didn’t even know she was pregnant. I only found out she had given birth after the baby was already here, when one of her family members contacted me asking people to contribute to things like a meal train or a postpartum service for her.
That one especially threw me off because I barely knew this person. I understand close friends and family organizing that kind of support, but reaching out to people who have essentially no relationship with the new mom to ask them to contribute felt really forward.
Maybe I was just raised differently, but I was always taught that you don’t directly ask people for gifts or money. If someone wants to give you something or organize support for you, that’s incredibly kind, but asking for it feels different.
I’ll admit there’s another layer to why it bothers me. I worry that when I eventually have a baby, I won’t have anything close to that kind of support. I don't have a huge circle, and sometimes I already feel pretty alone. I see people having showers full of friends, getting thoughtful gifts, meal trains, postpartum support, etc., and part of me thinks, Who would actually do all of that for me?
So I know some of this is probably jealousy on my part. But I still can't tell if directly asking people for baby gifts/support has become completely normal and I'm being old-fashioned, or if other people find it uncomfortable too.
Saw a video about this on TikTok and wanted thoughts and opinions.
Not fitting in at this age. I want the truth, not “just keep searching”. What could be wrong with me?
I have joined a book club and have been a member for 2 years now. In these 2 years I haven’t made friends with a lot of people in this book club. In general, these girls have made friends with each other, but not with me.
I am not super aesthetic, I am aesthetic enough. I was very shy and tend to have a lot of anxiety around these girls. In general, making friends with women is hard, but I’ve gotten better and had decent conversations with these girls.
These girls (women really, we are all 30 and over) are very aesthetic. They buy name brand makeup items, and gift it to others too. Their homes look like show rooms. They themselves have their makeup on full glam, or if they don’t, they still invest in luxury and aesthetic in some way.
I’m wondering what I’m missing. Why these high luxury, pretty women wont accept me in their group. I want the truth. Some are so reserved with me. It makes it hard to tell why they don’t care. How can I give up on trying to be friends with them?
I’m almost tempted to ask, Why am I not good enough? Why am I the only one not getting invited to hang outs outside of bookclub, or their other live events? I really want to be friends with everyone, or at least more than the few I’ve made, and everyone seems to be unavailable, or there’s no way for me to reach them.
How did you make friends with these types of people? What would you tell me is off putting if you are one of these types of women? I really love aesthetics and these women’s “vibe” so to speak, but just can’t seem to get in with them.
I have joined a book club and have been a member for 2 years now. In these 2 years I haven’t made friends with a lot of people in this book club. In general, these girls have made friends with each other, but not with me.
I am not super aesthetic, I am aesthetic enough. I was very shy and tend to have a lot of anxiety around these girls. In general, making friends with women is hard, but I’ve gotten better and had decent conversations with these girls.
These girls (women really, we are all 30 and over) are very aesthetic. They buy name brand makeup items, and gift it to others too. Their homes look like show rooms. They themselves have their makeup on full glam, or if they don’t, they still invest in luxury and aesthetic in some way.
I’m wondering what I’m missing. Why these high luxury, pretty women wont accept me in their group. I want the truth. Some are so reserved with me. It makes it hard to tell why they don’t care. How can I give up on trying to be friends with them?
I’m almost tempted to ask, Why am I not good enough? Why am I the only one not getting invited to hang outs outside of bookclub, or their other live events? I really want to be friends with everyone, or at least more than the few I’ve made, and everyone seems to be unavailable, or there’s no way for me to reach them.
How did you make friends with these types of people? What would you tell me is off putting if you are one of these types of women? I really love aesthetics and these women’s “vibe” so to speak, but just can’t seem to get in with them.
I guess I showed too many pictures of my cat. I don’t know how we got to that but the person exasperatedly and forcefully said “I don’t want to see your cats!” And “You don’t see me showing pictures of my kid all the time”. To which I said I saw them earlier because she was showing pictures of her kid. I said it neutrally, not as an attack. I don’t know how to defend myself, I find myself to be very sensitive, and since then I hesitate to show people pictures of my cats. How can I snap back? Should I give her grace and chalk it up to a social failing of hers?
Edited to add: it was like the third picture of my cat. So I was really taken aback.
My mom won’t speak to me. Am I in the wrong?
My in-laws told us they were coming over to stay the night very last second on a long weekend. It overwhelmed me and stressed me out, and hurt my feelings. I called my mom, wanting support because it felt so stressful. She immediately defended them, saying she would do the same thing, and if it was her she’d open her home with open arms. I pushed back, told her she could have them, and then told her I would talk to her later.
My dad then called me, telling me I had to have them over. I felt very pressured. I have a bad history of being pressured. I felt like l must be doing something wrong by telling them our house wasn’t available. I reluctantly let them stay over. I was very surprised my mom told my dad and he called.
For context, when I was younger I was in an abusive relationship (marriage) at 18 years old. I made that choice myself. When I found out the guy sucked, I asked my parents if I should leave him. Again, the pressure to stay was there for years, until 5 years went by and they realized he was an asshole still.
This situation brought back a lot of feelings and memories from that traumatic time.
Anyways, the next day came by and I was feeling upset because my in-laws still hadn’t left. They had promised us they’d leave first thing in the morning, and they stayed until 5pm. Because of my frustration, I was lashing out at everyone. I told my husband to get rid of them. Then, I texted my mom and asked her what she expected me to do now. Did she want me to sacrifice my life for them? She said I was an adult and to figure out. I said she told me to do this so now I’m asking HER for a solution.
I consider this to be a BPD episode. I normally would have swallowed my texts here.
Later, I called her and I said why would you force me to have them over and then tell me I’m an adult and figure it out? She mumbled sorry I shouldn’t have done that and said she would call me later.
