u/Sazzorak

Hey!

So I ordered a female regal jumper yesterday and she’s currently being shipped overnight. I figured tomorrow would be the perfect day for her arrival since I was supposed to have that day off, but I just got a call from my boss and I now have to go into work that day.

I hoped that maybe she’d arrive in the afternoon or the evening, but it looks like she’s expected to get to the Fedex Hub before 10:30am. I live an hour away. I probably won’t be able to get there until 6-6:30pm. I’m kind of panicking.

What should I do in this situation? I considered asking around to see if someone else could pick her up, but I just read a few posts on here that say that you need to show a photo ID that matches the mailing address in order to pick up jumpers since they’re labeled as venomous animals under US postal regulations.

The breeder said that they added some fruit flies for her in her cup, so I’m not worried about her starving or anything like that, but 9 hours is a long time for any animal to be in a box.

If she gets here before 7am I can swing by and grab her on my way to work. (My boss loves spiders so I’m sure she wouldn’t mind spider sitting for me).

Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can do in this situation? Will she be ok??

I love Planet Zoo, but I SUCK at building. No matter what I do I can’t seem to get any better, and the pathing and terrain systems makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I’ve tried using habitats off of Steam Workshop but 9 times out of 10 they refuse to place because of issues with the terrain.

However, I love the husbandry side of Planet Zoo. I like breeding animals and releasing into the wild. I don’t mind designing habitats (once the terrain and walls are put into place).
I know Planet Zoo is a Zoo management game, however, I wanted to know if there are any games that are similar to it that focus more on husbandry.

I have been working as a camp counselor/lead for the last 3 years. I work year round doing programming, but the summer is a different kind of beast.

I just recently transferred to a different branch of the organization I work for. The previous branch I was a part of was much smaller. I only organized and lead around 2-3 week long camps per summer and all of them were half day camps. The rest of the time I spent assisting with camps and other programming.

When I moved to this branch, I was told that I would be running 6 camps this summer, the majority of them being full day camps. We’re super under staffed and our program is government funded, so we can’t just hire extra people.

This summer has overall gone extremely well. Most of my camps have been fine. However, in early July I had a camp where 6-7/16 of the campers had severe impulse control issues and refused to listen or behave. We tried multiple strategies and did everything we could to work with those kids. We were told by our access and inclusion team that there was nothing they could do because none of the children were diagnosed with any kind of disability. Since they were already stretched thin, they couldn’t send out anyone to help us. Every day was a struggle and I felt bad for the kids who actually wanted to learn. I had to write SO MANY behavior related incident reports, it was a nightmare. My boss (our camp director) was helping me out with this camp and she was also at a loss. I know now that I should have issued a lot more formal warnings than I did, but it’s behind me now. (Frankly, some of those kids should have been removed from camp).

I had a week off after that camp, which helped. I felt a lot more refreshed coming into this week, and the kids have been wonderful.

So why am I still so stressed? I had to call out sick today because I was so anxious that I was having chest pains. I’ve been hyperventilating and having minor anxiety attacks all day today at both the thought of going back AND the possibility of missing work. I only have one more camp that I’m leading after this, and my boss has done her best to give us several days off of camp for the next several weeks. (I’m only assisting with camp on Tuesday and Thursday next week, for example).

I love my job, I love working with the kids. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way.

If there are any counselors that have some advice or have dealt with this, please tell me what helped you deal with it.

If you haven’t seen the first post, which you can find here. I recommend reading it so that you have a sense of the entire situation, not just my side: https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/0ToWLc1qMe
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To answer a question someone had in my last post:

Is your roommate a hoarder?

No, I don’t think so. She does like to shop, but it’s not to the point of hoarding. I am not comfortable with sharing her personal story and everything she has been through, but I will say that things being unclean really bothers her. As I said in my last post, she has a disability, so some unitaskers and tools are pretty much non negotiable for her to have. I am happy to accommodate those tools, I just worry about the excess of other things in the apartment.

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I talked to her a few days after I made my first post. As many of you suggested, I expressed that out kitchen drawers were pretty full, and that we should go through what we already have and figure out how we can make more room. She said that I was welcome to throw away anything of hers that was broken, which was great!

The kitchen closet (that is supposed to be a pantry/cleaning closet I think?) is filled with her dog’s and her stuff. I asked if we could maybe move some of her personal belongings that were not pet related on the upper shelves out of the closet so we can put our brooms, vacuums etc in there. She said that she wasn’t comfortable with moving her personal things and her dog’s things out, but that I could reorganize it so that I could move my cat’s stuff in there too. That way I could get rid of the bin my cat’s stuff has been in since I moved in 3 months ago.

