u/Worried-Hat-8506

First off, I believe this needs to be said to clear up a lot of misconceptions about being aroace, to help others understand our community and themselves better, and to share my personal experience being aroace. So, get ready everyone for a lot of reading.

I’ve only known I was aroace for about a year now. Before I discovered for myself what I am, I always thought I was straight, thinking I just haven’t found the right girl/woman yet. Thanks to Jaiden Animations, I finally know what I am, and that is freeing, to say the least. Everyone I know whom I’ve told has been accepting, which is nice. I was dreading telling my close ones about my sexuality because I was worried I would destroy my relationship with my friends and family, but they’ve accepted it basically immediately. Well, mostly. My parents have basically forgotten that I told them, and that’s an awkward conversation I don’t want to have to go through again. So first off, advice would be welcome. My parents are slightly conservative, but at least they don’t have problems with the lgbtq**A** community. They accepted me the first time, but I’m worried because of how they forgot that they won’t be so accepting again, hearing it from their own son. But that’s not the only reason I’m typing this, so I’ll leave it at advice is welcome.

Now that I’ve shared my own aroace background, I would like to start going over some misconceptions both within and outside the community. Let’s begin with the myths regarding asexuality: First off, being asexual does not mean that we don’t experience sexual desires. I want to have sex, I want that connection with someone else, but I don’t feel sexual attraction to people. Now, I’m not saying I wish I wasn’t aroace, I love that part about me. But what I am saying is that I still *want* it. Now that’s obviously not the same for everyone. There are plenty of people here who are literally repulsed by the idea of sex, and that’s okay too. We all fall into that spectrum, and our own traits are our business. Another misconception, albeit a less popular one, for lack of a better term, is that we do not masturbate or watch pornography. That is not true. While I personally do not do that, I do have an ace friend who does, and she does it because she pretends to be doing it with someone, even though she is not turned on at all by what she’s actually watching. (I write this with her permission). We are all horny people, that is something almost all humans share. We as asexuals just have to handle it differently than others. Now, I mentioned the asexual spectrum earlier, and I want to come back to it. We all handle our horniness differently. Some asexuals who aren’t aromantic do have sex with their partners, and it can be for reasons as simple as they don’t care if they have sexual or not or that they just want to make their partner happy to have that closeness between them. Then, on the other side of the spectrum, are those who are disgusted by or who fear sex, and that can be for a whole other multitude of reasons. In summary, being asexual doesn’t mean we don’t want sex or that we hate sex, we just don’t feel that attraction to people.

Now that we’ve cleared those, I want to quickly talk about what I feel is the biggest misconception about aromanticism. Just because we are aromantic, it doesn’t mean we don’t want to feel those feelings with another person. I must admit I am envious to my friends who are dating or married, because I want to know what that feels like. I just simply can’ feel that way. Aromanticism and Asexuality aren’t simply lifestyle choices we make, any more than being straight, gay, trans, bi, etc. are choices those communities make. We just simply can’t feel those emotions. And that’s okay too. I was lying to myself my whole life without knowing what I was, and now that I know, it is so goddamn freeing. I am proud to be aroace, and proud to be able to share all of this with you.