u/ThineChimney

Been reading the excellent Sandman Mystery Theatre by Matt Wagner and Steven T. Seagle, and want music to accompany its pulpy New York setting. Stuff I've been listening to while I've been reading that fit were.

Pithecanthropus Erectus by Charles Mingus

Becoming X by Sneaker Pimps

Interpol in general

Green Street by Grant Green

Temperamental by Everything But The Girl

I feel like Burial would be a good fit as well, so I'll queue him up next. I have favourites in every genre, but I would prefer recs in Jazz, Electronic and Post-punk. I'm a pretty big Metalhead but I do find it hard to read books set to it, unless it's like a violent comic. Same goes for Hardcore.

Thanks!

Seriously, do these people not remember there was a good 2+ years we straight up couldn't go out to work? Even if I wasn't battling severe depression/Autistic burnout at the time, I don't know how I would've been able to get a high school job at the time. And now because I missed out on an early retail job, I always get passed over because I "lack experience", despite my years of volunteering after/pre COVID.

There was a meme posted here in Japanese with someone saying they can't get a flower shop job because they lack experience, but they can't get flower shop experience without flower shop experience, which you can't have without... so on and so forth. Man, I relate to practically every meme on this sub but that one in particular stung.

Basically, growing up with undiagnosed ASD, I felt the sting of rejection a lot, so I internalized never rejecting people no matter how bad they might be for me as a person. This led to a lot of unhealthy friendships where I was taken advantage of, as well as a constant desire for companionship. I still haven't really learned how to firmly reject people who are bad for me unless they've truly crossed a moral line.

I'm running a casual Dungeon Crawling heavy DND game with some friends, and a close buddy suggested we invited a former schoolmate who I've always found really annoying, but never quite disliked. I heard from another he had been espousing Tate Brothers rhetoric, which also coloured my opinion. I essentially told my friend I didn't feel comfortable with playing with someone who I found annoying at best, and he did say that I shouldn't judge people for how they were in HS, which is fair. I asked him if he had noticed any sexist behaviour or viewpoints and he said he wasn't sure.

I know it's a good thing that I'm setting boundaries for who I want to associate with, but I also feel kinda crappy and like a hypocrite since even this year I was left out of a group of mutual friends for not passing the "vibe check" and honestly haven't gotten over it.

What's the best way to put up boundaries like this? How can I not feel hypocritical and beat myself up? Thanks.

I plan on running an X-Factor campaign that's sort've a blend of the group's multiple identities over the years (Government Org, Detective Agency, Corporate Shills). I'm sticking mostly street level with a heavy focus on mutants (obviously), but also with The Hand and The Kingpin playing heavy roles (mostly cause I'm a huge Daredevil fan). I want the game to have a heavy roleplay focus as that tends to be how myself and my players prefer our other RPGs, but with room for creative and engaging encounters (I already have a boss fight with Bullseye, Lady Bullseye and Bushwacker planned out in my head, as well as Sentinel and Donald Pierce encounters).

That being said, which books should I add to my collection? I already own the corebook and the X-Men book, but if I want to make villain encounters more memorable or have more diverse superpowers, which other ones should I buy? Likewise, if I'm looking for more street level characters, is there a book that excels there?

Thanks in advance.

So, this is tangentially RPG related as the lovely person in question was a TTRPG DM/ST, but took place in a music server he also ran. He had invited me to join his Vampire The Dark Ages PBP Campaign, and while I typically much prefer games that take place at the table, I've always wanted to play Vampire in that setting with a group (played a Gangrel Crusader having a crisis of faith in a solo chronicle; was really fun), so I tentatively agreed. This guy was 29 years older than me, and a devout Catholic, which I respected but I also found some of his requirements and restrictions on the server odd. No blasphemy, for example, even "Jeez" was off limits, which many of us found excessive and a bit invasive, but whatever, it's not like I make a habit of it in my day to day. While he had a very eclectic music taste, he hated 99% of Hip-hop; not in a "it's not for me, but I respect it" sort of way, but in a "it's artless filth (his words)" and rappers are completely talentless, and any praise of hip-hop from the admittedly small group of fans in the server (myself included) was drowned out by his and another user's (who I'm pretty sure was his daughter) incessant moaning. I once criticized the echo chamber, and he tried to provoke me saying I was a little bitch and to respect his authority. Every time I deescalted, he This might seem like irrelevant information but please, bare with me.