I was really hoping she would agree to move her larger personal items and such out of the lower portion of the closet, but she said she doesn’t have room for them anywhere else.
For added context: she has the master bedroom which has a decently sized walk in closet that is currently full.

She agreed that we need to go through the hall coat/entry way so that we actually have space for stuff since it’s not super organized, which was positive!

I thought we were starting to get more on the same page. However, I guess I was wrong.

She bought an espresso machine. We have a kurig AND a standard coffee pot. We do not have room for an espresso machine ANYWHERE on our kitchen counter.

I’m going to have to have a sit down conversation with her when she gets back from her side job, because the amount of stuff in this apartment is really starting to impact my mental health.

When we have more stuff, it’s harder to clean, and therefore harder for my adhd brain to convince itself to wipe down the counters, scrub everything, etc because the task requires more steps and it feels genuinely overwhelming. Do I still do it? Yes, because I don’t want to be a bad roommate. Considering she’s gone most of the time doing her side job, I’m the one who often has to clean the place while she’s gone.

I am currently working 10-11 hour days during the week due to my own side job. I do not have the mental energy to clean around another person’s stuff. Really what I wish I could ask her to do is to stop buying more appliances. We have more than enough already. Having an espresso machine would be fantastic, but not when we don’t have the space for it. It’s starting to feel like she doesn’t think about that when she buys things and it’s really frustrating. We already don’t have a lot of available counter space for cooking due to our appliances. We already have a designated coffee station next to the sink that takes up that entire portion of the counter. There’s no room over there to put a third coffee appliance.

Am I in the wrong for having a problem with this??? Am I going crazy? How should I approach this conversation with my roommate respectfully so that it’s productive and will leave both of us feeling heard and satisfied. I’m starting to feel like I have to tip toe around the conversation a bit and I hate that.

I (24nb) moved out for the first time into a 3 bedroom apartment with my (40-42f) roommate.

Things have been going pretty well so far. She’s really nice and understanding. She loves my cat and her dog is adorable, and generally she’s very quiet and respectful. She rarely has guests over and overall she’s a great roommate.

There’s just one problem.

She had to move out of her last place (which was much bigger than our current apartment) pretty fast. This has left her with a bunch of stuff. We’re both pretty nerdy, so having lots of collectables and such is fine. However… I feel like it’s getting a little excessive.

Basically, if you would normally have one of a certain thing in a house, we have 3. Some of it comes from the prior tenant who left it there, but a lot of it is my roommate’s.

We have 3 can openers (only 2 work, and she hasn’t thrown away the third one), 2 regular vacuums, 2 hand held vacuums (one is mine, the other is hers), 3 SETS of kitchen knives (she bought new ones and hasn’t gotten rid of the old ones for some reason????), and so, SO many shelves filled with her stuff. I want to say at least 3/4 of the items in our living room are hers. I counted 5 separate bookshelves filled with her things in the living room shortly after I moved in. She brought in a 6th bookshelf, and I very nicely asked her if she could please not bring the bookshelf in because there was literally no where to put it, our walls were all lined with her bookshelves.
We talked and she agreed to move some of her things into her closet (that is also completely full).

I don’t mind most of what she’s buying, but it’s getting really hard and annoying to work around it. The worst part is that she usually buys stuff that’s kind of low quality. For example: the can opener she bought is really hard to turn and a pain to use. I had to buy one at the grocery store for 10 dollars and it works perfectly. Actually, now that I think about it, we have FOUR can openers, because there’s an electric one that she owns that sits in a kitchen drawer. She is disabled, so I understand needing unitaskers for accessibility reasons. Some of them help me, too. I don’t mind those at all and I completely understand that they’re a necessity for her. It’s just getting to the point though that we’re losing things because she has so much stuff.

Case in point: the kitchen scissors. She needs them because of her joints sometimes really bother her. She couldn’t find them in the utensil drawer. I also thought they were genuinely gone because I couldn’t find them either, so I ordered a new pair, figuring I had misplaced them. Turns out they were just buried in the utensil drawer. I found them while cleaning it out and reorganizing it. I also found four vegetable peelers. Four. (I do not own a vegetable peeler).

Cleaning is harder when there’s more furniture, and our kitchen doesn’t have a lot of space. We used to have four end tables, again, FOUR. We were only using two of them! The others were just sitting in the middle of the living room. She has 2 desks, one in the living room and one in her room.

If it were just me and her, this wouldn’t be an issue. The real problem is, we don’t own the third room. We have a third roommate that is moving out soon, and another potential roommate is touring the place tomorrow.

