u/Silver_Highlight1936

Hey,

I could feel my hair was different last week. Not sure what but I could feel it chaning.

I had a bubble that got stuck on Sunday. Pulled it out and a small strand with the roots came out. Never happened before (only the bottom part of the hair strand would come out if I pulled on it in the past). Not surprising since it was almost 2 weeks ost chemo.

Then Monday came (yesterday). I woke up and I just knew that I'll have clumps coming out. I could feel it. Took my hair brush and had 4 enormous clumps come out. I was basically brushing my hair off.

I knew chemo was drastic but this is so sudden. I could already feel the volume having had reduced by a lot.

Same thing today (Tuesday). The clumps keep coming out. I've got no energy to even think about shaving (live alone) and still work at the moment. Used the final shreds of energy to order a wig ASAP and need to dig my silk scarf out, not sure where I've placed it.

Was it so sudden for everyone? No one warned me. I knew it won't be pretty but it is just boom and hair falling off like leaves.

Tl;dr I didn't think hair loss will be so sudden. Movies were not lying. Was it the same for everyone? ​

Edit : thank you all. Feel a bit better now. Yes, it means it kills the cancer cells too so let's hope that with each hair clump lost a clump of cancer cells gets killed. ​​

My flat is quite dark because it doesn’t have many windows or much natural light. I’m considering solar-powered indoor lamps, ideally with a small panel that could sit near a window, to make it feel brighter without substantially increasing my electricity use.

Has anyone tried this in the UK? Are they bright enough to illuminate a room for several hours, and do they charge properly during autumn and winter? I’d appreciate any recommendations or photos of setups that have worked.

Tl;dr Has anyone used solar-powered lamps indoors to brighten a dark home?

Hey,

Can someone set me straight because I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting.

I’ve been telling my manager that I want to develop more into automation/data/technical work alongside my current role. Another manager previously told me there should be opportunities to give me more automation work, but my direct manager told me that if I want to develop those skills, I essentially need to do it in my own time.

A while ago I was accidentally copied into an email chain involving someone from a central team who was discussing using Python to automate a process. That was basically my first exposure to that kind of work happening elsewhere.

Today we had a meeting with leadership and that same person. I asked him a technical question about editing an Excel file from the Central T-Hub side. He was completely fine with it and added me to a Central T-Hub automation chat.

That’s when I discovered there are weekly meetings specifically about automations, with various people involved. One of the people already in the group is a colleague who is at the same level as me.

Nobody had ever mentioned these meetings or this group to me despite me repeatedly saying that this is exactly the area I want to develop in.

I’m not saying I’m automatically entitled to be included in everything, but I’m struggling with being told to develop automation in my own time while apparently there is already an established internal forum where people at my level are getting exposure to it.

Would you see this as a normal situation where I simply wasn’t the right person to involve, or would you also start questioning why your manager hadn’t connected you with these opportunities?

Tl;dr

Hi,

F33

Never had any luck with female friends. Female coworkers would normally hate me even if I never spoke to them. Even more so when I was nice.

I was diagnosed cancer in June.

Friend nr1- I didnt tell her about cancer but said I had surgery. We didn't see each other since 2025 because I worked all the time (in the literal sense. I worked 7 days a week).

We agreed on the time and date that was best for her. 5 hours before meeting she sent a text saying "sorry, I'm tired will be taking this afternoon off to get rest before work"

Friend nr2 is the one I met over a year ago. When we met a few times she told me how I am the only person she seems to click with.

On Sunday she texted asking if I can meet on Tuesday (today). I responded same Sunday saying that Tuesday is OK. Would lunchtime be good for her?

I didn't hear from her since Sunday, Monday and then on Tuesday (the day we were supposed to meet) she texted at 11am saying "sorry for not responding!" but never addressing the meeting that was supposed to take place today. After that - silence.

I texted later at 4pm asking if everything was OK. She responded "yeah, I'm just doing a lot of unrelated things 🤦 ​"

I know she has no responsibility to be on top of things and she is not my partner but I did think we were forming a friendship. I thought I finally found a girl I could connect with.

