u/Whole-Expression6277

I had a anxiety attack because I suffer from OCD and PTSD. My boyfriend I’ve been with for several years and live with glares at me and said “there is something seriously wrong with you!” Then he laid in the bed while I worked from home because I work from home and he was on the bed beside my desk and laughed and said “I’m gonna choke you” and I was so shocked he said that that I just laughed which is what led to him laughing then he put headphones on and got on his laptop and don’t choke me..

Has anyone had a partner act this way because of their anxiety disorder and end up actually hurting them? Should I be worried

my ex reached out to me in 2021 and right before this My boyfriend was becoming erratic at home randomly at times throwing my things, mentioned wanting to throw a ceramic plate at me, hurt his puppy, called me crazy, screamed in my face often and belittled my mental health and OCD. He told me I didn’t need to go to the hospital for a bad asthma attack when I didn’t have an inhaler refill and said it’s anxiety and to go the f to sleep. He screamed at me for medical emergencies at other times also saying I should think of our money not go to get help for emergencies. It made me feel unsafe with him. These erratic behaviors started right before I told my bf my ex reached out on Facebook. Before my ex reached out I had told my boyfriend I needed to know if he wanted to get married or not or if he has the same life goals as me so I can make choices for myself whether or not to continue dating and he exploded that day with anger over small things at home..he refused to tell the truth that he never wants to get married (he later finally admitted he doesn’t value marriage or see the point even tho he convinced me to move out of state with him before saying we would get engaged if we over together)..he never proposed and by this point 3 years passed and I wanted the truth how he felt..We are still together..he has yet to propose and at this point I don’t want it or deserve or expect it anyways..almost 9 years with him now..he keeps lying to me still..I also lie tho..but he even said this last December if I go on vacation with some of his family who is horrible to me he plans to have our engagement on the vacation (once again it never happened and his family sucked..)

Even tho I knew it was wrong I started emotionally cheating with my ex. We’ve met up several times also but we have never slept together just other things. ..My ex got married knowing we cheated on our partners on and off for the past few years since 2021. It felt like betrayal..idk how else to explain that kind of pain..and confusion..I’m moving into a 2 bedroom apartment with my bf at the end of August because I’m weak and pathetic and I don’t know how to just break up with him. I thought maybe this can be a gentle letdown after 9 years together instead of being abrupt..

I’m so afraid of all the what ifs. We are living in a one bedroom apartment now and I work from home full time and he drives me absolutely crazy. He was researching some concerning things on his laptop earlier this year that have amped up my anxiety making me feel even more unsafe. I’m afraid to leave him because of how he’s acted in the past when I talked about wanting different things..I don’t love him the same way I used to like I deeply care for him and love him but the love has changed a lot. I stupidly love my ex romantically more than my boyfriend and it’s so wrong and we will never be together…. he chose to get married.. I’m confused because he told me he wasn’t happy with her and to choose if I wanted to be with him again..I was still trying to understand some of his stalking behaviors over the years that made me feel unsure of trusting him and I was reconnecting with him and I guess I didn’t decide fast enough for him and he got married..he’s a bad communicator so I don’t know what happened exactly it’s all confusing..this is all sad and shitty to everyone involved who will be devastated if I tell everyone..my ex asked me not to tell anyone about us..we are very hot and cold talking and not talking at times due to the dynamic..my ex doesn’t know this but we used to share Spotify so I still had his username on Spotify that I followed and I saw his wedding playlist and the songs were about affairs and wishing the woman in the relationship would just leave her man for the guy (the singer)..and music that’s just not appropriate for anyone’s wedding..but if he truly felt like that about me why get married?? Why not tell me he felt that way about me?? He has not said he loves me since the affair started…I’m really being dumb here because I know the statistical odds are he would cheat on me too if we were together..he even got a tattoo last month that he was excited to show me and it was my favorite fruit which he knows but he wouldn’t say why he got the tattoo and was being weird about it..he’s emotionally confusing to me…

if I breakup with my boyfriend it’s going to be to stay single with no intentions to get back with my ex or try to. He’s married and his wife doesn’t deserve this and I really fucked up big time. I feel like the dumbest person alive.