There isn’t a whole lot of room in the living room if that third person wants to put anything in there. My roommate has filled up one of the closets (that I think was supposed to be a pantry?) with her dog’s stuff. The top shelves of the coat closet are also filled with her stuff. I had to ask her nicely to move more of her stuff out of the main hall closet so that I could have at least 1 closet for my stuff. It’s just a mess.

I understand decorating with things that bring you joy. I understand wanting to have collectables. I have lots of collectables that I keep in my room! But the amount of things everywhere in the apartment is really starting to stress me out. All of our kitchen drawers are filled to bursting. She has so. Many. Coffee mugs. I brought 3 when I moved in and I struggled to find places to put them.

She does pay almost double what we do in rent since she has the master bedroom, and I do use a lot of what she owns, so I don’t want to seem ungrateful or to step on her toes. She’s a really nice person, I just wish we had more space.

How do I ask my roommate to get rid of stuff without seeming insensitive?

As someone who works in the pet industry. And loves dogs and all pets. I’m starting to realize that dogs should not be so accessible to the public. 95% of the population is completely clueless on how to properly care for them, or handle them. Not to mention the actual costs associated with pet ownership, that the average person can’t afford, which causes them to become neglected and a nuisance to the public or even their owners. I don’t feel as strongly about cats or other pets, although they need to have restrictions as well.

I (F22) am working part time post-university. My friend (F23) kinda got me the job, ie she had my resume pushed right through to our boss. My friend is an unreliable employee. She essentially no call-no showed for several weeks, leading naturally to our boss to assume she silent quit, he sent her a message saying she was officially terminated and we thought that was that.

I never brought this up with my friend as she never brought it up to me. I had assumed she didn’t want to talk about it. Also she had gotten a new part time job.

Well today, Friend came into work. She said her new job had slowed and was interested in coming back a few days a week. Our boss is out of town, and maybe the least confrontational person alive. So results are still inconclusive. She claimed to us, that her phone had deleted the app we used to communicate at work and never received the notice. I don’t know if she was told her face she was fired when she spoke to one of our supervisors. All I know is she was told to talk to our direct manager.

We’re supposed to go to the pool tomorrow and I’m stressed she’s going to be upset with me for never telling her as a friend that she was fired but I do not feel that was my responsibility. AITA?

I (27F) am getting married in two months to the love of my life, (30M). We have a large guest and have been narrowing it down little by little.

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My fiance has said that we should both agree on who gets invited/uninvited, and I agreed to it. Our one exception is the "veto" where both of us get to veto a person on our wedding list. He suggested it and I agreed. The veto means we can cross a person the other wants to be there from the list and provide our reason why. My fiance has Vetoed having one of my friends, and I'm disappointed. She was my roommate in college and she has been with me through lots of changes in my life. I consider her close to me and it hurts that he doesn't want her at the wedding.

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We don't have a bridal party. Just a best man and maid of honor, my fiance's brother and my sister.

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I don't like my future sister in law. We have very different opinions on several things, she lives a lifestyle I find distasteful and I just don't enjoy being around her.

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My husband, however, wants his sister at the wedding. He worships the ground she walks on and I don't know how he can be so blind about her. I have very few nice things to say about her and he knows that.

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Because he felt entitled to use his veto on my friend I thought it only fair that I could use mine on his sister. When I told him this he told me he loved me but that this was crossing a line. I said than my friend had to come.

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We had an argument that ended with him saying that his sister was right about me before he left for work. Now I'm just sitting here wondering if I was wrong to fight him on it because I love him and want to marry him.

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AITA?

I spent a weekday afternoon at the local park/playground rollerskating with our 9-year-old. I had brought skates, helmets, protective gear, water bottles, etc. About an hour in, I realized he was getting too warm in jeans and could have used shorts.

At that point we were already in the middle of rollerskating. He really didn’t want to stop and go home, because we would have had to take off a lot of gear, walk to the car, drive home, get the shorts, drive back, and gear up again. The drive itself is only about five minutes each way, but it would have interrupted the whole thing. He also didn’t want to stay alone in the park while I went.

So I called my wife, who was at home, and asked if she could find his shorts and maybe, only if she wanted to, walk toward us with them so I could run downhill and meet her halfway. It park is about a 10-15-minute uphill walk from our house. She said yes, and said said she could just take a walk all the way up.

A few minutes later she called back and said, “You know what, I was being too nice before. I offered way too much. I’m not going to walk up there. I’ll put the shorts in the driveway and you can come get them.”