The server, being relatively small, had only a handful of LGBT people. I'm honestly still figuring out my own identity, but I'm certain I'm cis and predominantly attracted to women (there are men I've been attracted to in the past, but not quite to the extent of wanting romance like I have with women). What I mean is I'm very straight passing. I have a good friend who's Nonbinary that wanted an invite to the server to escape another shitty owner (that's a whole other story), so I gladly let them. The owner, always pretty blunt and sarcastic, would deliberately antagonize them and refer to them as "she" when they go by they/them only. We both first thought it was because they didn't have pronouns in the bio, but that was being too generous, especially when they told me later they caught him calling a trans bassist "it" and "this thing".

Anyway, here's where the red flags turn into crimson sirens: The chronicle is one day from beginning, and I've designed my character as a Nosferatu Merchant, whose family home was burned to the ground by bandits. I post a meme in the chat that says something along the lines of "Stranger Things is a way more realistic depiction of the US than you'd think: It features a monster that wants to kidnap children and harasses a gay kid". Pretty innocuous, but the owner went completely berserk. "They have a gay kid in a TV show?" "Yeah, he comes out to confront his demons, it's quite moving" "Why do they have a (Slur that rhymes with Major-Domo) kid in a TV show, they shouldn't sexualize kids" "Well he's 18 for starters, and why is that a problem? There are heterosexual kids too." (Forgot what he said but it was pretty stupid).

Then my nonbinary friend chimes in and says that homosexual behaviour is completely natural and occurs throughout the animal kingdom, and then this mf pulls a Manny Pacquiao and says "But we are better than mere animals." Made my stomach churn. I left, but not before asking why it mattered. My friend continued berating him and then left as well. Needless to say I quit the chronicle before it even started. I said goodbye to all my friends in that server, who wished me well (majority of them said they thought the owner was a dick anyway).

Months later, a good friend of mine reached out and said I made the right call to leave, as he had just gotten banned. He said he asked the owner if he could take a break from playing because of Ramadan, and instead of respecting my friend's faith like we all did for him, he instead insulted Islam and attacked him for "abandoning" his game (did I mention this man is 52?)

Not to get r/Atheist here, but man, why do the most devout Christians tend to be terrible people. I'm actually exploring faith rn as I feel there's something missing in my life, but every time I interact with people like this it pulls me away.

EDIT: I forgot to mention, but the reason I talked about the Hip-hop hate is it would later come out that the owner was using the n word casually, despite being white. Not saying everyone who hates hip hop is racist, but I've noticed this pattern far too often

I'm about 18 issues into Ed Brubaker's run and it's honestly shaping up to be one of the greatest runs of comics I've ever read (but I loved Gotham Central + Catwoman so I shouldn't be surprised). Prior to that, I'd only read the occasional Avengers issue + Thomas' Invaders run which was really fun, so while I've always enjoyed Cap in an ensemble, I'd never given his solo a look but now that I have I'm a fan for life. I intend to buy the Mark Waid Omnibus when it's reprinted next June as I love his Flash, and everybody applauds the late great Mark Gruenwald's storied tenure (I believe I read a couple issues with John Walker and I found the dilemma of having to put aside his political beliefs to stop the Watchdogs pretty compelling), and Steve Englehart's contributions, but what are some other runs I should be aware of? Oh and without question I plan on reading the Lee and Kirby/late Kirby runs as I hear the former introduces a lot of the concepts present in Brubaker's storylines + I heard the Kirby stories with Steve and Sam get wild and I adore it when Kirby is firing on all cylinders.