A sidenote: I did tell her about cancer surgery but I was never "heavy" when we met for a coffee earlier I never complained. At some point I think she even forgot I had a surgery at all.

So right now I am waiting for the further treatment plan they will prescribe to me and I just realised that I can't do this=> I can't keep on hoping there will be someone I could rely on

I am single and I already knew this in relation to men. Mind you, every single person should be independent and I always was but a few times I tried to lean on a little bit it backfired tragically. ​​

My right arm is still a little sore after the lumpectomy. I will need to get back to work soon and I want to resume my studies. I simply can't afford feeling down any longer. The way I am now.

Reason why I'm asking women is because I think I won't be able to

Tl;dr Women in their early 30s (or older) who are friendless and decided to make peace with it. How did you do it?

Hi,

F33

Never had any luck with female friends. Female coworkers would normally hate me even if I never spoke to them. Even more so when I was nice.

I was diagnosed cancer in June.

Friend nr1- I didnt tell her about cancer but said I had surgery. We didn't see each other since 2025 because I worked all the time (in the literal sense. I worked 7 days a week).

We agreed on the time and date that was best for her. 5 hours before meeting she sent a text saying "sorry, I'm tired will be taking this afternoon off to get rest before work"

Friend nr2 is the one I met over a year ago. When we met a few times she told me how I am the only person she seems to click with.

On Sunday she texted asking if I can meet on Tuesday (today). I responded same Sunday saying that Tuesday is OK. Would lunchtime be good for her?

I didn't hear from her since Sunday, Monday and then on Tuesday (the day we were supposed to meet) she texted at 11am saying "sorry for not responding!" but never addressing the meeting that was supposed to take place today. After that - silence.

I texted later at 4pm asking if everything was OK. She responded "yeah, I'm just doing a lot of unrelated things 🤦 ​"

I know she has no responsibility to be on top of things and she is not my partner but I did think we were forming a friendship. I thought I finally found a girl I could connect with.

A sidenote: I did tell her about cancer surgery but I was never "heavy" when we met for a coffee earlier I never complained. At some point I think she even forgot I had a surgery at all.

So right now I am waiting for the further treatment plan they will prescribe to me and I just realised that I can't do this=> I can't keep on hoping there will be someone I could rely on

I am single and I already knew this in relation to men. Mind you, every single person should be independent and I always was but a few times I tried to lean on a little bit it backfired tragically. ​​

My right arm is still a little sore after the lumpectomy. I will need to get back to work soon and I want to resume my studies. I simply can't afford feeling down any longer. The way I am now.

Reason why I'm asking women is because I think I won't be able to

Tl;dr Women in their early 30s (or older) who are friendless and decided to make peace with it. How did you do it?

I’m supposed to have a first date tomorrow at 1pm. We agreed on the day and time a few days ago, but he still hasn’t suggested a place to meet.

It’s now nearly 10pm the night before. We’re actively messaging on Hinge tonight about completely unrelated things, so it’s not that we haven’t spoken or that he hasn’t been online. He just hasn’t mentioned where we’re actually meeting tomorrow.

I don’t want to ask him where we’re meeting because I’d like to see whether he takes the initiative to actually arrange the date himself.

At what point tomorrow would you personally assume the date isn’t happening and make other plans? For a 1pm date, would you expect the venue to have been confirmed by the night before?

Tl;dr At what point would you assume a first date isn’t happening if no place has been arranged?

I’m 33F and have noticed a painful pattern across different workplaces and friendships.

In a previous job, one woman was supposed to train me. My role was meant to include ordering supplies, calibration and other technical responsibilities. For approximately six months, she refused to teach me those things, repeatedly laughed at me and only instructed me to clean and wash up.

In another workplace, an established colleague repeatedly took over my work even after I clearly said I could handle it. She corrected and undermined me and behaved as though she had authority over me, despite us originally being on the same level.

I now work Saturdays at a café. One full-time coworker, who isn’t my manager, constantly tells me what to do while I’m already working. Sometimes another employee talks over her and gives me a completely different instruction, leaving me caught between them.

There were many other instances across different workplaces where the same thing happened :women tried going out of their way to boss me around even when their job titles did not entail that.