I said, “Okay, no problem,” and did not push it (I know when to not). In the end we did not go get the shorts. We just rolled up his jeans, which worked fine.

Later that evening, when we came home, my wife was still angry. She said she felt insulted that I had asked her to bring the shorts when I was the one with the car and the drive was so short. She said that if the roles were reversed, I would never have agreed to walk up there. She didn't want to hear anything about why I had asked, but demanded that I acknowledged and agreed with the feeling of being insulted.

I think it was completely fine she didn’t want to do it. But I did not agree that it was insulting to ask. From my point of view, I made a low-pressure practical request, she could have said no. When she changed her mind later I accepted it without arguing.

When I wouldn't agree that the request was insulting, she said, “Don’t ever ask me anything again that you wouldn’t do yourself.”

I don’t think it is true I would refuse the favor if roles were reversed. Depending on the situation being the same I would have absolutely done it, and on such a sunny day I would just turned it into a run.

I also don't think anybody should make a rule about not asking questions.

For context, my wife is generally not the one who spends several hours doing activities like this at the park. If she takes him, she is usually watching rather than participating, and she would normally stay for a shorter time. She prefers to stay at home. So I don’t think this was about her being jealous that I was at the park while she was home.

AITA for asking her in the first place?

EDIT: The part about reversed roles had come out completely wrong, opposite of my intent, now fixed. I have said no to her occasionally in the past but I would have done this

I (27F) feel like I am losing my mind. My best friend just called me delusional and threatened to distance herself from me if I go through with this, so I need an outside perspective.
For my own personal sanity, all names have been changed.
For the past year, I’ve worked closely with David (38M). He is the assistant manager at the retail pharmacy where I work as a pharmacy technician. He is married to Sarah and they have two toddlers. His locker is covered in drawings from his kids, and he talks about his family constantly. On paper, he is the ultimate family man.
But over the last six months, I feel like our relationship has changed. It started in November when my dog passed away. He noticed I was crying in the breakroom, went down the street, and brought me a vanilla latte and a muffin. He sat with me for ten minutes and just listened to me vent. No one else at work even noticed I was upset, but *he* did.
Since then, we’ve developed a routine. Whenever we pass each other by the stockroom, he gives me this specific, warm smile. A few weeks ago, during a hectic Monday rush, I made a joke to a difficult customer that fell flat, but I looked across the pharmacy counter and David was smiling and shaking his head. It felt like an inside joke just between us.
Then there was the team dinner last month at a packed, deafening restaurant. Because it was crowded, David sat directly across from me. At one point, the room got incredibly loud. David leaned all the way across the table to hear what I was saying. While I was talking, he looked directly at my lips, smiled, and nodded along. A few of our coworkers at the end of the table actually stopped talking and just stared at us because it looked so intense. It felt like the rest of the room completely melted away.
The biggest thing happened last Friday. We were staying late to finish checking in an inventory shipment. The store was closed. He walked over to check my progress, and as he leaned over my shoulder to look at the terminal, his sleeve brushed against my arm. He didn't pull away immediately; he stayed there for at least three seconds. Before he clocked out, he looked at me and said, "Don't stay too late, Shelby. We need you around here."
I felt a physical spark. I am convinced that he is trapped in a passionless marriage, and his kindness is his subconscious way of crying out for a connection. He always remembers exactly how I take my coffee. Men don't pay that much attention to a woman unless they are deeply attracted to her.
My plan is to ask him to grab drinks after our shift this Thursday and gently lay my cards on the table. I want to tell him that I know he feels the connection too, and that I'm willing to wait for him.
My best friend snapped at me saying, “Shelby, he is a nice guy. He brought you coffee *once.* You are being delusional and you’re about to ruin your job based on a sleeve brushing against your arm!”
Am I misreading this or AITA if I say how I feel?

A week ago a neighbor (16) unintentionally scratched my car with her bike. She immediately stopped, started crying and called her mother for assistance. Scratch appeared worse than it actually was and in store, it was simply polished away for a samll amount. Since it was an accident and a very minor one, I didn't charge the girl or her mom.

When she apologized, I told her it was alright and advised her to be extra cautious next time, especially around cars.

A few days later, her mother wrote that her daughter still feels a bit bad and wishes to offer more sincere apology. I wrote that everything is good and I don't have any problems with them. She said they would only deliver a cake as a small act of peace. I agreed and thought okay that would be sweet.

When they arrived, girl was holding a cake box in her hands and her mother had a phone. The girl began muttering about taking responsibility and putting things right, but it appeared as though she wanted the earth to engulf her. Then her mom quietly said now give him the cake and ask if he accepts your apology.