I realized I've listed the majority of classic runs, but if you had some hidden gems for me to know about, that'd be great. Miniseries and spinoffs welcome!

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I Was Visiting a prominent Canadian Mall On Monday July 27th, and around 12pm I purchased a book at a bookstore. As I was leaving the mall around 2:30, I split up from my family to use the washroom. I brought my book along with me. There was an issue with the toilet paper dispenser: The casing came off. I tried to reattach it, but it wouldn't fit so I kept it on the floor. As I left the store and was exiting the mall where our family car was parked, I was approached by a bearded man in green with a slight build and short dark hair, who claimed to be with Loss Prevention for the store (although he was not wearing a nametag or identification), and accused me of stealing my book. I proceeded to show him my receipt, but then he doubled down and said I deliberately broke the toilet dispenser in the bathroom and that he saw me do it (despite, of course, it being a locked stall). I walked away and my father got involved and asked for his ID, but he refused to produce any and said he had called mall security. When the two officers arrived, they asked the man the same thing and he once again refused. He was questioned separately and kept accusing me of deliberately breaking the bathroom equipment and saying he had seen me do it. He kept smirking at me and my father the whole time. The man was eventually sent back into the mall by the officers, who strongly advised us to write a complaint. They were most apologetic to us considering how unpleasant the event was, especially as someone with social anxiety and Autism.

I did some research afterwards and I even learned that Loss Preventions officer lose their jurisdiction outside the mall, which made me think it was a scammer at first, but I went to another bookstore in the chain at another mall, gave my description of the man and the manager confirmed he worked as Loss Preventions for the area. He was also extremely apologetic.

As suggested, I've filed a complaint, but I really hope this piece of shit is fired. I've certainly had my fair share of bad customer experiences like anybody but this was on another level.

I have ADHD and Dyscalculia, and am in the process of looking into Non-Verbal Learning Disorder with my Psychologist. The former is mostly manageable as I have a lot of coping strategies and take medication for it, but the latter two make it really difficult for me to wrap my head around and retain abstract mathematical concepts. I've had tutors in the past who've been non-judgmental but I've often felt like I was forcing myself in a neurotypical mold rather than having lessons tailored to my needs, and even with their support the highest grade I could typically manage was a C+ (not that I care for much higher, but it basically felt like diminishing returns is what I mean). Are there any good organizations in Canada that provide neurodivergent-friendly tutoring in Math? Alternatively, neurodivergent people here: Do you have tips for finding individual tutors who cater to your needs?

Thanks.

Disclaimer: This is by no means a post meant to cause second guessing in Neurodivergent and Genderqueer people, but I wanted to share my story and ask if others have felt the same

I'd like to preface this by saying happy pride month, even if it's near the end. While I don't consider myself genderqueer, I do still consider myself queer in regards to my sexuality as I don't really discriminate between genders when it comes to dating, although I am in a relationship with a woman currently

Growing up, I was always getting into trouble and was misunderstood just for existing. Most of what we now know are Autistic traits in me (justice sensitivity, cognitive rigidity, meltdowns, sensory sensitivities) were seen as moral failings. I couldn't possibly be Autistic, they said! I had an above average IQ and started speaking full sentences at age 1! I made a very angry post on this sub about going undiagnosed for so long despite it being pretty much an open secret among my peers, but I'm in a much calmer place about it now, though I suspect I'll always be bitter deep down.

I never really understood traditional notions of masculinity and feminity growing up. Admittedly, as a very young kid most of my friends were fellow boys, but I grew up liking everything from cars and trains to Pokemon and Littlest Pet Shop. When my younger sister was born, I indulged her in dress up and Monster High, but I wouldn't dare explore those interests further at risk of being bullied even further. I never once questioned my gender throughout elementary and high school. Mind you, it felt like identities outside the binary were only really becoming known late into my HS experience. I knew only one nonbinary person and two transmascs, but not that well. Online there were more gender diverse people, but only one I got close to and we never really discussed it.