My parents both have cancer and I live hours from my family and have only like one online friend no irl friends. I also had early stage cancer end of 2025 and may have a new type of cancer and I have an appointment in a week to monitor nodules for changes in size and possibly repeat biopsies although they were benign the first time I had them checked a couple months ago..i have nobody I could stay with if I breakup with my boyfriend but I know I have to because I messed up bad. I’m considering telling him about the affair but worried about if he could become erratic..any advice for how to tell him and what to do? I’ve never broken up with anyone and we live together and it’s a 9 year relationship

30F
5’ 5
109lbs
Eastern US

Diagnoses:

ARFID
OCD
PTSD
Melanoma insitu and 6 dysplastic nevi (all surgically removed)

Diagnoses Dr thinks I may have the start of (being investigated more and waiting for time to tell..):

Multiple sclerosis (my grandpa had this)
Chrons disease (negative biopsies for this, terminal ileum ulcers and ulcers in other parts of my small intestine) no longer actively having inflammation after a year of cutting out gluten and taking Apriso but I still have pains
Thyroid cancer (left lobe has 3 tirads 5 nodules Bethesda 2 - follow-up appt and additional ultrasound 7/27)

My mental health isn’t good because nothing I’m doing is helping and I’m truthfully worried I’m going to just die. I see my life passing me by and everyone doing home cooking and going out and enjoying life and I can’t barely get out of bed most days. My heart palpitations have become so much worse and my heart t randomly races and pounds hard while sitting. If I lay on my left side the palpitations are more noticeable. I get lightheaded often. Bones ache randomly. I’ve been pushing myself to gain weight due to losing weight without really trying and now I’m 109 but end of 2024 I was 102…and I’m spiraling mentally because there is a cyclospora outbreak and I do not trust my safe foods and feel so hungry but also don’t know what I can safely eat that won’t make me sick. I’ve had cdiff a few years ago and I am genuinely traumatized from it and don’t want this bug or to be on antibiotics..it could cause my inflammation of my small intensity one to come back..

I took ferrous sulfate natures made for a really long time it barely helped then I tried vitronnc and my iron went up maybe one point back then and I had to stop due weight loss suddenly and hi inflammation and I saw a hematologist who did very basic bloodwork my primary already did and didn’t want to investigate further. She said to try another iron supplement because she doesn’t want to recommend iv iron unless I’ve tried all the pill options. My ferritin was 10 at that point. I found a kids gummy iron from Whole Foods and tried one and it ripped up my stomach so bad I couldn’t take more. Most recently my ferritin is 2 and hemoglobin is 11 and I was given a month to try another form of iron whatever I want and I’m being offered infusions but I’m so scared of them..I bought floradix sport liquid iron and had the smallest taste of it today a sip and within thirty mins my belly button was having sharp pains and under my ribs hurts. I also had severe heart pounding and some more palpitations after taking a sip of it. I feel like I just have to give up nothing is going to work for me. Nothing. My drs also found a lesion on my left kidney but they do not want to send me to anyone to investigate that more. I’m miserable.

I guess I’m posting this as a last resort. I’m meant to get bloodwork to check my iron tomorrow and I KNOW it’s gonna leave me feeling like shit and I’m scared because my heart is already crazy as it is. It feels pointless to do the bloodwork and also I have no money until Thursday so I am likely just gonna have to cancel that appt or reschedule for when I get paid because they will not do my bloodwork without copay.

I’m broke from seeing all these drs and in incredible medical debt and still no answers at all..

I have lots of immediate family who have or had blood cancers and I told my hematologist but she refuses to do any further testing for me to see if I have any genetic condition or whatnot causing my chronic low iron.

