u/SimilarChampionship2

I (25F) have been experiencing issues swallowing for a few months now. I have to eat tiny bites otherwise I feel like the food is too big to fit in my throat/oesophagus and goes down really slowly. Sometimes feels like it gets stuck. This happens will bigger pills too. Sometimes I feel like I’m out of breath and after meals I feel like there’s a lot of mucus in my throat and my voice gets hoarse.

I had an endoscopy done through work insurance July last year for IBS related issues/constant burping and all they found was slightly weak lower oesophageal sphincter. That’s it. The official diagnosis was “IBS”

I saw a GP recently who put me on lansoprazole for a month to see if it helps but so far I’ve not noticed a difference, although it’s only been 2 weeks.

I’ve stopped going out for meals because it feels like such a stressful experience. Can’t help but feel like I’m about to choke and it takes forever to finish a meal.

Has anyone dealt with similar symptoms and found the cause?

Not sure if it’s worth mentioning but I don’t get heartburn.

I clench all night long. I have a retainer and a soft night guard. I had to stop wearing the night guard as the pain in my jaw, cheekbone and teeth was getting too much, as well as the headaches. I wear the retainer but still get some pain/ sensitivity in my teeth.

I tried magnesium and massages but it doesn’t help.

Any other things I could try?

I didn’t realise I was clenching/grinding until 8 months ago when I developed an infection around the root of my upper canine. The only possible explanation was me grinding to the right and putting pressure on it. I had no obvious tmj symptoms, no pain or anything.

Since then I had a custom made night guard from my dentist. I’ve been wearing it for 5 months and recently I’’ve been in pain every day. I clench with it more than before. My right cheekbone hurts, jaw hurts and is tight, i get random pains in my face on that side and my gums are sore on that side too. Also get headaches every day. Dentist said teeth and gums are fine. I’m waiting for an appointment with an OMFS but it’s a long waiting list. I’ve stopped wearing it 2 days ago to see if the pain settles, no headache today so that’s nice. Worried about my teeth not being protected tho. TMJ specialist suggested a michigan splint but i’m worried it’ll cause an open bite or that I won’t be able to close my mouth at night if I wear it due to the gap it makes between upper and lower front teeth (I also have lower jaw recession so keeping my mouth closed while having that in would be hard”

I feel a bit stuck.

Hi. I’m looking for a bra that will give my saggy boobs some lift and shape. (I have loose skin).

My breasts start lower on my chest and hang pretty low due to weight loss. There’s also a gap between them and one is bigger than the other. If I lean forward they are longg.

I tried figuring out if I have short/tall roots but I honestly can’t figure it out at all. I do think I’m full on bottom.

The bras I’m wearing at the moment are:

Ann Summers Sexy Lace Padded Plunge Bra 34FF - gives me more of a cleavage, band fits nice but they dont seem very secure in it. Lot of gaping at the straps. Got this before some weight loss so now when I walk there’s a lot of jiggle.

The following two I got at bravissimo fitting:

Panache Heidi Plunge Bra in 32G - band a bit tight as haven’t worn much (coz it’s red lol) but boobs are very secure. They just sit more separated and to the sides which I’m not a big fan of as it doesn’t look that great with tight tops but the bra itself is nice and doesn’t give me the jiggle which is great. Minimal gaping at straps.

Panache Envy Plunge in 32G - my go to, very comfortable, a bit of gaping at the straps. It’s mainly bad on one side tbf (assymetrical boobs) but I’m guessing that’s due to soft tissue.

I’m wondering if there are other styles I could try like balconette or padded plunges to give more of a shape and lift.

I have also used the calculator and got a 34FF. But I do think my 32G is a pretty good fit.

Here’s my measurements:

Loose underbust: 85cm
Snug underbust: 82cm
Tight underbust 80cm
Standing bust: 96cm
Leaning bust: 112cm
Lying bust: 102cm

Any help would be appreciated

Has anyone experienced this? It’s an ache/pressure that comes and goes under my right cheekbone, not to the side, more on the front. Doesn’t hurt when pressed but feels like it’s almost always there. Sometimes accompanied with temple headache on the same side.

I wear a night guard but clench at night regardless.

When I look online it seems the tmj related pain tends to be more to the side/towards the ear

Not sure if this fits the sub, but I made a post today on r/feminism about dark romance books glorifying rape and sexual abuse and the responses really surprised me.

Now, I have read horror that depicts torture, rape etc but the difference is it’s not advertised as romance and spicy smut. It’s not portrayed as sexy. Most of the popular dark romance books include the main male character raping the female character, and he is still the love interest. The romanticisation of it and defending the male character and his actions is just really disturbing to me, especially as a victim myself. The way these books are described as spicy and smutty meanwhile it’s straight up sexual abuse. And the amount of comments I have seen from women saying stuff like “it’s not rape because her body liked it, if it didn’t he would have stopped” or “she didn’t like it at first but after a few times she started to like it” hello?