I looked at her again and asked if this was being filmed.

Her mother said that she wanted to make a video as it serves as an excellent illustration of how young people can take responsibility for their actions. She said she could hide my face, but she needed to video me accepting apology from her daughter.

I took the cake and told the girl that everything was okay between us and that I had already accepted her apology that day. Then I turned to her mom and said I didn’t want to be part of the video. She started arguing with me, said that I could have just let her finish properly, but in the end I just went home.

Girl mom is upset with me now and doesn't even say hello when she sees me. For the sake of good neighbor relations, perhaps I could have waited 30 seconds. But I don't like how a simple apology was transformed into a scene, girl seemed really uncomfortable, I was filmed without my permission and I might have looked after it was published as someone who demands apologies from kids.

AITA?

I’m 5’4” and around 300 lbs. I recently started working at a local park where we do a lot of boating programs. I was really excited to go kayaking again since I enjoyed it a lot as a kid, but I’ve had some difficulty with getting used to balancing in the sit on top kayaks we use in the park. I’ve heard that bigger people in general tend to have a harder time balancing. I am trying to lose weight, but I want to know if there’s anything I can do in the meantime to prevent myself from constantly falling out.

All of our kayaks are the sit on top kind. We have two sit in kayaks, but those are personal kayaks that belong to my coworkers.

The first time I got to take one of the sit on top kayaks out while shadowing a program, it went really well. It was pretty wobbly in the beginning, but eventually I got the hang of it. The river was calm, too, which helped a lot.

Recently, we’ve had a lot of storms which raised the level of the river drastically. We do a full day boating training every year for camp staff. The day of the training, it was low enough where it was safe to go out, but the river was flowing faster than normal.

I tipped 6 times total during our 1 1/2 hours trip down the river. I fell out twice while trying to get back into my kayak while maintaining 3 points of contact. I then tipped 2 more times later on as we practiced going up a rougher section of the river with some rapids. To round things out, of course, I fell once while attempting to drop down from a (very) small rock ledge I was stuck on, and another time while we practiced reentering our kayaks with assistance. (Ironically, I was not the one attempting to crawl back into my kayak at the time).

It was mildly frustrating and embarrassing. (Only 2 other people fell in during the trip, and they only fell once). I still had a lot of fun and managed to keep a positive attitude the whole time. I was wearing a lifejacket and the river was deep enough to where I didn’t bang my head on anything (thankfully).

Still, I would really like to get better at maintaining my balance. All of the instances where I fell in were definitely due to errors on my part (such as while trying to navigate the rapids. I didn’t have the correct technique).

Is this normal when you’re just starting out? How can I improve?

I genuinely do not know what to do at this point. I recently found out that my in-laws have been actively trying to ruin my life, and honestly, I’m scared.

Late last year, before separating from their son, I made the mistake of allowing my in-laws to live with me. After the separation, their behavior became increasingly erratic toward both of us, and eventually he had to ask them to leave my home.

At the beginning of this year, I started receiving strange anonymous text messages. At first, I brushed them off as someone having the wrong number. Then in February, my daughter’s school suddenly started questioning our address. For context, my daughter had been attending school in another county while I was living in ours because I wanted her to finish the school year with her friends. The school nearly removed her enrollment, but after speaking with the principal, she was thankfully allowed to finish the year.

(Also note, their son and I reconciled and are doing quite well, now they’re harassing both of us. We are both NC because his mother has repeatedly chosen this man (any man) over him and he’s done)

Today, I found out it was actually my l in-laws who contacted the school in an attempt to interfere with her enrollment.

Then my father-in-law contacted my landlord, falsely claiming that I was destroying the property and keeping the home in horrible condition. My landlord requested an inspection, which was completely fine because my home was clean and we have always had a good relationship. At the time, I thought it was ridiculous but harmless. Looking back now, it feels like the beginning of a pattern.

I discovered more because my sister-in-law sent me screenshots of messages he sent her. In one message, he asked how my daughter was doing “insert best friends name threw them under the bus about school districts. Was it her possibly?.” The only people who knew about that situation were people in a private group chat where I had asked for advice. My sister-in-law didn’t even know what had been happening.

He also asked her what rental company my vehicle came from. My previous car was totaled in a hit-and-run last month, and I recently purchased a new vehicle. I intentionally told almost no one about it because I’ve had terrible luck with cars. Yet in his message, he described the exact make, model, and appearance of my new vehicle, (which isn’t a rental, he just thinks we can’t afford a new one I assume) which tells me he has been driving by my home.

Shortly after I gave birth, I also received an anonymous message saying they wished I had “bled out during childbirth” and that “the world would be a better place” without me in it.