It happens socially too. A friend I have barely seen since 2025 has repeatedly cancelled plans at short notice. Today she was supposed to visit me at 3 p.m. She knows I recently had surgery and chose the time herself, but cancelled at 11:39 because she wanted to rest before returning to work. I had deliberately not told her that my surgery was for cancer because her previous behaviour made me doubt that she was dependable.

I also remember another warm-weather cancellation over a year ago. I can’t remember the precise plans anymore, but I vividly remember travelling home on a bus feeling overwhelmingly ashamed and alone.

I know these situations aren’t identical, and I’m not saying every woman behaves this way. However, the emotional position is consistently the same: I am treated as subordinate, less competent, peripheral or optional.

I’m trying to understand what I might be missing. Am I too accommodating when these dynamics first appear? Are people interpreting politeness and restraint as permission? How can I recognise and stop this pattern earlier without becoming hostile or constantly defensive?

I would appreciate honest, thoughtful perspectives—particularly from anyone who has experienced a similar pattern and successfully changed it.

Tl;dr Why do I repeatedly end up being treated as the junior or disposable person by other women?

Hi,

F33 yo, I got diagnosed with breast cancer ES+ PRO+ HER2 - about 2 months ago and had my lumpectomy a week ago.

I didn't tell my mother. Only one friend knows and I'm telling the other one today.

My coworkers only know I had to take leave for the surgery. My managers know because they had to approve the sick leave.

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. I've ordered her some flowers for delivery. Our relationship is difficult (she sometimes chose highly emotionaly abusive men over me but she also comes from a difficult background). And by emotionally abusive I mean the most severe forms.

For this reason I am navigating our relationship carefully. I am not leaving her completely alone (I've helped and took care of her ​her when she had skin cancer lymph node removal) and I'm trying to appear when possible.

I did chose to work during Christmas +NY period though as it was better for me mentally.

Anyway, as I said, it was her birthday yesterday. She worked second shift and I couldn't get through to her on the phone. I finally did but the connection wasn't good. I asked her if she treated herself today yet (she didn't see the flowers that I've sent yet).

And she said it's just work for now, my brother will arrive later. And then she said :"we are now all healthy. That's what's important"

I was listening to her whilst I was trying to put a garbage bag through my neck to prevent the incision place from being soaked in the shower. It is difficult because you might know it is numb and almost impossible to put your arms up.

So she said it and was there with a bag on top of my head. I nearly cried for the first time shilst speaking to her. Good thing the connection kept on breaking. I just said I'll catch her tomorrow after she gets some sleep and that was it.

I had another call with her 2 weeks ago and she kept taking about edamame beans and how good they are for increasing your progesterone (not sure if this has been backed by science). At that time I already knew they will put me on 5 years of Tamoxifen to suppress my progesterone and estrogen. Later that evening she sent me a photo of her garden she's been tending to. I thought she sent a photo of an aubergine and she laughed texting me and saying it's a cucumber. As I've read that text I decided I'm definitely not telling her.

Tl;dr cancer sucks and I haven't even started the treatment yet. Only the surgery done. My heart goes out to everyone going through this.

Hi,

F33 yo

Had my lumpectomy on Wednesday and agreed to take 2 weeks off my main job. I can work from home (we work using a laptop and normally need to go to the office 2 days a week).

I didn't take any days off before the surgery. My last day was on Tuesday and then I had my surgery on Wednesday (had to be on the hospital at 7:30AM so no way of doing a half day).

I didn't take any days off to prepare (food prep, deep cleaning, making sure everything is in place). I live alone and I saw a lot of the BC community did the same.

I just ended up taking 1 day off (initially was supposed to be only 1 morning off) when I had my fertility clinic visit which is in another city. They ended up setting the wrong date for the fertility preservation (they told me start taking hormones immediately before the surgery which i thought was odd so I called my employer asking to cover me for the afternoon as well. I ran to my oncology department in the city where I live and they confirmed that it was wrong. I should wait to take the hormones till after the surgery).