I have barely worn sunscreen in a month because every time I buy new sunscreen recently it just goes missing. He swears he has no idea where it is and even suggests places to check in our apartment. The problem is I have a history of early stage of skin Cancer in September of last year and I’ve had 8 skin surgeries in the past couple years. I NEED to be wearing it every day. I bought two new bottles about two weeks ago and used one bottle maybe twice before they both went missing. Yesterday I found a bottle with the smallest bit left in it that was an old bottle so I used that and last night I put it in my purse on my side of the bed I slept in and this morning it’s gone. I can’t find it anywhere. Last may of 2025 while loving with just my bf and our dog someone put a sun tanning membership in my wallet and I felt horrified. I’ve never been to a tanning salon and I’ve never expressed interest in doing that. Earlier this year I borrowed my partners phone and because he was acting weird and drinking and just not like himself while drinking I went in his search history (I know I shouldn’t have..) and he was looking up some very concerning things that made me question my safety but when I confronted him about it and was honest I went thru his phone he denied wrongdoing and said he talked about those weird topics with coworkers and I’m safe. I’m super paranoid now. We are supposed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment pretty soon (late August) and leave our current one bedroom. I sadly have a history of being stalked by my ex tho.it makes this feel messy.

TLDR; someone is hiding my sunscreen from me and I’m a skin cancer survivor. Someone also put a tanning salon card in my wallet. I live with my bf and our dog and that’s it but I have an ex that has stalked me before.

What can I do to find out if my bf is the one hiding my sunscreen and putting a tanning membership card in my wallet?

I have a history of skin cancer and I’m 30 y old female. I have barely worn sunscreen in a month because every time I buy new sunscreen recently it just goes missing. My bf who lives with me (it’s just us and his dog) swears he has no idea where it is and even suggests places to check in our apartment. The problem is I have a history of early stage of skin Cancer in September of last year and I’ve had 8 skin surgeries in the past couple years. I NEED to be wearing it every day. I bought two new bottles about two weeks ago and used one bottle maybe twice before they both went missing. Yesterday I found a bottle with the smallest bit left in it that was an old bottle so I used that and last night I put it in my purse on my side of the bed I slept in and this morning it’s gone. I can’t find it anywhere. Last may of 2025 while loving with just my bf and our dog someone put a sun tanning membership in my wallet and I felt horrified. I’ve never been to a tanning salon and I’ve never expressed interest in doing that. Earlier this year I borrowed my partners phone and because he was acting weird and drinking and just not like himself while drinking I went in his search history (I know I shouldn’t have..) and he was looking up some very concerning things that made me question my safety but when I confronted him about it and was honest I went thru his phone he denied wrongdoing and said he talked about those weird topics with coworkers and I’m safe. I’m super paranoid now. We are supposed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment pretty soon (late August) and leave our current one bedroom. I sadly have a history of being stalked by my ex tho.it makes this feel messy.

Summary: someone is hiding my sunscreen from me and I’m a skin cancer survivor. Someone also put a tanning salon card in my wallet. I live with my bf and our dog and that’s it but I have an ex that has stalked me before.

It’s all just so eerie and unsettling. I need advice on ethical ways to figure out who is behind this?

I have a history of skin cancer and I’m 30 y old female. I have barely worn sunscreen in a month because every time I buy new sunscreen recently it just goes missing. My bf who lives with me (it’s just us and his dog) swears he has no idea where it is and even suggests places to check in our apartment. The problem is I have a history of early stage of skin Cancer in September of last year and I’ve had 8 skin surgeries in the past couple years. I NEED to be wearing it every day. I bought two new bottles about two weeks ago and used one bottle maybe twice before they both went missing. Yesterday I found a bottle with the smallest bit left in it that was an old bottle so I used that and last night I put it in my purse on my side of the bed I slept in and this morning it’s gone. I can’t find it anywhere. Last may of 2025 while loving with just my bf and our dog someone put a sun tanning membership in my wallet and I felt horrified. I’ve never been to a tanning salon and I’ve never expressed interest in doing that. Earlier this year I borrowed my partners phone and because he was acting weird and drinking and just not like himself while drinking I went in his search history (I know I shouldn’t have..) and he was looking up some very concerning things that made me question my safety but when I confronted him about it and was honest I went thru his phone he denied wrongdoing and said he talked about those weird topics with coworkers and I’m safe. I’m super paranoid now. We are supposed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment pretty soon (late August) and leave our current one bedroom. I sadly have a history of being stalked by my ex tho.it makes this feel messy.