As uni started, I naturally drifted away from friends, and became a bit more cognizent of my identity. I started realizing that the coping mechanisms and support I received weren't enough to prepare me for the working world, and after a terrible shift at McDonalds where I had a meltdown cause of a combination of overwhelming lighting and smell, I knew I needed a second opinion re Autism.

I also got deep into tabletop roleplaying and literally every member was LGBT and neurodivergent in some way, and for a long time I was the token cishet. As I got more invested with these people, I saw myself in them, and while I never saw myself as binary trans, I did click with a dude who realized he (fine with any pronouns) was nonbinary at 28, which made me wonder.

I felt part of why I couldn't see myself as nonbinary was I thought you had to be super androgynous, but here was someone who at first glance looked like just some dude. My logic was basically "well, if I don't relate to traditional notions of masculinity and femininity, but am otherwise an average looking guy, and my friend who is also an average looking guy is nonbinary, then I must be nonbinary." I was never super out about it barring that community and another very queer, and I'd say from last July to early June this year, I felt "well, I'm some kind of nonbinary", but I think deep down, I knew that wasn't right. I compared myself to my friends, and while we shared stuff in common, I realized that had more to do with our hobbies and neurodivergence. I couldn't relate to either being completely apathetic to my gender or at war with it. I felt I was actually comfortable with how I was, but years of not fitting in, wanting to be accepted by my new friends after feeling somewhat left out and my tendency for extreme introspection left me to reach a conclusion I was 100% sure of. I almost Naoto Shirogane'd myself into thinking because I had certain traits, I had to he a specific gender, when in reality, the search for identity is yours and yours alone, and shouldn't be dictated by trying to fit yourself into tropes.

Now I'm fairly certain I'm a cis man, but there are still aspects of nonbinary existence I relate to. For one, while I prefer he/him, I really don't care if someone they/them's me. I also experiment a lot with gender-bending in fashion (fun fact: one of the things that endeared me to my gf is that I painted my nails - she thought it was really cool). I also believe I think about my identity a lot more than most people, but I think deep introspection is in general a common Autistic trait, especially for high maskers like myself. Still, I know deep down that I am what I am, and that's good enough for me.

I don't regret the months I identified as nonbinary, but I think I'm more certain of who I am nowadays. I wish people's gender identities weren't seen as set and stone, like once you open one door you close all others. I wish people were more encouraged to experiment and see what sticks.

Who else here has gone through similar experiences, in thinking you weren't cis due to neurotypical expectations, rather than inborn feelings of gender? Do you take the opposite position and think Autism and other forms of ND are inextricably linked with gender?

I realize this sub is mainly from the perspective of women, but as a bigger dude, I was hoping for some insight

​

I'm 6ft 2 and around 230lbs rn, so on the cusp of obesity. I used to be straight-sized, gained around 40lbs due to extreme stress and living alone for the first time two years ago, and have struggled to lose it since. A lot of people tell me I'm more so built like a linebacker but I know I'm definitely over what I should be. Despite a history of body image issues even when I was fit, I think I've done a good job at having a neutral view of my body. There are the occasional intrusive thoughts, but for the most part I don't let them get to me.

​

Last night, however, I felt a punch in the metaphorical gut. Was out with a friend and two friends of a friend, and we were cramped in the backseat of a car. My friend A's friend J, who I think is a decent enough dude but lacks a filter, yelled to the driver about putting two "fat" dudes in the back. This hit me like a bag of rocks as like I said, I know I'm bigger, but nobody's ever called me fat at this size before. J is bigger than I am, so I should've taken it as a jab, but considering growing up with my history of dysmorphia, including bullies who would insult my body even when I was thin/average, it hurt. Later that night, A's other friend R made some other offhanded comments about my size and while they weren't as overt, they hurt regardless.