Then yesterday, CPS showed up at my door over an absolutely horrifying report filled with false allegations that could come out of a horror movie. What scared me most was that the report included details about the exact layout of my home, which makes me believe it was them as well, as we don’t have anyone over. Only my mom and his know our address and only they know what it looks like. My mom hasn’t had a chance to see our new home since we moved 4 hours away.

I filed a police report, but because I can’t directly prove they were behind everything, there apparently is not enough for a restraining order at this time. Even with more screenshots of threatening messages sent to my sister-in-law including comments about “dreaming of the day” I give them a reason to “take me out” and talking how if you piss people off you shouldn’t be surprised about retaliation, it still somehow isn’t enough. Like anyone with functioning brain cells can draw the parallels to what he said. It’s written in such a way where it’s all “theoretical” or questions like the one about my daughter’s school. It’s like how someone would write a scene in a bad lifetime movie.

At this point, I am genuinely afraid for both my life and my children’s safety. I don’t have the money now but once I return to work (mind you, I’m 7 weeks PP) I’m thinking about moving states . I’ve also considered faking our deaths. I just don’t know if they’ll ever leave us alone.

Hey everyone, looking for some advice on a delicate situation.
My girlfriend (23F) recently went to a concert and met a guitarist from one of the bands. They hit it off, and fast forward to now this guy literally gifted her a guitar. For free. On top of that he’s been giving her free guitar lessons at his place that last for hours. She told me she’s really tryharding the guitar right now and that they spend a lot of time just talking during these sessions.
I trust my girlfriend completely and I know she’s just genuinely excited about learning music. However this guy’s behavior feels incredibly sketchy to me. A musician giving away free gear and hours of his personal time to a female fan he just met? I'm worried he has predatory intentions.
How do I bring this up to her without sounding making her defensive?

I’m(27F) from East Asia and I moved to the US about 4 years ago. Since then I’ve made American friends and dated a few American guys, some short term and some longer.

This friend (29F, white, if it matters) is my friend of a friend that I met about 2 years ago. At first she was totally normal, but over time, every single time a guy would talk to me at a bar, market, party etc. or ask for my number, or whenever I started dating someone new, the FIRST thing out of her mouth was always "yellow fever." She'd follow it up with stuff like "there are so many guys out there with Asian fetishes, you should be careful."

Ngl, I already knew about this stuff before moving here and I do keep it in the back of my mind. But the way she brought it up every. single. time. started getting to me. Basically she was implying that any guy who's into me must be a weirdo with a fetish, which felt like it was putting me down too. Back home I always got compliments and had pretty solid self-esteem, but slowly I started doubting every guy who approached me and became way more passive in dating. I told myself she was just looking out for me, so I let it go.

Then the incident happened. I got a new bf (now ex). He’s half American/half Italian and works as a model, objectively a very attractive guy. My friend asked if she could meet him, so we all hung out at his place drinking one night. The entire time she kept interrogating us about how we met, who approached who first, what he liked about me, etc. My ex just gave normal answers like “she’s pretty, smart and I like her personality.” Then my friend jokingly said something to him like “oh so you like soft and submissive Asian girls?” I felt uncomfortable immediately, but I stayed quiet and my ex awkwardly laughed it off.

Later in the night, my ex casually mentioned he'd been thinking about traveling to East Asia, that he'd always been curious about the culture and had wanted to go for a long time. She didn't say much then, but afterward she texted me pointing to exactly that moment like "see? told you. he clearly has an Asian fantasy. I think your bf has yellow fever."

That's when I snapped. I texted back telling her to cut it out, asked her how him wanting to visit Asia automatically equals yellow fever, and told her she just has an insecurity or jealousy toward me. She said she was only worried about me and couldn't believe I was reacting this way. We haven't talked since..

Part of me feels like I lost a friend. Part of me wonders if I went too far. Am I really blind to the truth like she says? Honestly I'm just confused at this point. AITA?

Edit: Thank you guys seriously. I’d been feeling really guilty about it so thank you for helping me realize I actually had valid reasons to cut her off. Part of me kinda wishes she could see these comments too. I think I got gaslit for a long time into thinking I just had to tolerate being called yellow fever bc she was supposedly “worried” about me. Really appreciate all the helpful advice. Wishing blessings for all of u!!

I just finished Strange Horticulture and it has left me itching for more. I’m looking for a game that contains some or all of the elements about it that I liked. I’ll list them below in order of decreasing importance.