Summary: someone is hiding my sunscreen from me and I’m a skin cancer survivor. Someone also put a tanning salon card in my wallet. I live with my bf and our dog and that’s it but I have an ex that has stalked me before.

It’s all just so eerie and unsettling

I have barely worn sunscreen in a month because every time I buy new sunscreen recently it just goes missing. He swears he has no idea where it is and even suggests places to check in our apartment. The problem is I have a history of early stage of skin Cancer in September of last year and I’ve had 8 skin surgeries in the past couple years. I NEED to be wearing it every day. I bought two new bottles about two weeks ago and used one bottle maybe twice before they both went missing. Yesterday I found a bottle with the smallest bit left in it that was an old bottle so I used that and last night I put it in my purse on my side of the bed I slept in and this morning it’s gone. I can’t find it anywhere. Last may of 2025 while loving with just my bf and our dog someone put a sun tanning membership in my wallet and I felt horrified. I’ve never been to a tanning salon and I’ve never expressed interest in doing that. Earlier this year I borrowed my partners phone and because he was acting weird and drinking and just not like himself while drinking I went in his search history (I know I shouldn’t have..) and he was looking up some very concerning things that made me question my safety but when I confronted him about it and was honest I went thru his phone he denied wrongdoing and said he talked about those weird topics with coworkers and I’m safe. I’m super paranoid now. We are supposed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment pretty soon (late August) and leave our current one bedroom. I sadly have a history of being stalked by my ex tho.it makes this feel messy.

Summary: someone is hiding my sunscreen from me and I’m a skin cancer survivor. Someone also put a tanning salon card in my wallet. I live with my bf and our dog and that’s it but I have an ex that has stalked me before.

What can I do to find out if my bf is the one hiding my sunscreen and putting a tanning membership card in my wallet?

I have barely worn sunscreen in a month because every time I buy new sunscreen recently it just goes missing. He swears he has no idea where it is and even suggests places to check in our apartment. The problem is I have a history of early stage of skin Cancer in September of last year and I’ve had 8 skin surgeries in the past couple years. I NEED to be wearing it every day. I bought two new bottles about two weeks ago and used one bottle maybe twice before they both went missing. Yesterday I found a bottle with the smallest bit left in it that was an old bottle so I used that and last night I put it in my purse on my side of the bed I slept in and this morning it’s gone. I can’t find it anywhere. Last may of 2025 while loving with just my bf and our dog someone put a sun tanning membership in my wallet and I felt horrified. I’ve never been to a tanning salon and I’ve never expressed interest in doing that. Earlier this year I borrowed my partners phone and because he was acting weird and drinking and just not like himself while drinking I went in his search history (I know I shouldn’t have..) and he was looking up some very concerning things that made me question my safety but when I confronted him about it and was honest I went thru his phone he denied wrongdoing and said he talked about those weird topics with coworkers and I’m safe. I’m super paranoid now. We are supposed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment pretty soon (late August) and leave our current one bedroom. I sadly have a history of being stalked by my ex tho.it makes this feel messy.

TLDR; someone is hiding my sunscreen from me and I’m a skin cancer survivor. Someone also put a tanning salon card in my wallet. I live with my bf and our dog and that’s it but I have an ex that has stalked me before.

What can I do to find out if my bf is the one hiding my sunscreen and putting a tanning membership card in my wallet?

30 female
5’ 5
109lbs

I’ve been pushing myself to eat more food to get within my bmi (115lbs) as I lost weight without trying
Two-ish years ago. I was 102lbs and have been stuck around 106-107lbs for over a year but recently pushed hard eating a lot more..