Days go by, I text her and ask when she’ll call, and if I have to wait weeks to hear from her. She said she was on vacation and didn’t want to talk to me and that I “needed to understand that.” Ok. I understood and left her alone. But then I found out on the same precious vacation she was on she went to go talk to my estranged uncle and aunt and try to reconcile with them. So she only won’t talk to ME during her vacation.
When she came back, I asked her when she would talk to me through text. She said there was nothing to talk about, that I said she made me miserable and she apologized, told me I was an adult and to figure it out.
Another part of the episode.. this triggered me so much that the next morning I told her she made me want to delete myself and that I was sorry I was her daughter. Definitely not something I would say under sound mind. My sister blocked me the following day, probably because my mom told her about what I texted her.
To anyone who doesn’t understand, this is her shutting me down. It’s not a sincere apology. It’s a “I’m not going to deal with you.”
A week goes by, she texts me and asks if I’m still mad and I said yes. She said “Let me know when you’re done ✅ “. Again, cruel and callous. I told her “Are you still trying to be mean? I’ll be done when we can talk about it”.
That was weeks ago. My husband called her, she told him she “didn’t know what mood I’d be in” so she wasn’t going to call me, again making me out to be a volatile monster. I’m struggling and I want thoughts about this situation.
Of course because of my episode I felt like apologizing profusely for what I said to her. But then I realized she caused a lot of the pain and hurt and triggers through reactive abuse. I am definitely willing to apologize but I feel she has a big role in how I acted too.
Obviously I was very upset by this. I lived further and our friend flew into town. They told me 11 and I got there at 11, sending a text at 10:30 that I was on the way. She did tell me she and the friend might be late as they were coming together, but when I asked for ETA, no reply. I went and got my own coffee and met them when they arrived.
I was very upset by this but I didn’t mention it immediately. Then later I said I had gotten coffee because I didn’t know how late they were going to be. They laughed and said wow you were double balling it as we were getting coffee later.
I don’t know how to talk to my friends about my feelings and I always feel like I’m on the outside. I feel like they don’t care about me and they would roll their eyes at these menial issues that bother me. I’m not sure if I should trust how I feel or if it’s just me being sensitive and extra. Thoughts?
My friend said a few statements during her visit that makes me feel weird and blamed. Am I wrong to think this way?
- When I mentioned I had a subscription to a certain streaming service, she said had she known she wouldn’t have bought hers. The context here is that her and my other friend watched this show without me and didn’t mention it to me, although last year they used my subscription. I felt left out. They only told me they were watching together after I asked and gave me access to theirs and that’s when I found out I still had the subscription.
- when we went to a bakery and they got something with mushroom that I’m allergic to, they said “Had I known we would’ve gotten a separate box”. I said I didn’t know they were ordering truffle.
- when we were choosing a movie to watch, I mentioned I’d never seen 50 shades. Again, “Had I known we should’ve watched it at your house” because we weren’t able to watch it at that friends since her husband disapproves
Am I crazy or are they blaming me?
I find my friends to be hurtful and inconsiderate. I find us to lack chemistry at times. I feel like the third wheel often. I feel like I’m laughed at instead of with. I feel hurt often. I feel unaccepted. I only hang out to talk about certain interesting topics. I feel on guard and like I’ll be bullied. I’m only friends to keep in touch with what’s trending.
My friend was back in town this weekend, and I suggested we grab coffee at my favorite coffee shop this weekend.
They had already made plans to go to a different lamer café because the friend hosting her preferred it and they were interested in the menu there.
Now it turns out they're planning to go to my favorite coffee shop too—but on a day when I'm working and can't join.
That's the part that's really bothering me. It feels like my suggestion wasn't important enough to wait for, and now they're getting to share something I wanted to do together without me.
I'm trying not to blow this out of proportion, but it genuinely makes me feel overlooked and left out. I brought it up lightly instead of directly because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.
How can I be more assertive in situations like this without coming across as needy? And how can I stop this from hurting so much when I feel like I've been passed over?
My in-laws were driving through our state on their way to another destination. About 5 hours before they arrived, we were told they would be staying at our house. It wasn't really presented as a question. My brother-in-law had even suggested they "just stay at our house" without asking either my husband or me first.
I wasn't comfortable with it from the beginning, but I felt pressured into saying yes. My parents and sister all basically acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing because it was "just one night," so I started wondering if I was the unreasonable one.
The issue is that it wasn't really just one night.
The next morning, we got up and made everyone breakfast. It wasn't just pouring cereal into bowls—it was cooking and hosting, which took time and effort. Before bed, they had said they would leave early, so I expected breakfast would be the last thing before they got on the road.
Instead, they slept in, leisurely got ready, took their time, got distracted, and then we all ended up going out to lunch together. They still didn't leave until around 5 p.m. It felt like they casually turned what was supposed to be an overnight stop into spending the entire next day at our house.
By that point, I completely broke down because I felt like our whole day off had been taken over. My husband was leaving the next day for a work trip, so I felt like we lost one of our last days together for a week. The following weekends we are busy.
My husband eventually realized how overwhelmed I was, told his parents that in the future we need advance notice before overnight stays, and that we also need to know what the plan is so we can prepare. They apologized, said they understood, and my husband also apologized to me afterward and said we'd handle things differently next time.
So this isn't really about whether they apologized—they did.
I'm struggling with whether I'm overreacting about the visit itself. I know plenty of people are happy to host family, but I felt like our home was volunteered without asking us, we only got about five hours' notice, I felt pressured into saying yes, and what I thought would be an overnight stay turned into hosting for nearly two full days.
Am I overreacting? Is it normal for an overnight stay to turn into leaving at 5 p.m. the next day after saying you'd leave early, or is it reasonable that I felt overwhelmed and like our time wasn't respected?