- Identifying plants/animals (this was the main thing I loved about the game. I am an ecologist and I LOVE identifying plants in my spare time. Having to figure out which plants customers wanted based on their vague descriptions was SO COOL and a fun challenge).

- PUZZLES. Strange Horticulture has some really well designed puzzles that genuinely had me scratching my head. I loved all the map puzzles in particular (except for that one weird old guy’s riddle. I hated that one).

- The vibes. I am a big Call of Cthulu and Magnus Archives fan, so I ADORED the Lovecraft-esc setting. There were also no jump scares (something that I personally cannot handle).

- Document management without the stress. I loved having to parse through different clues and documents in order to get the answer I was looking for. I also loved that there was no time limit. I tend to avoid games in this genre (papers please, etc) because it takes me too long to go through the documents and the time limit stresses me out.

- Completing an encyclopedia/guidebook. I loved all of the lore and notes surrounding the different plants. It was very satisfying to flip through the book at the end and see everything completed. I also like that completing it wasn’t extremely tedious but still took effort.

If there are any more games about collecting plants or anything like what I’ve mentioned above, please let me know. I’m trying to search on my own but nothing has caught my eye quite yet.

Thanks for your help!

ETA: I just woke up and started reading through all the comments. Sorry if I can’t reply to everyone individually, but I noticed a lot of the same questions coming up, so I’ll answer some of them here.

“Why didn’t you just leave a text or voicemail?”

My parents basically do not text. They’re terrible at it. Messages can sit unread for weeks. If they want to communicate, they call. Same with voice notes (we use WhatsApp). They rarely check them unless someone specifically tells them to.

“Why don’t they install a landline?”

Because they don’t want to. Simple as that. Our old landline was disconnected years ago and they never bothered getting another one installed.

“They’re not even that old. Why can’t they just learn how to use a phone?”

I think some people are misunderstanding what I mean when I say they’re “not tech-savvy.”

For context, I live in Asia, and when my parents were younger, internet access and mobile phones were luxuries where we lived. In my hometown back then, only relatively wealthy people had mobile phones. My parents only got their first phones after my oldest brother moved away for college so they could stay in contact with him.

And honestly? Even back then they were hard to reach. So when I say they’re not tech-savvy, I don’t mean “old people can’t understand technology.” I mean they genuinely do not care enough to learn beyond the absolute basics.

My dad once accidentally called our family WhatsApp group while he and my mom were gossiping about someone from church. Thankfully it was only our family group and not the church group itself. So yeah… that should paint a picture.

“Why do you expect them to be glued to their phones 24/7?”

I don’t.

When I say it takes multiple attempts to reach them, I don’t mean I’m calling every two hours every day expecting immediate responses. I mean that whenever I do call, it often takes several tries before they answer, or they’ll only notice hours later and call back then.

They don’t check notifications. They don’t browse the internet. They don’t watch YouTube or play games. They basically use their phones like old-fashioned cordless landlines whose only purpose is making calls.

I’ve actually shown them how to use other features before, but they simply don’t care enough to bother with any of it because, to them, phones are “just for calling.” I’m not asking them to become social media addicts. I’m asking them to at least keep their phones charged and maybe check them once or twice a day.

“Is it really that big of a problem?”

Yes. My brothers and I are not the only people who’ve complained about this.

My parents have missed multiple important family updates because they don’t answer calls or check messages. A cousin gave birth? They found out a week later. My mom’s brother had surgery to remove kidney stones? She found out days afterward.

And every single time, they get upset and complain that “nobody tried hard enough” to reach them.

That’s what makes this exhausting.

A lot of commenters are saying they miss the old days before everyone was glued to their phones, and honestly, I get that. But we live in 2026 now. Important updates, emergencies, and family news are mostly communicated through calls and messages now whether we like it or not.

Again, I am NOT demanding that my parents stay attached to their phones 24/7. I’m just asking for the bare minimum level of accessibility.

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Also, for those asking, my emergency contacts are my brothers and my parents. After this whole situation, I’ve honestly been considering asking my aunt if I can add her too.

And lastly: someone claiming to be a “medical worker” said my story must be fake because “nobody stays hospitalized for a week for food poisoning.”

First of all, people can absolutely end up hospitalized longer depending on dehydration, complications, preexisting conditions, or other health issues. Second, even if there were other medical factors involved, that’s not the point of the post and I don’t owe random strangers my medical history.

Pretty wild for a supposed medical worker to immediately dismiss someone else’s health situation without knowing anything about them.

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I live in another city while my parents, both in their late 50s, still live in my hometown. We actually have a really good relationship overall. I usually fly home every Christmas, we talk often, and there’s no major family drama.