My neck was aching a bit this morning and I thought I must have slept funny because the left side of my face is numb when I woke up today and it’s been numb all day long..It’s more of a strong numb sensation and feels tight almost but still has some feeling. I also have tingling in my left fingers I’ve had for about two weeks now that comes and goes and slight left arm aches that were annoying before bed last night and my left leg has the same numb sensation.

These same exact symptoms happened like 2 months ago and I went to the ER and since I’ve had a lot of abdominal Ct scans two years ago the ER Dr opted out of doing a ct scan because of no facial drooping or slurred speech. The thing is I took an international flight in December and when I got back late at night I laid in bed and was on my phone and suddenly couldn’t see out of my right eye like a curtain of darkness I could just barely see light thru it. It only lasted maybe two minutes before I could see again so I went to sleep..the next morning I messaged my dr in patient portal and they didn’t see the message or reply so I called and left a voicemail and two days later a nurse at the dr office called me to say to go to an urgent care to get a ct scan and apparently nothing was seen wrong however contrasted asnt had because the tech and urgent care Dr said they wouldn’t need it ..I also had an eye exam that week to rule out an eye issue and my eyes appeared dry but no concerns behind my eye or in front except a weird mole or Nevis touching my optic nerve I have to get scans to keep an eye on every 6 months now.

History:

melanoma insitu on left arm I had removed September 2025

7-8 dysplastic moles surgically removed also
New tiny kidney lesion too small to characterize incidental finding

Three tirads-5 nodules on my left side of my thyroid. Bethesda II benign and cystic colloidal. Found in February by eye Dr putting they scan for my carotid arteries in my neck..I have a follow up scan and appt next month for this..to check for growth and changes to see if another biopsy is needed

unexplainable moments of spacing out and losing time…this Has not happened in a good 3 years to my knowledge tho..has only happened three times within a year or two time frame. First time I made a phone call at work and was talking for 5 mins or more before realizing I was on a call or what I had even said and I still to this day don’t know what I said..I just came out of it. Snapped out of it. Second time, I was cutting up Icbini in my kitchen at home alone and decided k need to go pee and ran to the bathroom and then when I went back to the kitchen my zucchini was gone and so was the knife and cutting board..third timey bf was sitting on the carpet and talking to me and I spaced out and picked up his phone and placed it on his head to give it to him and he asked why I did that and I snapped out of the loss of time and space and asked what he meant and I didn’t remember doing that..I don’t think anything like this has happened since. I had an EEG last year that showed mild slowness in front temporal lobe and then a repeat EEG tag at was normal with no slowing however both were the short EEG studies not sleep studies.

The last 2 weeks my vision has been randomly getting blurry white vision comes and goes and I had a weird mild headache for about a week straight I assumed is my allergies about to start but it wasn’t and the headache went away like two days ago suddenly..

Drs think I could have chrons or another autoimmune issue it’s too early to test positive for..
I have chronically worsening anemia for unknown reasons also..

I have a neurology appt with a new neurologist in October but that’s a long time from now..

What should I do? Is another ct scan at the ER a bad idea?

Sorry this has so many typos and is all over the place..I’m a crisis mental health worker and stay stressed..hard to get my words out

I’m really upset because I get into long term relationships that go on forever and keep finding out they are incredibly emotionally unavailable and it’s really lonely and hurts. I want to give up. Guys only want to have sex with me but never want to get married, have kids, or talk emotions ever and I’m over it. I feel devastated at this age because it does not feel like it’s going to change.

My bf is a fully grown person and bought me a freaking promise ring a few years ago when I was 25 (after promising we would take our relationship to the next step and commit to one another more if I moved out of state with him for a job offer) and had the audacity to tell me later on in an argument he held into it for a year before giving it to me. Like A PROMISE RING? AND HE COULDNT COMMIT TO GIVING ME A PROMISE RING?? It’s been 8.5 years and I’ve heard every story at this point for why he doesn’t want to or can’t get married yet but I’ve been told to be patient so much I don’t even want a ring now.

When he gets sick or has a health problem he screams and cusses for me to go away or quit checking on how he feels and I’m a hug carer and giver it’s my love language and hurts he never lets me care for him.