I guess with all these feminist discussions about rape culture and the normalisation of violence against women in sex/porn, I would have thought most feminists would have a similar stance on glorifying rape in media. And yet, almost all the comments were dismissive, disagreed with me, saying it’s women creating this demand, that it’s just fiction, it’s just a kink etc. Someone even said this topic is only brought up because it’s something women enjoy. What?

I am baffled honestly. Why is this above criticism? Am I missing something here?

I’m noticing this post is also getting downvoted, if you disagree at least share why?

TW- rape in fiction

Recently I’ve been trying to get into romantic fantasy books as I tend to read non fiction or quite bleak fiction that doesn’t focus on romance but I thought let’s give it a go!

Now, I am a fan of tropes like enemies to lovers, slow burn etc and I do like horror. I like morally grey characters and if the main male character does horrible things for the female main character? sure I don’t mind it. That’s what I’d class as dark romance.

However, almost every single recommendation I have came across for dark romance books involves the main male character SA/raping the female character. They’re all very popular on booktok. Even the dark romance sub has multiple posts from women asking “Book recs for graphic rape scenes?” or “books where the female character is repeatedly raped by male character but starts to enjoy it pleaseee”. They call this non-con or dub con. Not CNC, just to clarify, non-con is just rape. Dub con is basically rape but \~maybe\~ she kinda liked it.

Now, any criticism is not really accepted. Many of these women will fight tooth and nail to defend these male characters. In another post they discuss how these books desensitised them to these things, to toxicity, to lack of consent etc.

One of the books is now getting a movie. In the book the male characters SA’s the female character with a gun…she tells him to stop and pushes him away. He does it anyway. I have seen these women argue it’s not rape because “her body liked it”. I’m sorry but that sounds like “she got wet so it wasn’t rape”

What bothers me is the romanticisation of it. Art and media is full of rape and violence, especially towards women. But when you have a specific genre of books labelled as “dark romance” and it’s straight rape of the female character by the male love interest, where these women root for the pair, fantasise and defend this man, who’s a rapist. I find it really disturbing.

The main “defence” I see is that many women have rape fantasies, and that it is just fiction. But I feel like that is completely ignoring the fact that the media we consume does affect us. And most of these books absolutely do romanticise rape and sexual abuse against women.

Not that I care about the opinions of men that much, but I’ve also seen a lot of them talk about how women have no right to be against violence towards women in porn if they consume it themselves. I don’t fully agree that it’s the same thing, as no real people are involved in written text, but I think they do have a point.

I’m wondering if anyone has a different perspective on this? I want to see how other feminists feel about dark romance and especially what I have mentioned

EDIT: don’t get me wrong. I’ve read horror and other dark fiction that includes rape, abuse and other horrific acts. My issue isn’t simply that those things appear in fiction. It’s the romanticisation of it, advertising is as romance and smut, when the rapist is the love interest, the assault is framed as sexually desirable, and the story encourages readers to root for the relationship to the point they make excuses and defend the rapists actions in online forums.

My current GP is absolutely horrible with a 1.5 month wait for appointments. It’s literally impossible to be treated for anything or get any support at all. Wanting to change but not sure if there’s anything better.

Got underarm botox today. I won’t lie it was extremely painful. They did not use numbing cream or anything, had 20 in each arm. I can usually tolerate pain well but I was full on sobbing and still upset 20 minutes later. However if it does work, I will most likely do it again. She said to come back in a year.

I know everyone’s body is different in terms of how effective it is but was wondering what your experiences were if you did have it done and how long it lasted?

I play for fun and I’m currently gold 1 (peaked plat 2) but I never learned to crouch spray. I used to play vandal/guardian only and hated the phantom. After taking a break from playing I’ve started using the phantom more for defense/closer fights and I see people crouch spraying constantly which is pretty annoying but I’m wondering if that’s something I should try? What’s the stance on crouch spraying?

I keep having experiences with friendships where I’m the only one putting effort it. l have a partner but I’m feeling incredibly lonely friendship wise and I don’t understand why it’s so difficult. They just never reply or take weeks to months to reply to one message.

I already lost 2 friends because of this. One day they just didn’t reply and never bothered again. 1st one, she was always bad at replying and would apologise a lot for this, making plans was always a challenge with her but this got worse when she got a girlfriend, she asked to do something together like grab a drink or coffee because she missed me and I replied the same day, she then never messaged again and did not wish me happy bday a month later. Similar thing happened with the other one. Just stopped putting effort in.