But there’s one thing about them that has driven me and everyone else in our family insane for years: they are completely careless with their phones.

They’ll leave their phones in another room all day, leave them on silent by accident, or forget to charge them so the battery dies for an entire day. Sometimes I’ll call five or six times before someone finally answers hours later.

I’ve talked to them about it MANY times because they don’t have a landline, so their cellphones are literally the only reliable way to reach them.

Yes, I understand they come from an older generation and aren’t exactly tech-savvy. They didn’t grow up attached to phones the way younger people did. But they’re not THAT old, and I still feel like if your cellphone is your only form of communication, you should at least keep it charged and within hearing distance.

I’ve told them things like, “What if there’s an emergency?” or “What if someone urgently needs to contact you?” They always brush it off and act like I’m overreacting.

Last month, I got severe food poisoning and ended up hospitalized for a week. It wasn’t life-threatening, but I was pretty miserable. While I was in the hospital, I tried calling both of them multiple times over two days. No answer. One phone was dead, the other apparently was left somewhere in the house. At that point I got frustrated and honestly just gave up trying.

Now, to be fair, I could have contacted my aunt, who lives near them, and she absolutely would have told them. But after years of this same issue, I decided not to. Part of me thought, “Maybe this is the only way they’ll finally understand why people keep their phones accessible.”

Yesterday I was talking to my mom on the phone and casually mentioned, “Oh yeah, last month I was hospitalized for food poisoning for about a week.”

She completely freaked out and got really angry that I never told them. I explained that I did try to contact them repeatedly, but they didn’t answer. She said I still should have called my aunt because “this was an emergency.”

I admitted that I could have done that, but I intentionally didn’t because I wanted them to finally realize how irresponsible they are with their phones.

That made her even angrier. She said I “used my hospitalization to prove a point” and scared them unnecessarily.

My dad thinks we’re both being stubborn.

I honestly didn’t think it was that huge of a deal since I recovered fine and it wasn’t life-threatening, but now I’m wondering if I took the lesson too far.

AITA?

I’ve always wanted to go backcountry camping. Last year I had the chance to go, but I ended up having to back out of the trip because we couldn’t find a good solution for how to power my CPAP machine reliably.

For those who don’t know, a CPAP machine is a device that helps people (like me) with sleep apnea. I snore really loudly when I don’t have it, and I experience brain fog due to the lack of oxygen. I don’t want to piss off my friends by snoring, and getting a CPAP machine has honestly been life changing and I’ve seen a lot of positive changes since I’ve started the therapy, so I also don’t want to go without it for that reason.

I am NOT looking for medical advice regarding whether or not I should use my machine. That is between me and my doctor.

What I am looking for is folks who have sleep apnea or know someone with sleep apnea who may have any advice regarding ways to power my CPAP machine while camping. I’ve seen a few generators online that are made for CPAP machines. It seems reviews for them are really mixed. Some people say that the charge lasted all night, while others have said that theirs lost charge after a few hours. I’m looking for something that will last 1-2 nights that I can take with me while hiking.

If anyone has a certain brand of generator or solution that has worked well for them, please let me know.

When I was younger, we used to go on camping trips all the time for scouts.

Every time, without fail, I would get sick. Sore, swollen throat, a terrible cough, etc. One time I lost my voice.
I figured that I just had a super weak immune system or something, but now I’m wondering if it could’ve been campfire smoke. We had our bonfires at night at around bedtime. We’d all be in our PJs and I usually wouldn’t change before going to bed.

I’ve been to two backyard bonfires recently, and I felt like crap after both of them. Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as it was when I was a kid, but still.

Could campfire smoke be the cause, or am I overthinking this?

My wife has been staying with her sister for the past 2 weeks. Her sister is a single mom to a 4 year old with brain cancer.

My SIL was feeling burnt out so my wife decided to extend her trip indefinitely to help take care of her niece. This happened on Saturday. Her niece will be spending the next 2 weeks in the hospital. My wife is planning to stay in the hospital with her niece, then she wants to take her to our cabin for a week so she can play in the snow, then she’ll be spending Christmas with her sister.

She’s a housewife so it’s not like she has a job to get back to but I would like to see her at some point this month and this house can’t run the same without her.

She just told me about this plan to take her niece to the cabin. I told her that I want her to come back sooner than later and that I don’t want her to go to the cabin. She says I’m welcome to come with her but she wants to spend this time with her niece.

I told her she’s going to come home within the next week or so and she snapped that I’m not her boss and that she will be taking her niece to see snow then she will be spending Christmas with her.

Now we’re not speaking so I wanted to know if I was the asshole.