I opened up about my mental health being really bad at one point a few years ago and said I was going to the hospital for help instead of work that day because it’s so bad and he said to think about our money and I’ll be fun I should just go to the gym more and he said to go to work at my work from home job and I couldn’t even get an ounce of support that day. But when I have severe anxiety from time to time it’s perfectly acceptable for him and his brother to pick on me..how the freak does that help anyone..his brother told me anxiety isn’t a real thing…now his brothers mental health is bad and my bf has outright said “he’s going thru a hard time you shoulder avoid him so much I’m sure he’d like your support right now” like EXCUSE ME?! absolutely freaking not..I refuse to be anywhere he is at this point..im so sick of everything..

Our relationship was going so good for a long time too and then bam we moved back home to our home state together a few years ago and his moods suddenly flipped random anger outbursts and everything constantly..now I just avoid topics that stress him out and feel like I’m losing my voice honestly

My sisters husbands spoil them and do everything for them and seem to talk so highly of them to me and others and I asked my bf recently what his favorite thing about me is and he laughed and paused for a long time to think then said “I like that you care so much since you have anxiety and worry about a lot of things” and it was clearly him being condescending about my OCD diagnosis..

Everyone has better luck than me with dating and I’m so mad but also crying right now honestly..

My ex stalked me the past several years on and off but he was the one to end the relationship with me by being hurtful calling me boring and saying that’s why he was breaking up with me and later he admitted to being jealous I had guy friends and assuming I cheated when I did not and would never..he tried to get me back but then changed his mind and started psychological warfare on me basically spamming me from various numbers and body shaming me and showing off he’s married got a house all the good stuff he has going for him while hurting me..I was SO nice to him and never hurt him the way he hurt me

My first bf before this ex graped me and then broke up with me and told his friend I’m a stalker which isn’t true and his friend messaged me on Facebook to say I need to stop showing up on college campus we both go to and being in places where he frequented because it’s creepy and not ok (I went to the same college and had no clue he would be in these places and they were places I also frequented before we broke up and we both were in the same organization for acting - club on campus so I think he wanted me to feel uncomfortable going there again so I lost all the friends in the club and he kept them by lying about me)..he constantly had anger issues towards me and would invite me out places with friends knowing I had food at home but no money to eat and keep me out for HOURS with no way to get back home to my food I had and not buy me any food while I sat and watched him eat with friends at restaurants..it was messed up

I just want to know how I keep attracting emotionally unavailable men and if I’m doing something wrong or how to change this dynamic. How can I build closer relationships with people and find people who actually want to open up with me and be close to one another?

Tldr: keep choosing emotionally unavailable men and I’m tried of this.. I just want to know how I keep attracting emotionally unavailable men and if I’m doing something wrong or how to change this dynamic. How can I build closer relationships with people and find people who actually want to open up with me and be close to one another?

My (30F) ex (29M) who has stalked me on and off for years and intimidated me got married a year ago and moved across town to a new house. I know because he worried me so much I googled him to see how close he lives to where I am. He showed up at my apartment a few times lurking when I never gave him my address and he keeps finding me..I learned He sold his mortgage after getting married and moved to a new house closer to places I frequent. He is still a good 30 mins from me tho..he recently revealed to me he got a storage unit 5 mins up the street from me right up the road from me and he messaged asking how I feel about meeting him there and he said he has a mattress inside too. I asked why he would want me to go there and he said “you do the math” but I rejected him but it’s creepy to me because I’m thinking did he lie to his wife they need a storage unit to trick her into getting one close to my home unknowing his actual intentions for wanting it..or does she not know about this unit at all and how long has he had it and how long has it had a mattress in it and just WHY..does he want to abduct me and out me in it?? I’m freaked out.. it’s all very presumptuous if he really thought I would just say yes and meet him there at his “climate controlled unit” (he told me this towels too smh) and bought all of this before even asking if I would be interested in whatever weird ideas he has..there are tons of storage unit facilities closer to his house also and the one he has by me is out of the way from his old house and new house and in a gated facility with a lot of boats and campers renting spaces all blocking the view of the units and it’s woodsy and trees everywhere inside blocking the view from the main road.. am i overreacting to be creeped out? Do I need to not leave my home anymore?