​

What's odd is in my logical brain, I know that "fat" is really just a descriptor, the same way tall/short/thin/bright/dark is. I've seen plenty of plus-size people who I thought were very good looking, plenty bigger than me. Yet knowing all this, why does the word "fat" still hurt so much?

​

That's why I come here asking the people of this sub a question: How did you come to feel more ambivalent towards/less hurt towards the word "fat"? What strategies did you employ? Thank you.

I used to fit literally all the boxes for a stereotypically Autistic child: I'm AMAB; White; Struggled Immensely With Sensory Issues and Had to Plug Ears With Cotton; Fine Motor Issues; An Uneven Intelligence Profile; Had Frequent Public And Private Meltdowns; Walked On My Tiptoes and Chewed My Shirt; Was Obsessed With Dinosaurs, Cryptids, Pokemon and, of course, Trains... And yet somehow I was only diagnosed with AuDHD TWO YEARS AGO at 20. It makes me so fucking mad that I went my entire childhood robbed of social support and made to feel like a terrible, defective human being by teachers, employers and peers alike. That isn't to say I didn't have friends and the occasional great mentor, but I am just baffled that out of all the psychs I was assessed by, NOT ONE suggested Autism.

They saw because I was outgoing (more novelty seeking cause of the ADHD) and hyperlexic that it must've just been the social struggles related to giftedness (despite the fact I didn't eveb reach the threshold for giftedness outside of Verbal IQ anyway, even after being assessed as an adult). It just baffles me that I was bullied and belittled for all these traits and more and was constantly struck down and victim blamed whenever I stood up for myself. Considering how shitty my school experience was, I figure I would've developed CPTSD/Bipolar II cause of close family regardless of Autism diagnosis, but I doubt they'd be this much of a destructive force in my life. Also doesn't help that when I opened up to my friends about the AuDHD diagnoses, the majority of responses were along the lines of "you weren't diagnosed as a kid?". It just makes me feel like every adult in my youth let me down.

I thought I was over feeling so goddamn bitter, but after an acquaintance dmed me with a message for a 10 year Elementary School reunion, all the trauma and rage simmered back to the surface and I've been completely dysregulated the entire rest of the day. I just want it to stop.

For as long as I can remember, I've received unsolicited advice on how to behave "properly". Code switch, stop talking about your interests, remember to reciprocate etc. I wasn't even diagnosed with Autism until 2 years ago, but this was a consistent pattern in life. I found even if I masked, which I still struggle with, I would have people nitpicking my behaviour (you're making too much/too little eye contact, you're fidgeting when I think I can't see you, you're talking too much etc.) Hearing "advice" so consistently, even from a social skills coach who in hindsight was looking to grift, made me just want to avoid socializing altogether and internalize the fact that nobody wanted to hear me talk. In the last year, after cutting out toxic friends and find college communities that were welcoming and I had no baggage with, I not only have found I actually love socializing: I'm actually really good at it.

My intense focus and passionate interests in everything from linguistics and crime to music and games make me a very versatile conversationalist, and I realize empathy levels varies across the spectrum (hell, they even vary day to day for me), but I find I've been easily able to feel people's emotions, and have been told I make them feel heard. Sure, I might often wear headphones or fidget with my hands, but I've found that only the most pedantic people in the world care about stuff like that, and do I really need their acceptance?

This isn't to say I'm everyone's cup of tea even now, but for the most part after making an effort to find more open communities (both of ND and NT people alike) and cutting out nitpicky people (either those who consciously enforce more NT models of communications, or might be ND yet socialized NT and struggle with projecting their shame onto more outspokenly ND people), I've received so much more positive feedback on my social skills and more importantly, felt so much more confident in and accepting of myself.