I recently made a friend who’s my boyfriend’s friend’s girlfriend and we have so much in common, like the same things and are both immigrants from the same country. We hung out as a group a few times and just the two of us a couple times too. She’s shared with me a lot of personal stuff. Thing is she barely replies to me, I will send one message about a movie we wanted to see and she will take weeks to reply, while posting on instagram at the same time.

Like I’m not an overbearing friend, I got my own shit going on and don’t like messaging people all the time but I think once every 2-4 weeks is reasonable? It’s not like i’m trying to have an hour long conversation or anything, I’ll literally just share a post or ask about plans or just check in and thats it.

Friends matter to me and I would like them to be a part of my life whilst i’m a part of theirs but in this day and age it feels like living completely separate lives and then having a catch up session every few months of “this is what happened in my life wbu” which I understand some people prefer as life can be busy but…what’s the point of having a friend If i can’t reach you for months at a time. I can’t ask you for advice or help, I can’t share happy news with you because you won’t even open the message. It makes me feel horrible and lonely and it’s so incredibly hard to make friends in the first place.

EDIT: thanks for the responses guys. It’s reassuring that I’m not alone in feeling this way.

I have GAD which has beet getting worse so I went to my GP to ask about medication. I was on sertraline and fluoxetine before and it did nothing for my anxiety, just made me gain 25 kgs due to intense hunger and gave me IBS so I don’t really wanna go on it again but she said she wouldn’t prescribe anything else. I asked about Buspirone as I read the side effects are pretty mild and a lot of people mentioned it’s worked for them but she hasn’t even heard of it before. She looked it up and said no one really prescribes it. Guess I’m just gonna have go raw dog it then. I’m fed up of living like this.

Hi, I’m in the process of applying for this job and wanted to check if anyone’s done the job before or knows what it’s like?

I’m currently an AO in a different department that’s gone through restructuring and my job basically became a call centre type of role which I really dislike.

I’ve seen a few negative comments about working for HO and casework in general but haven’t seen anyone talk about what this specific job is actually like, especially at EO level.

I have so much shame it’s feels debilitating. I can’t leave any human interaction without feeling shame, everything I say, the way I speak, the way I look, the way my body moves, leaves me with feeling so ashamed and embarrassed. There isn’t a single environment where I don’t feel shame. I feel shame at work, around my family, around my boyfriend, around my bf’s family, with friends, alone. Even during sex, I feel so ashamed of having any desire. It feels so exhausting. I just feel so worthless and stupid and like everything I do is awkward. I’ve been avoiding work on busy days and working from home just to avoid interacting with people.

I am also hyper vigilant, always on edge, never able to relax. When I try to sleep at night, the feelings of shame get so intense I get nauseous. I get reminded of so many random memories and I play them over and over, I feel unable to stop. I don’t know how to cope anymore I’m just so tired. I don’t even wanna talk to my partner about this because I feel ashamed.

I came across this sub not long ago and have read quite a lot of posts. It’s mostly people looking for legal advice, employment advice or wives/girlfriends whose partner’s been arrested.

Now, I understand that you can be put on the sex offender registry for stuff like peeing in public. However, that seems like a small minority in that sub.

It seems majority of them have been arrested and charged with downloading CSAM, SA, rape of a minor etc.

I think what bothers me is the attitude in that sub, I get it’s a “support group” but it seems a lot of those people don’t really feel bad for what they’ve done. There’s this attitude of “we’ve all been there!” when it comes to CSAM and treating it as a victimless crime, I just find it shocking how many of those men downloaded and watched CSAM. They seem to blame porn addiction for this.

I’ve seen so many posts from wives, staying and supporting their husbands who have raped a child or downloaded and distributed CSAM then being upset that their community and friends have dropped them. Like? What did you expect? The whole thing is gross.

Would really appreciate some advice as this whole thing makes me want to cry honestly.

No matter what I do I always end up with red bumps and irritation. I can’t even get a smooth shave no matter how much I try, when I run my fingers along the skin I can still feel the stubble which makes intimacy uncomfortable at times. I’m also just embarrassed about all the irritation and bumps so can only have intimacy in the dark.

I tried shaving foam, shaving oil, exfoliating, expensive men’s razors etc and at this point I’m considering laser or IPL but both are quite expensive. If I shave today it will start growing back by next day and the stubble will be uncomfortable for about 3-4 days until it’s long enough to be fine. I have pretty dark hair and lots of it. I did consider trimming but I still need to shave bikini line and my butt crack and the stubble/bumps just make me feel embarrassed and unsexy.

Please help a girl out. What’s your go to tools/technique/products?

EDIT: ew why am I already getting creepy dms asking for pics I hate reddit

I (25f) have been only using condoms with my partner for the last 3 years but have been getting increasingly anxious about getting pregnant and so I’m considering other types of birth control.