I’ve been with my bf almost a decade now and we live together. I do have an anxiety disorder but it’s become a constant label that plagues me in our relationship and it feels like even when I have a genuine concern or question and am not particularly super anxious I’m being accused of it being just my anxiety and not a valid concern. On top of that, if I have a problem with how someone treats me or talks to me and tell my bf about it he’s quick to accuse me of wrongdoing even in simple interactions about various things.

For example, today I told him that my recent skin surgery at my dermatologist is very itchy from what I believe is an adhesive allergy. I told him I called the nurse line during business hours yesterday for advice and the nurse was very annoyed sounding and didn’t even take down my name or number and said she would have someone call me back and she never helped me. I told my bf I don’t like how I was treated and they didn’t help and idk what to do..he asked me “well did you call them a bunch of times is that why they were annoyed?” 😑 I called them one time and after intense burning and itching rash around my stitches I couldn’t take it so I called and spoke to someone else about an hour later and she helped during the call a little..

This is a constant pattern of his with me and it’s upsetting..there have been times where his teen brother has bullied me and laughed at me and my bf has said “that’s how teens are” or “he’s joking” when he has said some very messed up things to me that are very obviously not jokes…

If I vent or discuss with him about literally anything I don’t agree with happening around me or that makes me uncomfortable he’s quick to defend other people or accuse me of wrongdoing..

I’ve recently learned he just tubes me out at times and I’m not nagging constantly it’s just little moments where I might bring up feeling hurt my another persons behaviors or whatever and my bf says it skit that serious..I’m a crisis worker and my sister has said to me the work I do isn’t enough and doesn’t count and I should be trying to make a difference outside of work also..I told my bf it felt like a slap in the face and he said “I wouldn’t overthink that..”

I’m so sick of it I just want him to stand up for me just once or say “yeah you’re right that was messed up!” He’s super contrarian..

How can I change this pattern and make this stop happening?

My (31f) boyfriend (34m) of 8.5 years chose to start paying the entirety of our rent despite me working full time. He suggested this a few years ago after living together for almost two years. I was surprised and said I wanted to help with my portion of the rent but he insisted. Everyone I tell this to says that’s very nice of him and I should be grateful for that and I’m lucky he’s doing this..

But there have been multiple situations where because he is paying rent he throws that in my face during disagreements and basically says he should get to choose what we do in said situations because he pays all of our rent..every time he throws it in my face I always let him know that was his idea not mine and I work full time and can pay rent and will start doing that if it means I get to have more of a say in decisions we make together. We separate physically a bit to cool off anytime these disagreements happen and like an hour later no resolution happens other than apologies and no changes..and I will say I’m going to start paying towards bills because I don’t like these constant random imbalances in decision making simply because I don’t pay bills..he will often then end the conversations saying to save my money and not do that..

Here are some examples of some of the decisions I don’t get to weigh in on the way I want to:

My abvsive ex was stalking me randomly and actually showed up at our last apartment the week after sending me a creepy photo that felt thr3atening..I had a panic attack and when I told my bf he said I’m crazy and nobody wants to hurt me made me feel mental..and then I said we should move when our lease ends soon and he raised his voice cussing and say we need to f-ing renew this lease because it’s cheaper to stay here than it is to move apartments and I said I would pay half the rent to feel more safe someplace else with him and he said to save my money and “we both know that’s not true you would live paycheck to paycheck if you paid half the rent and I will be taking on most of the costs if we move!” Which isn’t true because I make good money not amazing but good and I can pay half the rent..I felt back into a corner and we resigned the lease and I had lots of anxiety after that