I wouldn't say I hate any type in particular, but historically I have really struggled to see eye to eye with high-Si types. There have been exceptions: my mother is an obvious ISFJ and she's probably the family member I get along with the most (both head triad Enneagrams + experienced trauma), and my oldest friend is an ISTJ (high openness tho so that's probably where we connect most), but even then the former's fearfulness of novelty and the latter's occasional political inflexibility rub me the wrong way time to time. Most of the time, however, SJ types and I have not mixed well. I had pretty consistent experiences with ISJ teachers and administrators in elementary school, and I really chafed against the strictness of their rules/lack of understanding for my needs (I'm 2E), which led me to constantly rebel and get in trouble as a result. I struggled a lot with not feeling seen and accomodated, and while high school was more understanding, I still had several high-Si teachers who I just did not click with at all. I feel ISJs are easier to deal with despite being Ne inferior because they're less outspoken and as a result easier to reason with, but my experience with ESJs, especially ESFJs, has been rough. Tertiary Ne feels so fake to me; it's like trying too hard to be creative rather than actually being so, and it pushes its standardized view of creativity onto people rather than letting creativity shine in different ways. I also think Dom Je + Aux Si really pushes adherence to tradition in a way that Dom Si + Aux Je doesn't.

I've found that in university, most of my profs have been NP, NJ and even SP types, but the couple times I've had SJ profs have continued to be rough. I constantly try pitching ideas for my assignments and just get shot down or even shamed in class. I'm more mature than I was so I pick my battles when it comes to arguing but it's tough when you feel inhibited in a realm where out of the box thinking should be encouraged.

I think the situation that made me fully realize the pattern of struggling to understand SJs, however, was when an ISTJ mutual friend just straight up forced me out of a friend group I had started attended, for no logical reason: Simply because, as my fellow ENTP friend put it, he "is tribal af". I just can't abide by people whose rationale is tradition rather than logical reasoning.

I want to put aside the baggage though: I realize with people like my mom, my old friend, and even my high school history teacher, that I can get along with SJ types. It's rare and often requires a lot of compromise, but is not impossible.

How have my fellow ENTPs/high Ne types been able to bridge the divide with people who process the world in such a seemingly foreign way?

Friendly neighbourhood ENTP 7w6 here. I actually for the longest time thought I was an INFJ but upon further research found I'm as Ne as can be, just with healthy Fe. Along with ENFPs and INTPs, I can without a doubt say that you guys are some of the best people I've had the pleasure of knowing. I have one really close online INFJ 5w4 friend, and another irl INFJ 4w5, and while the former is more Ti heavy compared to the latter's Fe, the conversations we have are always incredibly stimulating. They're both really good at conjuring patterns when it comes to music, games and movies, and always appreciate when I come up with strange and novel connections between ideas we discuss. The second guy in particular is one of the kindest and most genuine people I've ever met, and whenever I've opened up to him about my trauma or struggles with mental health, he's been a rock and given me sage advice. We don't see each other very often but it's always a pleasure.

One of the first counselors I had who saw me for who I was rather than a "problem" child was an INFJ I'm pretty sure, and before he retired recently I was always sure to visit him even 6 years post graduation.

Also as an aside, *NFJs in general make the best villains (the villains from Lost Judgment and P5R's final semester, Johan Liebert, Two-Face in TDK). Unrelated but thought I would share.

I just started seeing the most amazing girl and I'm absolutely giddy. I'm white, she's biracial (Black and White). When I first met her, I was genuinely at a loss for how gorgeous I found her, but really it's how down to earth and sweet she was, and how much we had in common with our out-there sense of humor, love of Prince and Elliott Smith, and interest in Social Sciences, that made me truly fall in love. I struggle with Social Anxiety that I mask heavily so we stayed friends for several months before I made the move very recently. Her saying yes to going out made my whole damn night. Did a victory dance on my way off campus I was so happy.

I haven't really had the most luck with relationships in the past. Mostly avoided them due to low self esteem but the ones I did have lasted only a couple weeks and were online. This is my first time dating a woman of colour. I know black women are subject to a lot of scrutiny in the media and made to feel not as beautiful as other races, but I want to let her know how beautiful I find her inside and out. I am head over heels.