The other two times - I took the noon off after I got diagnosed. Just sort off went into a shock state

And on the day they took biopsy I had to take 2 h lunch because the tests took so long. I ran back to the office (cried in the parking lot whilst securing my bike) and went back to work.

Thing is, when I go diagnosed I was already burnt out. I worked 4 jobs from November till march (office job mon to Fri. Café and pub on sat and care home on sun)

In March I've eventually quit the pub job. Then in may I've reduced my care home hours.

I've spent easter in bed. Had no energy to even meet my friend for a coffee. My social life was non existent. I kept my eye on making sure I save up. I bought a flat 2 years ago so trying to ensure I've got enough cash savings + starting to get into investments.

Later in may I found a lump and the rest is history.

Now I had my surgery on the 29th of July. I agreed to 2 weeks off. My main workplace and my part time café job which I'm hoping to keep said it is fine.

I took 2 weeks because I figured with me being half alive before the diagnosis( had a few burnouts before getting diagnosed) I really throught I'll struggle with the recovery.

But I don't think it's the case. I feel ok. My wound burns slightly. I feel a tad foggy but it's nothing to what I've expected.

Is 2 weeks too much?

Has anyone taken this long?

Tl;dr ​Is 2 weeks of leave post lumpectomy too much?

Hi,

Just had a lumpectomy , I'm staying in the hospital overnight as I live alone

One friend has been supporting through text today. She knows I'll be staying in the hospital for one night, asked if there are people there to chat but didn't offer to come visit.

So I'm alone. It's not too bad. Just wondered if anyone else is in the same boat

Tl;dr staying in the hospital alone after lumpectomy with no visits. Anyone else?

Hi,

So I need to take sick leave due having breast cancer surgery tomorrow.

I had a final call with my manager just now. We have discussed the work handover which I did.

He asked how I'm doing I've talked briefly about one challenging situation but said it is all OK and in hand now.

He said I am expected to be off for a month. ​I said (I tried to sound lighthearted) that it would be easier if it was a leg. I tried to joke saying it will affect my arm too so will be difficult to type the emails.

His response was "you're an adult. You'll figure it out."

It came across odd. Am I right to think that?

Overall it seems like there are certain people in the team who joke around. I tried to do the same, whenever I do I get these responses.

I'm an immigrant living in UK​

Tl;dr manager responded saying I'm an adult and I'll figure it out when I tried to joke about my surgery. Do you think I am overreacting?

EDIT : So many helpful comments, thank you!

I might need to stop responding soon as haven't got much time to prepare

Hi

So I started daily hibiclens washes. Read the leaflet that said to wash your hole body, especially the armpits, nose (without specifying which part of the nose) , groin and the area that they will operate on.

There was not a single mention about not putting it into your ears. Stupidly, I thought I'll be extra diligent and I'll wash my ears.

Then I went on google and read that apparently hibiclens can cause permanent hearing damage.

I knew none of this! Has anyone exorienced hearing loss? I'm at my wits end. How come they don't warn you?

I didn't mind dry skin at all but this

Tl";dr washed inside of my ears with hibiclens. How likely is that I've damaged my eardrums?

Hi,

I (F33) met a man (40) in 2024 and we dated for several weeks. I wanted an emotional connection before becoming physical, but throughout the relationship his communication was inconsistent and often left me questioning where I stood. Eventually the relationship ended (I sent a text saying it doesn't work for me in January 2025) , and over time I blocked his phone number everywhere and decided I did not want to reconnect with him.

He kept contacting me every few months. I've ignored it at first, eventually I responded saying I don't want to talk...

There was a brief period of time in September 2025 when I was extremely hurt after a break up. I've reached out to him but decided against it and said I've changed my mind and we shouldn't meet... I was really in pain back then. I didn't reach out to him since

Last message I sent him was in January 2026 saying we should stop contact and blocked him

Fast forward to now, July 2026, he sent me a message using his company phone number :

"Hi, this is a new UK number I'm using. I thought it would be a good chance to catch up, but totally understand if you still don't want to. Hope you are well.".

I replied that I did not want to reconnect and blocked him.