Recently I spent a good chunk of money on supplies to make a big bday cake for my sister and because I signed up to volunteer to make cakes for foster kids and my bf knew this and I bought a hand mixer and my bf got pissy shoving the cart down the isle saying let’s go let’s go and I said I’m trying to get frosting still and if you’re in a hurry that’s fine but I’m still shopping and he claimed I spent half a grand on cake things switch I most definitely did not..and I reminded him he didn’t have to come to the store with me if he’s going to rush me or be mean…when we got home while I was making my sisters bday cake and in a hurry because I messed it up the night before and had to remake it the morning I was meeting her, my bf came into our tiny kitchen and started doing laundry in the little laundry room and he asked me to sweep and I said sorry I’m busy at the moment baking and can’t and then he started rummaging thru all my baking things and said “which of these can you return and take back that you don’t need? Do you need this?” And began to pick up individual items and I said to get out of the kitchen I’m baking and if I need to return something I will but I’m busy!

He then said he lays all the rent and went as far as saying “I carry this relationship!” And I need to do better with spending and he’s not 100% wrong I need to do a little better but it’s hurtful that he can buy an $1000 e bike and all this dj equipment for himself and I hardly buy large expensive things for myself or other people but when I do spend money it’s a lot of little things that are small and cheap..I asked how it’s fair he can spend all this money but I can’t spend my own money I earn at my job myself without him being upset and he said it’s not the same because I’m making a cake and my sister will likely only eat a few bites and throw the rest away..as I was shopping for cake ingredients also he said “that’s going to be way too sweet I’m not eating that!” and I said “then don’t” but idk what the deal is he has very bad money related anxiety. It’s to the point if I’ve ever needed to go to the ER in an actual emergency he has been pissed at me saying think about our money..

How can I correct this power imbalance happening?

TLDR; bf spends money on expensive items but got angry when I spent money on baking supplies and made my sister a bday cake and he constantly uses the fact he chose to oaf our rent himself as an excuse to be mad at my personal spending when I make my own money a dm work full time..he even made me resign a lease with him when my Annie ex was stalking me at our apartment because he said it’s cheaper to stay there and he doubts I could pay half the rent at another place even tho I offered to dk that to feel more safe and he wouldn’t let me and said to save my money ..o don’t like this power imbalance..how can I fix it?

I learned from Facebook posts my ex’s wife’s mom posted of their wedding that the date they got married is the same day my ex messaged me very angrily demanding I go to the bathroom and lift up my shirt and send him a photo of my chest. He messaged me saying send him photos and hurry up because he doesn’t have all day and he said for me to not expect princess treatment from him because I won’t be getting that when I asked him to speak to me more respectfully..I felt sick to my stomach seeing that he got married the same day so he literally messaged me this right before walking down the isle. I know his wife won’t believe me tho because I no longer have the messages because my ex was sending me inappropriate photos and I deleted them and the chats. Weeks prior he messaged me and I knew he was engaged but didn’t know the wedding date and when he messaged the previous time he was being very vague and said he could tell (because apparently he’s a mind reader and is always correct smh) that I’m not happy in my relationship with my bf and he said he is not happy with his fiance and I need to choose. He didn’t say choose what or what he meant but I sort of pieced together what he meant and I told him I love my bf. I feel horrible holding onto this information but they already got married and so maybe I should leave it alone..so I don’t get into any drama..he stalked me for years on/off after we broke up sending me cryptic messages from spam numbers and showing up places I didn’t tell him where I would be at also..and he has stalked at least one other girl we went to college with…I told his wife’s sister about the stalking part and she just blocked me and then the wedding still happened but I know she told his wife’s because my ex messaged me all angry several months later saying he wished I didn’t talk bad about him online when I should know he would never do that about me…March 2025 is when they got married but I feel immense guilt and have stalked her socials. She is super pretty and appears to be well rounded lots of friends and close family and lots of hobbies..I’m afraid to mess things up for her…what would you do in my situation?

TLDR: ex messaged me demanding nudes the day of his wedding but I didn’t find out until a couple weeks later it was his wedding day. His wife doesn’t know and I feel guilty that she married him not knowing he did this. What would you do in this situation?