I used to be on the Evra patch but it made me gain 55 pounds in a year and a half. I felt like I was just constantly starving. I’m back to my normal weight now (sadly with very saggy boobs) and I am anxious about gaining weight again.

I’d prefer non hormonal/minimal hormones and I’ve seen people recommend the copper coil but I am worried about my periods being heavy as the first 1-2 days of my period are already very heavy to the point I’m having to change my tampons every 2 hours.

I don’t mind using condoms and neither does my partner but I keep reading stories of people getting pregnant while using condoms and it’s been making me anxious lol

I know everyone’s body is different but would like to hear your recommendations.

TW: child abuse

This is a bit of a rant but I’m upset and just want to get it out as well as get other women’s opinions.

I hate how watching porn is just widely accepted as normal and even “healthy” meanwhile mainstream porn is full incest, violence, “barely legal” stuff with actresses that look younger than 18, women being fucked while “sleeping” etc. I feel like majority of porn just eroticises violence against women and girls and yet, women who are against porn and against their partners watching porn are seen as unreasonable and “controlling”. It’s almost impossible to have a productive discussion about porn with men. It’s like there’s a level of entitlement and the way they get defensive you’d think their rights are being taken away.

Today I came across a fucked up subreddit after clicking on the profile of someone who was being misogynistic. It was basically dad/daughter porn with 40,000 visitors weekly! What the fuck? I could never have kids with someone who watches that type of content. This isn’t the first fucked up sub I’ve seen either. There’s other depicting women as “just objects/holes” and ones where men share pictures of their wives/gfs and even daughters in underwear for other men to get off to. It’s getting to a point where the male sexuality repulses me. I am very aware it’s not all men watching this type of content but it already feels like too many. I think the main reason this is getting to me is the fact that my own uncle watched incest content and SA’d me as a child but I am not getting into that.

Even on a confession sub I saw a man describe how he went on the dark web out of curiosity as he likes “taboo” content and watched CP (just for a min) and got turned and couldn’t look away. He said it didn’t bother him. Other men in the comments were reassuring him that it’s normal as long as he doesn’t continue watching it. It was kinda of like “we’ve all been there” and no empathy whatsoever for the little girl being abused. I was shocked.

I have a friend who was in a 3 year long relationship with a man who seemed wonderful and so kind, we’d hang out every few months as a group. When me and her would talk about porn she said she didn’t mind if her partner watched it but she didn’t really want to know what he watches for “peace of mind”. She thought it’d be girls who are prettier or look completely different than her. Fast forward to less than a year later and she found porn on his phone that was mainly girls who look like teens, wearing child like clothes and even pacifiers as well as CNC/rape play porn. She broke up with him.

I am just so disgusted and feel like I can’t fully trust men.

Where do you stand on porn? Would you rather not know what your partner is watching?

I saw a post in a relationship advice subreddit from a woman whose fiancé told her that he gets erections from women in real life when they’re wearing fishnets or short skirts. This upset her, and when she told him that, he replied, “I just won’t tell you stuff anymore.”

What really baffled me, though, were the comments. Everyone agreed that this was normal, that men get erections all the time, that they can’t control it, and so on. Obviously, I know men can get random erections especially when they’re younger. I know that’s something they can’t control, but this is a grown man and they are not random.

I feel like this is another example of people gaslighting women instead of expecting men to take accountability for their own actions. If it’s getting to the point where a man is getting an erection in public because a woman in a short skirt walked past, it seems unlikely that he’s simply noticing her. To me, it suggests he’s staring, dwelling on it, or feeding the desire in his head. Why are we normalising this?

The same thing happens with porn. Every day there seems to be at least one post along the lines of, “My husband subscribes to OF,” or “My boyfriend jerks off to pictures of his coworker or friend, and it upsets me.” Then the comments call the woman controlling, insecure, or toxic for not being okay with it.

There’s also the classic line: “All men watch porn, deal with it.” That really frustrates me because
men say it’s wrong to generalise men, but then they turn around and say all men watch porn.
Not all men watch porn. Yet women who say their partners don’t are often told they’re naive or that their partners must be lying because apparently all men do it.

I find that ridiculous. Why are we acting as if men have no self-control? Why are they so often treated as though they’re entitled to behave like sex-obsessed creatures who objectify women, and everyone else just has to accept it? Why are women’s boundaries around porn and OF seen as unreasonable? Especially when the porn industry is so exploitative and you never know if it’s consensual. I personally know two women who got out of the industry and what they had to go through broke my heart and does play a part in why I don’t like porn (support sex workers though). Not to mention the amount of “barely legal” porn, incest and eroticisation of violence.

My partner of 5 years doesn’t watch it, because he views it as morally wrong and was never really into it. Yet when I say this, I get called stupid and naive for believing him because he “must” watch it.