He later reached out though whatssapp instead:
"FYI—I've now moved to Spain and it's great here. Again I am sorry about how you felt before. I really did like you, I just wasn't ready yet after my previous relationship. But feel free to reach out whenever. X"
I sent a final message explaining how his behaviour had affected me, made it clear that I did not want any further contact, and blocked his company number on whatssapp as well.

Tl;dr Why did he reach out again... From Spain ? I've ignored countless messages from him by now.

I (33f) am trying to understand how Instagram's "Suggested for you" works.

Earlier this year, someone I used to date (M 47 yo) appeared in my suggestions. I didn't open his profile—I just pressed the X to remove the suggestion.

Some time later, he appeared again. By then I had already deleted his phone number, we had no mutual friends, and there was no obvious connection between us. I pressed X again. I accidentally tapped his profile for a split second, immediately went back without looking at it, and removed the suggestion again.

Now, months later, he's appeared yet again—and this time he's at the very top of my suggested accounts.

As far as I know, I don't have his number anymore, we don't have mutual friends, and I haven't searched for or interacted with his account.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does Instagram keep suggesting the same person for some reason, or is there another explanation for why someone would repeatedly appear at the top of the suggestions?

Tl;dr - does anyone have an idea why this man keeps reappearing in my suggestions despite me clicking X? I have deleted his number months ago. Might be last year....

Hey,

Got diagnosed 1 month ago or so

I'm 33 yo and I never wanted children. Ever. Not when I was a child, not in the 20s and not even now.

The only thing that's stopping me saying no is altogether is wondering : Do I not have to have kids because I truly don't want to or is it because at the moment there is no way I could afford then financially and I'm single? One other thing is my younger brother. I thought that maybe it's different when a kid is your own but even typing this I can feel an internal "ffs no, i don't want kids"

I had no luck with dating. One long term relationship 6 years ago but nothing since.

I truly thought I don't want kids. Even now thinking about the fertility preservation I don't feel like I want it.

A small, tiny part of me thinks what if I meet someone. A d that if I dont do it that someoen will be severely disappointed and I could see why and I think I would be disappointed too.

Honestly though....I'm so tired. And once I get on my feet again I want to travel, learn new things and do fun stuff. I come from a relatively poor background so may be this is just natural selection? I don't know...

Any other single ladies here who feel /felt like they're at a dead end?

I never liked babies, never had an "aww" moment when looking at a child. Expect my younger brother.

Tl;dr ​any other single ladies having/ had a dillema on the fertility preservation?

​​

Hi,

There are other posts ok my channel on the cancer topic. I'll have to go through it alone. A new friend of mine offered to help where needed. Thankfully the hospital isn't far, I'm meal prepping and reading the info etc.

Just had enough now as I was informed I need to make a quick decision about where I want to freeze my eggs (because they need to do so before the surgery)

I thought I never want to have kids but 3 weeks ago I didn't expect I'll have to make all these decisions and being single now I honestly feel like a complete failure. I know it's old fashioned but I had enough. I thought maybe I'll change my mind once I renovate my flat + get more savings. No way would I be having a kid now.

I tried to progress my career but ended up being turned down for an interview, a new person being hired and I had to do her job on top of mine... I had to teach her everything and she earned 7000 more than me. Plus it was very stressful due to busy period.

Now I'm burnt out (had 3 burn outs in the last 6 months) doing part time jobs. I tried dating, a guy I liked - I got anxiously attached to him so he left after 6 dates or so.

I genuinely thought I was doing better. It was/ is hard but I don't care. Aš long aš I've moved forward

But now-this seems like a reminder that I've failed to be a desirable partner and I need to decide in the next few days if I want 10 days of continues hormonw injections.

Had anyone else felt this way? ​

I know it's great that they are trying to help and I'm grateful. Just feel like a complete failure.

Tl;dr Any other single women diagnosed with es+ pro+ her2- cancer having to decide whether to do fertility testing feeling that it's a slap in the face?

Hey,

I have transferred my salary payment into ifast and had 3 salaries sent there so far.

There is an illustration that says -

1 St month - ticked

2nd month - ticked

3rd month - ticked

Yesterday there was a timer showing 16hrs still the end

Today that timer is gone but I still can't see 100£ in my bank account.

I did use the referal link

It is 4AM US time(I'm in the UK). I wonder if that's why? Has anyone else experienced this?

Tl;dr Can't see ifast 100£ payment that was due today despite meeting all the criteria. Has anyone else experienced this?

EDIT: I just called the agent. He said that the details are being checked and the transfer should be finalised by the end of day ​

EDIT NR2: it is now past noon and I have received it :) ​

Hi,

I'm a 33 yo female ​
I bought a small flat a few years ago so was savings for that but feel very daft for not having started investing sooner.

I earn 30 000 per annum and got a part time gig on top of that
I'm still ramping up my cash savings and currently have 1000£ invested In ftse all World, Acc.

+ a few hundred £££ in Rolce Royce

Next month I will finally be amble to invest bigger chunks so quite excited about that.

Is there anyone else who started late and is feeling behind?

I've put in 350£ today (I'm not a high earner). I'm hoping to start putting in at least 500£ starting from July​

I feel behind and know that it takes time just wish I started in my 20s

Tl;dr anyone else just starting to invest in their 30s on a lower than average salary?

​

Hey,

Hope this is the right thread

I'm female, 33yo

I do like travelling but seems like everyone is obsessed with it now. I've travelled a bit in my 20s(always on a budget) to Europe countries like Spain, Italy, Austria. Short trip due to the financial constraints.

These days however, I feel like I want to spend my holidays working out more (I don't get much time when I work. Maybe because I work multiple jobs).

Meditating, doing yoga and winding down, cooling down my nervous system. There is so much to learn and jobs give you 0 time to do that

But everyone seems to be obsessed with travelling. I used to love it too but having had purchased a flat a few years ago my priorities changed and honestly I don't see what the big pull with travelling is any longer.

Is there anyone else who is not as excited by travelling any longer? Or maybe it's just the circumstance that make you feel this way?

Tl;dr ​Is anyone else more into improvement : workouts, yoga, wind down time, learning than travelling?

Hi,

Diagnosed less than a week ago. Estrogen and progesterone +, HER2-

​33yo

For years I kept going to a GP after GP to get help with heavy periods. Every single one said to take paracetamol until I got prescribed Rivegidon. I've started taking it and suddenly the pain stopped, I was no longer weak and could go on my daily life.

I had horrendous periods since puberty. Remember sitting in a class, barely able to sit at my desk, the whole class staring at me and I was in agonising pain.

The pain feels like knives are cutting your insides. I rarely had ok months.

The bleeding was extreme. Got much better once I've started taking the pill.

Before the pill I would sometimes have 2 periods a month. I've wondered if it is endometriosis several times. Went to several doctors but they all said no.

It honestly ruined my life because for 2 weeks out of 4 in the month I was non functional. Either weak, trying my best to survive, in pain, or dazed straight after the pain still trying to get my energy back. And then the cycle would continue.

Now, having been tested cancer positive (which is a shock in itself) I'll have to get off this pill because it has both estrogen and progesterone in it.

I'll have a surgery and they said that I'll probably get a 5 year course of Tamoxifen after.

Having read about the Tamoxifen and it's side effects (fatigue, bone health, hot flashes etc...) I am absolutely teriffied.

Because I know that on top of the Tamoxifen side effects I will definitely get the pain and weakness from my periods again.

So I'm not even sure how I'm going to survive this.

I thought of removing the ovaries but apparently the cost is having menapause early...

It's like there is no way out. Either way, I'll lose my cognitive functioning, my energy. I'll be weak again but this time even 100 times weaker because of fucking cancer. ​​

I am going to discuss alternatives with the doctor ( stronger painkillers, other types of contraceptives) and will ask for a check up but I know for a fact that nothing will help the pain the way rivegidon did.

And if Tamoxifen is what women say it is... I don't even want to imagine what the whole situation will feel like....

Fuck... ​

Has anyone been in this situation?

Tl;dr scared of the side effects of stopping the contraceptive pill and starting Tamoxifen . Does anyone have experience in this? If yes, what was your choice?